Comic Review #13: Xtinction Agenda (Uncanny X-Men 270-272, New Mutants 95-97, X-Factor 60-62)

 

Look I know I said I would go between Marvel, DC, and Indie stuff but I really shouldn't say I'll do this next on my blog because it always ends badly. I'm just going to talk about what I feel like talking about and yes that will end up including indie stuff. I have thanks to the pandemic a lot of time on my hands. I mean I usually do have a lot of time on my hands for other reasons I don't really want to get into. I wanted too read this story finally for two reasons. One a comicsgate dope who actually reads comics (and is angry at pretty much every new X-Men comic that comes out but still buys them because he's sad like that) And yes get used to the fact that I will probably continue to sass comicsgate jerks on my stupid blog. It will happen until comicsgate is gone. Second reason is that out of the 17 years or so of Chris Claremont on the X-Men, this was the LAST story I had to read.

For whatever reason I just never owned these issues. Well not all nine of them. I think I had some of the issues somewhere. I don't even know what ones I have anymore as I got rid of some comics recently. Sad thing is I'll probably buy them back again anyway. Anyway uh.. I'm glad I waited because I uh, didn't like this story very much. This story involves the X-Men team, The New Mutants getting kidnapped by Genosha and it turns out Cameron Hodge is working with them! Oh man! I actually like Cameron Hodge, he's incredibly evil and loves it. He's an incredible bigot who ends up getting grosser and grosser looking every time he's come back to terrorize the X-Men because a demon gave him the power to never die. Yes, comics books are weird.

Anyway there's really two big points with this story that makes it not great. One is besides Jim Lee and maybe the guy named Guang Yap, the art is really bad in this story. Rob Liefeld draws some of the ugliest shit you can imagine, I mean uglier than most of his shit. It's some of the ugliest stuff he's ever drawn. Like that Captain America piece ugly. I won't pick on Liefeld too much because I really feel these guys were other than Jim Lee rushed. Jon Bognadove who did some great art works on X-Factor and hoo boy it's not very nice, and I like the guy. I like that guy a lot actually. So the art seems to be really rushed in those sections. Here's another big point, I think this story ends up being way too long. It should have been just about the X-Men and the New Mutants and not been 9 damn chapters. 5, maybe 6 chapters at most. Hell I thought the recent X-Men story X Of Swords which was twice as long as this one didn't feel like a slog to get through. I really think that with better art and a tighter story this would have been pretty good and a good way for Chris Claremont to go out on (I think he leaves in about 10 issues from now in the middle of a story too)

FINAL VERDICT: I think I will continue on this X-Men thing, but I'm not making it a promise. I think I will talk about the Grant Morrison stuff which I've heard many good things about, and some bad.

Movie Review #9: Spiders (2000)

 

Nu Image was created by people who would help executive produce movies at Cannon. Like Allan Quartermain and the Lost City of Gold or American Ninja 2: The Confrontation. 20 minutes ago I was a lot more excited about that, and I had several silly comments to make but now I'm angry because during my little research period I found out that one of them is a fucker who couldn't keep his grabby little hands to himself, or decided to help another fucker who couldn't keep their grabby little hands to themselves. Fuck Avi Lerner. Fuck him hard right in the dick.

Avi Lerner may be a piece of shit but I can't deny that several of the movies Nu Image had a hand in were  great. The Expendables series of films might be the most popular of all the stuff they did. They started in 1993 and I still believe they are going. They even did the movie Cyber Cop! I'm sure you all remember my dazzling review of that fantastic movie. I won't be mad if you don't though. 

I'm bringing up Nu Image now because I had recently, as in the last two days watched Crocodile and Crocodile 2: Death Swamp, both of which were moderately entertaining creature features. Nu Image seemed to make a ton of them in the early 2000s. Well less than I thought but with Crocodile and it's sequel. Octopus and it's sequel, today's movie and it's sequel makes at least 6 creature movies made between 2000 and 2003. I think that's pretty cool. Oh and add a movie called Rats into the mix. So that's 7. 

Spiders is a fun but well uh simple movie. It's not gonna have the most amazing plot or anything but it gives you want you want from a movie called Spiders. It starts with a lady reporter who believes in aliens and government conspiracies' that works for a small college's newspaper. In a nice comedy moment she tries to help two aliens (who actually turn out to be aliens) made up to look like people. Theres also a shuttle launch that she has to report on but she doesn't because she wants to go to this Military bunker the alien people said they were experimented on in. It doesn't matter where she goes because the fucking shuttle CRASHES INTO THE DESERT right next to the military bunker. She and her two friends find out about the Alien DNA Spider and have to do what they can to stop it!

Spiders gives you want you want from this kinda movie. A gnarly (this is a word, like dweeb, that needs a comeback. We had better terms in the 1990s.) looking spider creature. I won't spoil some of the cool shit that happens in this movie but it's cool! Robert Kurtzman and Greg Nicotero worked on this movie! There is some CGI but I've totally seen worse CGI. I liked all the characters. Mandi and her two friends are very likeable and fun and you're sad to see them go. The hard ass evil military man is played by an actor who is clearly having fun with the role. He's an asshole but a fun asshole. 

 FINAL VERDICT: Watch Spiders.  It's a lot of fun. I can't wait to discuss Spiders 2: Breeding Ground and all of the other Nu Image creature feature movies.

Comic Review #12: 1st Issue Special #6: Dingbats of Danger Street (1975)

 

Jack Kirby is quite possibly the coolest comic dude in the world. He was a gruff towards nazis but liked everyone else. Well, except maybe Stan Lee and Marvel. Jack Kirby's art was wild and weird and his imagination was all over the place. Some people say he needed an editor in the days of his New Gods and Marvel return in the 1970s. Me, I kinda love unfiltered Jack Kirby. I'd love to chat with him on many things but sadly he passed away in 1994, so it's kinda hard to talk to him, but he was willing to put up with big smelly nerds being nuisances to him. I guess I'll have to wait till we meet at Original Ray, the astral plane's pizza place, and no I'm not letting that terrible joke die!

DC had in the 1950s a series called Showcase, where they would put in new ideas and new characters. It and really old issues of Brave and the Bold. Stuff like Bat Lash, Metal Men, the Silver Age Flash and Atom, The Challengers of the Unknown, The Hal Jordan Green Lantern, Rip Hunter Time Master, Space Ranger, Adam Strange, Inferior Five and many more. It was a great idea because it let people go wild with ideas and if the idea was popular it would go onto to a different book or even get a new series. Adam Strange went to Mystery In Space. Space Ranger went to Tales of the Unknown. Rip Hunter got his own series and I'm sure you guys all know about Barry Allen, Hal Jordan and Ray Palmer. It ran until I believe issue 93 in 1969. It did get a revival in I think the late 1970s with The New Doom Patrol and stuff. It didn't last very long because of the DC Implosion (I'm not getting into that because this article is already insanely long) 

In between the death of Showcase and the revival a series called 1st Issue Special came out and between 1975 and 1976 only 13 issues came out. Sadly there was only one series that got a series and that was The Warlord. Not to knock that series because I enjoy it but all of these issues (that I've read) were great and I would have read more from these creative teams. I mean look at this list of people who worked on 1st Issue Special during just those 13 issues: Michael Fleisher, Steve Ditko, Jack Kirby, Robert Kanigher, Martin Pasko, Walt Simonson, Joe Simon, Gerry Conway, Dennis O Neil, Mike Grell. Those were big ass names in the 1970s man! I wonder if they were already working on bringing back Showcase and didn't really need two of these series. Who knows, it's not like I'm going to get to talk to any of them.

Dingbats of Danger Street was issue #6. It was like the 3rd time Jack Kirby made a character for this series. It was also the last. It was also his second attempt to do something with Kid gangs. Jack Kirby loved this idea, I'm pretty sure it was something he was nostalgic for as a kid as I'm going to assume he was IN a kid gang. I don't know his entire life story people.  There was the Newsboy Legion and the Guardian (which he brought back in Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen) and Boy Commandos that he did with Joe Simon in the 1940s. I'm pretty sure the reason this didn't work in 1975 is because that stuff was seen as outdated, which is a shame because I had a lot of fun with this comic book.

I enjoyed all four characters that made up the gang. Good Looks, just your regular looking kid. Krunch was the big time muscle of the group. Non-Fat an incredibly skinny black kid (Kirby does a lot of silly comedy with this guy. It's great) and Bananas a kid that was supposed to be crazy. I think my favorite is Non-Fat with his big old hot dog that he never gets to eat. Poor Non-Fat. Non-Fat was supposed to be a black kid but was mis-colored.

The issue starts out wild the kids are just minding their own business when a Jumping Jack, one of two bad guys in this issue. He gets stuck in Krunch's exerciser and is caught by the Cop who was chasing him. The kids then find a capsule that Jumping Jack lost that has the proof the Cops need to put him and his colleague The Gasser behind bars, which is why the Gasser just POPS OUT OF NOWHERE and demands the capsule. He and the kids get into a fight and the Gasser runs off with Non-Fat on the roof of his car! My favorite bit is when Non-Fat kicks the Gasser and he doesn't even feel it. The Dingbats then go to the Cops to give them the Capsule, where Jumping Jack escapes to find the Gasser and the Cops give chase. They capture the bad guys and Non-Fat gets mad when Bananas calls him boy.

