I did not expect this game to have an ad but wow here it is. I was afraid I would not have an ad to use for these six games I'm going to be discussing today. I love this area of Capcom ad and it was gone after the NES. Once the NES left video game ads really started to get gross like 1990s gross, slime and puke and all that shit. Just gross but fun gross. Anyway we have some pretty interesting games to discuss this time so let's get to it.
Hell yeah I get to talk about AMERICAN SAMMY who Sega bought and just call Sammy now. They are called SEGA SAMMY ATLUS and I'm like NO you gotta go BIG with your name now! AMERICAN SAMMY is friends with SEGA and ATLUS so BUY OUR GAMES FUCKFACE. That is now your companies name.None of this LAZY OH WE ARE SEGA SAMMY ATLUS shit. That's some SHIT son. Anyway this is a game I have not played before. I say that too much for this series of blogs. I think I must have gotten it confused with another FIRST PERSON DUNGEON RPG and like the CHINESE RICE SIMS I want to be fair and try this stuff but I just can't really do FIRST PERSON DUNGEON SHIT. I will ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS GET LOST. So easily. These games really need a hand holding guide for me to get anywhere let alone beat it and that's honestly not that much fun. First person stuff worked best when put in something like Golgo 13 or the Lone Ranger or Fester's Quest and even then could be ANNOYING AS HELL. I serioulsy have to put this in the TOO IMPATIENT TO PLAY this properly. One day I swear I will beat these games but I have no idea when that day will come.
This must have been a popular game because you would find it EVERYWHERE, yet they never made a sequel. This game is one of those deceivingly simple games. You'd play it and not even realize that there is an ending let alone four. Yes, this game looks and feels like one of those ARCADE POINT TIME GAMES but it's not that in the end. There IS an end to this game and ALL kinds of secrets and a lot of stuff to do. It's just I think it's pretty hard honestly. Don't get me wrong. I actually quite enjoy the game but it's not one I have beaten yet. I really should try to do so. Anyway the ending aren't that much different from each other. You just blow up more of the EVIL TEMPLE. This games biggest problem honestly is the fact that the jump slide you gotta do in a LOT of places within it is just kinda annoying sometimes. This game still has a lot of charm and is one of those games that if anyone tries to get you to spend more than $5 on it just slap them. I do not care if they are your grandma or a police officer or just some stupid youtube asshole selling games in their stupid asshole youtube video game store, SLAP THAT PERSON HARD. Do not go gentle in too that good night, rage rage against people trying to get too much money for Mighty Bomb Jack. That joke did not work but I am leaving it anyway so fuck you.
This game is $25 dollar rare. It is not $300 rare. It was a game that was found here. You know how I would mention the flea market at the mall that I would go to for like a decade plus before they got rid of it like the ASSHOLES they are, hell I remember going to that mall flea market when I was like 10 years old in the damn 1990s to get Garfield books. It's where I got the SEMINAL LITERARY CLASSIC Garfield Gains Weight. Anyway I spent $25 bucks for this at that Flea Market, but what was weird was I still had enough money to decided to go upstairs to see what was up there. I seriously would have all of my money spent but yeah. He only wanted that much money for this game and I bought it. It's honestly a decent enough price for this game that is really very well done. It's a weird SUPER DEFORMED ANIME VERSION of the first game. This game is tough enough to take a decent amount of time to beat. It took me years to beat it and I finally did thanks to the NES BOUNTY. It's Final Fight so it's really worth playing. I'm sure portnoyd will go NO THIS FINAL FIGHT THING WAS BAD. I mean classic Final Fight, YOU GOOFUS. Anyway, the graphics are pretty great, the music is pretty great, the challenge might be a bit harder than it should be but YOU can beat it if you try enough. Anyway it WAS a game worth buying but at 300 for a loose copy just buy something else. Seriously the amount of cool stuff you could buy just for this one game is insane. Get a everdrive and play it that way. God will forgive you for that.
This is the absolute best sports game of all time. Either this one or one of the sequels. It is perfectly made. Each boxer is different enough that taking them down takes time to learn how to do. It has great music, play controls, challenge (I still have not gotten Tyson down and I have been trying for a very long time). I went on about how they should make more Metroid games but what Nintendo really really really needs to do is give us a new Punch Out game. I am so serious about my love not only for this game but the SNES version and the Wii version is that I will buy a Switch 2 OUTRIGHT at it's INSANE ASS PRICE if they make a Punch Out for the console. I love those three games so much. Just smacking the shit out of these goofy looking cartoon guys is so satisfying. I have to ask portnoyd what is your favorite boxer from the ORIGINAL game which im saying is this one. No one talks about the damn arcade games. My favorite guy is either Don Flamengo, the MOST MASCULINE MAN OF SPAIN or King Hippo, but each and every one of them has so much personality that it's amazing. These are seriously three games that you NEED to play. One of the top 50 games for the NES! If every sports game was as good as this one I would probably have become a sports fan!
Millipedes are the grossest fucking bugs out there. They are just weird and freaky and I hate them. So I like this game becuase you get to SHOOT THE SHIT OUT OF THE CREEPY FUCKERS. You will know if you want to play this game or not. Are you into arcade point based games? Yes, even if I sassed the Arcade Punch Outs. I actually haven't played them... Arcade games got weird and I'm a fan of when things got weird. This isn't my favorite arcade to NES game but it's also a game that you can still find for like $2 to $5 and if you really need to collect NES games or retro games as a hobby in 2026 like some kind of SMELLY USELESS TO SOCIETY MORON then this is a worthwhile game to get. Personally I wish they had put FROGGER on the NES. I love that game. Anyway this is a good game but like arcade games there's not much to say about them except that.
