A Review of Twitter or Why Internet 1.0 was better or Reasons for me to fucking Quit this stupid website.

 

I think that the first thing I gotta do is talk about how much I hate the last week of the year. I'm never sure what day it is. It all goes together in a slog. It's horribly boring. If we could literally skip from Christmas to January First I would be the happiest man a live. The thing that gets me each year is this time of year all I end up thinking about is how I wasted the year before hand not fixing many of the issues I have as a human being. It's stuff I don't want to talk about on this silly lighthearted blog where I talk about Charles in Charge and silly comic books from the past. I'm writing this mostly for one person that that person is me. It's a reminder that you will do at least one positive thing for your mental health next year and that is not use twitter. So I will bring the reasons why you will not use twitter here.

#1: You get too little words to use in one single tweet. I'm a wordy bitch and 280 is not enough to change anyone's mind. I'm not even talking about serious things like say an anti-vaxxer or something. It's not even enough to change peoples minds on frivolous things like comic books or if Mama's Family was a good television show or not. Yeah you can make tweet threads but you know for a fact most people stop reading after the first tweet. I know I do. Also some times these threads are put together in the wrong order which I'm sure is Twitters doing to keep you from reading the entire thing and just tweeting snarky comments.

#2: You are just thrown in there willy nilly. With Facebook you can make sure that people see what you post easily. You let your friends in or co-workers or whatever. Hell if you want to let in the crazy homeless man who somehow has Facebook into your friends list you can. However with twitter that is not the way. You like one persons post and then you get 32,000 others. No one has the time to see if all of those people are actually worthwhile and not crazy. You just find more and more people to argue with over stuff that's pointless really because of the way the sites set up.

#3: If you step into political twitter you will become a crazy person. Ok, let's imagine two human beings. One is a left winger who is really into making sure say, transgender people have a positive life doing what they want in life. The other person is a right winger who say wants limited government and the lowest taxes possible. These are for the most part two human beings you can get along with. They don't automatically go for your throat if you say "I sure do like the African American Spider-Man character marvel came up with" or "I laughed at the movie Porky's when I was a teenager and it still has a nostalgic place in my heart". They won't jump down your ass for those comments and yes people will jump down your ass for those comments on twitter. It's like what the hell? The echo chamber and algorithm will have these two reasonable people screaming about how Joseph Stalin was a perfect human being and his version of Communism should be put up all over the world or how every person who isnt the whitest person who ever whited should get out of America. In other words they will become extremists within a month. Two tops. The fact I didn't become some kind of crazy extremist I'll never know how.

#4: Nothing you say really matters. You are one person in a drop in the ocean of hundreds of thousands of people. Any thing you say will probably get ignored or you will get some person who obviously needs mental help yelling at you about lizard people. 

#5: It makes you feel like you have to say something about every thing that happens. Okay let's go and say some famous person says something stupid. Or sorta famous. or kinda famous within some hobby you have. It's just something stupid and not really worth making a fuss about. It's not even the most offensive thing ever posted. It's something that someone posted something a little ignorant because they didn't know better. It's not like someone posted something horribly awful knowing full well it was awful. No you just feel you have to post something and if you are already having a bad day you'll probably yell at this person and then its a big kerfuffle.

#6: I don't know what to call this. I do not like the term Cancel Culture. It feels to me that it's not the correct term. Yeah people yelled at JK Rowling and Dave Chappelle and we can argue until the cows come home over what they said but regardless if you wanted them gone or not it won't happen. They make people a lot of money and when you make people money you literally have to kill someone / jerk off in someones face like Louis C.K. (who is also making a comeback  weird huh). I don't know what to call this but I don't like the term Cancel Culture for it. I don't think it's good to call it Consequence Culture either because I like trying to get people to agree with me when it comes to things like people getting rights and all that. I don't know what to call it but it's something that doesn't seem to work (at least on any celebrity that makes someone money. I'm sure you could pull out someone who's like a C-List dude who got thrown out or something like Apu from the Simpsons). I don't know why I made this post but I did.

#7: You can argue with some dopey idiots but you will just end up helping them: I don't do it a lot on this blog (I did a few times earlier on in the blogs history) but I don't like Comicsgate or the Fandom Menace people who yell at wokeness in new popular culture things. It's not only that they are wrong in feeling "wokeness" (a stupid nebulous made up term that can mean anything to anyone but thats for another rant I hope I don't have to make.) they also harass people who work on these things for a weird degree. Like these people need to just give it up and realize these things have changed and if they don't like the changes to move on. Not to forget that a lot of these things like say comic books already took on serious issues decades ago and holy moly people may want to take on the serious issues of today. or at least issues they deem serious. The way twitter is made that any argument you have just helps these people find more people like them. Like for example this guy named Bradley April (I'm not using his real name because I really don't want too) who hates vaccines and masks and all that stuff during a pandemic. He also complains about pop culture stuff too but any argument with him will just help him find another 42 losers and not actually change anyones mind.

#8: You don't actually fix any problems via twitter. It doesn't matter if you are left wing, right wing, in the middle, against captialism, for captialism, for LBGT characters in fiction, against them, whatever. None of the arguments you have on twitter will fix any problem. You're just spitting into the wind hoping not to get any on you. It's pointless and insane to even try. Any problem that big won't be fixed on a platform that mostly causes you to get into arguments.

#9: It makes me feel like piss and shit and puke all mixed into portnoyd's probably very dirty toilet. At one point it was legit fun to argue with goofs and dopes until I realized it helped the big people at the top of these big goofy arguments like Comicsgate or Gamergate or fucking hell stop calling everything gate. Jesus. Also the amount of people who were so insanely stupid just got to me. It was an never ending line of complete idiocy. Yeah I'm sure some of them were bots but way way too many of them weren't. I just feel shitty whenever I go to twitter now. 

So yeah, on January 1st this year, I plan to change the password on my twitter account to something insane and log out. I will have to do this for my own sanity. I know that I can do this and end up feeling better. I hope to actually fix a lot of stuff this year but this is the first one I know I can do. I will beat the Twitter beast that feeds on my dopamine. I was a complete idiot for ever joining it. This talk of Twitter just makes me miss weirdos of Internet 1.0 all they did were try to have sex with a Realdoll that looked like the Baroness from GI Joe or want to hump Ms Brisby. Those people were funny. QAnon people scare the shit out of me. Anyway this pointless shit took some time away from my least favorite part of the year and I'll always be thankful for that. I need to put this somewhere where I can always see it to remind me to stay the fuck away from Twitter.

Ranking Every NES Game from Worst to Best (Part 3 - #749 - 740)

 

Alright peoples! It's yet again another look at 10 NES games. I will yell about how bad they are and portnoyd will pick up for at least one of the games because he is a dopey idiot. 

Game #749, #748, #747, and #746: Sesame Street 123, Sesame Street ABC, Sesame Street Big Birds Hide and Speek, Sesame Street Countdown: Yeah I'm combining these here because I have only two things to say about these games. They are dull as dishwater and also somehow a slog to beat. They have good music and that's about it. I would not touch these games with a 50 foot pole.

Game #745: Dirty Harry. This is a really bad game based on a great series of movies. Yet another wasted license. You have to press A AND B to jump. Up and A to kick. I didn't even know you could kick in this game. The controls are awful. The level design is even worse. It's all kinds of mazes and shit. That would be fine if you could tell one area from the next. It all blends in together like some kind of rodent feces and is unpleasant to play or look at. 

Game #744: Predator: Hey! Look it here! It's another awful ugly shitty game that is based around a great movie. The controls are awful. the music will make you want to jam a pencil in your ear and the graphics are  atrocious. Arnold wears a pink suit in this game for some reason. I guess he's all like FUCK CAMOFLAUGE. You get a jarring set of Big Levels where you are well BIG and take up half the screen and have to shoot shit. This would be a nice change of pace every few levels when it happens if these Big Levels weren't also boring as fucking shit. Also some of the dumbest and worst level design and you can easily trap yourself into an area where you HAVE to kill yourself via the grenades which is If I recall correctly the default weapon. I somehow beat this game because I'm a sadist but only against myself.

Game #743: Secret Scout: I do believe that Color Dreams tried hard. They wanted to do the best they could, BUT they never ever did. This game tries to be large and epic and that's always a good thing but it fails the way pretty much every Color Dreams game made like this fails as it has the worst play control period. You pretty much have to jam every button to get them to start do any kind of move and it feels so floaty. Your character pretty much feels like he could fly off into the air at any moment. Fighting enemies is annoying and impossible. You can easily go from full health and lives to one life beating a single random enemy. This game is also maze like and every area ends up looking the same. Not even different colors to help you out.

Game #742: 8 Eyes. This was a really bad Castlevania clone. You got to control a bird and a dude. You can send the bird off but it won't do anything without a second controller I believe. I've never tried to play as the bird because I don't like this stiff ugly game enough to try it. I've never been able to get to ANY of the bosses in this game because your character moves so slowly. Apparently you get to have tea with the bosses. Oh and the games this company Thinking Rabbit (they programmed this game and Seta put it out) made are insane. They made a Casablanca game. A game called Madeline (I wonder if that was based on the series of books or tv cartoon with the little girl in the yellow hat) and something called A Clown Murder Game. I think I might have to play A Clown Murder game. The fact you drink tea and Clown Murder is the only reason this game doesn't get ranked lower.