FINAL VERDICT: A great little comic. I had a hell of a time reading this. I think I will finally pick up those Newsboy Legion books that just rot away on a local stores shelf, only problem is that he wants $60 for an old book. Bring the price down son!

TV Review #10: Goldie Gold and Action Jack (1981)

 

When I cross over to the Astral Plane of the afterlife, The first people I will talk to will be members of my family. Then friends I have lost. The first person I plan to meet that I had no interaction with before then would probably be Jack Kirby, creator or co-creator of like 98 thousand great comic book related things. The second person I would want to talk to is Steve Gerber. I'd like to talk to them together because they did several things together. I hope this encounter would happen in a pizza place on the astral plane called Original Ray's. All pizza places no matter where is called Original Ray. Even if the owner isn't named Ray. I did this really terrible opening paragraph to make a joke about Astral Plane pizza places. I'm nothing if not willing to go far for a dumb joke.

Anyway Steve Gerber was a great creator. His comic books were weird and wonderful. The man had a majestic spark within him. He would talk about social issues. He would create weird stories. He didn't even like horror related stuff yet still wrote the greatest issues with the Man Thing. Like I don't even know if anyone needs to try to do a story where the main character is The Man Thing because they can't beat his stuff. Also I just wanted to say The Man Thing as much as I could before do anything. Steve Gerber created Howard the Duck! I think besides Mr. Jack Kirby, Steve Gerber is my favorite comics creator. 

The reason I'm going gaga over Steve Gerber is in a TV Review and not like Howard The Duck #13 or something is because well he also worked in animation, and you guys know how I love my cartoons like the big child I am. Steve Gerber went to work for Ruby-Spears in 1980, he created Thundarr the Barbarian (with Jack Kirby), and I'm just realizing that this entire crappy intro would work better for this show because I've also mentioned Jack Kirby a few times too, but I never really put much thought into these things.  No, what I'm going to talk about is the far less remembered and probably far less good (I still haven't seen Thundarr the Barbarian as shameful as that my sound but even though I liked this show that show sounds much more bonkers) Goldie Gold and Action Jack.

Not to completely trash the 1981 Saturday Morning cartoon that only lasted for uh, one whole season. It was actually pretty enjoyable somewhat weird little show. Goldie Gold owns more money than Batman and has more gadgets than Batman does. Batman still is the World's Greatest Detective where Goldie is a bit of a dope, so there's still that. Scrooge McDuck still has more money than either of them. Goldie Gold does spend a lot of money on a lot of crazy shit though. She owns a fucking mansion in space AND a mansion underwater AND a fucking mansion within a tree in the damn jungle. I'm pretty sure it was a weird running joke within this show that she owned a mansion all over the place. I didn't watch every episode of this show because It's the kinda show you can know if you will enjoy or not after 3 or so episodes. 

Action Jack despite his name is not as willing to get into fights as Goldie is, Goldie is like FUCK THAT SHIT I'MMA BEAT HIS ASS and Action Jack is like hey wait let's check shit out first. It's wild. He's a reporter for her newspaper the GOLD STATE JOURNAL. Everything is about Gold with this lady. There's also a dog named Nugget because well Ruby-Spears worked for Hanna Barbera and it was like outlawed that the show not have an animal sidekick and they probably forgot that they didn't actually need to include dogs in their shows.  Goldie Gold also knows an entirely amount of weird people like Hobo Joe (you know you could have given him a million dollars for his help he seems to give you) and a Astrologer who hangs out in a Balloon. One of these episodes was written by Steve but I wonder if he told the other writers "yeah she knows weird people so put some in there" 

The voice actors aren't anyone I've ever heard of but they still lived interesting lives, one of them was a Motown executive. I wonder how the hell he got into this show. Another was a radio DJ and the last one who voiced Goldie Gold was DynaGirl from a short lived show called Electra Woman and DynaGirl. I know too much about television no one cares about. She also voiced characters in Hanna Barbera cartoons that I have yet to talk about. There's 42,000 of them and I don't think I could ever review all of them. I'm not Superman, but yeah this was the first time I had ever heard of Booker Brandshaw, Sonny Mendelenz, and Judy Strangis.

FINAL VERDICT: This was a fun action cartoon but I'm pretty sure it was cancelled because in 1981 there was like 92 thousand fun action cartoons on the air. I was entertained by the episodes I watched and will probably end up watching the last 10 episodes. Goldie Gold is now on my list of Rich people I trust and like. Alongside Batman, Scrooge McDuck, and the Black Panther, and yes I know they are all ficitonal. That's the joke. I don't trust or like any real like rich people. Fuck you Jeff Bezos

Movie Review #8: Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010)

 

There are things about myself that even baffle me. One thing is that no matter what I have to see the sequels or remakes or whatever to a movie I liked. Or didn't like. It's like I just need too. So uh, I did see the original Cats and Dogs movie that was made in 2000. or maybe 1999. Probably too old to be watching a movie like that but no one at school liked me so it wasn't like I had a reputation to ruin. I like dogs. and cats. and birds. So I watched it. I remember thinking it was pretty enjoyable and forgetting all about it for who knows how long. Recently I found out that there were TWO more movies in this franchise. One made in 2010 and another in 2020. One of them actually got a studio release but the other was at direct to video.

Another thing that baffles me is why I chose to watch this at 5:00 in the morning of all times. I guess it just felt right, a simple silly little animal movie to pass the time away. That's one thing about my blog is that you'll never know what I'm going to talk about next. Sometimes its Captain America comics and sometimes it's just a silly kids movie about spy cats and dogs. 

This movies plot is pretty simple. Kitty Galore lost all her hair and was thrown out of her house and now wants REVENGE. I was mistaken in thinking that Kitty Galore was the bad guy in both movies but can you blame me, I haven't seen the first movie in 21 years and this movie has REVENGE right in the title. More movies need REVENGE in the title. It's a good word. The bad guy from the first movie, Mr. Tinkles does appear in a cute little Silence of the Lambs scene. 

Kitty Galore creates a satellite dish that will play a CD all over the world with sounds on it that will drive ALL dogs bonkers!  After that she plans to take over the world and rule man. I don't know how the second part of the plan was gonna work but she didn't even get the first part completed (sorry spoiler for this kids movie, the bad guy loses!) So it's up to the spy Dogs and one spy Cat to team up and stop Kitty Galore (Kitty Galore was also a member of M.E.O.W.S. before she went crazy)

This movie has all kinds of silly shit in it, but it's fun silly shit. One of the cats was voiced by Wallace Shawn! Who could say no to that? That's right the only person who could enjoys nun beating. Another cat has JAWS like teeth. You know, the James Bond bad guy? Yeah. He also turns out to be a robot. Weird. I was mostly amused by this movie but some things were terrible, this guy who I'm sure I've seen before named CHUCK THE MAGNIFICENT is really bad. Also the pigeon was annoying.

This has a wild ass voice cast too! Bette Midler! Roger Moore! Neil Patrick Harris! Christina Applegate! J.K. SIMMONS! JOEY PANTS! NICK NOLTE! Clearly the best voice cast in the history of all cinema and you can't argue with that!

FINAL VERDICT: I'm a stupid sucker for kids movies. And animal movies. and I do enjoy a spy film here and there so this movie was pretty much made for me. It's very silly but very charming. I dunno if I can recommend it to anyone reading this but I sure had fun!

Comic Review #11: Captain America #367 (1990)

 

Acts of Vengeance came up in one of the many Facebook about comic books I'm apart of, So I just had to re-read at least this issue. Don't worry, I will end up coming back to Acts of Vengeance MANY MANY TIMES during this comic review thing. If Acts of Vengeance hadn't come up at that point I probably would be talking about an another Marvel or DC comic. I want this comic review thing to be a whole thing talking about all kinds of comics but I cannot deny that I still love Marvel and DC. All comic books are cool and good and I will end up discussing as many as I can.

Acts of Vengeance was I believe the 6th "comic event" comic Marvel ever did. First was Contest of Champions in 1983, then Secret Wars, then Secret Wars II, Then The Evolutionary War, and then Atlantis Attacks. Secret Wars II was the first one that was line wide, as It took place in every single comic Marvel was publishing. Yes, I'll get to Secret Wars II one day but man every issue you could tell 99% of people were not having any fun with the Beyonder.

That's very different here. It feels like everyone at Marvel was on board with this story. It's a very simple idea, Villains switch heroes to see if they can take on a weaker hero. Like Spider-Man has to fight Magneto or something. I'm pretty sure everyone calls Magneto Mag-Neat-O even though its Magneto. It just sounds better. Admit it. So Loki wanting to fuck with Thor and the Avengers like the asshole he is, he gets Magneto, Red Skull, Mandarin The Wizard, Dr. Doom and Kingpin to team up to help his plan of getting villains to fight heroes they normally wouldn't. I dig this stuff so much. It's just a simple but effective idea. How would The Hulk deal with say The Grey Gargoyle. It's great.

