The Final Episode #109: The New Adventures of He-Man (1990)

 

Two things I want to point out before I go into this show. The first one is well actually it's a question. Has there EVER been an actually good TV show with NEW ADVENTURES in the title? Like I racked my brain going over and over wondering if I could find one. It seems that AT BEST I can think of The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. I mean That's the only one I can remember people ever talking about positively. So that's why I ask the readers of this fine blog if there are any others that anyone has ever mentioned positively. The second point is when this show flopped, Mattel didn't put out more money for another He-Man series. They realized it's time in the sun had come and gone and let it stay gone for a while. They actually realized that absence makes the heart grow fonder or some Shakespeare shit. Don't look at me for cultured seriousness. I watch things like Surf Nazis Must Die. I have zero culture within my body and I've made peace with that.

Anyway, a while back on my failed YouTube channel I wanted to do a series where I talked about every TV show YTV ever showed. I know they showed He-Man and She-Ra because that's where I watched reruns of that show. They also showed this show which I do not remember at all. I mean okay fine I was five years old at the time but I still remember other things from that age. I remember playing Mega Man 2 A LOT for my NES during that time. It was around my younger sister was being born. Me and my old man just hung out a lot while my mother was in the hospital. It was a wild time for all of us. I just find it interesting that they picked this up. I dunno. I just needed a pointless filler paragraph so shut up.

So The New Adventures of He-Man was Mattel's last attempt at making He-Man a thing again. Between 1982 and 1985 the shit sold like fucking hotcakes (I've never had a hotcake and I don't know if I want too because if I didn't like it I would never know peace again because I wouldn't be able to use that dumb saying anymore) and like all kinds of toy lines and cartoon series and just about everything else, It's time in the sun just went. By 1990 all the kids wanted Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Ghostbusters. At least that's what I wanted!  As you can tell by how much discussion there has been on The New Adventures of He-Man that it was a flop. Flopping harder than Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie. Yes it was that bad of a flop.

So you might be asking yourself "What is that beautiful house?" and I'll tell you that this is a blog post and not a Talking Heads song. Okay with that terrible terrible joke out of the way it's time to talk about Jetlag Productions the American offshoot of some French animation company created by DAMIEN'S HERO JEAN CHALOPIN. That's right bitches! The original head of DIC Animation! Before Andy Heyward took over the company! Jetlag did New Adventures of He-Man and a lot of terrible animated movies that Good Times Productions put out. If you watch the YouTuber Phelous you've seen or probably will see some of their movies on his show. Jetlag didn't do much to be honest and their most famous thing is probably this show. Which seeing as no one talks about it, that's not very good at all.

The only positive I can think of for this show is that everyone on the voice cast seemed to end up working on the Canadian dub of Dragon Ball Z. which cause of CanCon laws meant it was at least enough Canadian content that it could be shown over and over again. Yes I think I've mentioned it before but Canada's government MAKES people make Canadian content like TV shows. They just don't give them enough money so very rarely do you get something that's not hot ass from Canada. Anyway that dub had a lot of talented people like Scott McNeil on it. In fact it seems the only person who didn't do something for Dragon Ball Z was Garry Chaulk but he voiced Optimus Primal from Beast Wars and I just HAD to mention him. Sadly they don't be seem to be giving this their all like they did for other series.

Anyway this show is just really generic and seriously feels like they jammed He-Man in there at the last minute. I'll tell you about the First Epiosde too because I really really do not plan to come back and talk about this show again. Yes, There are things I plan to talk about more than once on this blog. We spend most of the episode with boring boring characters. Just seriously thrown together at the last second on A Friday before the big meeting on Monday. Just blah. This wouldn't be the worst thing in the world but it's supposed to be a  sequel series to He-Man where all of the characters were at least charming or goofy enough to be fun. This is just a sci fi show where He-Man (and Skeletor) are brought to the future. They literally have two characters just bring them both back because they can't tell which one of them is good. Oh and He-Man beats the Mutants back in like 15 seconds. Way to make us give a shit about these bad guys! Oh and one of the mutants is called Slushhead. I remember Portnoyd going off about some characters that weren't supposed to ever be used again in a Teen Titans issue because they had lazy names but they decided to go with SLUSHHEAD for 65 episodes. They were clearly not bringing their A-Game to this material and I can't really blame them.

The animation from this show is fine. Nothing amazing but fine. I felt like I had to mention that here because I will not be talking about this show ever again hopefully. (Unless I do a Bottom 10 Final Episodes Ever List) The character designs for the new characters are fine I guess. They don't beat any of the fun designs from Filmation. Oh and I don't know why they didn't stop in 1987 with the Masters of the Universe movie that was a flop so big it literally took down Cannon Films (along with Superman IV: The Quest for Peace). I mean I like that movie quite a bit but it does not change the fact that it was a flop and clear evidence that the kids had moved on from He-Man. I guess they felt like they had to give it another go just to make sure. It's sure great to be the head of a giant corporation that can just flush tons of money down a fucking toilet.

Oh, The Final Episode is it seems a two parter, or picks up off a cliffhanger from another episode or whatever. I usually review both episodes in this case but I'm not wasting any more of my precious God given time on this. No one except the animatiors were giving it anything above a C-Grade Attempt so why the hell should I give anything more? Nope, not this time, buckaroos! Anyway the Final Episode is called "The Final Invasion" and it was a five part ending. Ain't no way I'm doing that. So you know in Cartoons and Movies and other tv shows where they have a big tournament and all kinds of characters compete to fight. Yeah it's like that but sci-fi-y. He-Man and his boring new friends that suck ass won the day but oh no the alien guys lied and are keeping them in their Intergalactic Zoo (another concept done more enjoyably in many other places! Wow!) 

He-Man realizes that the SUPER CRYSTALS or whatever shit that are powering their guns (which  don't work against the lazer wall keeping them in the jail cell) and shoves them in the place where they are given food and shoots it with his sword which you think they bad guy alien idiots would have taken away from him! They then see the ship is in tatters but its just them making them think that! He-Man's magic powers make the ship look fine. The bad guy aliens then say they keep people here because they are lonely! Yeah. He-Man is like why don't you guys try to be nice and make friends and they are like We will let you leave to save Primus, not something like Neo-Eterina or something but Primus, alright. whatever. The Mutants get there before the Galactic Guardians (they do not deserve a name that cool)

The Female Mutant Lady actually comes off as kinda scary but He-Man and the good guys show up and Skeletor disappears for some reason. They literally stop the main mutants so fucking quickly I didn't even know what happened for a second! They then get them to agree to a treaty and stop fighting. This is when Skeletor shows up and the Female Mutant Lady joins him and since there's like 3 minutes left to the show and they still have to do the credits He-Man and The Random Lady fight and win easily. They trap Skeletor and Female Mutant Lady into a space ship and send them into space. They talk about how Skeletor won't be able to stop the WAY OF THE MAGIC or some bullshit. The Female Mutant Lady asks Skeletor if they will just float in space forever and Skeletor vows that he will find a way to get back and destroy He-Man once and for all! Just like the 1987 movie and frankly I want to see what they would have done in a sequel for THAT way more than this crap.

FINAL VERDICT: If I can give this show one thing is that there's at least an ending. This was Final. This wasn't another adventure of the week episode. No they ended things. It sure as fuck wasn't satisfying but it WAS an ending. No one really cared enough about this product and it shows. Everyone was like paycheck time! Yeah I know just about all animation and hollywood and movies and all that shit is made to get a paycheck but at least sometimes people care! They didn't care at Mattel. They didn't care in the voice over booths. The people writing the scripts didn't care and probably wished to be on any other piece of entertainment over this. I'll show you how bad this show is. Toy collectors barely if ever seem to talk about this show and if you can't get those rascals to care then I do not think anyone could. This is probably the worst fucking Final Episode I've ever discussed and I want to forget about The New Adventures of He-Man.

Random Ass Thoughts Part 3

Alright. It seems like this place is here to stay! Wow! I did not expect it to even get this far but I like posting thoughts that just randomly pop into my head so

 

 1.)  The motion picture association of america. the dickheads that give the movie a rating from G to NC-17 and I don't disagree that a movie should have a rating and all that. Help people choose to see a movie they want too. Nothing wrong there. What's wrong is when they decide to be moral crusaders for all of the world. For example you can see a penis in an R-rated movie. YOU SHOW A VAGINA. NO SIR NC-17!!! that's already unfair as shit! I want to see Vaginas too damnit! Also No gay sex of any kind! And all horror movies that show any blood are offensive to people, I mean any one offended by blood that decided to walk into Friday the 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan deserves to be offended. The MPAA were a much of fart sniffing assholes who would just willy nilly say any movie they didn't like or were offended by needed to be an X. That's not a fair way to run an organization like this and it's not a fair way to let people create things. Oh and Steven Spielberg (who was friends with Jack Valenti who was the head of the MPAA...) , a guy who made a lot of movies that I like got in with them and they gave Saving Private Ryan an R rating because it wasn't exploitative. oh blow me. They should have had fair and honest rules and I'm glad streaming movies can at least tell them to eat a dick and fuck off. This is why I say the MPAA is full of jerks who suck.