Game #741: Bill and Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure: Holy fuck is this a game I wish I could like. I really seriously 100% wish I could enjoy this game and not get angry as bloody black fuck over it. I don't even know what a bloody black fuck is but it describes this game. First off you get these tokens to play around in a phone booth and you can easily lose all of these fucking tokens before you can even get into a fucking level. I don't know what they were thinking but I'm pretty sure they were high when they were thinking it. Another huge problem is how fucking hard it is to find the thing you need to bring the historical figure back to their right time. You'll be jumping all over the place falling on your ass trying to find it and also not get fucked over by shitty enemies. Then you have to find the historical figure. Sometimes it's easy because hey that's abe lincolns hat and sometimes it's hard. The graphics aren't fantastic but they are better than most of the games on this list thus far. It's just some of the characters blend in with each other. The music is pretty good too. It just fails with the gameplay. I still play and try to beat this game but I never really have anything remotely close to fun doing so. I have to put it this high because it's Bill and Ted. I love those guys. 

Game #740: 10 Yard Fight. This is considered the worst sports game on the NES by alot of people apparently. At least thats what I remember from the HEYDAY of old NES sites. Anyway I don't like this game but I put it above the trifecta of SHIT known as Baseball-Tennis-Soccer because I'm able to at LEAST score a goal. I mean I want to end my play time after getting that one goal but it's still more than I'm able to do with those other games. I know these were very early Famicom releases so they were even older than the NES stuff but they are still really bad and not fun to play. I think the football guys run as slow as humanly possible in this game.

There you have it. 10 more games for the old Nintendo Entertainment System that no human being should have ever played. If you have a defense for any of these games I'd actually like to hear it because I don't see how any of these games aren't hot shit on a cold sidewalk. I don't even know what that means but playing these games have clearly scrambled my mind and I should just lie down for a while.

The Final Episode #104: Charles In Charge (1984 - 1985, 1987 - 1990)

 

Alright! It's finally time to get back to the crapola! I've been having a good time talking about these syndicated shows that I'm going to add one more to Syndication Silliness! I had forgotten about said show and I know I gotta talk about it. Still that show is not today's show. Today's show is another sitcom Charles in Charge. It started in 1984 and ended in 1985. That was the original run on CBS. I guess someone saw something in this show and they brought it back for syndication in 1987. I am now talking about it in 2021. Years are fun. Charles in Charge is not fun. It just might be the worst sitcom pre the year 2000. We all know that The Big Bang Theory takes the cake for worst overall.

The reason this is the worst is because of one man. Scott Baio. Scott Baio just might be the worst actor of all time. Some people try their hardest and just fail at it but you can see them trying. Scott Baio does not even try. I am amazed he got a career in acting. I mean it's not the most amazing career but it was still a career. He started on Happy Days, made the silly boner comedy Zapped (which I actually do love but thats because I have a complete love of all boner comedies) and this series. He also did some work on Arrested Development. It's more of a career than this guy deserves. So what is this show about huh? It stars a guy named Charles who goes on wacky adventures with Willie Aames (yes, the Bibleman) and some family he lives with. Woo. There's not much else you can say about this tv show, except that it's clearly the worst tv show producer Michael Jacobs was ever apart of.

So as is with other shows I've never seen an episode of, I try to watch at least two to get a feel for the show. I usually discuss both episodes here, one in one paragraph and The Final Episode in more detail but my god this show gives me less material than Mama's Family did. It's very not good. The first episode I watched revolved around the old plot of "Old Friends Come back into the main characters life and are assholes to the new friends he has made". Yep. They ruin a bike race for helping the school library get more books or some shit. Charles has to let go of his old friends and love his new friends. Blah blah. I will give this show one bit of praise and that is Willie Aames is VERY into his role. I wish they had given him better jokes but he's fucking into being the biggest dummy in the history of the situational comedy.

So the Final Episode entitled "Charles B Demille" came to us on November 10th, 1990. It starts out with Charles yelling at a clock. I bet that's what Scott Baio does a lot of these days "TRUMP WON THE ELECTION YOU STUPID CLOCK!!!!" but yeah. It turns out that the mailman is coming with a letter that says if he will get into Princeton or not. Yeah, this would work for several other shows but I sure as hell don't believe for a second they'd let this dunderfuck into Princeton. Anyway Buddy comes in and acts like a goofball until Sarah played by Josie Davis (this is where I would talk about things she's in but she's only been in some Lifetime movies and something called Mantervention which sounds really terrible but I have to watch,) She's bitching and moaning about the school having cut funds for a trip or some shit. She has the mail. Buddy gets it and opens up a random envelope from a Sorority House setting up a fundraiser! This has Charles mom (Ellen Travolta who I don't know if she's actually related to SUPER FAMOUS Joey Travolta or not!) tell her to do her own fundraiser.

She says she would need a good director to do a fundraiser thing and she looks for Charles to do it.  The grandfather character comes in and his actor was literally in every tv show made up until this point. No joke. Not many people can say they were on The Twilight Zone AND My Favorite Martian. I wish I were talking about those shows instead. He was also some general in Return of the Living Dead Part 3. So far he's my favorite member of the cast. We then get Buddy trying to wiggle in on running the talent show and getting 350 Dancing girls. I dunno I get a feeling that would get the funds. Anyway we go to the auditions and Charles' mom brings in some shitty old ventriloquist dummy and I'm surprised I spelt ventriloquist correctly. Wild. So Charles wants to do his act from the 5th grade with this ugly, ugly dummy. I thought it was gonna come to life and kill. I wish it had.

Anyway the snot nosed brother wants to do his magic act so we get to Nicole Eggert. This lady was in movies with Corey Haim AND Corey Feldman. I've heard that she slept with both of them but I do not know for sure. Anyway if this is true this makes her the coolest woman who ever lived. I mean who could say no to getting to sleep with BOTH Coreys? Truly the most magnificent thing on the world. She says some horseshit relating to the plot but I just wanted to mention her and her Corey love.  Wooie. Oh and Walter and Charles mom want to do a vaudeville song so he calls up his mother to write one about Charles mom shitty diner. Wooie. I really need to make sure the shows I talk about actually have interesting things happen. Oh and Charles finds out some guy called from Princeton and runs to talk to him. 

Oh no the Princeton professor has ONE NIGHT ONLY to be in town and it's the same night as the FUNDRAISER OF GOOD TIMES. Oh shit CHARLES HAS TO STUDY!!!!! If he doesn't direct the fundraiser will do poorly for some reason! WHAT WILL HE CHOOSE??? He chooses PRINCETON and Buddy has to direct! Oh no! So Buddy does some shitty crap with some Dancing Girls (you can really tell by this point I have checked out completely and barely care.) Charles is with the Professor who looks really familiar and I think is doing a Ronald Reagan kinda thing. I dunno. He makes some speech about some shit and it inspires Charles to go back and help direct the show! Ho ho ho! He wants to do his ventriloquist thing but Mugsy his dummy is gone so he has to use Buddy! This is actually the only good bit in this episode so I won't get angry at it. 

They do their dumb shit in the fundraiser. Buddy gets a dancing girl in there. It's all great and even the Princeton man shows up to tell Charles that this willing to do this he's willing to put in emotional commitment  for his students. Blah blab bloh. Yeah you can tell how little I care about this shit.  They do their tearful goodbye on the stage and blah blah blah end this damn show now. They then play a record of the theme song of the show. Weird. That's not even the end of the meta-ness of the ending.  Everyone starts hugging each other until we cut back to the house where Scott Baio plays himself and some weird shit making fun of the show pops up. Willie Aames then says This is your dream and any time you need us you can go to sleep and then go I DONT WANNA WAKE UP! He tries this and then the cast pops up and they start singing the theme song again. This show is stupid and I don't like it.

FINAL VERDICT: After how bad these two Syndicated sitcoms I've done are  I don't know if I want to even do the third one. Either way next time will be something else. This show was stupid and I don't like it.

Ranking Every NES game From Worst to Best Part 2 of 1,752

 

There's all kindsa stuff I want to get to before the end of this year. I want to still discuss those three Christmas comics even though most people would give up and wait for next year but I am not most people! I do hope I'm still doing this fantastic and wonderful blog in the next year but you never know what can happen. Anyway I asked myself what was it that I really wanted to talk about and well it was this! I haven't talked much about video games on this blog and I'm finding it a lot of fun. I get to yell at the games I hate and praise the games I love. I also get to annoy portnoyd a whole hell of a lot so that's good too. So let's get to games #759 to 750.

#759: Dragon Warrior: I debated with myself where to put this and I just had to be honest with myself and put it here. I fucking hate the first Dragon Warrior game so fucking much. It has aged terribly. I don't even know if I would have called it a good game in 1988 or whenever the fuck it came to North America. It's slow, clunky, takes forever to get any gold or levels. It's just simply not fun at all. It also took $10 of my vacation spending money that PISSES ME OFF STILL. Twenty years later! I am not a fan of that. I would emulate a game before spending what little money I had on it. This game I thought everyone in the "NES INTERNET SCENE" loves so why not spend the money. Holy shit were every one of those people wrong. I'm still pissed off about that. I could have spent that money on Three Stooges instead. Yes that's right people I'm saying Three Stooges for the NES is a better game than Dragon Warrior. You got a problem with that you can take it up with my asshole because I don't give a shit. I wonder if I had not played Super Mario RPG, Earthbound, Chrono Trigger, etc for the SNES would I have liked this game? I don't think so because it's still shit. The first upset of my list I know it but I gotta go with my heart and say Dragon Warrior can drink the piss out of my dick.