So behind the scenes was The Red Skull, Magneto, The Wizard, Dr. Doom, The Mandarin and Kingpin. I'm amazed that The Wizard got into to this event. They would go to a room into from a fancy portal Loki made to well bicker at each other. These scenes are my absolute favorite within the event. It's how much they all hope the plan works but also how much they really really REALLY do not like each other. The Red Skull in this issue calls all of them out. He calls The Mandarin a poor man's Fu Manchu haha. great stuff man. 

Magneto finally finds out where the actual headquarters of the Red Skull is and well, seeing as the Red Skull is a nazi who worked with Adolf Hitler and Magneto is a survivor of the Holocaust this meeting does not go well. The Red Skull realizes he is out witted and literally runs away from this fight like the cowardly fuck he is. I think my favorite scene is when the Controller, an Iron Man villain usually comes up to Magneto and says "YOU HAVE SOMETHING I NEED" and Magneto just throws him away with his powers going "It's a shame I'll never know what it is!". This comic is great and full of wonderfully fun moments.

Magneto fights a Sleeper, some Red Skull robots and catches up with the Red Skull. He ends up putting him in a damp small room 20 feet under the earth. The ladder has been destroyed and he has some water. Magneto tells the Skull to think about what he's done. Harsh, but seeing as The  Red Skull helped Hitler it's fair as hell. 

Captain America has a fun fight with the Controller but the meat of this issue is really the Magneto/Red Skull stuff. Great character stuff there. Anyway the art by Kieron Dwyer is great. I like how he draws pretty much everyone as super buff as fuck. I don't know what ever happened to him but I always enjoyed seeing his Captain America stuff. Up too about issue 400 Mark Gruenwald's run was really great. I even enjoy some stories after that too, like the much disliked Cap Wolf, but I wouldn't rush to call that one of his best stories. Just that later stuff I really have no idea about but am not exicted about reading, mostly because they have all kindsa silly 90s comic stuff in them. I perfer my silly 80s comic stuff thank you very much.

FINAL VERDICT:  It's weird to talk about the best part of an event first but I felt like doing it that way. There are even some issues of Acts of Vengeance that I still have yet to read even after saying it's my favorite event Marvel ever did. We will get to everything involved with this event unless some thing crazy drastic happens. Or I just get lazy. Either way look forward to more Acts of Vengeance in the near future.

Comic Review #10: Bloom County (1980 - 1989) & Outland (1989 - 1995) & Opus (2003 - 2008)

 

It may shock you but I was a weird kid. Actually I'm sure that shocks no one. Anyway, My uncle well kinda hoards stuff. It's not as bad as it could be because he has a family but damn I'd hate to see what his place would look like if he didn't. He had an insane amount of junk for such a small house that they lived in.  This house will probably come up again in other posts on this blog because for a time my family and I lived there. I kinda loved that house despite it being connected to other houses with walls so thin you could break them if you wanted too.

The point I'm trying to get too but can't because I'm a fucking wordy ass bitch when it comes to well just about anything. I could probably talk to you about pear picking and it's not even that I like to hear my self talk it's just I like to make sure you get a good picture of what I'm talking about. Anyway, my uncle must have owned every issue of a magazine published here in Newfoundland called the Newfoundland Herald. It had celebrity stuff in it too, and not for the three people in Newfoundland who can kind of maybe be called celebrities, Like Shannon Tweed. Or Gordon Pinsent. Yeah you have Arnold Scwartznegger but we got the voice of Babar! 

The Newfoundland Heralds went back to at LEAST the early 1980s and I loved looking at the articles, even the tv listings (hey I was a weird kid) and would read the comics in the back of the comic. One of those comics was Bloom County by a very weird man named Berke Breathed. Bloom County ran from December 8, 1980 to August 6, 1989. A lot of this comic was satire on the 1980s and politics of that era and all kinds of things but there still was a lot to enjoy for a kid like me. I enjoyed the fact that kids were big members of the cast (Milo and Binkley). Plus I always enjoyed the way his art looked. It was apparently a lot like Doonesbury but only big losers read Doonesbury.

I also enjoyed the stories these characters would go on. One of them was about religious fundamentalism going after secular penguinism. Bill The Cat became Fundamentally Oral Bill and went after Opus who had to leave town due to bigotry. secular penguinism is clearly a stand in for homosexuality, hell Opus even says "Guess I'm out of the closet" in one of the strips. He ends up becoming a stripper and then getting lost in the desert. I just liked seeing how these stories would go. Another great one was about Cat Scalp Tonic. Tonic that was made out of Cat Sweat, it could give bald men hair again, like Oliver Wendell Holmes' dad. Who was a very underrated character. The interactions between the kids and their parents were always a lot of fun. I think this comic helped me grow a lot of my socially liberal ideas on society and stuff, seeing as the Cat Sweat Scalp Tonic was well taking the piss out of the whole War on Drugs thing. 

I recently, as in just 30 minutes ago reading some of the really early stuff. Like with characters before Opus and the animals became a big part. I'm sure I will end up missing Otis Oracle and The Major when they finally no longer get used but some of these characters are not great. Like the Ashley Dashley III guy. still a lot of these comics I've never read before and is really neat and a bunch made me laugh out loud. The one with Opus the penguin and the Hare Krishna will never get old. "JUST COUGH UP SOME DOUGH, MAC!" 

Donald Trump, just like how he ruined America as President, also ended up buying Bloom County and firing everyone. He was in Bill the Cat's body at this time. Yeah, this comic strip got weird and I think that's a big thing about why I loved it. Anyway this was in 1989, I don't know this for certain but I believe the strip ended because he wasn't allowed to do a series on Scientology. Just imagine people were talking about those nutbars in 1989!  I don't know this for certain though. 

I'm not completely sure if that Scientology internet rumor is true because he went right into doing another comic, called Outland. This comic starred a bunch of new characters who were okay I guess. Mortimer Mouse,  long lost brother to Mickey had some to him but the other guy who I think was an otter wasn't that great. All of these new characters end up getting replaced by the old guys and Outland just ends up feeling like a watered down Bloom County. No long stories because that's hard when the strip was once a week on Sunday, but I gave up on Foxtrot when it went to Sunday only too. Actually I probably left that strip before that, still my feelings on Foxtrot will have to wait until THAT blog post. There is still a top tier comic in Outland. It's this one here. 

I don't even know why I'm making another paragraph here because you could easily take what I said about Outland and do it to Opus, the 3rd of his strips that started in 2003. I do think it started stronger but by the end just felt like he wasn't into it any more. I dunno none of these two relaunches did much for me. Not awful, still worth owning the books of them but they aren't amazing or anything. However, I must say that his 3rd relaunch of Bloom County that started in 2015 actually is really great. He does it on Facebook and adds comics when he feels like it. He's also messing around with what you can do in a comic strip because the internet adds more to that really. Longer strips and all that. It's a good time really. I don't have those books IDW put out but I really should fix that. Also fix the fact I have no Foxtrot books anymore. 

FINAL VERDICT:  I think Bloom County is great fun and should be read by all. Tons of fun characters and all that. I'm pretty sure the only comic I haven't talked about by Berke Breathed is his college newspaper one The Academia Waltz, which is a comic I know nothing about except that it had Cutter John and Steve Dallas in it. He's been working with those characters for literally 45 years. That's amazing. Those two are the only two who appeared in all five strips.

Movie Review #7: Willy's Wonderland (2021)

 

2021 marks the anniversary of many things, but this one is very important. It marks the 40th anniversary of Nicolas Cage's acting career. He started in 1981 in a little tv movie called The Best of Times (not to be confused with the Robin Williams / Kurt Russell high school football comeback comedy). I've never seen The Best of Times but I kinda want too, not only did Mr. Nicolas Cage first appear in that movie but so did Crispin Glover and Jill Schoelen  (who was a great underrated final girl in a bunch of 80s horror films.) I am a fan of Mr. Nicolas Cage and no matter how bad the movie is he's usually incredibly entertaining to watch. I also like weirdo horror films so I was totally in with Willy's Wonderland from the first second I heard about it!

This movie is weird too! So this movie starts with Nicolas Cage car being sabotaged and he is made to clean Willy's Wonderland in order for the owner to pay to fix his car. Nicolas Cage pretty much just drinks some kind of weird soda or maybe it was a energy drink. No matter what it is, Nick Cage has to drink it. And also play Pinball too. Also if you are wondering why I'm just calling him Nick Cage is well uh... he never says a word during this entire movie. And it's kind of amazing how he can create a memorable character without uttering a word.

Anyway throughout the night Nick Cage finds out that the animatronics are ALIVE and well it doesn't really seem to phase him. Like he's been through this before, he just beats the SHIT out of them. He curb stomps a damn Gorilla animatronic on a urinal! YOU DONT EVEN NEED TO READ ANY MORE JUST WATCH THIS MOVIE. It turns out that the original owner of Willy's Wonderland enjoyed murdering people which got the police's attention. They used a SATANIC RITUAL (Satanic Rituals can do anything in a horror film) to put their souls into the animatronics. Also a group of kids who know about Willy's Wonderland and want to destroy it are now stuck in here with Nick Cage.

