Comic Review #77: DC Comics Presents #67 (1984)

 

I've talked about several Christmas comics for the First Cool Christmas Fun Time For Everyone To Enjoy! I haven't actually talked about a comic with the actual Santa Claus in them. Yes I talked about that Hulk comic where Rhino fights Hulk in a Santa suit but it's clearly not the real deal. So I decided to find one of my favorite Christmas Comics and give it a revisit. It was a hoot. You all know I love team up comics. The Brave and the Bold, Marvel Two in One, Marvel Team Up, and today's series DC Comics Presents. You always got TWO heroes for the price of one and they would always bring in some of the weirdest stuff from each universe of characters. So one Christmas they had Superman team up with Santa Claus because they fucking could that's why!

So I'm pretty sure we've already discussed two of the people who worked on this comic before. Len Wein and Mr. Curt Swan. So I suppose it's time to discuss E. Nelson Bridwell. This guy apparently knew every single thing about Superman period. If you needed to know something about Superman you just asked him. He also knew everything about Captain Marvel and apparently all kinds of stuff about Shakespeare and old poetry. He worked at DC comics from the late 1950s to 1987 when he passed away. Apparently he made a Lone Ranger parody that ended with the Lone Ranger being surrounded by angry natives. He then went "Look out Tonto we are surrounded" which Tonto replies with "What do you mean we, white man?" and I thought that was pretty funny honestly. He seemed to be a very well liked man in the comics sphere and I have to say all of his stories that I've read are very fun and whimsical which you know I like.

So how does this story start? With a damn child holding a gun getting ready to SHOOT a guy dressed as Santa Claus! Superman thankfully is right there but it doesn't matter because it's a toy gun that does nothing to the guy. The gun sends some small amount of radiation at the user hypnotizing them. Superman realizes he needs to help this kid so he puts him in his cape and flies his ass to the Fortress of Solitude. Superman uses one of his 86,000 alien gizmos to get the radiation away from him so that he can talk to the kid. The kid just tells him he found this gun and that he shot it and remembers nothing else. Superman uses his Super hypnotism to hypnotize the kid again and he gets a message that pretty much tells him that it's The Terrible Toyman who's up to no good within this story!

Toyman is a big fat weirdo who creates giant toys. He's great. I love him. I think he should fight Batman in a story. That would be a lot of fun. So he and Timmy the boy are flying away when the spaceship toy Timmy also had HITS Superman in the face with something. Probably kryptonite! This is where they find some ELVES and while they are bringing Superman to Santa's house we go to the Toyman who starts telling his plan to nobody because he's alone in the room. But that's okay because he's a Supervillain and they do that on the regular. He talks about the white dwarf star he found and used the power from it to put in his toys to cancel out Superman's powers. What a devious little shit!

Anyway it's time for Superman to wake up in Santa Claus' house! Superman then says how can this be real, he's never seen the workshop ever before. Santa tells him that's because he can make it so that no one sees it unless he wants them too. Santa Claus takes Superman and Timmy on an tour of the workshop. Showing them the communication  center where they watch all the boys and girls on the planet to see if they are being good or bad. They are also keeping an eye on that rapscallion the Toyman. Santa talks about how their are less of the old toys like Rocking Horses and stuff and this reminds Superman of a toy he had on Krypton that could make real things out of his brain waves. 

Superman and Santa and Timmy and the Elves all get on his sleigh and fly right straight to that son of a bitch Toyman. Superman smashes through the damn chimney to get at him and Toyman sends his toys after him. Superman is still weakened from the attack earlier so it's up to Santa to send his Toys after the Toymans! It's Toy Vs Toy! Superman believes they are powered by some bit of Kryptonite along with the White Dwarf Star. However Santa's toys have kicked his toys asses! Toyman is about to shoot Superman with his White Dwarf Star gun and BLAMM-O Santa sends out some marbles that the bumbling oaf Toyman slips on! He shoots a giant robot which sends said robot into the center of the earth because the guns power made it too dense. 

Superman melts the fucking shit out of Toyman's gun with his heat vision and that's that. His toys try one last time but Santa's are too powerful. Toyman never saw Santa so he's freaking the fuck out about where those Toys came from. Superman's like "There a gift bro!" as two cops come by to pick him up. Superman finds where he sent all the toys and goes to get every single one of them. He goes back to Timmy and Santa and gets hit with the Spaceship toy again but this time they wake up back in the North Pole. I dunno if I like this part because I think Santa should be able to trust SUPERMAN of all guys. He'd keep it a secret. Especially when it just goes to show Superman that Santa does exist when he goes home after bringing Timmy home because in his cape's secret compartment he finds the toy that Jor-El had created for him back on Krypton with a image showing Santa saying Merry Christmas to him. A weird ending doesn't keep this comic from being an incredible about of fun. I enjoy Curt Swan's art with help from Murphy Anderson's inks. It reminds me of Cracked Magazine for some reason. Like the John Severin art. I dunno. The story was a lot of fun too. I enjoyed the whimsical nature of the entire story. 

FINAL VERDICT: If you enjoy Team up comics or Christmas comics you should pick this one up as soon as possible. It's a very fun story.