#758: Raid 2020: I have to mention this. If I could literally talk to anyone at the companies who worked on NES games the first people I would choose are Color Dreams/Bunch Games/Wisdom Tree. They have to have some really interesting stories. They were not one, not two, but three different companies during this time. I would watch a documentary movie or even a long YouTube video on these guys. Just saying if someone has the ablitily to do that you'd get my view! Anyway despite the weird admiration I have for people working in the unlicensed game companies due to the sometimes insane demands Nintendo would have for games, I cannot call very many unlicensed NES games very good. Tengen was a good company overall and Camerica made some cool shit too but most unlicensed NES games make me want to barf out of my asshole. I do not know how that's possible but they do. Take Raid 2020 for instance. This game has some of the ugliest graphics I've ever seen. Some of the worst music. Some of the worst level design. Some of the worst controls. It's all so bad that I don't even know where to begin except that playing with a dog turd would be more enjoyable. 

#757: Pesterminator: Oh hey, it's another unlicensed game.... this time it was based on a license, the uh mascot for a exterminator company someplace in America. This game wins for weirdest fucking license you could go for, even over the bible and 19th century literature. I can get seeing a religious kid wanting to play as Moses or a weirdo nerd kid wanting to play as Tom Sawyer, but not a single damn child wanted to play as a big weird dude who smashed rats on the head. He looks like a really off brand shitty character from the Golden Age of Cartoons. I am not a big fan of the Pesterminator mascot as you can see and I like the game even less. I somehow beat this game and I still don't know how. It has all the problems Raid 2020 does and it even has two more. Sometimes you can easily get stuck in place and not know how the hell to get out of it. And you have to kill every single fucking bug and rodent possible and some of those fuckers are so fucking small that you can't even see them. Fuck this shithole of a game.

#756: Baseball: Everything I know about Baseball I have learned from watching movies like Rookie of the Year, A League of Our Own, or The Sandlot. I probably learned of who many classic baseball players were because of that movie. I'm going to have a hard time rating most sports games because I find them dull as dishwater but I know that the original black box sports games were worst of all. These games were maybe JUST MAYBE a little better than fucking Atari sports games. I don't have much else to say about this game or the next two because they are so fucking boring and shitty.

#755: Tennis: I don't know a thing about Tennis except that they played it in the Chevy Chase movie Fletch. Watch that movie instead of every playing this game.

#754: Soccer: You see that review above. Replace Fletch with the movie Escape to Victory which is another great flick. It's got Michael Caine and Sly Stallone fighting to escape as P.O.W.S during a soccer match. Really damn cool and very well made, unlike this NES game.

#753:Wally Bear and the Just Say No Gang!: I'll give the unlicensed company this much. It was nice to try to get kids to stay off drugs. I don't know if it worked because this game felt like people who were making it were on drugs. Seriously look at the graphics of Wally Bears house. Also look at his mother and father. Those two were high as fucking kites. This game gets the honor of being lower than those other two unlicensed games because its so cornball it makes me laugh. There's some funny 1980s anti drug stuff in here. It's just mashed in with some of the worst and most annoying level design I've ever seen. There's levels where you don't need to do shit to beat and levels where you have to somehow get passed 82,000 enemies without losing your two hits. I beat this game because I enjoy sadism. Especially sadism against myself. Oh and the play control may be the stiffest shit I've ever seen on the NES. Amazing.

#752: Challenge of the Dragon: You'll be seeing a lot of unlicensed stuff pop up in the next posts on this topic. Many many of them will hit the absolute bottom of the barrel. This game was done I believe by Taiwanese company Sachen and just bought by Color Dreams. They did that for a few of there games and holy sweet mother of the Baby Jesus is this game not good. The play control is somehow loose as hell and incredibly stiff. It's like they wanted it to be the worst play control of all time. You also get some really ugly graphics and terrible music. Oh and awful level design. Get used to me saying all of those things over and over again because that's what happens. Not good.

#751: Adventures of Tom Sawyer: You know you'll see some weird stuff pop up on the NES but I still think the two games based on 19th Century literature are some of the weirdest. No kid wanted to even read this damn book and I doubt they wanted to play the game either. This was a game that was ruined because of wonky play control and the fact your stupid rock weapon you have for most of the game goes in a loop and is hard to hit enemies with. Those are the reasons this game is that far down on the list. It's not fun in any way. I don't want to talk any more about this game.

#750: Sesame Street 123/ABC: This is a sneak peak at the next post on this topic because It's probably going to be the rest of the Sesame Street games because they are all of the same quality. I'll give them this much the graphics are bright and colorful and the characters look like their live action counterparts. The music is really good, however that's where the positives go because these games go on forever and ever and are a slog to beat. They don't even techincally have endings. They just stop and start over, so you can forget because the game is so boring that you already beat it twice. They have many many games within one cartridge. This was a mix of two games already on the NES and I should have also axed this game from the rankings because I'll be ranking those two games too! Oh well. I don't even think small children would have much fun with this game but I guess I was wrong because they made several of these games. 

There you have it. 10 more awful games that are no fun to play. Games that make you want to pull out your ass hair and really do you want a reason to be fiddling with your asshole. No! no you don't. You need to get yourself in order and go find someone ELSE who wants to fiddle with your asshole, damnit! That's called sex. I think? I don't know what I'm talking about so I'm just going to end it here. Don't play any of these games. Fuck em.

Comic Review #77: DC Comics Presents #67 (1984)

 

I've talked about several Christmas comics for the First Cool Christmas Fun Time For Everyone To Enjoy! I haven't actually talked about a comic with the actual Santa Claus in them. Yes I talked about that Hulk comic where Rhino fights Hulk in a Santa suit but it's clearly not the real deal. So I decided to find one of my favorite Christmas Comics and give it a revisit. It was a hoot. You all know I love team up comics. The Brave and the Bold, Marvel Two in One, Marvel Team Up, and today's series DC Comics Presents. You always got TWO heroes for the price of one and they would always bring in some of the weirdest stuff from each universe of characters. So one Christmas they had Superman team up with Santa Claus because they fucking could that's why!

So I'm pretty sure we've already discussed two of the people who worked on this comic before. Len Wein and Mr. Curt Swan. So I suppose it's time to discuss E. Nelson Bridwell. This guy apparently knew every single thing about Superman period. If you needed to know something about Superman you just asked him. He also knew everything about Captain Marvel and apparently all kinds of stuff about Shakespeare and old poetry. He worked at DC comics from the late 1950s to 1987 when he passed away. Apparently he made a Lone Ranger parody that ended with the Lone Ranger being surrounded by angry natives. He then went "Look out Tonto we are surrounded" which Tonto replies with "What do you mean we, white man?" and I thought that was pretty funny honestly. He seemed to be a very well liked man in the comics sphere and I have to say all of his stories that I've read are very fun and whimsical which you know I like.

So how does this story start? With a damn child holding a gun getting ready to SHOOT a guy dressed as Santa Claus! Superman thankfully is right there but it doesn't matter because it's a toy gun that does nothing to the guy. The gun sends some small amount of radiation at the user hypnotizing them. Superman realizes he needs to help this kid so he puts him in his cape and flies his ass to the Fortress of Solitude. Superman uses one of his 86,000 alien gizmos to get the radiation away from him so that he can talk to the kid. The kid just tells him he found this gun and that he shot it and remembers nothing else. Superman uses his Super hypnotism to hypnotize the kid again and he gets a message that pretty much tells him that it's The Terrible Toyman who's up to no good within this story!

Toyman is a big fat weirdo who creates giant toys. He's great. I love him. I think he should fight Batman in a story. That would be a lot of fun. So he and Timmy the boy are flying away when the spaceship toy Timmy also had HITS Superman in the face with something. Probably kryptonite! This is where they find some ELVES and while they are bringing Superman to Santa's house we go to the Toyman who starts telling his plan to nobody because he's alone in the room. But that's okay because he's a Supervillain and they do that on the regular. He talks about the white dwarf star he found and used the power from it to put in his toys to cancel out Superman's powers. What a devious little shit!

Anyway it's time for Superman to wake up in Santa Claus' house! Superman then says how can this be real, he's never seen the workshop ever before. Santa tells him that's because he can make it so that no one sees it unless he wants them too. Santa Claus takes Superman and Timmy on an tour of the workshop. Showing them the communication  center where they watch all the boys and girls on the planet to see if they are being good or bad. They are also keeping an eye on that rapscallion the Toyman. Santa talks about how their are less of the old toys like Rocking Horses and stuff and this reminds Superman of a toy he had on Krypton that could make real things out of his brain waves. 

Superman and Santa and Timmy and the Elves all get on his sleigh and fly right straight to that son of a bitch Toyman. Superman smashes through the damn chimney to get at him and Toyman sends his toys after him. Superman is still weakened from the attack earlier so it's up to Santa to send his Toys after the Toymans! It's Toy Vs Toy! Superman believes they are powered by some bit of Kryptonite along with the White Dwarf Star. However Santa's toys have kicked his toys asses! Toyman is about to shoot Superman with his White Dwarf Star gun and BLAMM-O Santa sends out some marbles that the bumbling oaf Toyman slips on! He shoots a giant robot which sends said robot into the center of the earth because the guns power made it too dense. 