I kinda loved how serious they took this movie. They could have easily made it a goof fest but something about it being serious making it even better. I also liked the rest of the actors in this movie. They are all likable characters and you feel bad when they end up dying because really this is just a slasher movie. Just one that has Nick Cage and animatronic mascots. I like typing the word animatronic. It's very fun, try it!

FINAL VERDICT: This movie is a lot o fun. It even has a song that is about the movie itself! Remember when that was a big thing in films. They were usually rap songs (in the 90s, like the TMNT movie) and even if I thought the rest of this movie was ass soup I'd still give it a great rating just for bring back the song that tells you the plot of the movie! It's great!

Movie Review #6: Run Hide Fight (2020)

 

Sometime in like the last two weeks or so some random Star Wars actress lady said some dumb shit that Disney didn't like and they fired her. We can argue if that's fair or not till or dick turn blue. I'm not getting into the argument I'm just saying it happened. She then is now going to produce a movie for Ben Shapiro and the Daily Wire. It will be the second movie he works on. They are trying to make an alternative for conservatives in film. I hope that they get better movies than Run Hide Fight (2020)

This is already THE worst movie I've seen this year and I get excited over movies like Night of the Bloody Apes (1969), so you know this is gonna be a messy turd of a film. First off it's a ripoff of Die Hard. This is actually a weird positive point for a movie because I kinda love it when low budget movies ripoff something more popular and high budget. It's amusing to see how and why they do it. This movie uh, does not do it very well. It also decides to make it also a movie about school shootings.

I'm not against people making movies about school shootings. I'm not even against people doing a conservative look at school shootings even if I think what they are going for is really stupid. I'm against these movies being stupid and poorly made. School shootings are a very serious and real thing and you need to make these movies seriously. One of the weirdest things is how they have this lady talk to her dead mother's ghost or some shit. I really do not understand why or how they went with that but I also don't care enough to try to find out. It just does not work very well.

This movie does the whole YEAH YOU GOTTA BE TOUGH AND FIGHT IN A FUCKING SHOOTING SITUATION. I think all these fat guys think they are Steven Seagal in 1990 who could beat anyone in a movie. They don't realize several things. 1.) they are Steven Seagal in 2018, not 1988. 2.) they don't think about what it's like to be in a high stress situation like A FUCKING SHOOTING. 3.) they think they are better with guns than they actually are. These are god damn serious situations and you leave them to the fucking professionals. People who have trained for years for this shit you dopes.

Another thing is that you never get to learn anything about any of the people who die, leaving us not to give a shit. Oh that random person died, I wish I had known their name!  It's like you need to know about a character to feel bad about them in a movie. Who'da thought. The bad guys are all doing it for some reasons. One because he was bullied. Another because he seems to have mental health issues (conservatives seem to love to put it all 100% on people being mentally unwell and then also like to take away access to care for those same people. It would be something if they wanted to fix any of these issues but we disagreed but hey they don't!)  the Main guy does it for a livestream so he can be famous or some shit. Possibly the dumbest damn reason ever. You should realize people forget about stuff like that so quickly because there is nothing being doing about this stuff and people just become complacent of the horrors of the world.

I don't really ever nitpick plot holes. I usually never even realize them because I'm just having fun watching a movie but I realized a pretty big one here. So the guy doing the shootings is really serious about it. He makes sure he even has a get away stuff hidden. He sets off bombs to keep the police and fire trucks away until he wants them there. He even bombs the van he uses. He then crashes into the fucking school. I don't even know where to go with that. You'd think he wouldn't crash into the school because everyone should have heard A VAN CRASHING INTO THE SCHOOL. there's also uh THE FACT IT HAS BOMBS IN IT. Yeah, this very careful school shooter guy would totally have done that. Yeah, makes a lot of fucking sense. You think he'd figure out a different way to get the bombs into the school. Like putting them in a bookbag. Oh wait, HE DOES THAT TOO. holy shit that was dumb as fuck.

Oh yeah he does escape at the end and while it's silly that he thinks no one would recognize him during his attempted escape because he was on a livestream in beautiful Technicolor for all to see. What bothers me even more is that the main girl shoots him with a sniper rifle and just leaves him there after having some kind of talk with him. Yeah, I know it looks pretty bad for the guy but what if you aren't as good with the rifle as you thought and he's just fucking with you, huh? You might have just let the guy escape. Bravo idiot.

I'll give some credit to the actors, the main girl, her friend, the main bad guy and Barbara Crampton (who I didn't even recognize but is apparently in this) all do good jobs. I mean I didn't recognize who Barbara Crampton's character was but she always does a fine job. I could also maybe, just maybe look past these problems if this movie wasn't dull as fucking dishwater.

FINAL VERDICT:  I just think stories about SCHOOL SHOOTINGS should be taken with the utmost seriousness and not end up as boring laughably bad movies. I must also say screw the Daily Wire, Ben Shapiro and that Star Wars dumbass. I must also say screw myself because I know I'll end up watching another pile of shit from these assholes, but you really shouldn't. 

Comic Review #9: Marvel Two In One #79 (1981)

 

Since I talked about Brave and the Bold and Marvel Team Up and DC Comics Presents it felt only natural to end off this little series of discussions on Team Ups (which I'm sure I'll come back too because these comics are always usually a lot of fun to talk about) with Marvel Two In One. The second of Marvel's two team up books (which was cancelled first). The Thing may be tied with the Hulk for second best Marvel character of all time (the first goes to Spider-Man). That's something these companies did that was great, pick the perfect characters to team up with other characters. Another great thing was add in weird obscure characters.

I love the weird obscure guys that get less and less traction. The ones that had a series between 1948 and 1961 and then didnt show up again for like 15 years. The guys that never get to show up and have fun at the party. I also love the weird one off guys, like Tappin Tommy. A EVIL tap dancer that worked for I think Hydra or probably the Maggia or something and tried to fight the Defenders. I really need to try and find that issue because it's a hoot.  Just the weird little nooks and crannies that never get light shun on them before. This was a big thing I wanted to mention so it was a big reason why I chose this issue. TWO obscurities for the price of one! Two characters I'm not even sure if they've appeared in the almost 40 years since this comic came out.  Getting into superhero comics may be a weird and daunting task because a lot of people want a good starting out point, I think Team Up comics are a really good starting point because you'll learn about a lot of characters ranging from the most popular to characters no one remembers but my sad ass. You'll have to figure out what's still in continuity and all that jazz but the characters well personality should be what you really go for...

Our two obscurities of today are, Star-Dancer (who appears here for the very first time! This will be a collectors item in 2052! when Marvel uses her in a movie!) and The Blue Diamond. Star-Dancer is a cosmic character who well welds THE POWER COSMIC. I don't know why it sounds cooler when someone says THE POWER COSMIC instead of COSMIC POWER but it does. It's just sounds cooler. She spends her time out in the stars in the universe. She misses the planet she was born on. Think of her as a weirdly sexy Silver Surfer who's kind of a jerk. The Blue Diamond is one of the many characters from the early 1940s. Like he wasn't Captain America or The Human Torch or Namor so he's well forgotten nowadays. There was an attempt by Roy Thomas to bring a lot of the 1940s characters back into relevance in the 1970s in The Invaders (a series that I don't have many issues of but what issues I do have I enjoyed). In this issue he appears and an old man because of how World War II characters were treated by both Marvel and DC. Marvel had them age and if you wanted The Thing to team up with them he had to time travel. DC had all the WW II characters on their own Earth called Earth Two, and if the heroes wanted to team up with them they had to go to a different earth. It was worth it though no matter how you traveled because you got to throw around some Nazi assholes. That's always a good time.

This is a pretty simple little issue but I still had a fun time with it. It's always a fun time with the Thing. He kinda reminds me of my dad. A little ornery but a good fella. He even fishes in this issue like my dad. I enjoyed reading about the Blue Diamond feeling like he had wasted his life and all that. That's some good ass pathos. He almost dies in the end but the Star Dancer saves him. She causes a ruckus and she and the Thing fight but in the end she's gives the Blue Diamond a cool new diamond form. Of all the Team Up comics I've reviewed this is probably the one that's the shortest on plot but it has a lot of fun and entertaining character moments which do make up for it. I like how thinking of how much of a moron the Hulk is gives the Thing an idea. Tom Defalco was always pretty good at the character moments thing. The art is pretty good too.

FINAL VERDICT: Al Ewing is writing Guardians of the Galaxy and S.W.O.R.D. for Marvel currently. I am going to bother him on twitter with posts about how he should bring back the Blue Diamond and Star-Dancer. Also Darkhawk too. I like Darkhawk. Maybe even Sleepwalker.

NEXT TIME, GADGET, NEXT TIME: We shall be talking about something that isn't from Marvel or DC. I don't know what but expect something cool and good.

