I was tempted to find a Metroid ad but I don't know if they even made any of them so I went with this ad from CAMERICA GAMES and THOR AUKERLAND or however you spell his name. I don't know and don't really care all that much. I do like how CAMERICA WAS LIKE WOW THIS GUY WILL SELL MANY GAMES and I wonder if he sold any games for them. Do you think people thought THOR WAS COOL in the 1990s? Who really knows. I had to pick this honestly. It was so charming. Anyway we have a interesting lot of games to pick from this time and woo let's discuss them. YEAH.
You know what surprises me, how fans in America have to TWIST NINTENDOS ASSHOLE ALL AROUND just to get them to think about a new Metroid. Said games may not be as popular in Japan but people in America love them it seems. Don't you JAPANESE RASCALS enjoy MONEY aka YEN. Don't you want to swim in piles of yen and these games make money every time they come out. This is the first Metroid game and it's amazing how good it is. It's still a very early game even when you bring the Famicom into it. They were just starting to make games that felt like games and not uh 10 Yard Fight in 1987. This game is pretty great honestly, searching around getting more powerful and BEATING ASS AS A SEXY LADY is cool as hell. There's only two real problems, no map and it should have been a save game instead of password shit. The passwords in this game are kinda hot ass. I know REDDIT is like ZERO SUIT SAMUS GAME is better but I disagree! Well I can't actually disagree because I haven't played that game but this game still holds up incredibly well and I should replay it because I had to SAVE STATE to beat it the first time. I don't even know if I put it on my beaten list because I hate using save states and want to be the games fair. I should come back to this game after I beat Super Metroid again. I would like to see more METROID games Nintendo so get at it, jerks.
I've said before and I'll say again that Racing games for the NES were a weird beast. They were either really well done with creative tracks like Galaxy 5000. a racing game for the NES that I like quite a bit and wish people would play it more. That game had a lot of cool shit in it and was fast ferocious and fun. They were also dull and lifeless like Michael Andretti's World GP. The races in this game just feel boring and you don't care to finish them in last place let alone first place. It's a shame because this game was made by my favorite company ever American Sammy, not for their games or anything (although some were pretty good) but because of their INCREDIBLY JAPANESE NAME they picked HE'S AMERICAN................AND SAMMY. I just think of some white american guy named Sammy who lived in Japan in the 1980s and 1990s and everyone just called him AMERICAN SAMMY. I'm not explaining it very well but that name makes me very happy. They made a racing game that I feel is quite dull and lifeless and I just do not enjoy it. Sorry. Play Galaxy 5000 instead.
I have a story to tell you all that involves A FRIENDS NES WEBSITE. MY PAL STRX10 had a website called NES Zone and I wrote a review for this game on that website. It is probably a piece of shit review that I'm glad no longer exists but it was removed because some WEIRD GUY with AUTISM who hated me because I hated this game and also trashed Raid 2020. Yes this guy CAPCOMFAN picked up for Raid 2020. I uh, did not understand him then and don't understand him now. Apparently he went on to pretend to be Speed Racer on the internet. Like roleplay as that character. What a wild fella. I hope he's doing well. The internet is such a weird place. Anyway I still do not really like this game very much. I hate that if Minnie dies you are fucked. I hate that the boss fights are just HIT THE BUTTON AND PRAY TO GOD YOU WIN instead of any strategy. I think most bosses you can just keep Minnie instead front of you and you wont get hurt. However if she dies its really annoying. I don't enjoy this game very much. It just feels kinda blah and thrown together. I guess it's because just about every other Disney game on the platform was even better. I'm gonna call this game bad and portnoyd will probably yell at me. Who knows. I'm tired of talking about this game.