This is a game that I like quite a bit but man it really does have some flaws. However this was 1986. This was a game that while not as important as say Metroid or Zelda or Kid Icarus. it DID alongside those games push NES games from ARCADE POINT TIME or PLATFORMER RUN TO THE OTHER SIDE kinda games. This game you play as well Milon (what a fucking weird name to be honest.) and he has to find his way from the bottom of this castle to the top. You have to fight different bosses (and these are one of the flaws of the game. they are more of a I HOPE I BEAT THIS AHHH KEEP SHOOTING kinda boss instead of a boss that takes strategy to beat). The other problems this game has is some of the stuff you have to do is really obtuse even for a game like this and just not having a save or even password function for a game like this is a real pain in the tuckus. Some of the stuff you have to do you have to REALLY SQUEEZE yourself into a small hole. Also the enemies can end up killing you too quickly. This game may not be great and have massive flaws but I dunno, something about this one I like. It's a game that I'm sure you could find for like $5 if you looked hard enough. Five bucks doesn't even buy you a damn slice of pizza in 2026! Portnoyd will poop on this game I am sure of it.
GOOD GAMES: 195
BAD GAMES: 146
OKAY GAMES: 64
GAMES IMPATIENT: 8
HAVEN'T PLAYED THIS GAME ENOUGH: 3
GAMES OVERALL:
That's a lazy ass ad though. I think I said this before on Mendel Palace but like, I get why the box art is used, so kids see the box at the store and associate with it, but like, be more imaginative. And I say that and then it gets into the 90s ads like you mentioned, plus then they get REALLY SASSY being like "IF YOU DON'T PLAY SKITCHIN, YOU'RE A FUCKIN FAGGOT" or something to effect. Or the ones that are like "THIS GIRL WILL TOTOTOTOTALLY FUCK YOU IF YOU PLAY LESTER THE UNLIKELY". The 90s were fucking weird. Like, the 80s were where pop culture emerged from its shell and then the 90s tried to one up it and did a very bad job of it.
ReplyDeleteMight & Magic is totally a map it out game. FUN FACT: I bought this a billion years ago complete and it came with the original owners notes and graph paper. I HAVE TREASURED THIS FOR A LONG TIME. Have I played M&M1 yet? No, lol. But it's really cool to have this stack of notes that someone really invested their time into.
Might & Magic is good and fun but also hard. I played M&M2 on the Genesis and it's an uphill grind primarily because it's way too easy to run into a fight that will obliterate your party early on. Fun fact: my exposure to M&M2 was through my asshole kid friend Kyle on his Genesis. As much as I don't like that guy at all, it made total garbage like Last Battle special and put M&M2 on my radar. When I started collecting Genesis, I made it a point to get it.
Plus! I have a SNES guide book that has a M&M2 walkthrough in it which is pretty much essential to getting through the game without going insane. And even better, they didn't release the SNES M&M2 at all so kind of lol oops.
I am glad I have EDUCATED you on Sega Atlus Sammy. A MARRIAGE MADE IN SAMMY HEAVEN.
TO ANSWER YOUR SASSY QUESTION, I think Mighty Bomb Jack is ok. It's very weird, in that there is a lot of hidden stuff and different paths and they make no effort to show, explain or anything any of it. The whole jumping on things multiple times to change them is wonky as fuck. And yeah it is hard too. But yes it does have some nice CHARM.
HEY JERK, WE BOTH PLAYED THROUGH THIS FOR THE BOUNTY. But I ran out of lives and you didn't. SO FUCK YOU TWICE. I am kind of over BELT SCROLLING games like this (I did not make this term up) for pretty much the rest of my life. Stuff like TMNT arcade, Sunset Riders and Final Fight now bore the shit out of me. I will not say they are bad but they are not for me anymore. This is a good game and I enjoyed my time with it but I doubt I'll play it again.
I have this sealed because the Capcom store in like 2002 found a bunch of cases and put it up for $30 so I bought one. I had a loose copy but this was the box and manual so why not. Years later, I traded my loose cart to a collector "friend" for peanuts (like, useless merch I don't even have anymore) to give him a deal and get him closer to his NES set, which he will never finish. And that fuckhead refuses to ever give me even a little slack on any deal I do with him, nor did he even thank me for the hookup. He's also a fucking idiot who thinks that thrifting 50 cent CDs and selling them on Amazon for $3 is a sound business practice. I could go on but he's just a dope. So now I have to emulate MFF if I ever want to play it because a sealed copy of the game is worth like $10k. For something Capcom dumped on their store for nothing! People are indeed dumb.
I was not aware of your INTENSE MAN LOVE for Punch Out. It is an excellent game and extremely well made, but I don't have the timingness (a word I just made up) to ever get past the first Great Tiger. Yeah. I stink at the game. My favorite boxer is VODKA DRUNKENSKI aka SODA POPINSKI pretty much for the name swap only. I don't have a lot more to say about Punch Out. I like the vibe of the arcade version even though it's even harder. Did you like Wii Punch Out too? I appreciate what they did with it but my god, it's like unplayable imo. Using the WII MOTE is too hard.
ReplyDeleteMillipede is a fine game. Not my favorite either but it's a solid port except the play window is really small for some reason. I played Centipede on the Atari 5200 a lot when I was very little but for whatever reason, rarely played this one. Oh well.
I actually like Milon's Secret Castle quite a bit. I rented it back in the day and never got out of the well, and then I played it before we left NJ and beat it. I am pretty sure I only checked online for 1 thing, so while I agree it's obtuse as fuck, if you played NES before like we have, you can figure it out. It has some nice CHARM though. The controls could use some work, but the graphics and music for the era were pretty good. HAH THERE I LIKED IT EAT SHIT