2.) Movie Critics. I can't think of a stupider job that people in this world take serious. Like somehow any movie critic is somehow has a more important and thoughtful opinion on a movie then anyone else. I will never get why anyone lets anyone decide if they will watch a movie or not. You know how I decide if I will watch a movie. I see the trailer or a poster or hear a friend go IT WAS NEAT. and I'll go "Yeah let's go with it". I think it's weird how Movie Critics can or at least one point could have power over people and get them to go WELL ROGER EBERT SAID IT WAS DOOKIE SO I DONT HAVE TO WATCH IT!!!!!!!!!! Also you should see the movies some of these guys hated. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Predator. Scarface. Poltergeist. Beverly Hills Cop. Oh and by these guys I mean Gene Siskel. Yes. He didn't like any of those movies but you know what he did like the forgotten family comedy Baby's Day Out that I saw when I was nine years old and if you think I'm an easily pleased dumbass with no taste then just realize that when I was nine I was literally twenty times more easily pleased so for me to go "No that wasn't very good" was fucking insane. Literally fucking insane. Oh and Roger Ebert was wrong about tons of movies and also praised Cop and A Half. I also didn't like that as a damn easily amused child who would just smack those door stopper things around and laugh. No joke I would do that. I probably still would. I wish people would just give a movie a shot because they thought it looked neat or  maybe listen to their friends because they know each other as people or anyone else over boring ass movie critics that think they are the smartest people in the room. Plus the vast majority of them were always up horror movies ass like something fierce. calling them misogynistic and all that. Fuck movie critics. They are also jerks who suck

3.) I want to end this off on something positive because well, it's a good way to go. Let's talk about how great movie trailers used to be. Seriously a movie trailer from the past could make any single movie look like it was the most amazing thing ever filmed. I like seriously miss a guy just talking to you about the movie in the trailer. They do not do that very much or at all these days. Movie trailers today are just less well done. I miss that. Anyway I want to end this minor thought off with a love letter to Don LaFontaine. You know the IN A WORLD guy. He had the greatest voice in the history of voices. I wish so much that I had a voice like that instead of the weird cartoon character going through puberty voice I do have. Anyway I miss old timey movie trailers and feel they just slap any old crap together for new stuff. I wish I had known I had it all so good.

Anyway, that's it. Go away.

The Final Episode #108: The Dick Van Dyke Show (1961 - 1966)

 

I like to keep things fresh around here. I like to make sure that I'm never talking about the same kind of show too many times in a row. I make sure the cartoons are different enough when I talk about a bunch of them in a row. I like to make sure I talk about shows from different decades because as I've said before in the 1990s you would easily come across movies and tv shows from different decades and you'd watch them because Mega Man II was pissing you off and you didn't want to hang out with Robert the big eared kid from across the street so you watched the black and white Dennis the Menace sitcom (which YTV did air in like the 1990s but I remember the cartoon by DIC so much more. I'm just using it as an example). Syndication filled up all the spots with stuff from the past that I would watch all the time including Bewitched and The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show. I don't think The Dick Van Dyke Show ever aired anywhere on the channels we got here in Newfoundland during the 1990s but I cannot be sure. Anyway I picked The Dick Van Dyke show because I have never seen it. Also because I haven't talked about a show from the 1960s since The Munsters in Halloween of 2021.

Anyway. Dick Van Dyke. What can you say about the man. Well I can say that I really liked his younger brothers antics on the 1990s sitcom Coach a whole hell of a lot. He and Patrick Star really worked together very well to annoy Craig T Nelson to the delight of my child self. Dick Van Dyke however I never saw anything of him until I was well into adulthood and it was mostly his movies. I really enjoyed Fitzwilly and the silly ass Disney live action comedy Never a Dull Moment. The man started his career in 1947 at like 21 or 22 years old and is apparently in a movie called Capture the Flag that is coming out this year. That's a 76 year fucking career! The man's more active than I am and he's 97 years old at the time of this post! He started on stage with an act called Eric and Van the Merry Mutes. I love that name and I just had to mention it. I also have to mention that he has an a capella group and that just reminds me of Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? and I just find that delightful.

It is now time to talk about the TV show that he's still probably most remembered for. The Dick Van Dyke Show (can I say that some of the best sitcoms were just The [Insert Actor Name Here] Show. It's a good idea to look for shows like that.). It starts Dick Van Dyke as Rob Petrie a writer and Mary Tyler Moore as his wife. The show was created by Carl Reiner who I think most people know as Mel Brooks' buddy but he made some great movies himself. I myself very much enjoy Oh, God!, The Jerk and The Man With Two Brains a great deal and think they are cool and good movies. Rob works as a writer for a comedy variety show, a kind of show that does not exist any more but my dad will blather on about how great Red Skelton was! I wonder how one would talk about a Final Episode of a show like that.  Maybe I should try and find out. He works with other people and WILD ANTICS insue! 

Now I will discuss The episode "The Man From My Uncle". The 27th episode of the fifth and final season of this show. It starts with Rob wanting to talk to his wife who is reading a magazine or newspaper article (You see these were things people read to learn about things before the internet) and to get to her to talk to him he puts two glasses of water on the backsides of her hands so she cant remove them. I really get the feeling some extreme left wingers are now writing think pieces about how problematic this is because they can't laugh at the most innocent of silly husband-wife jokes because all extremists are miserable people. Uh, my political statement aside, a knock at the door happens and it's a G-Man! You see that's what they called government agents back then. I think we should bring it back. I like the way it sounds! Anyway they want to use the house so they can look upon another neighbour whos nephew is a criminal agent!

The G-Man in this episode is played by Godfrey Cambridge, an underrated African American comedian/actor from the 1960s and 1970s.  I enjoy seeing him pop up in things and always thought he was a funny guy that worked with with other actors. It's a shame he passed away at only age 43 in 1976. He plays Harry Bond ("Please no jokes") and is pretty much annoyed to shit by Rob who is so fucking exicted that a G-Man is in his house! All kinds of very amusing stuff happens and I don't actually want to ruin it. I would just recommend you check out this episode. It's a lot of fun.

The Final Episode of the Dick Van Dyke Show was entitled "The Last Chapter" and was aired for the first time on June 1st, 1966. It was the 158th show done for the TV program. You see back in the 1950s and 1960s they pumped a show out like there was no tomorrow so you'd end up with like 158 episodes in like 5 years instead of 8 or 9. Anyway speaking of pumping out large amounts of material, the Final Episode is something we call a clip show. A clip show is just what it sounds like a episode that just shows clips from older episodes. It was done a lot up until the 2000s. Like even in the 1990s and 2000s you'd think they wouldn't be able to get away with it but they did. Even into the era of VCRs that people used to tape every episode of a show! I'm pretty sure the last Clip show was an episode of the Simpsons called Gump Roast. I don't know why they called it that because I saw it once and I don't care to see it again.

The big problem with clip shows these days is that you have the entire show at your finger tips and can easily watch it all from beginning to end. If you like say the show I'm talking about right now you can easily go through it in a matter of days or even a few months just watching an episode or two a day. You'd easily remember the clips from this Final Episode by the time you got there. It was fine in 1966 but not so much today. The only clip show episodes I can even think of being worth watching was an episode of Duckman making fun of clip shows. An episode of Clerks the Animated Series making fun of clip shows and The Simpsons 137th Episode Spectacular.  They were just usually lazily done and I'd rather have a narrative ending to the show. (To be fair to this episode the clips they do show are hilarious but I'd have rather seen them in their actual episodes when they original showed up.) 

The other big problem is that when you do a weird silly ass series of blog posts. It's really hard to talk about clip shows. The new material in this episode is Rob giving his wife the manuscript of his autobiography on the wild stuff that has happened to them while they had been married. Mary Tyler Moore thinks of some old clips from episodes and then at the end Carl Reiner's character Alan Brady says they are gonna make a TV show out of it after the book people Rob sent the book too said it was terrible. That's it. That's not a lot to talk about. It feels weird to discuss the clips to me. I dunno. Clip shows are just a insanely dated topic that I do not think can or should be done today. It's a completely outdated concept in our streaming world. Hell it was honestly completely outdated the second Syndication became a thing and EVEN more outdated when VCRs became a thing! I don't have enough material here and I just want to complain!

FINAL VERDICT: Clip shows are not my favorite thing but I still had some very good solid laughs and that's always a good time. I will definitely becoming back to this tv program.

Random Ass Thoughts Part 2!

 What!? I'm actually keeping this going?! Holy shit what a surprise. So I guess that I want to empty my head of random ass thoughts so that two or three people will comment on them but then again no one could comment and I'd still start blathering all over the place here on blogger. It's fun to do. You should do it too!

1.) The first thing I want to talk about is people treating a piece of entertainment from like 20, 30, 40, 50 years ago as if it were made in 2023. I'm sorry but that's not how it goes. You have to take the product on its own terms as a piece of entertainment made in that time. You can't go "HOW DARE THEY" to something made in 1984 and then write up a silly pointless think piece. You can't change the movie or tv show and you can't ban it either. I don't care if it's the most offensive thing ever and I'm also bothered by it. It's still a part of history no matter how small and banning things like that just starts a slippery slope. I dunno, I think I'm just tired of seeing think pieces about how this thing from 1982 didn't hold up for you because you went at it with 2023 sensibilities. We can't change the past but we can make the future better which I think is the better thing to do but what do I know?

2.) Elon Musk is you know that annoying kid that no one liked in the neighborhood but his parents had enough money and no sense to literally buy him everything he wanted in life so you had to put up with him so you could play with the TMNT Hockey thing. The fooseball thing. Just with hockey. I think its called fooseball. Anyway I actually had that thing and it was pretty cool, but he's the kid who literally had every thing. He had the sega genesis, the SNES, the NES, the gameboy and the Turbo Graphix. He literally just wanted all this stuff because he was an annoying weirdo that wanted to be your friend and he thought he could get it by getting his parents to buy all this stuff for him. He is now way richer than any human being should be (Tax the shit out of billionaires. no seriously I do not give a flying fuck about your opinion on this. Tax them. No one deserves that fucking amount of money) and literally buys Twitter and is now letting Right Wing people do whatever they want and unlike the kids who had no political ideals and didn't want to spend time with him they are eating his shit and asking for more. Elon Musk sucks and I hate having to hear about him. I want him to go away forever.