Comic Review #8: DC Comic Presents #47 (1982)

 

I'm pretty sure I would have covered this issue sooner or later but since today would have been Curt Swan's 101st birthday. Curt Swan was known for drawing Superman for like 32 decades. And I'm only being a tad hyperbolic there. The man met a DC Writer named Francis Herron sometime during World War II, while working on some kind of magazine called Stars and Stripes in England. I don't know if it was a magazine or some kind of booklets for soldiers or what (that's what other comics legend Stan Lee did in the second World War, wrote booklets and stuff for soldiers, anyway what happened is that he went back to America and drew stuff like the Newsboy Legion and all kinds of stuff even before he did Superman. His first assignment was done in 1946 and I'm absolutely sure they still used him from time to time even in the 1990s. He passed away on June 17, 1996. I only connected with him and his art as an adult because for an embarrassingly long time I considered DC Comics "gay". Like past the age of 12 embarrassing.

Anyway, this was chosen for a few reasons. I wanted to discuss DC Comics Presents because I've talked about two of the four main team up books from both companies and want to keep a pattern of sorts going here at the blog (look forward to stuff that's not even made by Marvel or DC). Once I heard it was Curt Swan's birthday I wanted to talk about a comic he had done something with. I also have always wanted to read this issue because it's always been touted as He-Man's first foray into comics (which isn't even true, seeing as the old figures came with comics unless that happened AFTER this. I'm not up on my He-Man toy lore really. I just like the goofy Filmation cartoon and having some figures on shelves. I'm sure someone could go "AHEM THAT'S CLEARLY A 1987 HE-MAN REISSUE BECAUSE..."

He-Man in comics is actually pretty interesting history. He had mini comics included with figures. A first go around with DC (which includes this comic and I think like a 5 issue mini series) These comics actually even pre-date the Filmation cartoon. Marvel then got the rights when DC lost them. THEY put out a mini series I believe AND a series under there Star Comics brand. I do plan to review something related to Star Comics because who doesn't want to hear me talk about Heathcliff #42? There was even a newspaper comic strip that told the story that branched the Filmation He-Man to the one thing no one who likes He-Man to any degree wants to talk about, The New Adventures of He-Man from like 1990. Where he's in space or some shit. I haven't even seen an episode but He-Mans a fuckin Conan the Barbarian type guy for crying out loud, putting him in space for more than like a 5 episode story arc is really dumb. Kinda like sending Jonah Hex to the future in the series Hex. He-Man is apparently back at DC recently (as in like the last 3 or so years) and I think that's pretty cool.

Anyway whenever I think of Superman I instantly think of Curt Swan, I love the little spit curl that he has in Swans art a lot of the time. Really neat stuff. I don't know if DC comics was going off the mini comics or what but some of the He-Man figures are different and that weirds me out. I do not like Man At Arms without that suave cool mustache that all the ladies like. No artist could make me like that. I guess being used to something different just feels weird. Doesn't ruin the issue though. It just makes me go "wait huh" 

DC Comics Presents #47 is a pretty fun issue. I wish I had my own copy for my own collection because well it costs an arm and a leg. I'm not paying $50 for this comic. No way no how. Plus the only time I ran across it close to home was at the store I don't like giving money too because the owners a crumb bum named Bob. He had it for like 30 bucks. I think someone must have bought it because its been years and I haven't seen it since. It will probably end up being the last comic of this series I end up owning. If I had money and could get a copy I wouldn't have a problem buying something like the first appearance of  Ghost Rider, but this isn't really He-Man's first appearance. Not even in comics. YOU AINT GETTING THAT MUCH MONEY FROM ME FOR IT.

Uh... okay back to the comic. You definitely get a lot more He-Man in this issue then Superman but I get the feeling they really wanted the He-Man comic stuff to be a hit. I don't think it was a big enough hit for DC because well they wouldn't have let the rights lapse and go to Marvel. You see a lot of He-Man characters and they interact before it goes to Superman who at this time was working at WGBS news, a news station, because they were hot back then I guess. Now nobody watches them or reads the newspaper. Anyway he's doing his old Clark Kent is a big stupid dumbass routine so that no one will think he's Superman. It's a well worn trope at this point but I still love seeing it. He ends up getting sucked into Eternia because of a magic space cloud that Skeletor made. I dunno, it doesn't make the most sense but we want to see He-Man and Superman fight, and then team up to fight Skeletor.

Superman wrecks the SHIT out of Beast Man which is probably my favorite page in the entire comic. Skeletor uses magic which Superman is weak against. He gains control of Superman using his magic to have him and He-Man fight. I think it's kinda sad that this wasn't a bit longer of a fight. Superman then gets out of the magic spell and Skeletor runs off like he usually does. Superman then goes back home. I did enjoy this issue but I wish it was paced a bit better you know. Kinda ends a little abruptly.

We get another story within this comic. DC had a long history, even at this point. A lot of there characters had disappeared in to the ether so in the back side of this magazine they had a series called "Whatever Happened to... (insert character here)" and they were usually pretty great. This one finally ends the story of the Sandman and Sandy. The Sandman was a golden age hero and Sandy was the sidekick he had. Sandy was turned into a weird silicone monster. I believe it was a retcon for a story in the 1970s. A Justice League of America issue. The Sandman was wrecked with guilt until he was put under hypnosis to forget about it. Sandy was left in that state for decades. The story starts up with The Sandman looking for Sandy because the HOSPITAL HE WAS IN was destroyed in a earthquake (by the villain of this story, the Shatterer ...a villain so lame that not even I'm going to try to defend him). The Shatterer has Monster Sandy kidnapped until well The Sandman finds him and beats his ass. He then cures him using some mumbo jumbo and the Shatterer ends up falling into a hole caused by an earthquake. What a dumbass. It ends on a nice sweet note and I would have read more stories about Sandman and Sandy trying to live again in the early 1980s...

FINAL VERDICT: This is not a perfect issue by any means but I definitely enjoyed it. The He-Man characters look off to me but Curt Swan still draws them well. I like the way he draws Skeletor. It's just slightly different than the cartoon but I like it more. the weird cloak thing he has on his face is held tighter to his body. If you can find it cheaply this is a fun early 80s comic book that is worth owning. 

The Final Episode #17: Friends (1994 - 2004)

 

I have a dumb facebook group for this stupid blog. I'm not going to link it because the one person who comments here that doesn't comment on facebook thinks facebook is the worst thing on this planet and would be happy if it imploded along with  twitter. I'm not going to argue any kind of point there because I miss the days of forums and stuff. I'm old school, you can tell that by this stupid blog. I just mention this because someone put Friends in a poll I made. The Final Episode was created to discuss the Final Episodes of shows I remember watching but never did end up getting to the last episode or something. New things came up. Weird time changes. Just I never saw the final adventure or story that the characters I enjoyed went through. I just thought it was a neat idea. Now I'm dreading it just because of this show.

Look, I'm not naïve. I knew I would one day have to talk about Friends. I run a silly little blog about nostalgia and comic books. It would have to come up. It just wouldn't feel right to not talk about it. It would be like the elephant in the room to speak of. As you can guess I was uh, never a fan of this show. One of the things I will never understand how this and the other sitcom I hate so much, The Big Bang Theory (thank god thats out of my range because you'd need to give me 30 grand just to watch one episode of that shit). I'm now glad I did this Final Episode thing, because it gives me a reason to just watch two episodes of Friends instead of like 12,000 so that I could do a full review of it. Don't expect that unless someone rich gives me like 10 grand to really make me suffer. This will more than likely be the first and last time I talk about this show here.

I really do not like this show. I find all of the characters obnoxious despite the fact that I've enjoyed things that starred Courtney Cox, Jennifer Aniston and Lisa Kudrow have done. Like Romi and Michelle's High School Reunion. I wish I could be watching that instead. I find how the humor in this show is acted out to be obnoxious, but what makes this show second place to the Big Bang Theory is how much I fucking hate the character of Ross played by David Schwimmer. I don't even care if I'm spelling his name right. He's the whinest, most annoying fucker on this show. I just want to punch him until MY hands are bleeding. People were always about HUH HUH DO ROSS AND RACHEL GET TOGETHER??? and my question was does someone kick Ross out of a fucking Airplane? 

The Final Episode is if you actually enjoyed this show pretty nice. We get nice scenes with Monica and Chandler having Twins with a surrogate mom (played by Anna Farris, probably the only good part of this episode) This episode also apparently has Paul Rudd in it. Not even Paul Rudd could make this show tolerable. He also looks the exact same as he did when he first starred in Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Meyers. That man has not aged in 26 years. He is a vampire. A VAMPIRE. Uh, back to the show. Joey and Chandler have a nice moment, where Chandler gets Joey to keep Chick Jr and Duck Jr. (apparently they owned Chicks and Ducks earlier in the show. I don't know, I never watched much of this show) Joey was going to give them to Chandler as a gift for being a new home owner. Jennifer Aniston is an amazing actress because watching her pretend to give a fucking shit about Ross who most of this stupid fucking episode is about. Yeah they are on again. They say they love each other. I don't fucking care. Just end this shit.

FINAL VERDICT: If you enjoyed Friends. I'm sure you enjoyed this final episode. They made some call backs and the characters you enjoyed got to be happy and shit. I hated this show and I just wanted them all to get punched in the face for 47 minutes. I didn't get that so I'm not happy.

