More NES Games Portnoyd Will Be Wrong About.

 I’m making up for lost time because right now I’m quite bored and feel like talking about some more NES games. I guarantee portnoyd will be wrong about at least 5 of these 6 games because he’s a jerk. Who’s wrong.

Toho made Godzilla movies. And a lot of other movies. Toho also made video games. I was also curious what games they also made. I was going to be like THEY SHOULD JUST MAKE MOVIES AND STAY AWAY FROM THE GAMES but they made the two Godzilla games (and I actually like those games) and that makes complete sense but I had to look at John Riggs shitty video on Toho to find out what games they made. He is without a doubt the most boring asshole to make YouTube videos ever. I do not know how he has a following. He is a horribly boring person and I don’t like to see him show up on my YouTube thing. Anyway Toho’s first game to show up here is a big old piece of shit that is worth nothing and should never be played. It’s not bad because of the gameplay (it’s just jumping and smashing bad guys) or the music, or graphics but because of the SHITTY LEVEL DESIGN and SHITTY CONTROLS. They just threw shit out and didn’t even care about anything! The game is also somehow pretty easy but it’s still annoying and I don’t like it. Fuck this game.

City Connection is a game thats pretty fucking nostaligic for me. I remember picking this up VERY early in my collecting days. I also remember having a ball with it. It’s a simple arcade style game which makes sense because I’m pretty sure it was an arcade game! A very simple game where you have to spill paint all over the ground to escape the police some how. You drive around in your car spilling paint and avoiding cats and it gets harder and harder. The reason this game is more fun to play that say Chubby Cherub is that this game controls fine, the hit detection is a whole lot more fair and entertaining. This is a fun enjoyable game that you can still probably buy for $5. Well, it’s $9 now and I do think this game is worth nine dollars of fun but just buy an everdrive and save the $9 for pizza or a ninja turtle toy from 1989 or something.

This game is also incredibly nostalgic for me too! I remember seeing it when the Internet was actual websites made by people of all ages, from like 13 to 85 about just about every topic you can think of (instead of like 2 shitty social media websites and a video website in YouTube. Yes, I’m bitter. Fuck off). I found about this game on some old website and I played this game on an emulator and it was incredibly rad! This is a game where you gotta go all over the place to find stuff to help you to get to a different area to fight different bosses and this game is QUIRKY AND WEIRD and also pretty funny. I love the character designs and I wish they had made a sequel or something. If this were like 1998 and you could find NES games easily and for cheap prices of like $5 i’d say pick this game up. However this game goes for $20 and as an person whos trying finally to be at least a little bit of a responsible adult that’s money that could go towards a purchase of a MiSTER or a everdrive or something. It’s pointless to spend the money on this stuff when they are so expensive and so unnecessary but damn it was really fun while it lasted.

I think game shows are probably the lamest kind of television show ever created. I can name a shit ton of shows I like from all kinds of genres but when it comes to game shows I can name……4. I like Jeopardy, The Weakest Link, Who Wants to be A Millionaire and Supermarket Sweep. Honestly I think I might have only liked two of those shows for the time I got to spend with my parents. We’d watch Millionaire and Weakest Link when those were like THE BIGGEST DEAL EVER. Every other game show has never really been for me. I just don’t get it. So this is another game I don’t know if I ever played it before or not but it’s just seems to be a matching game. Maybe some other games? I dunno. all I know is it’s boring with a capital B. Let’s get to something better (I do like the Jeopardy games on the NES)

You know I respect that Nintendo still tried to keep the NES going years after the SNES showed up. What’s wild is that the NES stayed around until 1995 (I’m counting Sunday Funday as the final game released even if it is just a shitty version of Menace Beach) which was literally two years before the SNES was given up on. Cliffhanger is a pretty good movie. I like it quite a bit. It’s a very well shot, engaging, fun action movie. It even has the guy from Third Rock from the Sun in it! Also years ago I had an insane amount of patience for video games, mostly NES games. I somehow beat this game despite the fact it has some of the cruddiest, crappiest, shittiest, ASSIEST controls you could ever make for a video game. I don’t even know where to begin with them but they just might be the worst controls for a video game on the NES ever. I am not a fan. I do not like it. You do get to ride on the body of a guy though! Also it is better than the SNES game which is somehow the most boring beat em up of all time and that’s pretty wild. This game goes for $85 dollars which somehow feels really low to me because this game is honestly just as not easy to find as a lot of the games people go on about nowadays which just shows how silly the whole thing is now. Shouldn’t like all rare games make money now? Like this game should be worth more than Chubby Cherub. Seriously.