Superman melts the fucking shit out of Toyman's gun with his heat vision and that's that. His toys try one last time but Santa's are too powerful. Toyman never saw Santa so he's freaking the fuck out about where those Toys came from. Superman's like "There a gift bro!" as two cops come by to pick him up. Superman finds where he sent all the toys and goes to get every single one of them. He goes back to Timmy and Santa and gets hit with the Spaceship toy again but this time they wake up back in the North Pole. I dunno if I like this part because I think Santa should be able to trust SUPERMAN of all guys. He'd keep it a secret. Especially when it just goes to show Superman that Santa does exist when he goes home after bringing Timmy home because in his cape's secret compartment he finds the toy that Jor-El had created for him back on Krypton with a image showing Santa saying Merry Christmas to him. A weird ending doesn't keep this comic from being an incredible about of fun. I enjoy Curt Swan's art with help from Murphy Anderson's inks. It reminds me of Cracked Magazine for some reason. Like the John Severin art. I dunno. The story was a lot of fun too. I enjoyed the whimsical nature of the entire story. 

FINAL VERDICT: If you enjoy Team up comics or Christmas comics you should pick this one up as soon as possible. It's a very fun story.

Movie Review #74: A Madea Christmas

 

You knew it was coming! I knew it was coming! Now it's time for all of us to suffer, me most of all. Not only do I have to watch this movie but I have to read portnoyd's thoughts about my review! It's like a never ending cascade of shit. Right into my face. Yes, we've all heard of Tyler Perry by now. He makes comedies that are not funny and dramas that are hilarious. He writes and directs and produces his movies. He's a one man shit show star! Try saying that five times fast! Anyway,  I've long heard about Madea his most famous works and was curious about these movies. As you can see curiosity killed the cat in this situation. 

So this movie is about Madea and one of her many family members going to a rural town in Alabama to see her family member (Eileen in this case) see her daughter! What she doesn't know is that her daughter MARRIED A WHITE MAN! OH SHIT! She thinks he's the help you see! Now doesn't that sound like something you are sure to have seen from a sitcom made in 1958. I mean except for the mixed race couple. Oh and the town is trying to put on the annual Christmas Jubilee and the ex-boyfriend of the daughter (Lacy) wants to get back with her but he doesn't know she's married! Oh man! oh no ! OH MAN! OH NO! okay I can't fall back on that dumb attempt at a reference to a movie I haven't even seen all the time. There's also a minor plot point about the son of some rednecks being really smart.

The biggest problem with this movie is that Madea is a very unpleasant character. She is loud and obnoxious and she does that fast talking thing. Fast talking is impressive and it sold a lot of Micro Machines to people but it is not funny. She also mispronounces words which is also not very funny. The next biggest problem is that they hired Larry the Cable Guy to be Lacy's husband Conners daddy. Yep. You get two flavors of shitty garbage comedy for the price of one! Aren't you fucking HAPPY? I will say other than those two the acting in this movie is pretty decent. It does have Kathy Najimi and I like that rascally lady.

We all know this plot should never actually work as it has in the past, but it's very obvious here. The other times they did this OH MAN I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE MARRIED TO SOMEONE I HATE or DIDNT APPROVE OF or whatever the hell they had funny talented people in the roles so you were at least laughing even if the plot was foolish horse shit. This time you realize how obnoxiously stupid someone has to be to not get it. Yeah Eileen he's a fucking farm hand and she clearly let his family come to visit. Yeah. That makes so much sense to me, oh and he gets to live in the house with her and not come to her house at a set time. Oh yeah that makes sense. Jesus Harold Christ and all the saints the people in this movie are dumb as dirt. Oh and when her mother Eileen cuts down the tree they planted in memory of his grandfather SHE SHOULD REALIZE HE OWNS THIS FUCKING FARM YOU DIP SHIT IDIOT FUCKER.

MOVIE I DID NOT WANT TO FUCKING SEE LARRY THE CABLE GUY WITHOUT HIS SHIRT ON. NO ONE WHO HAS EVER LIVED ON THIS PLANET WANTS TO SEE THAT. NO ONE. THERE HAVE BEEN AT LEAST BILLIONS OF LIVING CREATURES WHO HAVE ROAMED THIS EARTH SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME AND NOT A SINGLE ONE OF THEM WOULD WANT TO HAVE SEEN THAT. WHY THE FUCKING JESUS HAROLD AND FUCK DID YOU PUT THAT IN THE MOVIE. I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO SLEEP AGAIN. THANK YOU FOR THAT TYLER PERRY YOU FUCKER.

I don't usually talk about editing of a movie because fuck I'm no editor. I don't know the ins and outs of that but I do know it's very jarring when your character is in a WACKY HIJINX situation like thinking the in-laws are members of the Ku Klux Klan and she's putting stuff up against the door to save her ass that you uh shouldn't cut to a the smart son's dad who now found out that the sponsorship for the Christmas Jubilee is from the place that built the dam that put them all out of business AND then after giving us that nice bit of information you cut back to the WACKY HIJINX where shes finished putting the stuff up. Oh okay it shows it twice so this might be a problem with the video of it I'm watching but I wouldn't be surprised if it was this poorly edited together either.

The dramatic moments in this movie do not work because the comedy is just too fucking goofy. They joke about farting and farts and then you have someone get saved from a car crash. It's just so off. It's like yeah you can bring comedy and drama together but it has to work with each other and maybe be done so much better. I felt I had to mention that flaw within this movie too.

FINAL VERDICT: Despite some decent acting from some cast members (not fucking Tyler Perry) this is still a poor piece of cinema. It's loud and obnoxious and really stupid. It mixes comedy and drama in probably the worst way I've ever seen the two combine. This movie is a wet piece of shit from the most diseased asshole out there  and is incredibly unpleasant. So expect me to review many more movies in this franchise because I like to watch the worst garbage in cinematic history. 

Ranking Every NES game From Worst to Best Part One (game #769-760)

 

Alright. This has been on my mind for a while so It's time for me to start up my OFFICIAL CORRECT AND GOOD RANKING of every NES game ever made. Let's get ready to yell at each other over video games! It will be cool AND good. Anyway there are 769 games if you take out the 34 released in Europe only (I will do a lists for them separately) and the 3 or so that were multi carts of 3 random NES games. Sorry but Super Mario/Duck Hunt/World Class Track Meet won't be rated as it's just 3 games that will already be rated within this silly thing. We will start with the most loathesome and awful games for the NES because it's fun to bitch and moan about them. 

GAME #769: Ikari Warriors. There are so many people who still think this is a good fun enjoyable game. I do not understand those people in the slightest. There was one YouTube guy who would review reviewers. Yes that's right. He reviewed a guy reviewing this game poorly and instead of being honest about the guy's review it was all about how much he was wrong for trashing Ikari Warriors. Well I'm sorry YouTube Man but this game blows shit. You play as the slowest character in game history and everything looks like pure trash. I do not enjoy playing this game even for a second which is why I rate it the lowest. I hate this game more than every other game for the NES which is also why it's on spot #769

GAME #768: X-Men. This is THE biggest waste of a license of all time. Can you imagine a cool NES X-Men game made by Sunsoft? Or Konami? Or Capcom? Or Taito? Or ANY OTHER COMPANY THAN WHOEVER THE HELL MADE THIS (LJN only published this and LJN will get some credit and higher rankings then most people will want.) Some guy who champions the shittiest games ever online and gets angry at Super Mario Bros. 3 in other words he's a damn contrarian about the stupidest thing in the world to be a contrarian about, old NES games. This game is incredibly ugly, clunky, hard to play, hard to want to play. You can just skip the bosses. I ran past one, grabbed the disk and they let you get there. Enemies will run up and shit all over your face until you are dead. You will want to kill them as soon as possible or get away from them. It's not fun to go up against Enemies. This game is asshole soup and I'm still very ashamed of myself for wasting the time it took to beat it.

GAME #767: Dragon's Lair. This game has nice graphics. A neat concept that is as close as you can get for the Arcade on NES. The music is fine and won't hurt ya. You're thinking wow this game should be around #250 or something. No this game has one fatal flaw that ruins the entire experience. They fucked up how fast your character can go and unless you are the most sadistic crazy fucker on the planet you will never get past the first screen let alone beat the game. The stuff they have you do is impossible do to how broken the movement of the character is. It's a shame too because I really want to like this game but I just don't. 

GAME #766:  Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends: This game is fucking terrible. The graphics are possibly the ugliest I've seen on the NES. Yeah they might have been trying to emulate the animation from the show but that still had charm. They completely failed there. This is another game where if you get trapped by an enemy they can butt fuck you until you die. You also have shitty shitty game control that just does not work. The games music will make you want to rip your ears off and flush them down a toilet. It also ruins what could have been a neat game based off a fun cartoon. I don't like it when they make shitty games based on things I like.

GAME #765: Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Yeah you knew it had to show up here. It's honestly as bad as everyone says. It's awkward to play. You don't even really have a weapon. I mean you have one but it kills bees and that's it. Dr. Jekyll moves very slowly making it hard to get away from things like bombs. It's a little better when you play as Mr Hyde but they ruin that by having you die if you get near Dr. Jekyll. I still think It's very weird that they made a game out of a book from the late 19th century but It's not even the only game based off a book from the late 19th century!

GAME #764: Conan: The Mysteries of Time: Yeah I had to include this on the first part of the worst fucking games because this game is fucking miserable to play from beginning to end. It has the worst controls of any video game I've ever played. You gotta press up to jump which is automatically a fucking deal breaker of the worst kind. You put those awful horse shit controls in a game with the ugliest looking graphics I thought could ever exist and the putrid music and you get a bag of shit that's on the bottom 10. Congrats you assholes.