Yep, I'm talking about two games in one paragraph again. I think this will be the last time I will do that but who knows. Only the Shadow knows! and that's about what kind of evil lies in the heart of men. Not me. Anyway Mickey's Adventure in Numberland and Mickey's Safari in Letterland and I feel the same way about these games that I feel about Sesame Street and Fisher Price and all those games. For the entended audience of like four year olds these games are fine. Simple and maybe even fun for them. Hell the kids might even learn some things about letters and numbers. The only problem they really have is that both of them are really a bit to long for a four year old to get through the entire thing. Of course I was playing MEGA MAN 2 at four years old and not these games, but I cannot really call them bad, however I cannot call them fun to play for a forty year old man. That's how old I am now. I know how letters and numbers work. At least well enough to interact with society. I have no need for either of these games and I couldn't make two paragraphs for these games. Sorry. They are actually more uncommon than Metal Storm or Mendal Palace or a lot of HIDDEN GERMS. I wish I could see some YOUTUBE DICKHEADS get excited for these well made but not very interesting games. That would be hilarious. Anyway because effort was clearly put into these games and they work for like four year olds I will be nice and put them in the OKAY pile as they are not something that work for anyone above the age of four.
You know like every other little boy and probably some girls too I had a lot of toy cars. Little toy cars that my parents would call dinkies. I loved them like every kid who had them did. It was fun to pretend to drive around in them. I'm just saying that I don't believe I ever had any Micro Machines. Like Micro Machines were smaller than the cars I had. Anyway I'm probably wrong because I had a lot of toy cars. Anyway this is a game where you play as Micro Machines and drive around and I think it's a really pretty good racing game. The racing feels fast and I have ot have that in a racing game. YOu get to play all kinds of different stages and cars. YOu get cars and boats and even tanks! This is a really fun game and probably Camerica's best game. I wonder if THOR AUKERLAND still thinks fondly of Camerica and this game. I wonder where and how Thor is these days and why his parents decided to name him Thor. Such a weird name. He's not the God of Thunder!!! Is his last name even Aukerland? Anyway this game is fun but gets REALLY hard really quick. It has just twenty something levels and many of them are VERY hard to beat. I think it goes to far into TOO HARD direction a little bit but it's still a pretty good game that you should own if you collect NES and want to be cool you should have the UNLICENSED GAMES ANYWAY.
Another Camerica game and I don't really like this one. It's like uh, Top Gun mixed in with I dunno Life Force. The life force shooter parts are fine from what I can recall but the Top Gun face front stuff just sucks. There's only one of these games that I care enough to ever try and beat and that's Laser Invasion because you know KONAMI. I like some Camerica games and think they were a pretty good unlicensed company but I just don't care. Sorry if you want a longer review but I've already said that that type of game just isn't something I'm good at or enjoy. I hope you all have a good day. I'll be nice and put this in the OK pile because as I said at least half of this game worked to some degree!
GOOD GAMES: 190
BAD GAMES: 146
OKAY GAMES: 64
GAMES IMPATENT: 7
HAVEN'T PLAYED THE GAME ENOUGH: 3
OVERALL GAMES REVIEWED POORLY: 410
If there's a Metroid ad out there, I can't say I remember it.
ReplyDeleteThor AAAACKERLAND was a big deal. Was he cool? No. Lol no. But they really stuffed him in everyone's face once he went to the DARK SIDE. I vividly remember his face plastered all over Gamepro and what not (mostly in ads).
I have 2 ancedotes about him. One is normal and the other is VERY WEIRD.
The normal one is ... yeah, he won the NWC... for his age bracket. He didn't win the overall thing. So even though they advertised him as THE Nintendo champion... he was like 1 of like 6. But when you're advertising to nine year olds, facts don't matter.
The other is really weird. Apparently... and he may be just have been bullshitting me, but D_N_G knew Thor. Yeah. I don't remember a whole lot of specifics because it's been 20 years and DNG hasn't surfaced in like 5 but that's the scoop. The only detals I remember is Thor was down on his luck for a while and tried to pawn off the grey NWC he got to DNG. He wanted too much (lol now? not so much I am sure) and that was that.
Anyway, Metroid. Yes, it is very good and fun. I did not have it growing up so I am not into it as I should be, and I also have not played through it. This needs correcting! But it is a GROUNDBREAKING title. I agree, it heralded the switch of ARCADE GAMES for ARCADE POINTS into something MORE.
It really does need a map though. But that's what NINTENDO POWER is for. And yeah the passwords ain't great and the FDS version saves but what can you do?