3.) David Zaslav is perfect proof of a dumb son of a bitch falling upwards in Hollywood. The man is now selling all kinds of rights away for Warner Brothers IP, (also this year is the studio's 100th birthday) and wrecking the shit out of Turner Classic Movies. Martin "Marty" Scorsese (I don't care to look up his name), Steven Spielberg and Paul Thomas Anderson apparently all got on a call to him about this. Seriously I don't know how someone can get so hated by so many people so quickly. The animation  community is probably not working with him again because of all of the cartoons he cut down to save minuscule amount of money. Maybe he should have tried to get the company for less than 49 billion dollars. 

4.) I seriously don't get conservatives. If you want to make money just go on You Tube and spout any kind of conservative ideals and they will throw money at you like they have billions of dollars. Are you all so insecure about your beliefs that you have to give idiot youtubers that scream woke all kinds of money? I don't throw money at people who are left wing on YouTube or anything really. You gotta entertain me before I throw out the money. Whatever.

5.) Getting this crap out of my brain is a good thing. Just having it down on paper feels good even if they are pointless random ass thoughts.

Anyway, uh. yeah. That's it. Have fun.

I'm selling out!

 http://www.mycomicshop.com/?AffID=610112P01 go to this site and buy crap ya bums.

 

I want new comics so help me by buying comics!!!

Random Ass Thoughts Part 1.

 I guess it's time for me to start up yet another blog post series where I talk about random ass shit. It could be about anything that I'm annoyed by or happy with. Things that just pop into my head in succession (I will try to have at least 3 points to discuss/rant with you about.) So let's get this first and probably last (let's be fair) blog post of this series out.

The first of three things today I will be ranting about is the weird assumption that The Avengers, Captain America, Iron Man and Thor were like the least popular least beloved least cared about characters of all time in comic book history before the movies lovingly took them out of complete and total obscurity and giving them the fame and fortune they deserved.  Now, I'm not going to say that the movies didn't make them forty seven thousand times more popular and bring them UP to the level of the X-Men or Spider-Man, but the thing is they were still popular and had fans. Sure people who don't cling to every bit of nostaliga for the past and have normal function working lives may have not heard of them, but comic book fans knew who they were. The way these people go about it you'd think these characters and team had no importance AT ALL to the Marvel Comics Universe before the stupid movies that everyone shits their pants over (sorry but the comics are and will always be better. You'll never see something as beautiful as CapWolf on the big screen!) but those characters were important to the comic universe. Yeah you can bring up the fact they didn't sell super well in the 1990s but the 1990s was a weird fucking time for comics and a lot of stuff went by the way side. I get the feeling portnoyd is going to argue with me on this but I just don't believe their series would have lasted 3 or so decades if no one liked them. The most popular? no, but hell Iron Man was at least thought of a good enough thing for Universal to buy the movie rights to him in 1990 (when comic book movies were a nice little treat and not every movie you can see)

The second of three things I will discuss today is well it's a twitter post. Yes I know what you will be saying about that portnoyd. Eat me. I want my already shitty mental health to deteriorate faster so I use twitter. Anyway during some guy arguing with twitter that Iron Man was at least somewhat popular and that he did know of him before the movies (do not I repeat do not argue with any human being on twitter because it is a pointless waste of time. I seriously believe some people will just argue against you because they just feel like it.) and the guy said "movies don't have longveity unless they are the Fast and the Furious" and I was fucking gobsmacked by that comment. Dude if their were no longevity to these movies, movie studios wouldn't be trying to bring back every fucking thing from 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years ago. Okay, for example Friday the 13th started in 1980 which is now forty three years ago (wow I feel old) and they are making a fucking prequel series for it. forty three years after it was made they are still milking that cow and people will view it. I don't think I will and it will probably be the one thing from that franchise I never watch (yes I plan to watch the short lived tv series who do you think I am?) a lot of movie series still have longevity like I dunno James FUCK ASS Bond which started sixty one fucking years ago. Also why is it so nice to type numbers as letters like instead of 61 you type sixty one. Feels cool like I'm rebelling against something.

The final topic of the day is "What is the Golden Age of the Simpsons?" So many people will argue this point. Most fans talk about seasons 3 to 8 being the Golden Age. Some put in season 9. It's just interesting to see what gets considered Golden Age for that show. Frankly if you are talking to me you NEED to put in Seasons 1 and 2. Yeah Season 1 is wonky with the animation but The Simpsons seriously changed shit right out of the gate, well not exactly right out of the gate because the Tracy Ullman Shorts weren't setting the world on fire but the second they got their half hour show shit went WILD. Frankly I'd have the first nine seasons be the Golden Age. Yes even season nine for some of you goobers. Yes, there are cracks in the foundation that come around season nine. I will never argue with you there but there's no way I can't lie and say I find so many episodes (even the really goofy ones) of Season nine to be hilarious. It's weird though because Season ten clearly has so many episodes I don't care about and Season eleven has even less. I wonder if I were to watch every episode starting at the beginning how far I could get before the show became completely unwatchable and had not a single amusing piece of dialogue in it. I'm going to guess somewhere around where Homer gets raped by the panda in I think season twelve. I believe that's where I gave up as a teenager. 

Anyway, three pieces of crap thoughts for you to chew on....actually don't chew on my thoughts because that's weird. Just talk about them. Jerk.

The Final Episode #107: He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (1983 - 1985)

 

This is a genuine surprise to me.  That I didn't talk about He-Man before this. I think It's because of my "oh that show is now in my head so let's find its Final Episode and talk about it" kind of deal and not any kind of planning out stuff. I mean I planned out a few Christmas episodes around Christmas and a few Syndicated shows after that but for about 106 of these I just picked whatever random show popped into my head at that moment and I like the flow of that honestly even if it ends up with me taking one hundred and seven posts to finally get to one of the most popular animated series of the 1980s and without a doubt Filmation's most famous animated project. Brace in folks this is gonna be a wild ride because I'm finally talking about He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.

So let's first start back in the beginning, the beginning of the animated studio Filmation. A company that got flack but had heart and it's own charm. Yes, this is your old buddy Michael sticking up for the admittedly cheap animation of the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s from internet people who want you to only look and appreciate and enjoy the newest animation from Disney. Your buddy Michael ain't like that and he ain't playing that game homey! These things are a part of animation history even if they were made to sell toys and yes I will not doubt that but they still had charm and heart to the animation. There's a reason ANIMATION TWITTER that they keep bringing this stuff back. It's not that it's just a money making thing it's that children and manchildren enjoy them!

So Filmation pretty much started with three men who worked for Larry Harmon Pictures. An animation studio created by a man named............Larry Harmon. I mean it's not really a surprise because it's in the name of his studio. Anyway he was himself a blow hard. The man claimed to have created Bozo the Clown (he didn't that was the original voice of Goofy from the Disney cartoons Pinto Colvig. He and Gaylord DeBois clearly have the most 19th Century names a person COULD have and I love them for it. He also claimed to be a good friend of Stan Laurel of Laurel and Hardy because of the cartoon he made of Laurel and Hardy but one of the last letters Laurel wrote was of wanting to sue that asshole. The asshole in question being Mr. Larry Harmon. His studio made Popeye cartoons, Mr. Magoo cartoons, and Bozo the Clown cartoons. I don't know what Popeye or Mr. Magoo cartoons I would watch as a kid but I'm going to assume it was a mix of the really old Fleisher and UPA stuff. I don't think I ever saw the Laurel and Hardy cartoon but I do know a video store used them kinda as mascots on their sign. Wild. I also never saw anything related to Bozo the Clown and probably only know Bozo the Clown because of Seinfeld. "YOU'RE HUNG UP ON SOME CLOWN FROM THE SIXTIES MAN!"

Anyway that long ass paragraph was necessary but with someone with talent and even an editor could have made way better but you don't come to this blog for that you come to this blog for weird half thought out ramblings about some random thing that popped into my head. Anyway Larry Harmon Pictures is where three men, Norm Prescott, Hal Sutherland and Lou Scheimer all met each other for the first time. And now you know how to connect the original voice of Goofy to the guys at Filmation. It really is a small world after all. Anyway they started in 1962 and their first project or what they wanted to be their first project was Journey Back to Oz but that would not come to fruition until 1972. They mostly did commercials until I believe CBS called them to do a Superman cartoon. They said yes but the major hitch was DC Comics wanted to check out their company which had at that point all 3 men who created it would always be there so that if debtors were calling they would never get to talk to same man twice. They weren't in a great place.

Still they actually fooled DC by getting their wives and siblings and any person they could to show up there and pretend that they were working on things. They even got an animator from Hanna-Barbera to show up for half a day before he pretended to have a toothache to leave. It worked and they got the Superman show. Then a Batman show. and Aquaman. Then Archie. Then Fat Albert. Then He-Man. Okay yeah there's a ton of stuff in between that stuff but those are the big things Filmation did. I've already talked about Fat Albert and their version of  Ghostbusters and I'm surprised I haven't done more. 

Anyway He-Man wasn't created by Filmation, only the cartoon. The creation of He-Man was done by Mattel in 1982. I believe they were trying to get the Conan the Barbarian license but someone else got it. So they created He-Man. Well a man called Roger Sweet created He-Man by using old Big Jim figures and a whole lot of clay. He called him He-Man because he thought it was a powerful name that you could just drop into any kind of place. I'm pretty sure when it came to the rest of the characters and battle animals they were brought into existence by a ton of people at Mattel. I should have watched the Toys That Made Us episode on He-Man but I did not. I literally woke up and was like MAN I WANNA TALK ABOUT THE HE-MAN WOO! 

