The Final Episode #5: Transformers (1984)

 

Show Title: Transformers

Show Length: September 17, 1984 to  November 11, 1987

Channel: Syndication

Creator: A whole hell of a lot of dudes.

Ah yes, The Transforming Formers....Okay that was a terrible joke. Let's start over.

Ah yes, The Transformers. I remember them well. I'm pretty sure I watched reruns of this series as a child, but I did not love them as much as other children. My love was for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and DiC cartoons, but I did enjoy whatever I caught of them. I didn't really get into loving these transforming robots (that transform into cars, then robot gorillas, then into what the hell Beast Machines was) until Beast Wars came out in 1996. Did you know that in The Great White North we called Beast Wars, Beasties? We are really fucking weird up here in Canada. Beast Wars was what made me a Transformers fan and I will definitely talk about it on this blog. Not Beast Machines though. Never Beast Machines. Ever.

Now we get to the last 3 episodes of the show. It's an epic send off to the original Transformers. Or is it just really badly done!? FIND OUT............RIGHT NOW. These episodes were entitled Rebirth Parts 1, 2 and 3. They aired I guess in November of 1987, right when I was two years old. See I'm pretty sure I saw the Generation 1 episodes all jumbled up and edited and had weird graphical shit inserted into them to make Generation 2 (yes they went the Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2 route in just editing shit and being like HEY KIDS THIS IS TOTALLY NEW)

So this story starts out with Optimus Prime and some Transformer that probably had their first appearance within this episode (Seriously this three parter shoved in so much stuff to make the kiddies go OOO I WANT THAT) and I'm pretty sure they were told to just jam as much stuff as they can into these last 3 episodes. I'm not trying to say that the Transformers cartoon wasn't like a way to sell the toys because it always was. I'm just saying that for the majority of it's run it was also a fun cartoon to watch, this is just a final quick cash grab and it's not even all that fun. It's boring as hell. 

They then steal this key that opens up the VAULT OF FORMER TRANSFORMERS. i call it that because I've already forgotten what the real name was. The Autobots steal back the Key and are chased or shot or something to another planet where these green assholes who hate all machines live (because something called the Hive controls robots that fuck with them) and they become THE HEADMASTERS, which was the lamest thing related to the Transformers. Well besides Beast Machines. The Headmasters were people who work with the Transformers by being in their heads. I'm pretty sure the guy who thought it up was high and somehow DIDN'T get fired. I don't even know where to begin with this but I watched the Transformers for the Transformers not the people. 

Then the bad green hive jerks team up with The Decepticons and Optimus Prime learns about Nebulon and where the Key is and I just can't bring myself to care. It's feels so "hey we need that Transformers script by Tomorrow" and the writer went "oh shit I forgot" and just wrote down some nonsense. I don't want to say that about David Wise of all people. Dude did some great stuff with the 1980s animation that's still fun to this day but man it fees very "oh shit I'll write this essay in homeroom before History class" to me and believe me I was bummed when I heard he had passed away earlier in March of this year.

Zaric the green hive asshole creates Scorpiknox or however you spell that name. I really don't care enough to look it up right now. This crap put me in a bad mood. Galvatron gets the key and decides to blow up the sun with plasma energy or something.  Maybe it's just my dislike of the whole Headmasters thing and all that. I really don't know but I find this to be dreadfully dull and really feels like a whole "hey we can ring 3 more episodes of this out right?" to me. They should have left it with the episode where Optimus Prime comes back at least I remember that one being enjoyable. I don't remember anything about this one. Spike does some crap and throws together something and Cybertron gets its energy back. Woo.

FINAL VERDICT:  I've only done five of these as of right now but man this has to be the worst of the shows final episdoes. Blossom was fun, so was Captain Planet. Inspector Gadget was at best okay but the problems involving that finale were problems that involved the entirety of season two. Drew Carey Show wasn't funny but the plot felt like there was a beginning, middle and end. This just feels like something that should have been worked on more, like a first draft, and maybe beg the people making you put in the Headmasters to know that they sucked and a final set of episodes shouldn't have to shoehorn them in there. Whatever problems I had with the other four shows endings at least they didn't feel like a complete and utter slog to get through. F-.