As far as RABID METROID FANS, Damien would know best as he has DEALT WITH THEIR RABIDOSITY. Everyone wants a new Metroid game but they want a game as good as Super Metroid and in 2D which they haven't gotten. Fusion and Zero Mission are good but not on the tier of Super Metroid. Dread was crap. Everything else was uh, no. Prime is excellent but in 3D so that's out. Even though they really wanted Prime 4, they really wanted SUPER METROID II. So they'll never be happy.
On the subject of Zero Mission, it's a good game but it is less a remake and more its own game. They would have to strip out so much out of Zero Mission to call it a Metroid 1 remake. I look forward to METROID SCIENTIST DAMIEN C telling me otherwise though.
World GP isn't for us. It's for people who will watch a car go around a loop 500 times. It's not supposed to be a "fun" racing game like RC Pro Am, Galaxy 5000 and the like. It's for REAL TOUGH GUYS WHO DON'T PLAY FAGGOT SHIT. Nothing against the game, it is fine but it doesn't have any window dressing because it's not for us. Which I say a lot but as we age, it gets worse and worse.
Oh man, NES sites where you write for your friend's sites. We all did that. Good times. CAPCOMFAN is such a great later 90s/early 2000s username. He just needs like CAPCOMFAN1911 or something to round it out. And that's, uh, weird that he wanted to be Speed Racer. I want to be things but I am not telling people I do, nor do I actually do them. People are weird.
Anyway, Mickey Mousecapade. I have barely played this game. I can't really have an opinion about it. It looks fine and I like that it has DATCAPCOMBANNER.JPG but yeah, it's not true Capcom as it was made by Hudson. So that might be why you don't like it as much. I do want to play through it someday. Dan beat it for the bounty so you need to talk to him as he is the CAPADE XPERT.
The Mickey learning games are fine. I played through one of them for the bounty and having played through a few learning games for the bounty, I will say these 2 are noticably better and more engaging than any Sesame Street or Fisher Price title. That is a low bar. Also, yes, I agree these are more uncommon than Metal Storm but lol part of value is unfortunately perception and people perceive these as not exciting to have on a shelf. Whatever. Numberland is $75 loose now so I guess the perception is matching the reality of trying to get them? Or people are idiots. Probably the latter.
ReplyDeleteI am very concerned that you did not mention FAST TALKING GUY aka the Micro Machines spokesperson. Did you not have those ads in Canada? Oh man, you're missing out. Look them up. As a kid, it was like HOW IS THIS GUY TALKING SO FAST. It was great.
Anyway, this is a good and fun game. I would say in the top 5 of all unlicensed games. That would be a fun thing to argue about - the top 10 unlicensed games. I bet Tengen would take most slots. Unlike World GP, this is a more good and fun racing game because it's not serious as you are racing LITTLE CARS around BIG TRACKS or something. It is indeed hard and too hard for me to enjoy but I cannot criticize it. ALSO YOU USED THE GENESIS COVER YOU BUTT.
Oh here's an even more random ancedote about Thor. I went to grade school with a kid named Thor. Also from Canada originally! THOR WESPESTADT or something. He was a good dude but also kind of spacey. His brother was named BJORN. I assume they were NORWEEG. Recently I googled his name and found out where he ended up: he married into a family that owns a funeral home and he works there. Woof. Coincidentally the one my grandfather's funeral was held at. Would have been interesting if I had known that back then and if he was involved at that point. HI THOR MY GRANDPA IS DEAD HOW ARE YOU.
And this has been "Why Did Port Tell Me This".
I don't think I've played Mig29 myself so uh, what I say on it will be even thinner than what you did. And there it is. Camerica games are terrible (Bignose/Dizzy) or very ok (everything else). It'd be great if they just didn't publish Bignose and Dizzy games, tbh.
BIG NOSE AND DIZZY ARE FINE, PORTNOYD.
ReplyDeleteI love NORWEEG people and NORWEEG names. I wish my name was BJORN.
I would like to try to do hard mode and pick BEST UNLICENSED GAMES THAT AREN'T TENGEN but I don't even think I could get to ten!