Anyway I think it's time to finally, finally talk about the actual last episode of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe! It was called The Cold Zone and was first broadcast on November 21st, 1985 and was written by shain's favorite person of all time J. Michael Strayznickdfghrfadfsfdsafgswewhdfdisdky. No I'm not looking up how to spell his last name SHAIN. Now be good. Anyway before we get into this episode I just gotta tell you about some of the things I love about this show. I like most fans of it enjoy the now campy nature. That's a given, but I also love the character designs. Man at Arms looks like a gay pornography star from the 1970s and that's great! He-Man has more muscles than humanly possible! Orko is just a cutie! I just love it and them. I love the music, both the theme song and the stuff that just plays during the episodes. I love the backgrounds in this cartoon and other Filmation cartoons. I guess they couldn't get the most amazing animation so they made sure that the backgrounds were creative and fun. They make Eternia look like a real place if that makes any sense. I dunno. I'm just overwhelmed with entertainment because this has been the first time I saw He-Man since the days when I had Teletoon Retro (by the way fuck Cartoon Network for killing Teletoon. Fuck.)

The episode starts with Orko doing a spell and fucking it up. Causing three robot birds of Man at Arms to fly away. Orko then goes and catches them and a giant crazy ass machine comes to them and its Kobra Khan the bad guy snake guy! I love snake guys in any kind of thing because they allways do the SSSSSSSSSSSSS thing whenever a word has an s in it. I am sorry but that will never get old to me. If it ever does I don't know if life would be worth it to continue living. the Snake Men doing the SSSSSS thing is that important to me. Anyway he tells He-Man that his people's The Eternal Flame has gone out and that they will all soon start to fall asleep FOREVER! This gets He-Man (whos Prince Adam at the moment), Cringer, Orko and Man at Arms to check it out. They then get into an crazy awesome vehicle (that in 1985 you could have bought for 14.99 but now you have to spend 149.99 to get it)

Anyway they run afoul of a monster that well He-Man kicks the fucking shit out of. Tying all of its arms together and just does it without giving a single fuck. Kobra Khan then even saves Man at Arms but you hear him thinking WAIT UNTIL WE GET TO MY PEOPLES PLACE HAHAHAHA. also there are several times when you just hear what the snake men are saying and even then they still do the SSSSS thing. It's beautiful. It's wonderful. I love it. They then get to the Snake Cave, which is which what I'm calling the place the Snake Men  (and probably Women) live in. They are stopped by the Snake Men who aren't Kobra Khan who think He-Man took away the Eternal Flame because Kobra Khan said so!!!!

Kobra Khan after getting the king to take He-Man and the gang away also gets the king to agree to let him become the new king if he takes care of the Eternal Flame problem. He then goes and pretty much talks to himself about how he used an icicle to cool down the flame but the problem is the icicle has done its job TOO well! However another Snake Man named Scales was listening and then goes to help He-Man. However he gets there just in time to see He-Man knock the shit out of the door keeping them in jail. They go to Eternal Flames room and Man at Arms said the Flame is too far down in the earths core for them to help.

He-Man is like BITCH PLEASE and literally uses his sword to knock down a giant stalagmite. He grabs it and TWISTS IT AROUND LIKE A DRILL UNTIL HE HITS THE MOLTEN CORE OF THE EARTH. He-Man is fucking awesome and anyone who disagrees can choke on a pile of ass! A incredibly smelly pile of ass. I will not let any He-Man sass enter this blogs comment section YOU HEAR! Kobra Khan then pretty much outs himself because half way through his little speech the King himself comes by. The King asks him again if He-Man is guilty and Kobra Khan says yes! He-Man says "Oh boy not again!" or some saucy 1980s cartoon comment. I like the word saucy. It's fun. 

The King's Guards actually grab Kobra Khan and the King tells him he's not listening to him the second time! The king then says he will let He-Man become king because that was the deal but He-Man is like "NAH BRO kobra khans a big jerk and tricked you. You stay king. I want to punch shit." They then do the fade out thing and it's now a big thing with a lot of cartoons from this era. The public service announcement. Man at Arms tells us that we should look at the whole big picture before making a decision. Yeah, many people has made fun of these things because they are cheesy and all but I'm not going to because that's a fucking lesson a lot of human beings (including myself) should really listen to more often.

FINAL VERDICT: I didn't know where to mention this but apparently according to Lou's daughter Erika (who voiced She-Ra!) Filmation was the gayest place in town. She should know being a lesbian and all. I figure that means I can call He-Man a pride month selection! YEAH! Anyway this episode was a fucking hoot and a half! Would rank pretty high on the whole Final Episode sheet list thing If I ACTUALLY kept one of those. I really should have but hey hindsight is twenty twenty.

The Flash (2023) was a big pile of shitty puke.

 

This movie was in development since like I think 2015 or 2016. So it's finally out and DC Movies has changed hands many times because they made so many wrong headed decisions at Warner Brothers. The first one was letting Zack Snyder do anything with these characters because his movies were somehow incredibly depressing and really annoying. The scene where Pa Kent is like NO MY SON WITH LITERAL SUPER POWERS WHO COULD GET TO ME BEFORE ANYONE SAW HIM DO NOT SAVE ME. I WANT TO DIE A PAINFUL DEATH IN THIS TORNADO is the dumbest fucking moment in any Superhero movie and don't give me the LOL STEEL AND BATMAN AND ROBIN. Those movies are fucking written by the smartest human beings ever when compared to that bullshit.  I do not get how so many people like the versions of these characters he did because they were fucking annoying and or depressing..

So it seems there's one more movie (the Blue Beetle which I am sure cannot be as irritating as this movie.) that ends the Walter Hamada era of DC Movies. I liked some of the stuff he did. I think he did the Shazam movies which were charming and enjoyable. I liked Birds of Prey and the The Suicide Squad movie. I am glad that they will be in the hands of James Gunn because The Guardians of the Galaxy trilogy is a S-Tier trilogy of Superhero movies. Anyway let's talk about this movie which you can tell by the title I do not like.

1.) I don't like the change of killing Barry's mom. I don't like it in the comics and I don't like that the shows and movies picked up on it. I don't like that his dad was blamed for it and I do not enjoy it. I liked Barry Allen's version of the Flash just becoming a hero because he had powers and it was the right thing to do. I like that. I'm not averse to characters having dark backstories because shit man I love Batman and Spider-Man and those origins aren't rose-y keen! It was nice that a character people knew about even before the movies happened was just altruistic because altruism is the right thing to do becuase there are other heroes who are like that but only sad weirdos like me know who the Will Peyton Starman is you know.

2.) The CGI is hot shit. I haven't seen CGI this bad in such a big name movie in SO long. It looks like its from some unfinished PS3 game. I should also SPOIL CAMEOS SO IF YOU DONT WANT THEM SPOILED JUMP AHEAD but they ghoulishly CGI Christopher Reeve, George Reeves AND Adam West. I do not like this trend one bit especially when you could have used archival footage. It feels like grave robbing even if the families agreed to it. Hell do any of the living people related to George Reeves ever got to meet him seeing as he died when my dad was 5 fucking years old. I am not a fan and I do not like it.

3.) I do not like Ezra Miller. I find Ezra Miller very annoying in this movie actually in both versions of the Flash. The older one and the newer one very annoying. I do not like it. 

4.) The comedy in this movie is very bad. Many jokes are made that somehow he changed Back to the Future to have starred Eric Stoltz or however you spell his name. That CLEVER AND HILARIOUS joke is repeated several times. It's like someone getting right in your face and telling terrible jokes over and over and all you want to do is punch them. The people also do not act the jokes out very well seeing as a talented comedian or actor can make a not so great joke memorable or fun but these people are not it.

5.) The comedy fucking ruined Michael Keaton. They force him to do the shitty comedy and this might be the one and only time I will ever say this but Michael Keaton was not showing his A+ game. The old Batman movies he was on his A+ game. Beetlejuice A+. Night Shift. A+. I ALWAYS enjoy seeing him show up in a movie and this time I can't say that. Also can we stop giving actors the big name lines they said in the original thing they were in because no one can do it in a convincing way. Literally he does the LETS GET NUTS line and it sounds like he wants to get nuts for him and his grandson at a fucking baseball game. Jesus harold and mary.

6.) If you want to see Supergirl in the movie she uh doesn't do much. Yep. 

7.) The movie seems to want to have its cake and eat it too. The whole ending is like Barry realizing he has to give it all up and that he can't save his mother however he can save his dad and change the evidence for him. I don't like it but I also don't care enough to complain any more. It's like yeah the whole theme is "Learn to let go" which in of itself is kind of a depressing theme for what should be fun colorful stories but what do I know. I legit said Steel and Batman & Robin are more enjoyable than Man of  Steel and Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Boredom

8.) Speaking of Batman & Robin can we just stop with the jokes about that movie. OH HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH GEORGE CLOONEY IS NOW BATMAN HWOGHAOHAOHOHAHOHOHOHORHOHOODGFOH i laughed SO FUCKING HARD AT 1997S JOKE MOVIE WOOOO SO FUNNY I LOVE IT

Fuck. I think I might like this movie less than The Eternals. I did not expect to like a comic book movie less than that.

