Ranking Every NES game From Worst to Best Part One (game #769-760)

 

Alright. This has been on my mind for a while so It's time for me to start up my OFFICIAL CORRECT AND GOOD RANKING of every NES game ever made. Let's get ready to yell at each other over video games! It will be cool AND good. Anyway there are 769 games if you take out the 34 released in Europe only (I will do a lists for them separately) and the 3 or so that were multi carts of 3 random NES games. Sorry but Super Mario/Duck Hunt/World Class Track Meet won't be rated as it's just 3 games that will already be rated within this silly thing. We will start with the most loathesome and awful games for the NES because it's fun to bitch and moan about them. 

GAME #769: Ikari Warriors. There are so many people who still think this is a good fun enjoyable game. I do not understand those people in the slightest. There was one YouTube guy who would review reviewers. Yes that's right. He reviewed a guy reviewing this game poorly and instead of being honest about the guy's review it was all about how much he was wrong for trashing Ikari Warriors. Well I'm sorry YouTube Man but this game blows shit. You play as the slowest character in game history and everything looks like pure trash. I do not enjoy playing this game even for a second which is why I rate it the lowest. I hate this game more than every other game for the NES which is also why it's on spot #769

GAME #768: X-Men. This is THE biggest waste of a license of all time. Can you imagine a cool NES X-Men game made by Sunsoft? Or Konami? Or Capcom? Or Taito? Or ANY OTHER COMPANY THAN WHOEVER THE HELL MADE THIS (LJN only published this and LJN will get some credit and higher rankings then most people will want.) Some guy who champions the shittiest games ever online and gets angry at Super Mario Bros. 3 in other words he's a damn contrarian about the stupidest thing in the world to be a contrarian about, old NES games. This game is incredibly ugly, clunky, hard to play, hard to want to play. You can just skip the bosses. I ran past one, grabbed the disk and they let you get there. Enemies will run up and shit all over your face until you are dead. You will want to kill them as soon as possible or get away from them. It's not fun to go up against Enemies. This game is asshole soup and I'm still very ashamed of myself for wasting the time it took to beat it.

GAME #767: Dragon's Lair. This game has nice graphics. A neat concept that is as close as you can get for the Arcade on NES. The music is fine and won't hurt ya. You're thinking wow this game should be around #250 or something. No this game has one fatal flaw that ruins the entire experience. They fucked up how fast your character can go and unless you are the most sadistic crazy fucker on the planet you will never get past the first screen let alone beat the game. The stuff they have you do is impossible do to how broken the movement of the character is. It's a shame too because I really want to like this game but I just don't. 

GAME #766:  Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends: This game is fucking terrible. The graphics are possibly the ugliest I've seen on the NES. Yeah they might have been trying to emulate the animation from the show but that still had charm. They completely failed there. This is another game where if you get trapped by an enemy they can butt fuck you until you die. You also have shitty shitty game control that just does not work. The games music will make you want to rip your ears off and flush them down a toilet. It also ruins what could have been a neat game based off a fun cartoon. I don't like it when they make shitty games based on things I like.

GAME #765: Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Yeah you knew it had to show up here. It's honestly as bad as everyone says. It's awkward to play. You don't even really have a weapon. I mean you have one but it kills bees and that's it. Dr. Jekyll moves very slowly making it hard to get away from things like bombs. It's a little better when you play as Mr Hyde but they ruin that by having you die if you get near Dr. Jekyll. I still think It's very weird that they made a game out of a book from the late 19th century but It's not even the only game based off a book from the late 19th century!

GAME #764: Conan: The Mysteries of Time: Yeah I had to include this on the first part of the worst fucking games because this game is fucking miserable to play from beginning to end. It has the worst controls of any video game I've ever played. You gotta press up to jump which is automatically a fucking deal breaker of the worst kind. You put those awful horse shit controls in a game with the ugliest looking graphics I thought could ever exist and the putrid music and you get a bag of shit that's on the bottom 10. Congrats you assholes.

GAME #763: Hudson Hawk: I am the one singular person on this planet who loves this movie. It was a hoot and a half from what I recall. A very silly comedy starring Mr. Bruce Willis. However this game is fucking awful. You have to move sceretly around four levels and it is fucking impossible to do it. Unless you are the greatest sadist of all time, which I think I might be. You will end up jumping on something that alerts guards to where you are. It is not possible to do anything but. You will want to ram your head into the TV and probably die instead of playing this game. It's also another one of these games I've somehow beat because I'm a lunatic.

GAME #762: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. Hoo boy. I know many people would probably rate Home Alone the original game here but I would play that one over this one in a heart beat. You got your shitty stiff game control. Jumping in this game is a fucking pain in the ass. The music is blah and the graphics are just as blah. This game annoys me and I don't want to talk about it anymore.

GAME #761: The Simpsons: Bart Vs the Space Mutants: I hate this fucking game but I put it at this spot becuase I like the concept. It's kinda trying to beat a puzzley platformer where you have to remove or destroy items but it kinda gives up that concept in the second stage. Anyway the graphics are ugly and the music is weirdly memorable but not enough to save this game. The biggest problem again is the controls. To long jump you have to hold both A and B and that's fucking annoying. You'll see the issue of "fucking controls" showing up here a lot because fuck it.

GAME #760: Where's Waldo: Yeah, let's end this part off with the dumbest idea for a NES game. The books were fun but they do not translate. The music is bad and the graphics are what takes the cake. They are so bad you cannot tell what the fuck you are looking at. Is that ALF from Melmac or fucking Waldo? Who the hell knows. You gotta pick tho or you will lose time. Oh and if you pick the wrong thing you lose time. You'll be losing all the fucking time in the world playing this fucking miserable pile of shit.

There you have it: The worst 10 games on the NES. The next ten will not be much better but they will make me not want to jam something into my eyeballs so I do not have to see them ever again so they are at least worth something. Not a lot but something.