GAME #763: Hudson Hawk: I am the one singular person on this planet who loves this movie. It was a hoot and a half from what I recall. A very silly comedy starring Mr. Bruce Willis. However this game is fucking awful. You have to move sceretly around four levels and it is fucking impossible to do it. Unless you are the greatest sadist of all time, which I think I might be. You will end up jumping on something that alerts guards to where you are. It is not possible to do anything but. You will want to ram your head into the TV and probably die instead of playing this game. It's also another one of these games I've somehow beat because I'm a lunatic.

GAME #762: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. Hoo boy. I know many people would probably rate Home Alone the original game here but I would play that one over this one in a heart beat. You got your shitty stiff game control. Jumping in this game is a fucking pain in the ass. The music is blah and the graphics are just as blah. This game annoys me and I don't want to talk about it anymore.

GAME #761: The Simpsons: Bart Vs the Space Mutants: I hate this fucking game but I put it at this spot becuase I like the concept. It's kinda trying to beat a puzzley platformer where you have to remove or destroy items but it kinda gives up that concept in the second stage. Anyway the graphics are ugly and the music is weirdly memorable but not enough to save this game. The biggest problem again is the controls. To long jump you have to hold both A and B and that's fucking annoying. You'll see the issue of "fucking controls" showing up here a lot because fuck it.

GAME #760: Where's Waldo: Yeah, let's end this part off with the dumbest idea for a NES game. The books were fun but they do not translate. The music is bad and the graphics are what takes the cake. They are so bad you cannot tell what the fuck you are looking at. Is that ALF from Melmac or fucking Waldo? Who the hell knows. You gotta pick tho or you will lose time. Oh and if you pick the wrong thing you lose time. You'll be losing all the fucking time in the world playing this fucking miserable pile of shit.

There you have it: The worst 10 games on the NES. The next ten will not be much better but they will make me not want to jam something into my eyeballs so I do not have to see them ever again so they are at least worth something. Not a lot but something. 

Movie Review #73: Eight Crazy Nights (2002)

 

I wanted to discuss a Hanukah movie. Or tv special. I knew my pickens were slim but I felt that I should look at something related to the other holidays of this time of the year. The only problem is I can't even think or specials of movies for Kwanza or any of the others. It's Christmas with 9,000 and then Hanukah with...four. You got the Rugrats tv special, which is really good. At least from my memory. Then you get another Nickelodeon special this time based around the show Weinerville. I have not seen nor do I want to see anything related to Weinerville. It looks very bad. There's also the weird low budget slasher film Hanukah. I couldn't pick any of them because I was going for a theme of watching holiday movies that are also garbage so I went with Adam Sandler and Eight Crazy Nights.

Adam Sandler is a weird one. I think he can be very entertaining and funny when he tries but there's a clear moment when he just gave up. He clearly did a great job with Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore (and being a teenage boy at the time I will always have a fondness for the movies he made between 1995 and 2000) but he clearly gave up at one point. I remember thinking Little Nicky was okay. I haven't seen Mr. Deeds, but for some reason I've seen all of his really awful poorly made "I'm hangin out with my friends and we might make something resembling a movie because why not?" movies. I do actually thing this is the movie where he went "Yeah I don't give a shit anymore. I'm rich!" 

This movie is very lazy. It's the story of a guy named Davey who lost his parents as a kid and has not gotten over it. It's about him learning to actually cry over the whole thing. He gets in trouble with the law and some annoying turd named Whitey says he will help him become the new referee for Youth Basketball. Whitey wants to win the 35th shitty patch for assholes. It's called something else but I don't care. Davey runs everyone out of his life even Whitey before learning how to deal with the loss by singing Mascots for Foot Locker and Victoria's Secret. No I'm not joking about that. Yeah Adam Sandler had always used money for ad service in his movies but it was at least put in a way you could go "Yeah I can see why Subway is there." this is just ultra lazy. He learns to love again and gets Whitey the patch. Woohoo.

That's not the only problem with this movie. Before he has his moment Davey is probably the most despicable and unlikable and shitty protagonist Adam Sandler has ever played. Adam Sandler has two modes of comedy that can work well but when they work poorly they are so bad. He plays the comedic asshole or the comedic moron (this is why Jack and Jill will always be the worst movie he's done. You get both flavors of his comedy. In his "I don't care whatever" phase.) You don't give a shit if this guy does come to glory at the end. You just want to punch him in his unlikable  stupid face. Whitey (and his sister) are spineless assholes who let the shitty people of this town walk all over them. They also have the worst fucking voices I've seen in any cartoon ever. It's hard to feel sorry for him either. It also feels rushed that the entire town has finally seen how Whitey is actually a good guy at the end but whatever gets this shit over I'll take.

I'll give this movie a few things. It has some fantastic animation. I've never heard of any of the animation studios that had something to do with this movie. Well except for Warner Brothers Animation and I don't think I need to explain them to you fine people. Some of the songs are actually pretty nice (one is actually really nice until they decided they needed to have Whitey with the worst voice ever start singing). I uh laughed twice which makes it better than Christmas with the Kranks. I should take out those jokes for the deer licking a shitsicle with Whitey in it. Yes that happens in this movie. It's very mean spirited and not fun to watch.

FINAL VERDICT: Yeah this movie is a complete failure and is not fun to watch in the least. I will continue to watch Adam Sandler movies because I'm a fucking dope.

Movie Review #72: How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

 

So it's come to this. Well before we get into the 2000 How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Mr. Ronald Howard, let us discuss the history. The Grinch got his start in a book by Dr. Seuss in 1957. Nine years later Chuck Jones made the animated adaption (which I'm sure even beats the original book. It's that good.) and no one ever needed to make another thing involving the Grinch again because you cannot top perfection. Still they realized they could make money off it so we got many many more Grinch related things. This is not the worst movie I've reviewed this Christmas but it sure as hell is the most pointless. Well either this or Jingle All the Way 2. 

I think this movies coming to theatres just passed me by because the first time I remember seeing anything related to this movie was when we were over at my uncle's for Christmas. It might have been the first time the movie was even being shown on TV but that's where I saw maybe five minutes of this for the first time. I thought it was a terrible idea then and I couldn't have been any more older than sixteen. It's pretty sad when a sixteen year old could do a better job than Hollywood, but hey that's how it works out sometimes. Anyway I just never watched in it's entirety until I decided to torture myself with really awful Christmas movies.

The worst part of this movie is Jim Carrey himself. Jim Carrey can be funny (Dumb and Dumber) or he can make you want to shoot yourself (this movie.) It's all about how he gets used by the director. The Farrelly Brothers know how to use him pretty well. (I haven't actually seen Me, Myself and Irene but I hear it's pretty good.) Ron Howard has no idea when to tell him to calm his ass down and it comes off as very annoying. This might be his most annoying role. Although he has to go up against Boris Karloff and really is that anything anyone could do? I don't think so. The other part is that they stretch something that at beast was twenty four minutes of material into one hour and thirty seven minutes. They give him a pointless origin story (The Grinch is like say the Joker or Wolverine. We don't need to know the full story. It gives the character some mystique and that's needed for some characters. He's just a grumpy asshole who learns how to love Christmas.) that's honestly really lame. Yeah he hates Christmas and wants to destroy it because some asshole kids were mean to him. Yeah. Not a fan.

I'll give the movie a few things. I did laugh four times, well more like a chuckle with a smile. I will count chuckles as laughs to be nice since it's Christmas. I will always enjoy seeing Mr. Clint Howard in a movie and he's in this so that's another thing. The dog was a cute sweetheart and I loved him. The best part of the movie is the young child actress who plays Cindy Lou Who. That kid is literally acting her heart out and does a good job of it. She must be one of the better kid actors I've seen. I guess being in a movie was her life long dream at even that young of an age and she just knew she had to knock it out of the park. Or Ron Howard knew when to say cut and do it again for the kid. I don't know but she does a good job. Not saying Cindy Lou Who is the toughest role out there but she still does it very well.

FINAL VERDICT: This movie is pointless and very boring. It's also kind of annoying but It does have it's good moments which puts it streets and avenues ahead of Christmas with the Kranks or Last Ounce of Courage. 

The Final Episode #103: Mama's Family (1983- 1984, 1986- 1990)

 

Well here we are, ready, steady, spaghetti! That's right this time we are talking about a show that started on NBC but ended up in syndication. The show of the moment is Mama's Family. A spinoff of The Carol Burnett Show. I've not seen enough of that show but I'm going to assume that the Mama Family sketches on it were funnier than the series. They even had a made for TV movie called Eunice which served as the pilot for the series! Isn't that wild. However it seemed NBC wasn't too keen on the ratings the show got and cancelled it in 1984 after just two seasons. The guy who created the show got the rights back or something I dunno and made more episodes in 1986 to 1990 for syndication.

I think of all the articles or columns or blog posts or whatever the hell you want to call them, my favorite to do is The Final Episode. Some times for these shows I never saw the Final Episode. I certainly didn't see the Final Episode of say TMNT when it first aired. It also gives me a chance to rewatch just about any TV show from my youth. The ones I liked, the ones I didn't. It's fascinating to see that some shows that I liked just ended on a really poor note. (looking at every clipshow that doesn't involve Emmanuelle Lewis joining the Star Trek Enterprise). It's also interesting to see when I show I didn't like at least gave the people who were fans a fun ending. It's always a surprise to see what happens in The Final Episode of any given show from this time. I dunno, but I have fun with it.