Let's Review Every Movie Ever Made #1

 Alright, I'm changing up stuff from what it used to be. I watch a lot of movies and I do end up having some thoughts on just about all of them but sometimes not enough for a full review. So we are going to be reviewing two movies at a time, and I will be reviewing anything and everything I can get my hands on that somehow counts as a movie so expect to be surprised.  I've been on a life long search for the Worst Movie Ever Made and I think I found it but I still have a lot more movies to watch before I can definitely say that it is the worst so let's get to it. Let's watch and Review Every Movie Ever Made.

This one and the next few are going to be full of movies that will make you "how the hell haven't you seen this movie by now you jerk?" because they will be full of popular franchises and one offs. Like popular movies that I should have seen by now in my life. So get ready to go "You saw Leprechaun 4 In Space before that!?!? WHAT THE HELL?!?!?" Anyway I'm going to start with finishing up a series of films that big nerds enjoy called Star Trek. Join me won't you!?

I figure let's draw out this post a bit more and have me talk about my feelings on the other Star Trek movies. I still haven't seen the Motion Picture despite Damien C wanting to kiss it. I think The Wrath of Khan is great. so is Search for Spock. The Whale One (which is what I refer to the Voyage Home as) is the best one. The Final Frontier is uh very goofy but it's still a genuine fun ride with some actually pretty good and serious moments.  I forget the subtitle for the sixth movie but it's still a pretty good one even if I may enjoy 5 more despite it being goofier. It's still a pretty good sendoff and has Kurtwood Smith and he makes every movie he's in a sensual masterpiece of eroticism no matter how small his part may be. 

I dig Generations. I think it was fun to see Kirk and Picard in the same movie even if it's very gimmicky. I dunno if I like how Kirk goes out like a goober but despite that I do enjoy them sharing the same screen together. Plus you get Malcolm McDowell as a bad guy and I LOVE watching him be a bad guy. Always a fun time. First Contact is totally the best Next Generation Crew movie. Has the best plot, action and is the most entertaining. I know people complain LIKE BABIES about Action Movie Picard but he's gotta be a bit more actiony in the dang movies for the normies like me. Insurrection is an awful awful movie and it's the only one I truly dislike. The only positive about that movie is F. Murray Abraham, everything else sucks shit. What a terrible and stupid plot for a terrible and stupid movie.

 

Yes. It's now time for the first review of this piece. Like actual review and not just "YEAH I LIKED THAT ONE" and it's Star Trek Nemesis and I'm so torn on this movie. I like the concept, an clone of Jean Luc Picard who grew up a slave in the Sci-Fi Malarky mines wants revenge on the Romulans, federation, and Jean Luc Picard himself.  There's a lot of really nice character moments but the movie is honestly ruined by Tom Hardy. I just feel he wasn't very good in that role. I wish they would have picked just about anybody else. Also the fact he's dying is a weird one because it kinda makes the whole end fight really lame. I also am not a big fan of Data (I'm sorry shain and probably Damien) and he's a big part of this movie. Something about that character just bothers me. Maybe I'll grow to like him during my watching of the actual show in like the year 2041 or whenever.  Maybe I'm just pissed that I did not get to see Beverly Crusher and Lavar Burton naked like the movie promised when they were supposed to go to the naked people alien planet. YOU DON'T BREAK A PROMISE LIKE THAT MOVIE. Anyway 2 and a half stars out of 5.

 

The next movie is Star Trek (2009) by J.J. Abrams. I liked the other two movies I saw from him. Like Mission Impossible III and Cloverfield. So I am not a J.J. hater. I didn't even hate this movie I just didn't really care that much for it. First off I do not like Chris Pine as Captain Kirk. There's something about William Shatner that he could play a cocky jerk that you still wanted to see win the day, however I was just happy Spock punched Kirk and almost choked him. I also think comic books will always do the multiverse thing better because they don't need to use an entire movies length to get into a multiverse story. Just have the Watcher go YO THIS AINT THE REGULAR MARVEL UNIVERSE BABY! and bam in to the story. I also got to say that I did not enjoy this movies villain. I did like Shaun of the Dead as Scotty though. He was fun. This movie has some good action set pieces but as a whole eh. 2 and a half stars out of five.

NEXT TIME: More Star Trek!

I do not like the MCU Spider-Man. Here's why.

 

I recently watched the three Spider-Man MCU movies and I did not enjoy any of them all that much. Okay, I liked seeing Tobey and the Green Goblin and Dr Octopus from the only GOOD live action Spider-Man movies. Yes I didn't like the other movies either. Those movies had dumb plots and were mostly uninteresting and boring. Sure Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone did good acting jobs but they were just not very enjoyable movies. The first movie was a bit better than that massive poop turd that was the second but neither are going to rush up my "Must watch this again" list like seminal film classics such as Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College and American Ninja 2: The Confrontation.

So like several posts around here recently let's talk about the reasons why I didn't really like these three movies:

1.) Let's get the big one out of this whole thing right away. You kinda need a character called UNCLE BEN for the Spider-Man story. He needs to be there so that Spider-Man learns responsibility BECAUSE THATS THE WHOLE DAMN POINT OF FUCKING SPIDER-MAN. The whole damn theme is responsibility and how to use it! This Spider-Man's big want is to join the Avengers. Yeah that's the big thing. I'm sorry but the characters reason to want to make it up to his uncle so he uses his powers to fight everything to Scorpion Men to Weird Alien Goo to Weirdly Muscular Fat Men.

2.) I don't like the Iron Man stuff in the movies. Yes I know that people liked Robert Downey Jr in these movies as Tony Stark. It's just that I liked Spider-Man being seen as a smart guy himself who created all the stuff he needed HIMSELF. Not from Tony Stark or anyone else. I like Spider Man figuring out these things himself. Tony Stark just making suits and all of this stuff for him just doesn't please me.

3.) They made Spider-Man a big weeine and Tom Holland plays him as a big weenie. Yes. I know Spider-Man has complained a lot about his various issues in the comic book, but he never felt like he was a giant wiener baby over it. I just wanted to give Tom Holland's version of the character a wedgie and shove him in a locker. I shouldn't be thinking that of my favorite fucking super hero. 

4.) These movies are incredibly unfunny. Marvel movies comedy is hard to talk about for me. Sometims it's very amusing. I enjoy the comedy in say Guardians of the Galaxy or the first two Ant Man movies (that third movie had such bad comedy fuck you port) but Spider-Man is a fucking hilarious son of a gun. Incredibly funny in fact. That's one of the things that always kept me coming back was the jokes he'd make of Dr. Octopus or the Kingpin. The comedy in these movies make him sound like a dumb ass idiot. LOL SPIDER TINGLE!!!!

5.) Hey how about having Mysterio connect to Spider-Man and not Tony Stark like so many characters were. You uh know Mysterio was connected to Spider-Man for decades right? It's his bad guy right? Not Iron Mans right?

6.) J Jonah Jameson being an Alex Jones type fucker. Yeah J. Jonah Jameson has done awful shit in the comics but he also owned up to it. He would NEVER EVER FUCKING EVER be like that worthless sack of shit Alex Jones.

Yep. I think that's it. I liked Michael Keaton as the Vulture but that's about it and that shouldn't count because it's Michael Keaton and he brings his A++++++++++ game to every fucking movie he ever appears in.

The Final Episode #106: Brand Spanking New Doug (1996 - 1999)

 

I've decided to do this show for TWO whole reasons! One: Portnoyd has been annoying lately so It's time I annoy him back and he is not a fan of Doug in any version of it. The second reason I wanted to talk about this show is that I want to clear up and finish all the Disney shows. I have several left so you'll see discussions on them soon. I mean not all at once but soon. I'll throw in other stuff to keep it interesting. Anyway I decided to talk about Brand Spanking New Doug because I think it's time to finally finish up the whole Doug Funnie story. So It's time to finally discuss Brand Spanking New Doug.

You might ask me why I broke up the two shows and the thing is despite what wikipedia says or anything they ARE two different shows. Doug showed up on Nickelodeon (did you know that they just had two create two more new episodes and they would have owned the whole show and Disney would not have gotten their mousy hands on it.) Disney bought Jim Jinkins Jumbo Pictures in 1995 or so and they had the rights to Doug and P.B. And J Otter. They didn't own the other stuff he did for Nickelodeon which included Allegra's Window and Hocus Focus. Yes Jim Jinkins was working with Nickelodeon in like 1980.  I just felt we should talk about some of his other works because well Doug is always in the forefront. 

Doug moved from Nickelodeon to ABC's Disney's One Saturday Morning. That came to be because Disney wholesale bought out ABC in like 1996? 1995? I don't know when but they threw around some of their large bags of cash and bought the TV station. The Disney Afternoon was pretty much on its way out in 1996 because their last shows for the syndication package Quack Pack and Mighty Ducks were not setting the world on fire even though I do know people who enjoy The Mighty Ducks. Not a single person has ever stuck up for Quack Pack except a doofus named Craig. Yes Port, it's that Craig. Speaking of which there's an episode of this show where Doug's old friend from his old town comes to visit and he is literally Craig as an annoying 13 year old.

To me, changing networks and giving your show a new name, even one as stupid as Brand Spanking New Doug was enough for me to go "Yeah this is a new show, a sequel show" but the thing is that wasn't it. Literally every thing you could change about the show they did. Connie the fat girl is now skinny. Roger is now richer than dirt because Bebe's dad needed the land his mother owned. The school is now Bebe' Bluff's School or some name like that and literally is shaped like her head. The Honkerburger was closed down. All of these changes made a LOT of kids who liked the Nickelodeon version hate this version. A lot of discussion has gone down on about how this show ruined Doug.