Comic Review #7: Iceman (2017)

 

It's time to mention those dopey shits at comicsgate because well this was one of the first comics that people got angry over, and I will say this I don't think wanting a character to stay the way they were created automatically makes you a hardcore bigot or a dickhead. Yelling homophobic shit at Sina Grace makes you a hardcore bigot AND a dickhead. I get people get attached to things and not want any change. It's annoying for people who do want change in their silly stories involving men who can turn things into ice. 

This comic got their ire because Iceman was retconned into being gay. They were so mad over this one that people got angry over something like this. It's very weird. They all acted like Iceman was the most macho and manly X-Men of all time. Like he made Wolverine look like a wimp. (I'm also not trying to say macho ass gay men don't exist or anything) and I'm here having read a good number of Iceman comics always thinking Iceman wasn't 100% heterosexual (they all were like oh it would have been totally okay if they made him bisexual but I'm sure they were lying. Also talking to any person on that side of the argument was like talking to everyone else yet liberals are the NPCs.) 

Iceman had a weird relationship with a character named Cloud that could change from male to female. That was a neat character, I miss them. Iceman also didn't have the greatest luck with women. Not saying that automatically makes you gay but anyway. Plus 90s X-Men writers totally tried to have him come out in one issue. I'd go try to find that issue but I really don't care enough to prove it to people who aren't going to leave twitter to find this blog.

I checked out a lot of comics that these guys would yell and scream about, like the Unstoppable Wasp and Ms. Marvel (the Kamala Khan version) and they were fantastic comics, so I would always keep an eye out for any comic they didn't like. If comicsgate was angry at something it was worth at least checking out. I must say that this comic isn't that great, but I'm still willing to try more issues to see if Sina Grace will improve. I will talk about the stuff I didn't like about this comic but I won't yell at his homosexuality, showing that yes you can critique this stuff, you just don't be a dildo about it.

This comic to be fair, is okay at best. I do like the cover. It's pretty well drawn and I enjoy the X-Men villains popping up in Ice chunks. It's a neat cover, I must have to admit that. Also I remember one comicsgate weirdo getting angry that they made Mr. Sinister more flamboyant. The dudes a fucking glam rock vampire. He started as fucking flamboyant. One problem with this comic is that a lot of the dialogue at least comedic dialogue feels forced. I dunno, I did like the one scene with the other young mutant who can harden spit. Weird power set, but it was sweet.

Also this feels like it's knocking off a checklist of "Things a newly out gay/bisexual/pansexual/queer man should do" like come out to his parents. This just feels like stuff we've seen quite a few times before. His parents were always weird about his mutation so it at least still makes sense that they wouldn't love him being gay. It just feels like yeah we gotta do this checklist. I dunno, not a big fan of this. It just feels like you can tell more interesting LBGT stories that don't have to do with coming out. I dunno.

The interior art is pretty good, but I dunno, the story itself didn't catch me or anything. He's trying to find a date on a website and talking to his younger time displaced self (comic books are weird, ok?). I dunno. This kinda failed to get my attention, but I did see a ton of LBGT X-men fans enjoy this series so I'm willing to let them have something. Not everything needs to me catered to me. I got enough entertainment to go through till my eyes pop out and my heart explodes around 2062.

FINAL VERDICT: I probably will return to this series to see if it gets any better but #1 kinda mostly failed to entertain me, however if you like the X-Men and also enjoy the same sex to some degree or another this comic might be up your alley! And I criticized something without yelling about the writers sexuality. They gave him a hard ass time. They gave Mags Vissagio an even harder ass time. Maybe I'll talk about her sometime soon.

The Final Episode #16: Boy Meets World (1993 - 2000)

 

Boy Meets World was one of the many TGIF shows from the 1990s. In fact it lasted from near the beginning of the lineup, the year of our lord 1993, I think replacing Perfect Strangers, one of shows that was branded TGIF in its later seasons (I think season 4 onwards). I don't know everything about TV history and I don't even know where to go to look up old TV guides. I'm sure there's somewhere on the internet to do that. Anyway Boy Meets World came on September 22, 1993. It lasted from the zenith of TGIF's popularity to it's end. Boy Meets World survived till the last block of TGIF shows. 

TGIF started incredibly strong really. Family Matters, Step By Step, Perfect Strangers, Dinosaurs and others. All of which got to at least four or more seasons. Most of them getting to 6, 7, or even in Family Matters case 9 seasons. Around 1997 things went down. ABC wasn't feeling the ratings for Family Matters or Step By Step so CBS got them for their last seasons for the CBS Block Party. A thing no one has any nostalgia for, except weird sad people like me. It had two veteran sitcoms from another channel and two shows that didn't even last a year. The Gregory Hines Show and Meego, with Balki from Perfect Strangers (and he also played French Balki on Step by Step!) I don't even think those shows made it past episode 5. It's a shame because I think both Balki and Gregory Hines are underrated performers that should get more respect.

TGIF really tried but the only shows that seemed to keep on running were Boy Meets World and Sabrina The Teenage Witch. No matter how much a fat weird Newfoundland boy loved them You Wish and Teen Angel did not do well with people. Both shows, both of which are connected in continuity (I will get to this in a second) starred Jerry Van Dyke, the superior of the Van Dyke brothers. Yes I said that and no I will not take it back. America needs to realize this!!! They were replaced by The Hughley's and Two of A Kind (which was also quickly cancelled, the second Olsen Twins sitcom did not do it for America the way Full House did) The final TGIF set of shows were Boy Meets World, Sabrina The Teenage Witch, The Hughley's and some shows called Odd Man Out and Making the Band. Those two are shows I didn't even know existed until tonight. ABC sold Sabrina The Teenage Witch to The CW and The Hughley's to UPN. or what ever happens when shows move stations. I don't know, I don't work in television.

Hell, at this point I was barely watching TGIF. Yeah I'd check into Sabrina the Teenage Witch for the most part. Sometimes Boy Meets World (the last few seasons I wasn't a huge fan of. We will get back to this) but most of this time I was busy playing Pokemon Red on my Super Gameboy or coming home from video stores with three rented movie and probably one I got my mom to buy for me. I was watching the hell out of weird and cheesy action/horror/comedy/80s movies. It was like my parents finally stopped caring what I watched so I just went hog wild. I could have probably watched Ilsa the She-Wolf of the S.S. because my parents didn't want to argue anymore. I wish I had rented Ilsa the She-Wolf of the S.S. and a Donald Duck Best Of VHS tape. Just for the response I'd get from the clerk. I bet it would have been something. I was also more into starting my NES game collection and talking about those on Message boards. I'd also talk about the movies I'd rent on JoBlo forums. Holla to the guys I still talk to these days from those forums. Forums are better than Facebook and we all know this!

I think I've bullshitted enough paragraphs about TGIF so now it's time to talk about Boy Meets World. This series starred Fred Savage's little brother Ben. A child with a brillo pad hairdo who grew into a man with a brillo pad hairdo. His hairdo always looked weird and kind of reminded me of Norman and Harry Osborne from Spider-Man comics. You know the Green Goblins. This show was about his family, Mom, Dad, Older Brother, Little Sister (who like most TGIF shows disappeared for some time), his best friend Shawn and his Teacher was his next door neighbor! He couldn't get away from School no matter what he tried! I loved the first four seasons of this show. I loved when Family Channel repeated them as I mentioned in the Alf discussion. It was a really fun show and the dynamic worked. 

Then season 5 happened. They put Cory and Topanga together (what kind of name is Topanga. I doubt even hippies would name their children that) and all kinds of drama happens. Shawn also gets a long time girlfriend named Angela, a black lady. I liked her and Shawn together but the stories just felt lackluster in the comedy and they tried to make them more dramatic. It just didn't work for me. I think the last episode I watched before this one was one where Shawn's dad dies. Like the exact episode after that where Shawn tries to leave Cory and them. They also added in Shawn's half brother who was never a great character in my mind and admittedly a hot tall redhead lady, but I had the internet at this point. Even dial up internet was better than watching these episodes. 

There was something interesting in these last series though, There was a TGIF crossover that started with Salem from Sabrina eating a time ball and the characters from each TGIF show stars would go back in time to the 1940s (Boy Meets World), the 1950s (You Wish), the 1960s (Sabrina) and ended off in the 1970s (Teen Angel) and since Boy Meets World also had a crossover with Step By Step and mentioned Steve Urkel in one episode. That means it's the bridge show that connects everything on TGIF except Dinosaurs. Well Dinosaurs and all those terrible failed shows the channel tried to do but no one cares about in the year 2021. I want a some kind of way to connect Dinosaurs to the rest of the shows. Also does that mean the Archie comics are connected to the TGIF universe? Sabrina was an Archie Comics character? Yes, this is what I think about while trying to sleep at night. That alongside an episode that made fun of slasher movies were the only episodes I remember liking from  this era. I didn't see much of Season 6 and only tuned into these last two episodes because it felt right I guess. I dunno. 