Unpopular Opinion Time! Keep Your Eyes Away from this post if you like this game! Avert them! Because here it comes! This game is a shitty pile of garbage and I fucking hate it. It’s a game that should be simple but they fucked up the shitty ass controls. I do not like the way this game plays and I don’t want to talk about it any more. I really shouldn’t have done two of these posts in a row because at this point I just don’t want to be typing anything at this moment. So I’ll stop. Fuck Clu Clu Land.

Another six games so you get the totals again. Woo.

Good Games: 59

Bad Games: 55

Okay Games: 15

NES Games OH Yeah, NES GAMES!!!!

 I was planning on doing my youtube channel again but I want to put actual effort and all that into that. I mean I think I could make it if that was the case. I need actual editing skills and a better microphone and all kinds of things I just don’t have right now. The lazy lame videos I made just gross me out right now. Is it possible to be really lazy, make shitty work and still somehow be a perfectionist? I don’t know but I do know that I need something to occupy my time in between watching movies and all that. Which means I’m bringing the blog back. To make portnoyd happy. I swear the jerk better watch the youtube video I make that is actually well made.

While I do plan to discuss other things again. Like comics and FINAL EPISODES and other stuff. I just feel the need to discuss another six NES games because well it was the thing I had most fun doing. I also want to get these games out of the way because well this just might be the most boring set of games I somehow came across. Really.

One of like three video game games based on bowling that I can think of. Bowling is probably the hardest sport to turn into a video game that feels satisfying. You can make satisfying Hockey games, Baseball games, Basketball games but Bowling just doesn’t seem to work. It’s weird. I think Super Bowling on the SNES is okay, but none of these games feel as satisfying as actually hitting a bunch of pins with a huge ass ball. So this game is made by ROMStar a company that made a lot of underwhelming games. Games I can’t in any way call good but I also cannot call bad. The worst is probably this game honestly. It’s really quite boring and I don’t like playing it. There is one ROMstar game I like and will consider in the good pile and it WILL annoy portnoyd when it shows up. So That’s good. This game isn’t an awful mess of shit that should never be played but it’s also not very exciting and your better off playing an actual game of bowling. The music is also really pretty shitty and boring too. Yet I cannot hate it.

This game is one of maybe 20 games I still haven’t played before. I’ve been playing NES games, just random NES games since I started collecting games in 1998. I had a collection of at least 600 of the games at one point. I just never played this one. I don’t know if I never owned it (the cover does not look familiar but it also incredibly generic as shit and I don’t want to see it again) or just decided to play something better, including the other three Pool games on the NES. In fact I had forgotten about this terrible, terrible game. This atrocious game. It’s the worst pool game on the NES. The rest of them are at least fun to a degree even if you suck at pool like I do. It’s just those games are honestly easy to figure out and control. This game was weird and hard to get a handle on and even hit any balls. I don’t even know what the hell to do and I just don’t give enough of a shit to try. I’m getting old and all I want is to figure out a game easily. Nothing fancy. Don’t do fancy! I can at least say I have now played Championship Pool, even if it was only for about five minutes. Five minutes I will never get back!

Hey, Can I just be honest for a second and say that I don’t think I’d played THIS game either. I never played Chess. I don’t know how too. To be honest I don’t want to spend my time trying to learn. Maybe when I’m 97 and living in New York Central Park somehow I can learn, but until then I do not want to play chess. It’s weird, it’s confusing, nothing is done with these games to help me figure out what the flying fuck I am doing, Just getting told THAT IS NOT A LEGAL MOVE!!! Fuck chess. I’m going to play Checkers, THE REAL THINKING MAN’S GAME. (also I hope this is the last Chess game I have to talk about. Also the last two games were made by the Software Toolworks. I don’t even remember any of there games that weren’t Mario is Missing and Marios Time Machine!)

Zapper games are a weird weird bunch. Some of them are weirdly simple (and they mostly work. like the black box games), some try to hard and don’t work and some try pretty hard and do end up working. Chiller is not a terrible zapper game but not that amazing. I don’t think I ever worked it but I somehow got working at one point with some emulator and now it wont work to retry it for this blog post. Chiller is sadly a game that really should have been cooler. Look at that cover. You do not get anything that cool looking in the game. It’s kinda like ghoulish shit happening to Fisher Price people in this game which is really funny in its own way. At least to me. Anyway this game isn’t awful.