This is where your good old buddy Michael comes in. A man who will speak his opinion on anything and just not give a shit. I'll agree with the majority on things. Disagree on things. Stick up for things no one else will. Talk about things that no one else wants to talk about. So here's one to shock the internet if they actually read this blog. This was MY Doug. Yes I lived in Canada. The Great White North. Nickelodeon the channel never showed up here. Some of the shows did. Are You Afraid of the Dark? Yeah, Rocko's Modern Life. Yep! Angry Beavers too! Doug showed up here but it seemed to be not for that long. I do remember Nick's version but not as well as the Disney version and I have to admit that I really did enjoy watching it when I was like 12 on One Saturday Morning. I loved One Saturday Morning as much as I did The Disney Afternoon.  I just remember watching all of those shows before my family would go off to do Saturday things at the Mall or other places because stores were closed on Sunday because of Jesus Reasons until like the year 2000 in Newfoundland which meant we'd go to a relatives house or to the Flea Market at the Mall. It was a glorious time and I loved it.

I think this is enough backstory for this stuff it's time to finally close the book on Doug and talk about The Final Episode of Brand Spanking New Doug which by the end was just called Disney's Doug. It aired on June 26th, 1999. I was close to turning fourteen. Still watching Disney cartoons because I didn't have an angry conservative father who told me when to stop doing things in life and I guess felt I could make my own decisions on things. I don't know how much of One Saturday Morning I was watching during this time but I do know that I do not remember this episode. I do remember watching Doug's 1st Movie and thinking it was so terrible that I probably just gave up on the show too. That movie is bad. One day I will make portnoyd watch it. That would be funny.

So the Final Episode was called Doug's Marriage Madness. Which probably brings in the most overused cliche I've seen for Final Episodes. I don't care to go through the list right now but I know I've covered marriages enough time that I don't really want to cover another Marriage episode. Maybe I'm just pissed or sad because I won't ever get my own marriage because really what other human being would want to spend the rest of their lives with someone who literally is writing about ten thousand words about the Final Episode of Disney's Doug? That's right the only person who would marry me is well me. And I don't even want to spend the rest of my life with me. It's that bad.

So it's also about changes, which is pretty nice because that's what the first episode was all about. I know there's a word for that kinda thing but I cannot spell it and I really do not want to spend time on google trying to find it's spelling. Anyway Judy is going off to college. Doug's literally becoming a teenager and his voice is changing. Lots of new stuff happening for the Funnie Family. I also hate how it's spelled Funnie. Annoys the piss out of me. And yes another big change. Patti Mayonnaise's dad is marrying their weird English teacher Ms. Krystal. I'm pretty sure the both of these characters were added into Disney's Doug. Now watch as DougFan420 comes and yells at me that Patti's dad appeared in the Nickelodeon version and that I should shoot my dick off for not remembering that. 

So things are hectic at the wedding. Patti is trying to keep everything going under a tent. Two twins are trying to figure out if they should make the stand out of wood or metal and I'm like "why didn't you do this weeks ago?" Yeah I know its a silly cartoon but that's what stood out to me. The fact they wanted a marching band and Mr. Bone (I love that he sounds like Don Knotts) yodelling crew and they argue about it at least makes more sense then this. Yes I know I'm a cool guy arguing what they should have done instead for a cartoon that most people don't even give two rat shits about is not the best use of my time but if I weren't writing this I'd probably be viewing Twitter and that's way worse a use of anyone's time then what I'm doing here and now.

So Doug and Skeeter have to go to the Tux Store to get a bow tie for Mr. Mayonnaise and Patti gives him the ring. If you guess "Doug is going to be a goofy goober like he usually is and lose the ring" you'd be semi correct. He gets the ring stuck in his shoe and just THINKS he lost it. He gets two frosty goats (?????????) from the Ice Cream Man Mr. Swirly and this is where I just gotta say I love how this show would have random characters given fun designs. Mr. Swirly probably only showed up a few times but they still gave him a goofy hair do that looks like a swirly Ice Cream cone from one of those fancy ice cream machines. It's great. Doug was a show that I would watch for the side characters because they were honestly all a lot of fun. Doug himself is fine but it's all about Skeeter! Honk Honk!

So they realize they might be missing the ring and Doug and Skeeter have to find Mr. Swirly because Doug thinks he gave it to him. Doug and Skeeter run all over town. Meanwhile Mr. Dink's "VERY EXPENSIVE" Robot that makes things out of pate. You know the goose liver shit that always looks gross as hell to me. I don't know but I was amused when they made a goose out of goose liver. Wild. It gets all over the guests when it explodes. The stage breaks when something crashes into it. Judy (who I must say is a weird character among weird characters. Did Doug take place in like 1961 when beatniks were still a thing?) Anyway Roger (who is now mega rich as fuck) buys grand pianos for him and her and literally has them sent out on a parachute from a plane. They crash and ruin the tent. That's what you get for not having your marriage In a CHURCH like GOD INTENDED! 

They actually go to the church and Doug tells Patti about the lost ring and well The Mayor who is now the Ex-Mayor (in the movie which must have come out and take place after this has Mr Dink's wife as the mayor. or maybe she was the mayor during the entire last season. I cannot hold the memories of every fucking thing in my head people. I am not a fucking walking encyclopedia on the animated TV series Doug. Anyway he passes out and the people there start to bitch and moan until Doug takes off his shoe and smacks it against thing priests stand behind. Don't look at me I stopped going to church in like 1998. He gives a rousing speech about how things are changing around here but the one thing he hopes never changes is how Bluffingtoners never give up on each other and how he feels that they are all one big family. This gets everyone to talk about Marriage related stuff and Mr. Mayonnaise and Mrs Krystal agree about everything people are saying and then the Mayor regains consciousness long enough to declare them man and wife. Doug then realizes changes have to happen and not all changes are bad when his little sister Dirtbike (what the fuck is up with Mr and Ms Funnie to name their other two children normal names that exist and then just call the third one Dirtbike. I'm thinking that Dirtbike might be a mistake and they hate her.) Then the final scene has Porkchop give him a new journal because he had finished writing in the last one.

FINAL VERDICT: I would say this is actually probably the best marriage Final Episode that I can think of having done up to right now. TWO ended on a Cliffhanger and Cliffhangers are never good and the Sabrina episode was just weird where she just realizes in the middle of a marriage that she wants to get back with her ex. That's just weird and mean. I'm not trying to say marry someone you shouldn't but try to make sure you want or not want the marriage before the fucking marriage day comes. You know. Kinda mean. No like really mean. This episode however was nice because the two people clearly want to get married and having it all be about change a thing that Doug would touch on from time to time. Changes happen A LOT during your child years of 1 to 18. A LOT. Not just puberty and all that jazz but other random changes and it was a good thing to make into stories. Anyway I enjoy this show because of the weird characters and the charming low key comedy and the nice wholesomeness of it all. In a world right now thats angry and mean it's nice to have something like this to come back to you know?

Media Presevation and Internet Weirdos...

 

I think first off I should talk about how I feel about media preservation. I think in a perfect world everything would have been preserved from movies to video games to TV commercials to whatever silly ass thing you would want to see. I believe this because they are all a small part of our history. All of it adds up in the end and history should never be forgotten or lost.  However some people really make me wish they would shut up and stop being stupid as hell. Things are ruined by other people. I think they were right Hell IS Other People. Anyway you know it's time for me to complain about things.

I think the thing I would change if I somehow could is that I would make people look for OLDER Lost Media. Like Pre-1990. There are tons of movies from the last one hundred years that have been lost or close to being lost. The people who made movies in 1967 or 1973 or 1981 are getting older and older and whatever they may have may be lost when they die. We might loose so much stuff because of this. I'm not saying try to take on stuff from the 1990s onwards or lost media from a thing you might be into like say Pokemon or some series like that but you gotta realize age is a serious thing. I really want to see a weird probably terrible movie called Mafia on the Bounty where the guy who played Frosty the Snowman plays a mafia don who gets into trouble with gays or some weird shit. On a boat. I don't know but as a fan of weird dumb garbage movies that were made by a cocaine addled lunatic brain I NEED to see this. I also need to see Blood Circus.

The other part of this blog post is just me complaining about one person who I will not name because I do not want him to find this blog. I also want blogger to also stop randomly turning on the fucking italics thing. I do not want that italicized for fuck sake! Anyway some guy tried to get money for a prototype of a Napoleon game. That is already available in Japan for a small amount of money. Instead of trying to use that money to find information on other games that you can't just buy from the Land of the Rising Sun. This person also apparently got someone to give him ROMS of unreleased games on the grounds that no one else gets to use them. I hate to break it to you but that's still Lost Media. I mean it's like it's kinda fucking pointless. I did not intend that italicizing but I felt like it works.

I think that's all I got to say about this and I figure it's time to end this post. Bye!

Things I Miss From the Past Part 1

 Well, since I've grown into a grumpy rambly old man I've decided to to start up a new blog post series thing that might have legs and might not. I do not know. I have a feeling it does but who knows.This is just me complaining about things that someone born in like 2004 would have no idea about. You know me being an old ass man who should start yelling at clouds like Abraham Simpson in the last scene of The Simpsons that is even the little bit iconic.

1.) Having little to no choice: Remember being a kid, I mean a kid that lived pre streaming services/internet access/ability to get anything. You literally had to willingly sit through things you didn't like or thought you weren't going to like. Like movies or TV shows. I'm sure as fuck there are things I complained about having to watch to my parents or just to myself and then realizing that I was enjoying the thing I was complaining about. The days of you have 30 TV channels and 15 of them show nothing you care about and you're pissed at the Super Nintendo because you died in that Toxic Castle level of Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest.  Sometimes the show was terrible and sometimes the show became one of your new favourites. Sometimes it was good to step out of your comfort zone or in this case being shoved out of your comfort zone. Or sometimes having too much choice will make you go "Jesus Christ I can't fucking decide what to pick!" which happens so fucking much to me. 