I had not seen this two parter since the second part appeared on May 5, 2000. Everyone in the cast had grown up, finished junior high, high school and even college. It was time to move on from what they had known all their lives into the Brave New World (also the name of the episode. I bet that fancy jerk who wrote the book Brave New World is angry!) These two episodes are all about Cory and Topanga thinking of moving to New York because Topanga got a intern job at some place or another. It's kind of underwhelming two episodes, that's why I blathered on for like forty two hours about TGIF and crossovers and other things. Except for a nice scene at the end with Mr. Feeny these are kinda not the best way to end a show. It's well, a clip show. Yeah, every character ends up talking to each other and then it just abruptly cuts too clips of them from previous episodes. It's weird and I'm not a big fan. They did show the time Shawn was in drag. They had a lot of drag in Boy Meets World. That was a fun episode. Uh, yeah. They have a nice meeting with Mr. Feeny (who was their teacher, their principal, a professor at their college and even banged the Dean of the college too I think. I'm surprised he didn't end up joining them in New York.) and a fun joke is told but that's about it.

FINAL VERDICT: I'm probably the only person who is 1.) angry that Dinosaurs does not connect to the rest of the TGIF Universe (They should start making a TGIF CINEMATIC Universe). It should, damnit. and 2.) can mention weird explotation films like Ilsa, She-Wolf of the S.S. in my reviews. Anyway, this was kind of a let down and felt rushed aside from that nice scene at the very end.

TV Review #10: Unsolved Mysteries (1987 - 2002)

It's finally time for us to discuss quite possibly the best show involving True Crime, that is Unsolved Mysteries. Totally beats the pants off America's Most Wanted, American Justice, Cold Case Files, That one show I can't remember that had the black guy from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. You know the guy, Khan puts that weird worm thing in his ear and he freaks out. Yeah, he had his own true crime show. Came on A&E along side American Justice and Cold Case Files. Was pretty good. He did a good job narrating it. I haven't seen much Star Trek but Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan was pretty good.

Enough about Star Trek or other lesser true crime shows. We are talking about the real deal here son. In the 1980s there were 3 specials called Missing... Have You Seen This Person? They starred the mom from Family Ties. They were definitely a precursor to Unsolved Mysteries and it's kinda sad that they are considered lost media these days. Someone has to have them on some dusty old VHS tape from the mid 1980s. After those 3 specials came several Unsolved Mysteries specials. These specials starred Raymond Burr, Karl Malden and for the last four Robert Stack.  He couldn't take off his trench coat because if he did the universe would explode. Thanks for saving us Bobby Stack! We weren't read to see the cosmic horrors within the trench coat.

Finally on October 5th, 1988 the specials became a full series. I'm pretty sure I didn't start watching until sometime in the 1990s but man I watched the damn ass hell out of this show. This was great stuff to watch to SCARE THE HELL out of you. I don't know how they did it but this show literally still kinda gives me goosebumps, and I've watched like 32 trillion horror films. It was also really incredibly popular. I remember Dinosaurs, the TGIF show made fun of it. That sticks in my mind a lot. A dinosaur in Bobby Stack's trench coat. I wonder if Bobby Stack liked people calling him Bobby?

It lasted on NBC until 1997, then CBS took it for a year. Then it was off until 2001 till Lifetime Television for Women took it on. I'm pretty sure I watched up until NBC took it off. The only time I really remember watching CBS was to see the short lived CBS Block Party that had Family Matters and Step by Step on it for their last seasons. They also made a remake series on Spike TV which was just cut up footage form the original show with new host segments from Dennis Farina. That guy was a decent enough actor but man he didn't have what it took to host this show. The entire show just didn't have the same feel of the series and you could easily watch most of the wanted cases on YouTube.

Although the show definitely works better as a whole. I don't remember many people uploading Treasure segments or the Alien, ghost stuff (apparently Bobby Stack would make fun of the alien and ghost stuff on set) or Lost Loves. It was just the Wanted and Murder cases. Which yeah was the big part of the show but I think it works better as a whole big grab bag of stuff. The Alien and ghost stuff was always fun and it's always nice to see people get reunited. I think the most interesting cases were of Eric Tamiyasu, Mary Morris and Rhonda Hinson. I'd like to see every case on this show end up getting solved but those are the three I'm most curious about. Also don't blame me if you end up going down some kind of insane rabbit hole when clicking on those links. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I don't know if the reboot on Netflix is any good. I'm sure I will end up talking about it sooner or later. I've heard some stuff about the cases and they seem like very interesting true crime cases, it's just they don't do the aliens, ghosts, lost loves or anything else. They are a part of Unsolved Mysteries and it feels weird to forget about them. At least thats what I think.

FINAL VERDICT: Unsolved Mysteries was a really great little show with a great vibe. It's all on YouTube and Amazon Prime and is totally worth a watch.  Never forget Robert Stack, he kept the cosmic horrors from destroying all of space and time and he did it for you and he did it for me. Never disrespect that.

The Final Episode #15: ALF (1986 - 1990)

 

First off before I get into rambling about the last episode of Alf, I tried downloading this image from a website and my computer wouldnt let me. I guess the site was full of viruses or some shit. Anyway I decide to image search said image because really what image is better for this article than Alf after Mr. T gave him all his gold. Only problem is that when it came up google said Michael J Fox Alf. I do not remember Michael J Fox ever wearing gold chains in either Family Ties, the Back to the Future Trilogy or Spin City. I guess I will have to keep an eye out for that, or maybe google is just busted. 

Anyway, Alf  was without a doubt one of THE most popular things of the 1980s. He had his own tv show, a video game, TWO animated tv shows. Hell the animated version even appeared in clearly the greatest crossover ever made, Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue. I'm sorry Marvel Cinematic Universe but you got nothing on Slimer and Bugs Bunny teaming up to stop an evil drug smoke thing voiced by George C. Scott. He even had his own comic book under Marvel Comics Star Comics imprint that ran from 1988 to 1991 for 56 issues, including 4 annuals and 2 specials. Yes, we will discuss one of those comics sooner or later. What I'm saying that between 1986 and 1990 you couldn't get away from the alien from Melmac. Hell even in the late 90s he came back in 1-900-Collect ads. Man I remember too much dumb horse shit.

I'm sure I watched Alf when it was originally on but being only 5 when it ended, my memories of that are vague as hell. No, all my memories of Alf come from the year 2003. No more high school and I could just lounge around the house like a lazy asshole. Thankfully The Family Channel, which was like the Disney Channel offshoot in Canada, because every channel in Canada has to have some Canadian content on it, would end up showing Alf, Boy Meets World, Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers, and after that I would change the channel to YTV and watch Sailor Moon. I don't know about you but if that isn't the best line up of television ever then you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. The Family Channel started in 1988 and until I think 1995 or 1996 was pay cable. It must have become basic cable around 1995/1996 because until then you'd only get some free weekends, but damn if I didn't watch the Family Channel and TBS like a mad man during those weekends.

Anyway Alf was a sitcom that ran from September 22, 1986 to March 24th, 1990 on NBC. It was about an Alien Life Form, or ALF for short who crash landed on the Tanner's garage in California, somewhere near Los Angeles. He would get himself and the Tanners into wacky adventures and try to keep himself hidden from other people and the Alien Task Force, who uh wanted to kill him so they could dissect him and not so lovely things. The Final Episode, entitled Consider Me Gone is well another cliffhanger but we will get to that soon enough.

Alf is in the Tanner's garage when he gets a message from two other Melmacians (ALF's race) Skip and Rhonda. Rhonda was Alf's girlfriend at one point if I recall correctly. They have bought a new planet and want Alf to help them set things up. He is then for the first half of the episode conflicted on what will happen. Will he stay with the Tanners or will he go with his fellow Melmacians. Also the built in spell checker needs to stop saying Melmacians is spelt wrong! IT'S A WORD YOU TURDS. 

Alf ends up saying Yes, but his messages between them have been seen by the ALIEN TASK FORCE, led by an actor I'm sure you've seen in like 82,000 things but you just don't care enough about him to look up his actual name. He's a character actor but not one of those fun ones you know? Anyway just before Skip and Rhonda are to beam him up the Alien Task Force shows up and captures him. This cliffhanger would be unresolved for six years until the made for TV movie Project ALF came out. I did see this TV movie in like 1996 but man I do not remember a single solitary thing about it. Except that the Tanners didn't show up but that make sense because the  cast uh, didn't like working on the show. Let's just leave it at that (They deserve acting credit because I was amazed to find that out, I think it was my mother who told me.) I'm sure I will end up rewatching that movie for the blog.

I'm just honestly curious on how it would have worked out for a full season. Like would he spend a few episodes being a zany rascal at the Alien Task Force building? Would he escape back to the Tanners? a new family? Would Skip and Rhonda come back and the show take place on New Melmac? I'm just curious one how it would have worked had the show came back for season 5. 

FINAL VERDICT:  This final episode was pretty good. I laughed several times and I ended up feeling bad for the Tanners and Alf. Also I don't know where else ot put this but going back to how the cast hating working on this show. Max Wright after finishing the last episode just got up and left. No Wrap Party. No Goodbyes. It's just FUCK THIS SHIT I'M OUT. Kinda sad that they didn't enjoy the fame this show brought them. 