Oh man. You know what this games means! Yes! I get to complain about the prices of Retro games online! You know how I mentioned how I started collecting in 1998! Here’s something I remembered recently. I asked a kid I was sorta friendly with if he had any NES games to sell me and he made fun of me. Yes, back then you would get made fun of for asking a damn question and even offering money! Now it’s like WOW SO COOL! I used to make fun of people who were like MAN THIS BAND THAT ACTUALLY FINALLY GOT A LITTLE BIT OF FAME SOLD OUT but I can honestly kind of understand those people now. At least a little bit. You were there when people thought you were a stupid worthless idiot with a damaged brain for wanting or enjoying this stuff. You were there in the long haul! Just to get thrown out for idiots who had too much money and idiots who somehow got popular on youtube! No I will not ever stop complaining about this. However this game may be rarer than we all think. You remember the Newfoundland rule (for those who do not, it’s the rule that if something shows up in Newfoundland you can no longer call it a rare thing. Only uncommon). Well I saw a LOT of games. Like stuff like Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers 2 and many rare games but I never once saw this. Not for a second. I had to buy this from someone. For five dollars. I remember some YouTube guys (that I liked at the time and still kinda like but I also hold responsible for ruining the shit out of this hobby) going on about how he spent $35 for this game. Or something like that. You could have spent that 35 bucks on so many fucking better things. This game was a waste of the five fucking dollars I spent on it. It’s a buggy, ugly, not enjoyable SHITTY FUCKING PIECE OF GARBAGE. The hit detection in this game is some of the worst garbage shit trash SHIT FUCK I have ever ever EVER seen IN MY LIFE. EVER. Fuck this game. Fuck people who ruined this shit. Fuck people who came in and took a big old messy dump on the floor. Fuck.

I’m probably going to be called a bit contrarian for this but I do not think these are the worst games on the NES. I don’t even know why but something about these games amuse the shit out of me. Like something about these try hard Ninja Turtle ripoffs are kind of amazingly charming to me. I’m not in any way saying this or Action 52 are good games. They are not. They are poor excuses for video games. However, if you were to show up to my house with a super goofy looking 1990s comic book gun and said YOU WILL PLAY ONE OF THESE GAMES FOR FIVE MINUTES OR I WILL SHOOT EVERYONE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD and gave me this game or Chubby Cherub, well I’d play this game. Yes, I said that. I said I’d play this over a game that the YOUTUBE VIDEO WIZARDS have decreed is rare and worth owning. This game is like a so bad it’s good movie where as Chubby Cherub is a fucking pile of hot shit melting on the sidewalk.

Good Games: 57

Bad Games: 52

Okay Games: 15

NES GAMES I MISS ED ONE!!!!!!!! HAHAHHHHHHHHH

 Yes. I just realized I had missed a game. So I guess we will start the review off with that one game. So let’s do it.

This is the game I missed. It’s a sports game compliation. Woo. You can see why I forgot about this game. I don’t like most sports games and I don’t like most of these compliation games either. Most of them are just too hard for me to get anywhere in. I guess this game has fine graphics and sound for the time and I can see why others enjoy it but I don’t. I’m putting it in the bad category because I just don’;t like it. That’s the review you were sorely missing.

I don’t know what to say about most of the Classic NES games that haven’t been already said. I did this mostly to talk about the more unknown games. The stuff people never seem to discuss, however I felt I might as well talk about all the NES games and that includes the big name stuff that still does well today and Castlevania is fucking awesome. That’s all I can say is to agree with the majority and is a lot of fun to play. The graphics and music still hold up incredibly well. The gameplay has you whipping the shit out of Dracula and the Frankenstein Monster. The game is pretty fucking hard too but it’s more of that “well thought out challenging” hard and not ‘we just didn’t know what the fuck we were doing” hard. I’m pretty sure I don’t have to say anything else other than if you haven’t played this game you should.