I know about John Moschitta Jr. THE FAST TALKING GUY. He was also BLURR in the Transformers! He also was on one of the FIRST NICK SHOWS from 1979, a show called NICKEL FLICKS that would show old movie serials starring guys like BUSTER CRABBE (I think he was Flash Gordon and also Tarzan. I could be wrong) and BELA LUGOSI. It had apparently 110 episodes and FAST TALKING MAN was the host. It was also the first Nick show to get cancelled not even making it out of 1979. AND NOW YOU KNOW THE REST OF THE STORY
I think the Mickey Mouse and MARIO IS MISSING/TIME MACHINE's problem is that they try to be a bit more than a four year old can even probably handle and they really are a bit too long (especially the mario ones. I don't think most four year olds would play a game that long!). Still better than the Mario games but not something I ever played after I beat them like some weirdo.
It's weird because I also love Hudson Soft and think they did good games. I'll be somewhat fair to Mickey Mousecapade becuase it was early on and I'm not in my WACKY COMEDY MAN POOPS ON EVERYTHING AND SAYS ITS ULTRA BAD COMEDY PERSONA anymore. I like the blog posts because they feel the most honest and not forced. The comedy comes more honestly and easier.
Micro Machines really is the kind of racing game I prefer. It's willing to be silly and all that and I DIDNT KNOW I USED THE GENESIS COVER BUT I AM EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH TOO LAZY.
I wish you had mentioned how goofy/wonderful the name AMERICAN SAMMY. He is my favorite AMERICAN.
I kinda hope Thor got to keep that NWC and sell it to some crazy idiot for way too much money. I think the guy deserves it. I MISS DIRTY NASTY GIRL.
I have not played Metroid Fusion or Metroid Zero Mission. I did like what I played of Dread. I can't deny that Super Metroid is still head and shoulders above the rest. I AM WAITING FOR THE DAMIEN COMMENT.
I think the three hit punch of ZELDA, METROID and KID ICARUS really changed how games were made. Before that it was ARCADE FUN TIME and after that well it was still ARCADE FUN TIME but also MORE SERIOUS STUFF. While two of those series get treated pretty poorly I do consider all three to be VERY IMPORTANT SERIOUS GAMES if you are into the ART OF VIDEO GAME CREATION/HISTORY OF VIDEO GAMES or whatever the fuck.
Your NOWREEG name would be MICHEL (no A) LELELELE LAKEE YUNIOR (with a Y). This I COMMAND. Also, random anecdote, one of my workers at a past job was brother in law with a NHL player. He played with SWEDES and NORWEEGS. So you know how us English speakers will be like "CHINESE PEOPLE SAY CHING CHANG CHU" and "BING DONG DING DONG" (this is racist, I know but like, stay with me) as what Chinese people sound like when they speak Chinese? Well, the NORWEEGs say Americans sound like "BEEDA BEEDA BEE" when we speak English. So it's good to see everyone is wrong about how everyone else sounds.
DeleteYeah, take out Tengen and you got problems making a top 10. We should still do it.
Ok good I am glad you know about the Micro Machines guy. I feel any kid from our era who didn't was probably like Mormon or something and not allowed to watch TV which is really sad.
Coming from experience, I tried to get my son to play SMB1 at age 4 and he didn't do great at it. Like you said, I don't think these learning titles would push the envelope for him either (and I didn't try lol).
Early Hudson wasn't amazing (Like Bomberman 1 is really dull after like the 5th stage) but had decent stuff. I need to play Mousecapade NOW DONT I.
American Sammy is a great name. Now it's like SEGA ATLUS SAMMY or something because all these companies merged to survive. Not nearly as good and fun as AMERICAN SAMMY or even JAPANESE SAMMY.
Yeah I miss DNG too. He just kind of moved on. When I talked to him years ago, he hadn't played NES in a long time, it was all in his garage. Meanwhile he buys comic books like a maniac. He's like me, he HAS to collect stuff.
YEAH WHERE IS DAMIEN.
I agree that all 3 made a huge impact. It's a shame Kid Icarus got left behind (mostly) but you know what? Ok with it considering how much whoring out of the other 2 serieses has happened.