I recently watched the three Spider-Man MCU movies and I did not enjoy any of them all that much. Okay, I liked seeing Tobey and the Green Goblin and Dr Octopus from the only GOOD live action Spider-Man movies. Yes I didn't like the other movies either. Those movies had dumb plots and were mostly uninteresting and boring. Sure Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone did good acting jobs but they were just not very enjoyable movies. The first movie was a bit better than that massive poop turd that was the second but neither are going to rush up my "Must watch this again" list like seminal film classics such as Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College and American Ninja 2: The Confrontation.
So like several posts around here recently let's talk about the reasons why I didn't really like these three movies:
1.) Let's get the big one out of this whole thing right away. You kinda need a character called UNCLE BEN for the Spider-Man story. He needs to be there so that Spider-Man learns responsibility BECAUSE THATS THE WHOLE DAMN POINT OF FUCKING SPIDER-MAN. The whole damn theme is responsibility and how to use it! This Spider-Man's big want is to join the Avengers. Yeah that's the big thing. I'm sorry but the characters reason to want to make it up to his uncle so he uses his powers to fight everything to Scorpion Men to Weird Alien Goo to Weirdly Muscular Fat Men.
2.) I don't like the Iron Man stuff in the movies. Yes I know that people liked Robert Downey Jr in these movies as Tony Stark. It's just that I liked Spider-Man being seen as a smart guy himself who created all the stuff he needed HIMSELF. Not from Tony Stark or anyone else. I like Spider Man figuring out these things himself. Tony Stark just making suits and all of this stuff for him just doesn't please me.
3.) They made Spider-Man a big weeine and Tom Holland plays him as a big weenie. Yes. I know Spider-Man has complained a lot about his various issues in the comic book, but he never felt like he was a giant wiener baby over it. I just wanted to give Tom Holland's version of the character a wedgie and shove him in a locker. I shouldn't be thinking that of my favorite fucking super hero.
4.) These movies are incredibly unfunny. Marvel movies comedy is hard to talk about for me. Sometims it's very amusing. I enjoy the comedy in say Guardians of the Galaxy or the first two Ant Man movies (that third movie had such bad comedy fuck you port) but Spider-Man is a fucking hilarious son of a gun. Incredibly funny in fact. That's one of the things that always kept me coming back was the jokes he'd make of Dr. Octopus or the Kingpin. The comedy in these movies make him sound like a dumb ass idiot. LOL SPIDER TINGLE!!!!
5.) Hey how about having Mysterio connect to Spider-Man and not Tony Stark like so many characters were. You uh know Mysterio was connected to Spider-Man for decades right? It's his bad guy right? Not Iron Mans right?
6.) J Jonah Jameson being an Alex Jones type fucker. Yeah J. Jonah Jameson has done awful shit in the comics but he also owned up to it. He would NEVER EVER FUCKING EVER be like that worthless sack of shit Alex Jones.
Yep. I think that's it. I liked Michael Keaton as the Vulture but that's about it and that shouldn't count because it's Michael Keaton and he brings his A++++++++++ game to every fucking movie he ever appears in.
Wow, a whole lot of wrong on this post. Time to improve the quality of it by easily 80%.
ReplyDeleteThe best case you could make is none of the live action Spiderman movies are any good. Because they're not.
The Raimi ones were ruined by Sam Raimi and Kirsten Dunst. Tobey was decent but it was too Evil Dead crap grafted on top.
The Garfield ones would be made better by casting literally Garfield as Spiderman. That's how low the bar was.
The Holland ones start strong and quickly fall into the gutter. The second one was utter shit and the third was a mess. The first one at least had some good and fun about it, especially Keaton. But they were just decent at best.
#1: the origin story thing was just overdone, I don't blame them for dropping it. To do that, they needed to gloss over a proper Uncle Ben. Worth it. Anyway you missed the big point...
#2: Tony Stark IS Uncle Ben for this Spiderman. It's just not smashed in your face like every other iteration.
#3: I like how you forgot about the first 10 years of Spiderman where he was a huge dork. He was a giant weiner until Mary Jane's huge beach ball tits came on the scene courtesy of McFarlane and what not.
#4: I never said Ant Man 3 was good, let alone funny. Regardless, they never really nailed the quip machine Spiderman and probably never will.
#5: Everything about Far From Home is bad.
#6: Newspapers are dead. They had to change JJ to stay relevant.
Spiderverse is king tho.
They didn't need to have the origin take up most of the movie but they should have at least mentioned the man and I don't like Tony Stark being used as that. Sorry not sorry. I hate to break it to you that even when he was a dork for the Stan Lee/Steve Ditko comics before they literally made him into a literal stud when John Romita started drawing him in 1966 way before Todd McFarlane did anything. I don't like the change to him being Alex Jones because it literally betrays the original character even if Newspapers are dead.
DeleteI should rewatch the original trilogy because I dig the Evil Dead crap that you apparently are so wrong about.