This paragraph review will show maybe my hottest hot take when it comes to video games. CastleVania II is the only ‘Metroidvania” game that I like. I have never played Symphony of the Night and I’m not jazzed about ever doing so. I played some of those Castlevania GBA games and I wasn’t wowed by them. If I want to go search around and find things to get to new areas I will play Metroid. When I play Castlevania I want to slap around crazy monsters with a whip. That’s what I want. I much perfer the older Castlevania games that were mostly platformers with some elements of that in it. Keep Metroid and Castlevania apart is what I say. Still I actually like this game and think the only real problem is some of the “How the fuck was I know that I had to do that? You stupid jerk game” but otherwise I enjoy this game. I know all of this was a hot take but I don’t care. Agree with it or don’t.

This is the best Castlevania game on the NES, maybe the best Castlevania game period. It’s a massive improvement on the other two games. You get alternative paths and can one of several helpers to help you beat the game. The graphics, music and challenge factor have all been upped. I’ve beaten the first two Castlevania games but I have NOT beaten this one. It is a tough ass motherfucker of a game. I WILL hopefully do it once sometime soon but man, this is some hard shit. The game is totally worth playing and is highly recommended by me.

Another one of those “sports game compliation” type games that were all over the NES. I believe there’s ONE that I will be giving a good rating too. The rest I am just not a fan of. I don’t know what it is but these games want me to somehow input the craziest button combos EVER and also then do those crazy button combos incredibly quickly to get anywhere. I just don’t find that fun and despite the goofy comedy of this game (which does actually amuse me) I don’t find this game much fun. I do end up playing this one a fair amount hoping against everything that this time I finally get good at it and actually enjoy playing it but it never works out. Sad.

Oh goodie, it’s another Color Dreams game. Actually I should be saying it’s another Sachen game. Sachen I think was a Taiwaniese company that the Red Eye really tried to make a thing. I never saw a game under their actual name ever show up anywhere except for the ones Color Dreams bought and brought over. It’s a good thing too because the games they made were utter hogshit. This game is an annoying shitty pile of garbage that plays and controls poorly. Like “we made this garbage in one day” poorly. The controls are hideous and it just is annoying to play. Play control is probably the most important thing a game should have because you can look and sound good (not that this game does look or sound good) but if the game is annoying to control it’s all for naught. Anyway don’t play this game. It’s poop. it’s PORTNOYD poop.

Good games: 57

Bad Games: 48

Okay games: 14

Yep, we are continuing our fun time reviewing NES games. If you haven’t been reading recently, we’ve gotten to the Cs! That’s right 106 games have been reviewed! This is now the second set of C titles! Not titles graded a C but ones that start with a C! So let’s get to reviewin’!

Man this box art screams “I AM A GRAPHIC DESIGNER FOR REAL MAN” and I think I love it for that. It’s just a random blast of shit that’s related to poker including the word Poker! It’s genuinely hilarious to me. I don’t know why either. It also feels very 1990s too. Anyway the company Sofel is a weird one but I like most of their games and I think that this is a pretty good casino game, probably the best one on the NES. It’s a weird Casino RPG. You have to fight poker players and blackjack players before getting to the final guy. It has pretty good music and pretty good graphics and if you dig Casino shit you should play this one. It’s pretty neat. At least I think so.

Despite adding in Roulette (which is kind of a shitty game honestly. I would never play it if I went to an actual casino. Seems to random for me) this is a downgrade in every manner. Gone is the weird RPG elements, you could I believe choose to just do poker people first and then black jack. You could do it in whatever way you felt was best. This you go through 10 people, playing Roulette, Blackjack and Poker. You also play a whole lot less people in this game, I don’t remember how many people in the original but I know it had to be more than 10 players. It’s also a downgrade in cover art too. The first one was goofy 1990s looking crap but this is just the cast of Dynasty or some soap opera playing poker. Wow! Also because it’s my thing to annoy you all with stories of the ole days before everything went stupid, I think I paid $20 AND got this game in Newfoundland. I’m sorry but that now means Casino Kid 2 is not as rare as you think. Certainly not $130 rare. Still it’s not an awful game or anything it’s just not all that good either. It’s very OKAY. I certainly enjoy the first game a lot more. This feels like “Yeah shove a game onto the old NES” demand from marketing at Sofel Inc.

Oh boy! Here we have a pile of hot shit from the United Kingdom! Steamy, smelly blood pudding filled shit for you all to enjoy. Or not. This game is slow and ugly and very unappealing. You play as this weird looking douchebag monster thing and he has to jump up and get to the top of a castle or some shit. I’ve never beaten the first level of this game I don’t think. It’s because the play controls of this game is the slipperiest shit in the world. It is so hard to control the little monster douchebag. It’s one of my least favorite NES games. I would probably put it in the bottom 75 games on the NES. I don’t even want to talk about it any more.

