The Final Episode #8: Beast Wars: Transformers (1996 - 1999)

 

Does it surprise you that I put out the Transformers original series "Final Episode" discussion out there so that I could end up doing this one? If it wasn't obvious it really was the reason. I had not remembered those three final episodes being so bad but I felt like doing this stuff in some kind of order,  Feels weird to just jump ahead, despite when I was getting into horror movies as a kid I rented every series out of order. I dunno, it feels better to do stuff in order now as  an adult. This is a very bad opening paragraph but that's something you must come to expect from my work.

Beast Wars: Transformers or Beasties: Transformers (as known in Canada) was a TV program that ran from September 16th, 1996 to March 7th, 1999. It's weird how memory can play tricks on you because I would have sworn to God himself that this show was longer lived AND took like a year between the third and fourth seasons, but there's no fourth season! This is Mandela Effect! I'M IN A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE! It has NOTHING to do with the fact that the smoothest liar of them all is memory. I loved this show so much as a kid this was MY Transformers. I'm sure I had seen Transformers Generation 2 episodes and enjoyed them but it wasn't something I just HAD to see. Beast Wars however was a must. This was something I would have been genuinely upset had I missed an episode of.

I'm pretty sure the last time I had seen this show was probably in 2007 or around about. They would show it sometime later at night and I would keep it on as background noise, sometimes even leaving the internet to watch an episode. I think it was this and Dragon Ball Z, but I'll probably be shown tomorrow that the show was last shown in 2004 and it was in the middle of the afternoon shown after Care Bears. What I'm saying is try to find a source other than your memory for something. Had you asked me yesterday I would have told you the animation was 100% dated instead of I dunno, 50%? I think the designs of the characters work pretty well in CGI still 21 years later. It's just the backgrounds and stuff like that don't. I guess they were given instructions to get the characters as good as possible because they needed to sell toys. Weirder still is that I don't even remember trying to get any of the toys at like 11 years old but man I'd love to have them now at 35. Christ I'm sad.

like Transformers and oddly enough, Full House, Beast Wars: Transformers last episode was a multi parter intitled Nemesis Part 1 and Nemesis Part 2. Megatron and the Predacons are without a base thanks to something that happened in a previous episode and Optimal Optimus (yes at this point that is what he was called) and the Maximals are trying to capture them and bring them back to Cybertron. However they find Trantulaus' lair and the big assed Nemesis ship that the original Decepitcons had and crashed there way back when (they ended up on earth 65 million years ago because of some time warp shinanagians) and well Depth Charge is the one and old Maximal that can go after them. He ends up in a fight with his hated foe Rampage and they end up blowing the shit out of each other. This somehow gives the Dinobot clone that Megatron had created using a sliver of Rampage's spark his original memories and thoughts and ideals about honor back. I'm amazed at how much of this I can still remember. It's very sad. Of course Dinobot II ends up giving the Maximals information about a ship within the ark which Rhinox then uses to CRASH INTO FUCKING NEMESIS AND WRECK MEGATRON (who for some reason had become a dragon)'S SHIT. That was fucking cool as hell to see. They get megatron tied up to the ship and fly on back to Cybertron. The past AND future are safe.

Final Verdict:  This was definitely a lot of fun to watch and Larry DiTillio (co-creator of She-Ra!) Bob Forward and Simon Furman tied a pretty nice bow to the end of this series. It's just this is a show that you kinda have to know some stuff before you went into seeing the last episode. The show built on previous stuff and all that. I had a lot of fun watching both episodes earlier (and one of them was a VHSrip, how cool was that?) and I'm excited to re-watch the entire show. However, I'd probably just recommend someone else start at the beginning. I guess those weird childhood habits of watching shit outta order are hard to break.

The Final Episode #5: Transformers (1984)

 

Show Title: Transformers

Show Length: September 17, 1984 to  November 11, 1987

Channel: Syndication

Creator: A whole hell of a lot of dudes.