2.) So many things to get angry about. Remember in the past how there'd be like one big serious issue that people would talk about like say the Iraq War and one random dumb issue that people really shouldn't have cared about like I dunno Paris Hilton existing. Now it's like one big serious issue, twenty semi serious issues, and nine hundred and ninety nine pointless stupid issues that everyone wants to talk about. There's so much shit happening that it would literally take you 8 years to read up on everything to have even a somewhat informed opinion. It's very annoying.

Yeah I had a few other points but they just flew out of my mind because my mind is a weird and wild mess of garbage so this minor blog post is all you get. Sorry, not sorry.

Movie Review #75: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

 

You think that doing a silly ass nostalgia blog over stuff that I enjoyed and heard of and all during my childhood most people would have thought Star Wars would be a super high thing on the List of Things I Would Talk About as that something related to it would have popped up earlier in this blog, well here's a really big surprise: I was not a big Star Wars fan as a child. I was born in 1985 and no one except my Uncle really saw Star Wars in the theatre and my parents didn't care enough to see it and I don't think they have today therefore there was no one to really introduce me to it. The movies I watched would be like stuff like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Care Bears Movie, Ghostbusters, Short Circuit, Airplane, Naked Gun, Hot Shots, Homeward Bound, Adventures in Babysitting, Don Bluth movies, Jurassic Park, Tiny Toon Adventures How I Spent My Summer Vacation, Charlotte's Web, Disney films, and once I was allowed every horror series I could. I do remember seeing the movies once as a child I think around the time the new releases versions came out. Hell those COULD have been the versions I saw. I just know that I watched Mel Brooks' parody film Spaceballs five thousand times as a child. Star Wars wasn't high on my radar.

So in 1999 this was a big thing, but it wasn't for me. Disney's One Saturday Morning! Big Thing! Pokemon! Big Thing! Getting to rent soul touching masterpieces of cinema like Revenge of the Nerds, Porky's, Pieces and any and all movies I could find from like the late 1970s to the early 1990s! HUGE Thing! It didn't matter as long as it looked cool. I can't tell you how big of a thing this was for us in the 8th grade because three whole children would talk to me at that point and the rest thought I was a damn weirdo. I don't remember many children talking about it honestly. I just remember my teacher showing us the Rocky movies which was pretty awesome. I just never got to Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace until just a half an hour ago.

So I knew about this movies uh let's say less than stellar performance, but I've stuck up for many movies that have a lot of people not loving them. Hudson Hawk, National Lampoon's European Vacation and Nothing But Trouble to name three. I just wanted to italicize some more things. I want to make this review the one with the most italics in a blog post! In fact when a movie gets enough people yelling and screaming about them it makes me want to check it out because I want to make my own opinion on something. I don't take the mainstream opinion on something if I believe it to be true. I make up my own mind on something. It just that this time I do agree with the majority of the people it seems Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace sucks so much ass. If I had forced my parents to rent this or go to the theatre or whatever I would have been pretty fucking upset and angry that I had wasted a rental on a movie that could have gone to something better like Night of the Demons or The Man With Two Brains or Invasion U.S.A.

I'm gonna start out by saying that I think George Lucas is a creative guy. The original Star Wars trilogy is honestly as good as memorable and enjoyable as they say. He helped create Indiana Jones which is also cool and good too! I really like Willow. I just believe that he needed someone to help him with these ideas and movies. It really was a TEAM of people who made these movies back in the day and by 1999 it was all just yes men who wouldn't tell ol' George that his ideas were fucking stupid and should be removed from the damn movie. Like you know the big problem known as Jar Jar Binks.

I will say the individuals that went so over the top angry about this character that it made the actor want to kill himself are fucked up weirdos. I legit hate the fact that I have to bring this up and can't just go into the discussion, but I just cannot with this character. The weird dialogue for his species. The jumping and screaming and yelping he does for comedic effect. The really bad poop jokes. I laugh at fucking poop jokes and the ones in this movie just pop out of fucking nowhere and I hate them. The fact he feels like some kind of weird stereotype that just makes me feel uncomfortable. This also goes for the weird space alien that owns Anikin. Or however you spell that stupid name. They feel like these weird stereotypes that died in 1863 or whenever.

The other problem is all the weird boring shitty talk about fucking Star Wars world politics. I'm sorry but that does not work in Star Wars. You want a fun sci fi space adventure. All the politic talk just bogs this movie down so much. It's not something I want to see in this. More of the pod racing stuff (which was like one of the two scenes in this movie I liked) I also think I just don't give a shit about prequels. I just can't get into caring if Anikin or R2D2 get them selves into a scary situation because I know they survive because I already saw the damn movies that take place later on. Also some of the characters like C3PO and R2D2 just feel so forced because it's like YOU GOTTA SEE THEM!!! I dunno.

The biggest problem is that I just found this movie to be dull as dishwater. I thought the podracing scene was neat and the pod racers were cool. I liked watching the two Jedi dudes fight Darth Maul but honestly everything else was boring as fuck. 

FINAL VERDICT: It took me 24 years to finally watch this movie and I get the feeling it will take me another 24 years to see the next two. Or maybe I'll just get them over with. Who knows? Maybe I'll review them. All I know is that it's really weird that I talked about this movie before so many other things I mentioned in this post, but I felt like I had too because well it was one hell of a big thing back in 1999 and portnoyd just had to know my thoughts on it all.

Comic Book Movies Should Probably End Now. Or at Least SLOW THE FUCK DOWN.

 

You think as someone who enjoys comic books so much you'd think I'd be happy that they are making so much comic book content but I'm kinda tired to hell about them. Yep weird huh. Even though I recently watched the old 80s/90s Batman movies (well not Batman and Robin, and still enjoy them so much more than the new stuff) but I thought to complain about them because it just came to my mind. I'm literally on a roll here with fucking blog posts I want to make. I'm actually having fun with the fucking internet again and that's amazing.

1.) Let's start with Marvel. I do not think they know what the hell they are doing at this point. I really really really do not know what they are doing. They seemed to have a idea pretty early on with Thanos and every movie felt connected to some degree making it exciting to see how the whole story would end. It felt like you had to see how the story ended up. Now a lot of these movies don't even feel connected at all. One does something with the multiverse. One is a literal prequel. One is a kung fu fantasy movie (which is really not as cool as the 1970s/1980s comic where he was a kung fu spy movie.) One is a weird mess that has been forgotten like the Eternals. One is a movie where the main characters actor died. I didn't hate any of these movies (except Eternals that boring drab ugly piece of shit can go fuck itself) None of these seem to connect and what made the movies fun was all of these characters coming together in one big thing in the end and the connectivity is gone. I also like Kang (he's got a convoluted history but I really enjoy a good amount of the stories he was in) and they seriously don't seem to really have an idea what the hell to do with him.

2.) DC is literally rebooting itself with this new Flash movie. They started their live action universe of movies in 2013. One decade of movies that was fucked up from the beginning because Zach Synder doesn't know shit about comic books or superheroes and should have fucked off somewhere. I do not know where but just away from these movies, but if you are going to jump and push the OH SHIT WE GOTTA START OVER button in a decade is not a good look. Rebooting shit too many times kinda keeps people out of caring.  Yeah some of it was really awful but I did enjoy a good amount of DC movies but yeah they seem to be just starting all over. It's no good.

3.) Holy shit are they pumping these things out. Marvel now has 26 different TV series and 3029240 movies. I'm sorry but I don't have the fucking time to watch every one of these tv series (and the ones I watched I liked Hawkeye and She-Hulk. Even if Hawkeye clearly felt like it felt like an overlong movie than an actual TV series. I hear the other ones felt like that too and that's not a good thing. Just edit them into damn movies. It's embarrassing I swear.

4.) Everyone wants a piece of the pie. Some of these companies literally own the rights to the most obscure characters. Even ones I've never fucking heard of and I know too much about this stuff. I've forgotten more stuff about comic books than most people will ever know, and no that's not a brag. That's an admission I need to get laid. By literally any adult. Just pooping this out there without anyone who cares about the Diddly Daddly Man. Just to get some content for their streaming service. 

5.) No one now wants to take a risk. If James Gunn came to Marvel now and was like Hey do you want to do a Guardians of the Galaxy movie now in 2024 they would look at him and go NO THOSE CHARACTERS ARE WEIRD AND SILLY. Despite those three movies probably being the absolute high point of the MCU. They really do not want to get too weird and silly with it. Yeah they let She-Hulk get a little goofy but there's so much weird shit in Marvel and DC Comics that is genuinely fun they will jump over it. 

That's it. Comment to tell me I'm a poopie head or something for not being excited anymore for this stuff.