You think I’d be able to get away from ANOTHER ONE OF THE WORST NES GAMES EVER MADE for at least a few posts right? You’d think that I wouldn’t find a game WORSE THAN CASTELIAN so quickly. But I did. Castle of Deciet was Color Dreams under their Bunch Games name. I don’t know why Color Dreams changed their name because they were unlicensed and all that and didn’t have to play by Nintendo’s rules of THIS IS HOW MANY GAMES YOU CAN PUT ON OUR NINTENDO A YEAR PAY ATTENTION TO IT JERK OR I WILL STAB YOUR ASSHOLE. I would watch a Color Dreams documentary movie. I would not play any of their NES games (actually I probably will because I’m that foolish and sad) This game is a weird mess of garbage. It has the same problem every Color Dreams has which is really shitty play control. It also has the same problem of “Let’s just jam shit into levels all willy nilly without thinking of how players are even supposed to get past this without dying”. Like so many enemies and stuff placement is just thrown all over the place without any care. I would not play this game at all.

This game is pretty weird. It’s a sidescroller where all you do is fight bosses. It’s strange. It’s a lot like Sword Fighter. I think the games are connected somehow. I don’t know or care. This game is pretty enjoyable but also janky as shit. It’s pretty enjoyable to try to find out the right weapon to fight the right boss. It’s also pretty hard. Sometimes it’s fair hard and sometimes it’s hard because the hit detection is weird and shitty and sometimes you’ll just jump into a pit because of kinda crummy play control. It’s a janky ass game that I dunno if I can call GOOD but I like it too much to call it BAD so I guess that means I will end up putting it in the OKAY section.

This is another pretty interesting game that I kinda like but I also can’t really call good. I don’t know if it totally deserves to be considered SHIT like most people do consider it. I’ll put it in the okay section again. Anyway you play as a weird little FANCY DANDY FOP who has to save a princess or some shit from Satan. That’s clearly Satan on the game cover. Anyway, you have to go through a maze like Castle to save everyone. Honestly the only real problem this game has is that if you fall from to high a height you die and that’s bullshit no matter what game. The good guy should be able to jump down 34 stories to the ground and not get hurt. They CERTAINLY should be able to jump off a 1 foot thing and not die. It’s very annoying but I don’t hate this game or anything. I still kinda like this one.

Good Games: 54

Bad Games: 45

Okay games: 14

NES Games? Still! WHAT!?

 Yep, It’s another post on NES games. I do it for three reasons. 1) trying to spend as much time possible away from Twitter. 2) right now they are the easiest thing to discuss and the one I really want to discuss 3) anything that keeps me from freaking out about the weird issue with my ear. I don’t know if its sinus stuff from when I was sick or not because it’s some kind of blockage but I can easily put a q-tip in there and nada. It’s annoying and I’m not a fan. Anyway we have finally gotten to the C’s in our NES Game Reviews! That’s pretty wild. 100 games in! There are 48 games that start with C here! So let’s get to the first six!

One thing that is very easy about these games is that I’ve been playing NES games like the vast majority of them since I found emulation in 1997. That is closer to 30 years ago than I would like to admit. That’s a long time to play games. I don’t need to read or reread a comic or research a TV show. I can just tell you what I feel about the game because trust me I’ve played most NES games a lot. I remember Cabal being a game I got pretty soon after I bought my second NES (actually I believe it was given to me. I don’t know) and I think Cabal might even have been one of the games I got with it. I know I had it because it’s a game that was everywhere and I liked playing it. I still like playing it. I mean those early games I was just given were a weird bunch. X-Men, Ghostbusters, like 3 copies of Mario, Cabal and Snow Brothers (yes that Snow Brothers was given to me free of charge because someone wanted it out of there house.) Anyway, Cabal is a game where you just shoot stuff in a first person view. It’s kinda like those levels in the original Contra. I think Cabal does want it sets out to incredibly well and I enjoy playing it. It has a good fair challenge and I enjoyed beating it. I have fond memories of this game and if you are still stupid enough to collect NES games in 2023 (almost 2024) this one should still only be under $5, wait according to price charting people want $11 for this? Wow. I wish I had kept my collection to resell at TODAYS prices because I’d be fucking rich.