Ah yes, The Transforming Formers....Okay that was a terrible joke. Let's start over.

Ah yes, The Transformers. I remember them well. I'm pretty sure I watched reruns of this series as a child, but I did not love them as much as other children. My love was for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and DiC cartoons, but I did enjoy whatever I caught of them. I didn't really get into loving these transforming robots (that transform into cars, then robot gorillas, then into what the hell Beast Machines was) until Beast Wars came out in 1996. Did you know that in The Great White North we called Beast Wars, Beasties? We are really fucking weird up here in Canada. Beast Wars was what made me a Transformers fan and I will definitely talk about it on this blog. Not Beast Machines though. Never Beast Machines. Ever.

Now we get to the last 3 episodes of the show. It's an epic send off to the original Transformers. Or is it just really badly done!? FIND OUT............RIGHT NOW. These episodes were entitled Rebirth Parts 1, 2 and 3. They aired I guess in November of 1987, right when I was two years old. See I'm pretty sure I saw the Generation 1 episodes all jumbled up and edited and had weird graphical shit inserted into them to make Generation 2 (yes they went the Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2 route in just editing shit and being like HEY KIDS THIS IS TOTALLY NEW)

So this story starts out with Optimus Prime and some Transformer that probably had their first appearance within this episode (Seriously this three parter shoved in so much stuff to make the kiddies go OOO I WANT THAT) and I'm pretty sure they were told to just jam as much stuff as they can into these last 3 episodes. I'm not trying to say that the Transformers cartoon wasn't like a way to sell the toys because it always was. I'm just saying that for the majority of it's run it was also a fun cartoon to watch, this is just a final quick cash grab and it's not even all that fun. It's boring as hell. 

They then steal this key that opens up the VAULT OF FORMER TRANSFORMERS. i call it that because I've already forgotten what the real name was. The Autobots steal back the Key and are chased or shot or something to another planet where these green assholes who hate all machines live (because something called the Hive controls robots that fuck with them) and they become THE HEADMASTERS, which was the lamest thing related to the Transformers. Well besides Beast Machines. The Headmasters were people who work with the Transformers by being in their heads. I'm pretty sure the guy who thought it up was high and somehow DIDN'T get fired. I don't even know where to begin with this but I watched the Transformers for the Transformers not the people. 

Then the bad green hive jerks team up with The Decepticons and Optimus Prime learns about Nebulon and where the Key is and I just can't bring myself to care. It's feels so "hey we need that Transformers script by Tomorrow" and the writer went "oh shit I forgot" and just wrote down some nonsense. I don't want to say that about David Wise of all people. Dude did some great stuff with the 1980s animation that's still fun to this day but man it fees very "oh shit I'll write this essay in homeroom before History class" to me and believe me I was bummed when I heard he had passed away earlier in March of this year.

Zaric the green hive asshole creates Scorpiknox or however you spell that name. I really don't care enough to look it up right now. This crap put me in a bad mood. Galvatron gets the key and decides to blow up the sun with plasma energy or something.  Maybe it's just my dislike of the whole Headmasters thing and all that. I really don't know but I find this to be dreadfully dull and really feels like a whole "hey we can ring 3 more episodes of this out right?" to me. They should have left it with the episode where Optimus Prime comes back at least I remember that one being enjoyable. I don't remember anything about this one. Spike does some crap and throws together something and Cybertron gets its energy back. Woo.

FINAL VERDICT:  I've only done five of these as of right now but man this has to be the worst of the shows final episdoes. Blossom was fun, so was Captain Planet. Inspector Gadget was at best okay but the problems involving that finale were problems that involved the entirety of season two. Drew Carey Show wasn't funny but the plot felt like there was a beginning, middle and end. This just feels like something that should have been worked on more, like a first draft, and maybe beg the people making you put in the Headmasters to know that they sucked and a final set of episodes shouldn't have to shoehorn them in there. Whatever problems I had with the other four shows endings at least they didn't feel like a complete and utter slog to get through. F-.