Why The Internet Sucks Ass Now

 

If I'm being honest the literal most amazing thing that came from my childhood (which is from 1985 when I was born to 2003 when I was 18 which is when you are considered an adult) wouldn't be a childhood favorite movie or a video game or a cartoon or a favorite balloon. No it was a beautiful thing called the internet. You could literally find stuff a bout anything. Literally anything. The Go-Bots? Yep! Naked Pictures of Ladies But One of the Ladies has a big old penis? Yep! Reviews of literally any silly ass thing you could think of? Yep! If you could think if you could find it. It was beautiful. I would use the old dial up internet to take like days to get episodes of the old Transformers series off Limewire or Kazaa. That's one thing I think can be considered a upgrade on the "old" internet. Everything else pretty much sucks or has really bad parts to it. I will go over them all but I feel like I should talk about where the internet kinda gave up

I got first introduced to the internet in maybe 1996 or 1997. At my Uncle's house. I remember I would use the internet for so much goofy shit. I would look up a website dedicated to old Marvel bad guys and like News on Freddy Vs Jason (they had so many fucking weird and goofy ideas for that movie that I would have honestly enjoyed more than what we finally got.) It was wonderful. We got the internet in our house and I went wild and joined the NES Scene. It was great. I loved it so much. I loved so so much. I would literally stay up until the morning making it so I couldn't get to school for that day because I would just fall asleep in class. I was up just reading about video games on Digital Press. I also did it when some rascal we all knew would spam a NES forum. It was serious stuff. For a very sad teenager. The forums I liked to post on went away and were replaced by something that was very inferior. Social Media. by 2013 if you wanted to enjoy a NES forum you had Nintendo Age to view. And that was it. 

So let's go over a bunch of reasons why the Internet sucks ass now and how it's turned me into an even more bitter misanthrope. 

1.) Social Media. You know I'm going to admit that I thought it was a fine idea when it started. It really was. You got to stick around with your friends you made on the internet. I still use Facebook only for staying in contact with friends from a forum that's been gone almost for a decade now. It was replaced by a really shitty social media format. That's my first reason for Social Media sucks everyone wants to start their own and water down the entire concept. Yeah thanks JoBlo for throwing away your wonderful movie forums for a watered down Facebook that you ended up getting rid of. I mean I know people were getting bored of forums and were all so excited for a new shiny thing (which I can't say I'm immune too. I get excited by shiny new things.)  It also I think really fucked up politics. You say a thing that is somewhere in the middle and people will shit down your throat. You can't say boycotting Hogwart's Legacy is pointless because Harry Potter is literally one of the 5 most popular things that ever existed and you will not get rid of it ever or you now love JK Rowling and think trans people should be slapped and thrown into a gulag or some kind of extreme point. I'm sorry people but you NEED centrists to keep you in line before you become a huge goober. I get stressed out because I can't be fully truthful about politics on social media.  It doesn't help that social media is now literally 92% of the Internet.

2.) YouTube. This is one of those 50/50 things. I love a lot of things about YouTube. I'm listening to a damn livestream right now. I'm subscribed to a lot of people and get excited whenever a new video from a favorite creator pops up in my feed. I love them all so much. I'm just talking about how awful shit content that I do believe helps cause shit in real life. It helps radicalize people. Hearing anti-woke YouTubers go on and on about how gays and black people taking over straight and white roles over and over can cause simple brained idiots will cause harm to them now and become they become alt-right weirdos. I don't care what anyone has to say about this. I will continue to complain about these people until they go away. Or I get a life.

3.) So many stupid and insane people are on the internet now. Yeah I will not argue that stupid people were on the internet since it started. They weren't you know at least ninety two percent of the fucking internet. They were mocked and derided and left the damn communities you were in alone. (For the most part lol) and yeah people with uh let's say less healthy issues of the mental sort always existed on the internet too but you know what they were endearing. I'll take someone who wants to marry the mouse lady from the Secret of NIMH and the guy who wants to kiss a real doll over the lunatic who would literally come to your house and shoot you for saying something which is now a real possibility on this crazy new shitty garbage internet.

4.) It's ruining real life things. I love Magazines. I love collecting them and even reading old ones. Magazines are dying and being removed because of the internet. I don't like how everything is now oh you can use the internet for that. 

5.) This is not about the internet but Streaming services suck. Yeah I know it's weird to put this in my blog post but it popped into my head and I don't know where it goes. It was a pretty decent idea when it started like Social Media but now there are way too many of them and if you want something from one place you have to buy an account to get it. You have to get access to all of them now. These companies are keeping all of their stuff stuck on their streaming services and it's no good.

6.) Portnoyd posts too much on it. YOU KNOW I HAD TO SASS YOU BUCKO.

That's it. The internet sucks now. This blog sucks. Too many people ruin things. I hate it.

Comic Review #82: The New Guardians #1 (1988)

 

Well it's June which is the month every conservative fears... It's Pride Month! Yes more and more human beings are giving less and less of a shit if you want to kiss a dude or become a dude or love both dudes and ladies or whatever. Yeah there's still a very sad amount of human beings who give a shit what two adults do in their own time and in their own lives because they are stupid worthless shitheads who no one ever truly loved. Okay maybe other garbage people loved them but do you want to be loved by a garbage person? I sure don't! So I've decided to look at the LGBTQRSTUVWXYZ+ (I support you getting to be you but I'm still going to be terrible, terrible jokes.) characters that have existed during DC and Marvel history! It'll be a fun time. I decided to start with a really bad DC comic that will give portnoyd a lot of material for comments he can make in 2042 when his children are all in college and he can just waste his precious time blathering about internet garbage.

Anyway this comic comes off the heals of a world shaking DC comics event called Millennium. I won't get to into it now but uh... It's a pretty fucking bad comic. A HUGE mess of a series that I still can't believe came from Steve Englehart and Joe Staton. Steve Englehart wrote some of the best Avengers, Captain America and Batman comics ever published. If I ever review them and portnoyd is like DURRR THIS THING I NEVER READ FOR MY SELF IS BADDDDD BECAUSE YOU SAID SO i will literally go to Las Vegas and smack the absolute shit out of his ass. like I will slap him until his ass can't hold shit. They are that good. Portnoyd better watch himself out, but by the mid/late 80s when he returned to comic books from a small hiatus writing fancy books that have no pictures or Batman. 

He came back and did Green Lantern which was really hit or miss. Some stories and characters (like Kilowog the greatest Green Lantern!) were fun and some were just "What were you thinking man?" He also did West Coast Avengers (which was actually probably the best stuff he did during this era) and Fantastic Four (which was his worst, It's not my least favorite era for the team but it's uh certainly up there.) I know portnoyd will UNTHOUGHTFULLY go LOL THOSE THINGERS ARE DUMBY AND I EAT POOPIE like the stupid stupid man he is. I don't know if it was editorial interference or if Steve's heart wasn't into it any more but I just know that his mid-late 80s work is no where as good as the work he did in the 1970s.

The New Guardians were created by the Guardians of Oa to uh breed and spread around their new DNA. The Guardians of Oa are those little blue assholes that appear in Green Lantern comics to give the Green Lantern of earth a hard time because THEY ARE SHIT HEADS. Anyway they wanted to go bone the Star Sapphires so uh they did! They are also very stupid because uh one of the characters they picked was a gay man. Gay men do uh usually not have sex with women. It's kinda in the name. Ya dig? The other character they picked to join the team was a man who had literally been turned into a plant. and the other is a computer who doesn't even have some kind of plant dick. . There's also Harbinger but who gives a shit about her. Oh and a Chinese lady who talks about dragons and also a Jamaican lady.

 

You can see in that nice image that our pal Extrano is gay and also a stereotype. Despite that he's clearly the most fun new character of them all ( the Floronic Man (the plant guy) was created decades before this) and also apparently the Computer Guy can turn back into his original form so I guess he still has his penis. Still that's one choice for all the ladies to bone him and he's already married to someone. So the Guardians of Oa really fucked up because they were too busy thinking about getting to fuck the shit out of the Star Sapphires. The fucking blue pricks.  Anyway Extrano seems to be gay Dr. Strange. Which I think is pretty rad.

So the story continues and we change scenes to a group of racists who have created a crazy looking vampire man who apparently only likes to drink the blood of non white people. So they send him off to cause havok with another racist jerk to watch him. There's a wild scene where the racist Vampire called Hemo-Goblin eats a cat. It's hilarious. The Jamaican Lady fights with him. She gets the Dragon Chinese Lady to help her fight when she gets hurt. The Hemo-Goblin runs away and they go back to the hideout. Everyone somehow finds where the Hemo-Goblin is hiding and then they all have a fight. Extrano gets cut by the Hemo-Goblin. They fight. The Hemo-Goblin dies. Green Lantern's old buddy Tom comes by and gives them the bad news. The Hemo-Goblin had AIDS.

This got apparently lots of bad press from fans who pretty much told DC how thats not really how AIDS works and that maybe the clearly gay character you created (this was the 1980s so they couldn't really say he was gay because that would totally turn anyone who read it into a cock craving maniac because that's how homosexuality works.) shouldn't get AIDS. Or at least not get it in his probably 3rd appearance in a comic. The Jamaican Lady also gets AIDS or probably should by being cut too. I don't care enough to figure out.

I did read one other issue of The New Guardians and it was fun as hell but it was only fun as hell for the character Snowflame a character who got his super powers from cocaine. He literally could have fought any body and the issue would have been amazing, probably even better. The New Guardians just wasn't a good group of characters. Except for the Flornoic Man and Green Lantern's pal Tom, none of them really got used after this series ended in like 1989. None of them, except Extrano would be used by me in the weird off chance DC found this blog and was like THIS IS THE MAN WE NEED and gave me a job by me and I love weird goofy obscure characters. These guys had no charm or anything and we don't need to see them ever again. 

FINAL VERDICT: I don't think it's bad that a comic tackles or discusses an social or political issue, even if it's serious. Discussing serious issues within stories can help fix them in the real world by bringing it to peoples attention. It's BAD because they didn't do a good job of it. AIDS was and IS still a serious thing that deserves more respect than this. Portnoyd is going to have a fucking field day with this comic and despite it all DC pretty much gave him that field day which might just be the worst thing about it all.