Comic Review #6: Marvel Team Up #139 (1984)

 

It's back to discuss the sheer cool awesomeness of Team Up comics. This time discussing a Marvel Team Up comic. Issue 139 to be precise. This was WAY near the end of Marvel Team Up's first issue (Marvel Two In One was cancelled in 1983 to make way for a solo series for the Thing... and that series was never as fun as Two in One was). This might not be the BEST issue of Marvel Team Up but it's still a decent look at what most stories in Marvel Team Up were like. A comic that wasn't going to change anything about any of the characters or the Marvel universe as a whole but you weren't going to put the comic down in anger and yell about it on the internet.

Marvel Team Up #139 has one of my favorite kind of covers. A kind where even the damn title is being destroyed. This kind of cover does not show up very often,  but man it always takes me aback when I see it. I can remember a Neal Adams cover with the X-Men logo being crushed by the villain of the issue. That cover (and comic) is definitely way better than this one but I'm always going to pick up an issue where the cover gets destroyed or messed up. It's neat to me, damnit. 

This comic was brought to us by Cary Burkett, Brian Postman (who I have never heard of until right now) and Mike Esposito. I was kinda weary when I saw Cary Burkett's name because well he's very hit or miss on the whole writing comics thing. He wrote some pretty lackluster issues of the Warlord for DC. The story had to do with some kind of weird fancy future stuff and that just doesn't feel like it should be in a series like the Warlord and maybe it shouldn't be his fault. He also created the character of Nemesis in a series of backups in The Brave and the Bold which I'm sure we will end up talking about some time in the future. The main point is what I'm saying is that Cary Burkett has nothing on  Cary Bates! That's the Cary I love. Cary is a weird name. Just name yer damn kid Gary. Brian Postman's art is pretty good and so is the inking by Mike Esposito.  

The story is thus, Spider Man in his Peter Parker duds is taking pictures of a big fancy superstar actress and BLAM a fuckin Dreadnaught comes out to capture here. The best part of this fight is Spider-Man talking about how much he hates to fight robots because he doesn't know what they will do. Don't worry Spidey, I think a lot of heroes feel this way. The Dreadnaught kidnaps the fancy actress. The scene then turns to Nick Fury and Dum Dum Dugan. I always loved how they brought those guys into the present Marvel Universe after their World War II adventures. Fancy science makes them younger so we get grumpy rascal Nick Fury in new stories. Anyway they are found by Dino Minnelli, A Dean Martin take off that was in several war stories with Nick and Dum Dum, who has married the actress lady. Nick Fury says he won't help Dino but that was just to try to keep him from doing anything stupid. 

Nick Fury then goes to a crooked lawyer who works with the Maggia. The Marvel Mafia. I love seeing them fight the Mafia and all that but damn if the name they gave the Mafia, the Maggia in comics just a really dumb name. It just looks so weird to me too. I do not like that name. This also shows one of my favorite things about S.H.I.E.L.D. all the cool James Bond like spy gadgets. This one shoots off from Fury's arm and hits the building the lawyer is in on the other side of the street and is able to listen in on his actions to find where the Actress lady is. He does and he is off! Spider-Man had earlier gotten one of his tracers on the Dreadnaught and when the Dreadnaught was turned off he had time to find where the Maggia were. Here is where we find out that the Actress is in on it! She was hired by the Maggia to show Dino Minnelli that nobody crosses the Maggia. They were going to bankrupt him on the ransom and she was going to leave him, making it that he was BROKE and HEARTBROKEN. Pretty rough shit.

This plan is messed up with Dino Minnelli himself pops up, seeing as Dino Minnelli himself shows up. The Maggia head guy decides that now he can off Dino AND The actress because she knows too much. This causes Dino Minnelli to break through his ropes and take a bullet in the arm for her, because despite it all he still loves her. Nick Fury and Spider-Man then break their ropes too and beat the shit out of the Maggia AND Nick Fury also pulls off his neck collar and it's ALSO a fucking S.H.I.E.L.D. spy device. I want to write a comic where he uses his S.H.I.E.L.D. socks to stop someone. this neck collar when made to combust will uh jam all the Dreadnaughts doohickies inside it. I like the word doohicky.

FINAL VERDICT: This was a decent fun issue. It won't make the top 10 lists of 1984. It won't even make the top 10 issues/stories of Marvel Team Up, but it's definitely worth adding to your collection. It's strange that even at it's worst Marvel Team Up was still decent. Apparently most writers and artists didn't even want to work on the book either! Weird huh?

The Final Episode #14: Duckman (1994 - 1997)

 

I'd like to take this opportunity to talk about Klasky Csupo a very weird animation company with a very weird style of animation. Everything looked weird in their cartoons. You either loved it or hated it. I put my self in the love section even if it was just for todays show, but honestly I felt the weird animation designs brought a lot to Rugrats and Ahhh Real Monsters! too. Founded by Arlene Klasky (no relation to Garfield's girlfriend) and Gabor Csupo (I wish my name was Gabor that's a fun name to say) and they were honestly ALL over the place in the 1990s. From the early episodes of the Simpsons to friggin Mad TV with the Spy Vs. Spy bits. Yes, they even did stuff that wasn't in their weird-o style. Pretty neat huh! Don't forget they worked with Mark Mothersbaugh of Devo! Who doesn't love that?!

DuckMan was originally created by Everett Peck for a comic book in 1990. He first appeared in Dark Horse Presents #22 ALL the way back in 1988. Yes that's right they were making shows based off comic books that weren't superheroes even back in the 1990s. They mine comic books for ideas and people still don't give 'em any respect. Sad as hell man. Anyway, there would be more Duckman comics off and on until Klasky/Csupo and  USA Network got the idea to try a show, which premiered on March 5th, 1994. It was not very popular during its run there sadly, never having the greatest popularity but a cult following did help the show last 4 seasons and 70 episodes. 

I did not get to see this show until it was canceled. In the late 1990s (1997 to be exact) Canada got it's second full time station dedicated to children, called TeleToon. Teletoon well showed cartoons. I don't know if they ever started doing live action Television because I don't have cable anymore. I live in a future where you can get literally every damn thing that you want, unless someone never recorded it from television, still I do miss deciding between two things that weren't all that great. "Yeah sure I'll watch The Vulture (1967) over 6 episodes in a row of City Guys. I do have a lot of nostaliga for early Teletoon like the first few years, ESPECIALLY the later in the night stuff. They'd show like season 1-3 of the Simpsons a lot. I don't know why it was just those seasons. They'd show weird shit from all over the world like Pond Life. It was pretty terrible but they would show it. All kinds of Hanna Barbera stuff. A really fun time to watch stuff, or have it play out in the background as you talk about NES games or Horror movies on some forum. Ahhh to be a teenager again.

Duckman was one of the shows I would always make sure I'd actually sit down and watch, not just have it on in the background. I thought the show was hilarious and incredibly entertaining. I'm pretty sure Teletoon had it on for at least a good decade. I could be wrong about that, again I don't have the TV guides to find out what was on in the end of the 1990s to the end of the 2000s. Just that I watched a hell of a lot of this show. Duckman was the life story of one Eric Duckman who is uh very horny and very abrasive. He's just lost his wife and doesn't know what is gonna happen to him and his family. He has to live with his Sister In Law Bernice who uh, doesn't like him very much. He has three children although two of them share a body (I don't know if this was Klasky/Csupo's weird ass idea or Everett Peck's) Ajax, Charles and Mambo (Duckman always gets his name wrong). Charles and Mambo are child genusies while Ajax is dumb as a rock. Duckman's day job is that of a detective. His partner is Cornfed Pig. He also works with Fluffy and Uranus, two teddy bears that Duckman ALWAYS destroyes in horrible yet comedic fashion. I also have to mention his other Sister In Law who comes around in Season 3, and also King Chicken because it's Tim Curry and well he always has to be talked about.

The Final Episode of Duckman entitled Four Wedding Inconceivable! came about on September 7th, 1997 (which was about a month before TeleToon came to be!) is about well, Four Weddings. It starts at Ben Stein's character's wedding where he gets married to a beautiful woman. Duckman comes in late and DOESN'T hit on the bride. DOESN'T act like a dickhead so everyone is worried about him. It turns out that he's in love! In love with HONEY CHICKEN! King Chicken's ex wife! King Chicken is in love with Bernice! Cornfed is in love with Beverly (his other sister in law). At the wedding JUST after everyone is married, Beatrice, the wife Duckman thought was dead pops in. Everyone is shocked until she says "Didn't Cornfed tell you!?" That's where the episode ends on a fucking hell shit ass fuck cliffhanger that is STILL pissing me off 24 years later! I swear I'm amazed I haven't found where Michael Markowitz (the guy who wrote this episode) lives and just sit outside his doorstep until he tells me! Apparently he told someone on Twitter that it was going to involve government coverups of aliens! THAT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO SEE PART II EVEN MORE.

FINAL VERDICT: Cliffhanger aside, this is a pretty fun episode. My favorite part was King Chicken finally learning what sex was and running out side to vomit. His ex-wife even got him to vomit just by saying penis. I dunno, It made me laugh and I enjoyed watching it. I can't really say much more than that. I'm curious about how some of my other favorite moments from this show stand up and I can't wait to finally re-watch this show.  (Also this is my 69th post on my blog and it feels good that it was this show)