I like to mix it up a bit from time to time and talk about shows I didn't like. I feel like I'm fair and I'm even willing to give things a second shot. Most things I'm willing to give a second shot after some time has passed. Not everything. I'm never watching say Last Ounce of Courage again. I know that won't improve over time. I'm just so into the past that I'm willing to give something I didn't like when I was like 13 another go around. This is just my long rambling way of saying I was not a fan of the Mama's Family spinoff. This show and Full House would be on late in the afternoon when we would get ready for supper. My sister loved both of those shows and I was forced to sit there and watch them. I just thought they were incredibly annoying as a kid. However I did find Full House's Final Episode to be a bunch of 90s cheese that was actually kinda fun to watch. Not rushing out to watch every episode or anything but I didn't hate it.

I also am talking about Mama's Family because I want to discuss at least every TV show I can remember watching on this blog because why not. It'll be fun to talk about weirdo Canadian cartoons that confuse portnoyd like Stop the Smoggies!. Now let's see if Mama's Family is as annoying as I remember or was little claw wrong. The show involved Mama and her Family. Mama was played by Vicki Lawrence and Harvey Korman, Carol Burnett, Betty White and Rue McClanahan  from the Golden Girls played a reoccurring role. I do not remember any of them from this show but it seems they were only in the first two seasons for the most part. I guess TBS only showed the last four seasons of this show. I do remember then only playing the Steve episodes of Full House. Did you know Steve went on to voice Aladdin in the Disney movie? Wild.

The Final Episode of Mama's Family was called Bye Bye Baby! and came to our television screens on February 24th, 1990 and was the 130th episode of the show. The cast actually voluntariy ended the show which is a nice thing when you realize how many shows end with the cast still probably wanting to continue. It's nice to get to be like "Yeah, I'm done with this" instead of "Fuck you, you're done with this" kinda ending. Anyway, This episode was directed by Dave Powers who had a great name and also worked on Three's Company, a show that went on for longer than humanly thought possible with the premise it had. It was written by Jim Evering who worked on Punky Brewster and The Wayanes Bros.. Those two shows couldn't be more different from one another. 

I now remember why watching this show was torture. It's somehow the most annoying and boring thing on the planet. These twenty one minutes of show were so tedious and I think it might end up giving me a headache. I feel one coming on. Anyway if I had to talk about this show in one word It would be shrill. The people in the show put on silly comedic voices for their characters and they are awful. Just simply awful. The people in this show also argue a lot in those silly comedic voices. I hate them. So much. Anyway let's get this messy turd out of the way. There's really not much to talk about for this shows Final Episode so I don't even know how long this is gonna be.

The show starts out with Iola coming to return some National Geographic Magazines to Mama. She talks about all the extension cords coming from the house to a trailer. This trailer is owned by Vinton, Mama's son and Naomi his wife. They are very stupid but in a way that's just not all that funny. More annoying stupid than funny stupid. Naomi is about to give birth to a baby. Vinton goes to work and Naomi comes out and Mama tells her a fake story about how it was to give birth to Vinton. Vinton plays his father Carl in this flash back. Naomi then goes back to the trailer.  She then tells the real story to Iola about how Carl was a useless piece of shit when it came to the baby and she had to go on the bus to the hospital.

So now they are in the house. Bubba is doing stuff to get on a Water Polo team. Yeah I forgot to mention that because it's a B-plot that could have been cut out. It would have been better if it was. Anyway Bubba leaves and so does Iola who was showing off some dumb piece of shit art she made with dryer lint for the baby. She goes off to a laundromat somewhere off in the city. Woohoo. So yeah you know what's gonna happen the BABY is coming! Oh shit! Vinton does some comedic shit like fainting and Mama helps give birth. They name the baby Tiffany Thelma Whatever the Fuck her last name is. I don't care enough to look that up.  Iola, Bubba, Vinton, Mama, and Naomi do what they do best which is horribly argue with each other over and over. It's garbage. I hate it.

FINAL VERDICT: This show barely gave me any stuff to work with. I gave endings that were just CLIPSHOWS more in the description area. It's not much of an episode. Nothing really wild happens and they just have a baby. Maybe they could have had some wild stuff if they had a budget. This is a very cheap looking show. I don't even think I can say this is a good Final Episode for people who liked the show. It's very shallow and boring but I don't like this stupid show in any way. Now Portnoyd will comment about how much he loved this show. 

Comic Review #76: The Incredible Hulk #378 (1991)

 

It's amazing what I have talked about in Comic Review and what I haven't. I really want to do so much with this column (I'm gonna call them this from now on because it makes me feel like I'm working for the New Yorker and thus very smart and you should listen to me and do what I say and respect me without thinking for yourself). I want to talk about old comics. I want to talk about new comics. I want to talk about everything you can within the comic world. However I figured it was time to cross off a big name off the list of comic characters I haven't talked about yet. It was finally time to talk about The Incredible Hulk.

I for some weird reason never picked up Incredible Hulk comics as a kid. I couldn't find new issues or old issues. I was weird with comics as a kid. I would call so many of them "gay and stupid" because I was like eleven and stupid. I now know that all comics really are gay and stupid and that's why they are amazing. I mean Superheroes are all people who dress in very fancy colorful spandex. I think that clearly makes them all at least bisexual. Uh, where was I? Oh yeah. The Incredible Hulk. They wouldn't show up at the Second Page bookstores or if they did they were too expensive. I would have had them if they were there. I picked up Fantastic Four for The Human Torch and mostly THE THING. The Thing is a great character. I love him. The Incredible Hulk was also a monster and I loved monsters. I still do. I am literally still eleven years old. 

So yeah. It wasn't until I found out about the ACTUAL comic book stores in my town (one started in 1991 and one started in 1997. I did not find out about either of them until December of 2003 when I just had a hankering to use some spending money from Christmas on comic books. I can't remember why I was like MAN I'M GONNA GET ME SOME COMICS TODAY after like 5 or so years of not reading any.) I just did. I don't know what I got that day. Probably some Spider-Man stuff, but I would go hog wild and finally get some Hulk comics in later visits. Now I have too many comic books to count yet I cannot stop buying them.

Anyway, Let's talk a little about the Incredible Hulk himself. He was Scientist Dr. Robert Bruce Banner who while saving the life of Rick Jones was hit with gamma radiation and turns into the Hulk whenever he gets mad (this was actually a retcon as in the original six issues it would be at night time that he would turn into a monster. I think the getting mad thing works better, personally.) and at first The Incredible Hulk was kind of a dud. They put out six issues before it was cancelled. He became a surprise guest star in every other comic that Marvel had until he got the top spot in Tales to Astonish. The second spot at that time was Namor. So you got some great stuff there! He got his own comic again in 1968 and the rest is history.

At this point in the Incredible Hulk's career it was shown that he had several different personalities. The big old dumb green Hulk. A smart grey hulk who became a gangster called Mr. Fix It. Also a smart version of the gray hulk called Professor Hulk. It was all real cool and neat. This was all Peter David's doing. He wrote the Hulk for twelve years. They were great comics but I think the Incredible Hulk has probably had the best overall comics because the good majority of them are at least fun. I can't think of many Hulk comics where I went "WELL THAT WAS ASS SOUP". I can think of entire eras of Fantastic Four and X-Men and even Spider-Man that are complete ass soup but not the Hulk.

So since you have seen the cover you can tell this is a Christmas comic! Why is The Incredible Hulk fighting Santa!? Is it Santa?! WHY DOES SANTA HATE THE HULK?! Well this issue starts out with Rick Jones, the guy Hulk saved all the way back in 1962 and well they ended up becoming friends and all that. So they are at a hospital. Doc Samson is doing therapy with Bruce. Marlo and Betty are doing other stuff so Rick is just wandering around. He comes across two kids fighting and decides to tell them a story of what happened one year ago. We then get introduced to today's Supervillain... THE RHINO. He's very lonely this Christmas. He just wants to talk about Football and Broads but the only people who will talk to him are other villains and all they want to do is talk about destroying Superheroes and not Joe Montana (Was he a thing in 1991? I do not know football.) 

He is set to rob a bank because that makes him feel good until he finds out that the Hulk is around here and he isn't into a big old brawl with him right now. Anyway he sees a Santa Claus getting money for the needy and decides to beat the shit outta him and take his costume! It's Rhino Claus! He's getting money for the needy when someone comes out from the Mall and gets him to come in and be the Mall Santa. He puts up with kids for what seems like hours (long enough for the Hulk to not be the Hulk anymore but turn into the Hulk yet again because they went back to the SUNSET thing makes the Hulk turn into the Hulk again for a short amount of time in this era ((I had totally forgotten about them even doing this!)). He anyway has a freak out at one of the kids after he pokes him in the eyes Three Stooges style. He throws the kid who is caught by the Hulk.

This might be the best Rhino/Hulk fight ever. The Hulk trips him up in Bowling balls after making a corny joke about HAVING THE BALLS to fight you. The Rhino nearly punches a woman giving cookies out because the cookies have macadamia nuts which the Rhino hates! It takes a Little Girl who thinks Rhino is the real Santa and that he shouldn't be fighting with anyone and that there might not be a real Santa after all to make them stop fighting and go back to just having kids come up to them again. This was cute. The story ends with Rick Jones getting kicked in the shin by one of the kids. So if you hate Rick Jones you should at least enjoy the ending of this story. 

FINAL VERDICT: I always enjoyed when Peter David went all in with the comedy in some issues. This was a really fun issue with lots of fun one lines. My favorite being when the Rhino says "I liked you better when you had a ten word vocabulary!" I'm just kinda iffy on the art. I think Bill Jaaska did a really great cover but the work within the comic feels wonky and rushed in places. I dunno if I'm spoiled or not because of all of the other great artist who worked with Peter David. I think this was just a fill in with the art. The art's definitely not bad enough to completely ruin the comic tho. The cute little kid getting them to work together to make people's Christmases made for a fun ending to the story. I also enjoyed how none of the kids Rick was telling the story too even believed him. I wonder if he made it all up! Anyway this was a fun one and you should pick it up!

Comic Review #75: The Brave and the Bold #184 (1982)

 

Well here we are back with the Christmas Comics! This and the next few will be DC comics because I really like the next few comics and want to discuss them. They were fun Christmas stories. Two are team ups. One is a Western comic (something that isn't a superhero boy howdy!) and after that it's a comic I haven't read before but looks like a lot of fun. Anyway as I've mentioned before I've wanted to talk about at least every character that appeared in DC or Marvel comics. Every last one will get at least one mention on this blog. Which is why Team Up comics are great. If the hero themselves never had their own comic (The Huntress in this era never did have her own comic and I find this version who lives on Earth-2 and is the daughter of the Earth-2 Batman and Earth-2 Catwoman a lot more interesting then the one who happens to be a gang boss daughter or something. I dunno. You know me I mostly like the older stuff anyway.) 

So I really should start talking about covers to these comics because there's an art to a comic book cover that gets you excited to read the comic, makes you go "Yeah this is in the pile that I'm buying for fucking sure." and this sets the case there. First off It's drawn great but to be fair sometimes the cover artist and the book artist are different but I have no real qualms with any artist from this era of comics but that's just me. Secondly it's Batman ripping off his cowl and screaming at his parents graves that they deserved to die. How do you not want to see how that works out. You also got the Huntress over in the corner so you're also wondering how she came to be on Earth-1. It creates a great little mystery and is something you know you want to own. 

Now our story starts up with Batman giving gifts to the children in an orphanage. He's thanked by the lady who runs the place. He then goes to Gordon and they talk about Spurs Sanders and how there's someone on the run with files that would put him away. This causes Batman to start searching for them. He finds a guy in a Santa Claus suit and realizes its the hood. I'm not sure how because it's Christmas but It's Batman. He knows all. He sees all. HE KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST NIGHT AT 8 O CLOCK YOU DIRTY BIRD.  Anyway Batman takes this guy down and finds a file that says his Father gave money to a gangster! OH SHIT! This is where the Huntress shows up from Earth-2. I like how she refers to Earth-1's Batman as Uncle Bruce. It's very cute. I'm a fan. 

Anyway they decide to search this by checking out Amos Randolph's files. Amos has been disabled horribly by nerve damage and has aged decades past his actual age of barely over sixty. Amos shows him HIS file and goes "I didn't know about this!" and Batman is too caught up in the whole thing to think about it. They then go to Spurs Sanders and he turns on a damn tape recorder and Batman is sure as hell it's his father. This causes him to do the cover and freak the hell out. He renounces being Batman but it's only for a little while as he sees the Huntress save the guy who was in the Santa suit at the beginning of the comic. He's around with his son. Batman realizes that he needs to keep doing this because it's not only about vengeance it's about making sure no one ever feels the loss he did.

They go back to STATELY WAYNE MANOR where they talk about stuff and Bruce remembers the last Christmas he had with his parents. He realizes that it was Amos Randolph all the time because of his habit of nervous tapping. That was on the tape! He goes to tell Amos Randolph he knows everything. Amos says he'll never be put in a prison! Batman responds he's already in a prison. Damn Batman that's kinda harsh towards the disabled. Anyway The Huntress is fighting Spurs Sanders and tells them that the person behind the tape was faked and they have ways of figuring that out. It will end up in the Gotham Gazette. She also tells Spurs that he's going to prison because she took all the evidence the cops needed and just gave it to them as a nice Christmas gift. 

FINAL VERDICT: I very much enjoyed this. It's works in Christmas very well, it's a very compelling story about Batman's parents. I enjoyed the interactions between all the characters, Huntress, Spurs, Batman, Gordon. The art was fantastic and I must say that it's a great Christmas comic. Highly Recommended baby!

The Final Episode #102: Hercules: The Legendary Journeys (1995 - 1999)

 

Here it is! The next six Final Episodes will be about Syndicated shows. Either shows that were first ran in Syndication or left a big network for syndication. Syndication is just selling your show to every tv station you can not just one big one. Syndication started all the way back in the 1960s! I didn't know that. I thought it started in the 1980s. I guess it didn't get big until the 1980s. Anyway we have some fun stuff ready for you guys and gals. And by that I mean Portnoyd and maybe some Facebook people. Anyway I hope whoever reads these upcoming articles enjoys them. Anyway let's get to the good stuff!

Hercules: The Legendary Journeys was a syndicated show created by Sam Raimi! That's right The Evil Dead guy! Or Spider-Man guy! or the Darkman guy. I am a big fan of his stuff. He would always make sure the stuff he put out was incredibly fun. I haven't seen anything by him that wasn't amazing. Plus whenever Sam Raimi went his pal BRUCE CAMPBELL! Bruce is literally the greatest person who ever lived. He is better than me AND you. Yes you reading this. I'm sorry but we both know it's true. Bruce played a thief  character with a weird old timey name that I cannot pronounce or even type. That's the only part of this show I don't like is that.

So Hercules: The Legendary Journey was about Hercules and his pal Iolocas go around fighting monsters and saving people. That's pretty much it. Some times other Gods and demi-Gods get into the thing and fight Hercules. Just your usual fun fantasy stuff. Nothing up its own ass like those stupid Lord of the Rings shit. Hercules gave you want you really wanted. A big buff guy punching a snake woman while another woman is in a costume where you can see a whole lot of titty. Seriously look at the Discords lady costume. Oh boy that's a good costume. Uh... oh yeah Hercules. He was played by Kevin Sorbo and he's fine. I think this is a show where you get a big strong guy whos at best okay and put him around alot better actors. 

As a kid, I had no idea who Bruce Campbell, Sam Raimi were or what the Evil Dead were so I never watched this show. I mean I would probably leave it on for five minutes but I never watched it. I did enjoy my time with it as an adult. I'm not completely sure if I would have liked it as a kid. I do wish I had given it a chance so I could have found out, but I didn't. So you know what that means, yep I watch two episodes. One from earlier on in the series to get a feel for the characters before I discuss the Final Episode. The episode I picked was Porkules. Clearly because of that title. It involved Bruce Campbell stealing Artemis and I'm talking about the Greek God, not Sailor Venus' cat. Hercules is turned into a pig in this episode and it's very funny. Lots of fun action, silly special effects and Bruce Campbell. It's a must watch.

So what is The Final Episode of Hercules the Legendary Journey about. Well I gotta talk about some things first. It seemed they were cancelled halfway through season 6 and they only made 8 episodes. They also had to deal with Kevin Sorbo not redoing his contract. I really bet he wishes he had at this point, but maybe he does love being in those boring and annoying Jesus/Conservative movies. I bet he does. "Full Circle" the title of the episode, starts out with Hercules and Iolocas or however the hell you spell his name arguing about if the sun revolves around the earth or the other way around. It's a fun bit, Iolocas mentions a kid named Evander and we hear his mother Nemesis screaming. She's being attacked by two guards. Hercules and Iolocas beat the piss outta them.

Nemesis tells Hercules that Zeus took away Evander because he was too powerful. He apparently can make anything he thinks of come to life. Which means Ares his father is after him for nefarious deeds. Hercules is all like Zeus can't do this because YOUR his mother and this is where he should grow up. I dunno, I think someone with that kids kinda power should be closely looked after but that's just me.  On the way to Zeus' temple, Hercules and IceCream (I'm calling him this now I don't care) run afoul of one of the things Evander has created with his mind. A cheesy CGI dragon with polka dots. It also farts fire. Hercules thinks its the Gods doing but then spots Evander. Hercules gets in front of him and the dragon because well he thinks its gonna shoot fire but it just shoots bubbles. 

Zeus shows up and stops Evander. He and Hercules start arguing. Hercules says he doesn't have the right to take him away from his mother but Zeus is like "He almost killed her! She didn't tell you that did she!?" I am 100% on Zeus side on this one. Zeus may be a weirdo who does crazy shit but this time he is 100% in the right. Zeus then says he was only taking him until he could teach him to control his powers. Hercules then says "You won't mind if I step in?" and Zeus is open to the idea. We then get a nice montage of Hercules and IceCream and Evander. First it shows them rebuilding the village the monster wrecked. Then they are playing football, then it's them having story time before bed in the middle of the forest. 

This is where Ares shows up and yells at Hercules that Zeus took Evander back because Hercules helped focus his power. Zeus is going to open the gate that brings out Hera. Hera is like the big bad bitch of this series. Don't fuck with Hera. Hercules also mentions that the Titans are stuck down there with Hera and if he releases her he releases everyone! Oh shit. I wonder how this is going to go down! Is Ares telling the truth?!? It certainly seems so as Hercules and IceCream run to the cave she's in. They get there too late and Hercules utters the classic 1990s line "There Goes the Neighborhood!" Hercules and Zeus have a great little argument/fight. I like the guy who plays Zeus. Serious enough when need be but still able to be over the top when also needed. Anyway the cave is being destroyed because Evander also brought the Titans back. The Titans are Giants so this is gonna be something.

The Titans and Hera cannot remember who they are. That's okay because Hera is with Zeus and them, but The Titans end up meeting Ares who is uh, not the nicest fella. He gets them to agree to not kill him if he helps them destroy Olympus. It's not very hard because these Titan dudes are not very smart. They are a hilarious effect though. I love it. Painted bodies and CGI to make them look tall. I am a fan. They ask how can we destroy Mount Olympus. He says they have a brother Atlas. So I guess they are going off to find him. So two of the giants can turn into water and fire. This gives Hercules an idea to have them both crash into each other and turn into steam. So he and IceCream do this and those two are gone. Sadly Atlas had been released and is on his way to mash Mount Olympus into goop. Not Gwen Paltrow's goop but original goop. 

Oh shit if Atlas destroys the pillar that holds up Mount Olympus it will cause Mount Olympus to CRASH INTO THE EARTH which will throw it off its axis. Too make matters even worse Ares has stolen something from the fates that gave Hera her memories back and she's turned Zeus into a fucking boulder. Oh shit Hercules has got some hard work ahead of him! Anyway Atlas is about to destroy the pillar and Hercules starts taunting him. He chucks a small as rock under his feet and he trips on it. You're a big fucking giant Atlas you gotta watch where you are going! Dope. However Hera shows up trying to kill him. This gives Atlas enough time to get up and start messing with the pillar. Hercules tells Hera to hit him with her best shot and she does but he deflects it by hitting it with a piece of stone that now looks like a baseball bat. It hits Atlas and turns him into stone. This is a good thing because he had knocked down the pillar.

While Mount Olympus is safe again, it's not looking very good for Evander. He's dead! It was shown earlier in the episode that Zeus and Hera together have the power to bring back the dead so she has to go back to Zeus. They bring back Evander and Hercules tells them their war ends today! So yeah. This show definitely knew it was being cancelled and wanted to go out on a high note. Hercules and IceCream walk off into the sunset only to be bothered by Ares whos pissed that Hera and Zeus might actually get back together. Personally I say that relationship lasts a week before Zeus is fucking something he shouldn't be fucking. Anyway they hurt Ares feelings and he leaves. IceCream mentions that Hercules said he would retire after this and he says oh ok. They sit on some rocks until Hercules is like let's get out of retirement! They have a nice little discussion on if they would ever really give it up. IceCream then asks Hercules if Hera and Zeus can bring back their relationship and Hercules says after all they have been through all he can say is "Anything's possible!"

FINAL VERDICT: Definitely one of the best Final Episodes. It's funny, action packed, full of great character actors. It's a bit cheesy but you know by now that does not bother me in the least. I like cheesy stuff. It ends what must have been one of the shows biggest plotlines but if something were to come up and they could do more episodes, they could still go on. That seems to be what happens to the best of the best Final Episodes from TV from before we had to make TV into mini movies or whatever. Anyway I had a lot of fun with this but I don't think It's going to stay that way. We are talking about a show I did not like as a child next time! Wait and see what that is!

The Final Episode #101: Heathcliff (1984 - 1986)

 

It's time for the start of the next one hundred The Final Episodes. It's time for everyone to get exicted! Can we even make it two hundred? Do I even have enough shows I want to talk about? Will I give up like a lazy bum? Who knows! All I know is that the next Final Episodes are of stuff that's gonna be fun as heck to talk about. At least for me. I will save that for the end of this article so wait and see!  Anyway We are finishing off the Christmas Specials Final Episodes with Heathcliff. The original fat orange cat. The one port hates because he is a no fun bum who smells poorly. He needs to stop being wrong 98% of the time. 

Anyway Heathcliff was created by George Gately Gallagher in 1973. He was a New Yorker cartoonist and even had a comic strip before this called Hippie or some shit like that. It involved weirdos trying to bone a spoon shaped woman. I only learned of this recently and I was not a fan. I do not like having this information. Who the hell is attracted to spoons? Weirdos that's who. So yeah, Heathcliff was beaten in popularity by another fat cat, Garfield. I like Garfield more but Heathcliff still had his own charm that I enjoyed. Honestly Heathcliff feels more like a real cat to me. Tough creatures who take no shit. Heathcliff takes no shit from anyone, not even a dog twice his size. Garfield gets shit on my dogs that are not Odie. Garfield is a pampered wimp and Heathcliff is a real man. 

Heathcliff first foray into television was a Ruby-Spears television cartoon called Heathcliff and Rif Rat or something. It involved Heathcliff and some new characters made by Ruby-Spears. Those new characters were not a hit so in the second season of shows he was joined by Marmaduke. Marmaduke might be the worst animal related comic strip of all time. It was just WOW THAT DOG IS HUGE for over 60 years. I do like the art style of Marmaduke which is why it's a better comic than Family Circus. Anyway this series didn't last more than two seasons on Saturday Morning. So you could probably watch every episode within like two days if you wanted too.

The second one was this one and was created by DIC Animation, back when Jean Chalopin was in charge which is clearly the greatest era for DiC animation. I think I mention Disney and DiC the most of the shows I do. It's not my fault they made wonderfully fun and enjoyable television cartoons! Heathcliff lasted for two seasons of 86 episodes. DiC Animation was so good that they made Chuck Lorre put out good work and everyone thought that was impossible.  This show was one of the shows that came on I guess TBS. I forget when but it was before we got them as channels in our cable package. We would get a free weekend or week or whatever and holy hell would I just sit there and watch that and The Family Channel. I think there was a third channel of shows and a movie channel. I could be wrong on this. I am old and my memory has never been good. It was a great time when you realized you had those channels. Hell I'm sure there were times when I watched them when they were scrambled and all I could do was hear Duck Tales. It was certainly better than Little House on the Prairie. Heathcliff was one of those shows If I recall correctly and it was a lot of fun. Not my absolute favorite of all time but something I did enjoy watching. 

I also must mention the Cadillac Cats. They were a group of cats that would do....cat things. Yeah They were the second cartoon beside Heathcliff. It was like Garfield and Friends and U.S. Acres. They were fine. Both existed, both had some good moments but really you wouldn't have cared if they put another Heathcliff/Garfield cartoon in their place. I mention this because well We will end up talking about a Cadillac Cats cartoon too within this FINAL EPISODE article. 

The Final Episode of Heathcliff involved two cartoons. One Heathcliff and One of the Cadillac Cats. The Heathcliff one is A Christmas Episode where as the Cadillac Cats one isn't. This actually works out well because after this article we are going back to non-Christmas Final Episodes and we will still be talking about them during this month. So it's like a bridge between the two. Anyway let's start with "North Pole Cat", this segment starts out with Spike's owner uh Joe Bob (I don't know this kids name and I owned a ton of Heathcliff books as a kid.) is saying that he's been taught how to act like a bull. He sees a mailman and oh damn it's up to Heathcliff to save the day. He does his Matador act and we all have a good laugh. The Mailman gives him his mail which are returned letters to Santy Claus. 

This causes Heathcliff to act. He gets Spike dressed up as a sledding dog and goes all the way to the North Pole. Heathcliff does not fuck around when it comes to Christmas. Anyway we go to a elf toy shop and find out that an evil bad no good Elf named Tuck has been sending back letters. And breaking toys! Tuck is clearly played by Charlie Adler. I did not have to look that up. He's using the voice he uses for annoying characters. I kinda love it. It's just the right amount of annoying. Anyway he is fired for all these acts and that's when he sees Heathcliff and Spike. He starts throwing snowballs at them and they get knocked onto ice. He then pulls out what looks like Thor's fucking hammer and smashes the ice right good. This freezes Spike but Heathcliff pulls him out and gives him his hat and earmuffs. Heathcliff is a good guy...sometimes.

Heathcliff then creates a fucking snowball fort within seconds because he is a cartoon character and they can do that. He and Tuck start throwing balls back and forth. Heathcliff then gets the idea to make one giant ass snowball and launch it at Tuck. He is successful and Tuck goes rolling away in snow. Meanwhile a fucking POLAR BEAR wants to eat Spike so Heathcliff has to rush back and save him. It doesn't matter because the Tuck Snow Ball runs the Polar Bear over and back into his cave. Tuck is heard yelling for help and Heathcliff decides to knock down the icicles causing the Polar bear to be trapped but to save Tuck.

Tuck gets them an invite with Santy Claus himself! Now that's a good thing! Heathcliff brings back the letters and Santa asks if they have been good or not. They say yes despite the fact they enjoy mischief like there's no tomorrow. Santa Says the fact they brought back these letters is a good deed that takes away form all the mischief. I mean I suppose bringing back his owners letter is a good thing but that's just one letter! It can't make up for THAT much Santa!! Anyway Santa brings Heathcliff and Spike back to their houses and they end up having a snowball fight. Those rascals will never learn!

The Cadillac Cats cartoon is not getting anything more than a paragraph because that's not what I wanted to talk about. Mungo the big dopey one gets a letter from his grandma that his little brother might end up a bad alley cat so she sends him to live with him. His brother ends up stealing their car and joining some group of alley cats with girlfriends. Their girlfriends have tits. It's weird. I don't like that. Anyway they end up jousting to save the junkyard and Mingo, Mungo's kid brother clearly goes back to him and becomes a good guy out of nowhere really. Well it looks like because Cleo was nice to him. I dunno. This cartoon blows and I don't like it. As a whole I'd say Dennis the Menace was a better  cartoon because it knew that people wanted Dennis the Menace not Dennis the Menace and some other random losers. 

FINAL VERDICT: The Heathcliff cartoon was great fun. The Cadillac Cats was lame. That's all I really gotta say about this. I'd say watch the Heathcliff part of this episode and just go about your business. (Also return for the start of SYNDICATION SILLINESS a six part series of live action Syndicated shows! It'll be a hoot!)