I complained to DISCORD earlier that the next set of games weren’t great and I mean that in two ways. Two of these upcoming games are very not good. one is at best okay and one I can’t really say much about. Caesars Palace is the game I can’t say much about. You know how I was like “if you like fishing and video games you’ll probably enjoy Blue Marlin”? Yeah you can easily say this about Caesar’s Palace too, except replace fishing with gambling games. I like gambling games. I think they brought that stuff to the NES fairly well. Is this the most exciting game to discuss? No, is it worth picking up if you like me enjoy poker and blackjack and all that shit? Sure is. So with that said I’m going to get to the next game.

I honestly believe that with a bit more effort this game could have been amazing instead of just okay. I don’t hate this game but I really want to LOVE this game and there’s just not enough to love. The game is weird in that it’s a side scroller that has some RPG elements. Like you have to pick up jems (not the truly outrageous rocker) to level up Captain America and Hawkeye and that’s really all it. Maybe like not do that or put more effort into the whole concept there? It seems weirdly pointless. Whatever it doesn’t really ruin anything. What brings this game down is that in 1991, yes 1991 they just decided to make 4 level layouts and repeat them several times. This is not something I can say is okay for a game in 1991. So many games had so many different level layouts in that game. This game just repeats the same mostly not very interesting level layouts. I also do not like how you can’t play as Iron Man or the Vision. I think if this had been like Bucky O Hare where you had four (or more) characters to play as would have been really neat. Despite those issues I don’t hate this game. I still play it a fair amount. I just can’t rate it anything past an OKAY.

Is this my first Color Dreams game? I actually couldn’t tell but I looked and no it isn’t that was Baby Boomer. I can’t really get angry at myself for forgetting about Baby Boomer. Color Dreams games were at BEST forgetable and at worst some of the worst garbage put out on the NES. Sorry but I’d play several LJN games over say Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu or whatever. Color Dreams made their own games and brought over some Sachen games. Sachen reminds me of the Red Eye and how he used to be a cool guy instead of kissing Wata’s ass to be able to save a prototype rom that he can never actually show anyone. Anyway Captain Comic is mostly in the forgettable realm but it has a lot of stuff I don’t like. The controls are weird and I also seem to get stuck in the floors of some levels. Not a fan of this game and I don’t care enough to play the 1980s PC game (sorry Damien)

I am a fan of goofy old 1990s cartoon shows so I am a fan of Captain Planet. It’s cheesy, it’s silly, it’s hokey, but it’s heart is in the right place and is still a lot of fun to watch. I even liked it enough to buy Captain Planet action figures as a cool adult that other adults want to spend time with! That was a joke son. No one wants to spend time with me. Uh, anyway Captain Planet the NES game is not good. I know people really hate this one and I’ve kinda grown to like it. I still cannot in good conscious call it a good game. It’s pretty shitty. I just don’t think it’s one of the worst games on the NES shitty. This games biggest problem is when you play as the Planeteers you get hit once you die and your flying Planeteer mobile (I don’t remember the actual name for it) is a BIG target. Add in the fact the game wants you to shove this BIG TARGET in between some REALLY TIGHT AREAS and you got some very annoying shit. The game gets much better when you get to play as Captain Planet. the levels are mostly designed a bit better and you get to use all the Planeteer’s powers. If this game was just the Captain Planet stuff I think the game would be thought of a bit more positively or maybe I’ve just gone nuts. I don’t know and I don’t care.

Portnoyd is going to have a field day with this one as it’s a Rare (as in the company because you can easily find this game everywhere. You could probably pop open a grave in a fucking graveyard and find a copy of a this game in the casket. It is everywhere) I remember buying this for like $5 maybe? I don’t know but I do believe I found it early in my NES buying back in the late 1990s/early 00s. I can’t believe that was almost 25 years ago. God I’m old. Anyway this game hurts my eyes. Just something about it all just hurts my old eyes. I don’t know if it hurt my eyes back then also or not. I just find it hard to focus on this games style and I always end up dying quickly. I do not enjoy playing this game and I will leave it there.

Good Games: 53

Bad Games: 43

Okay games: 11

More Bitching And Moaning about the Popularity of Retro Games and YouTube Retro Gamers and Maybe Some NES game Reviews if you are good.

 Well, I’m gonna try to keep to my word of using Twitter less. Twitter is a place where I just end up being depressed and feeling shitty after I use it. Maybe if I didn’t go into yelling at dopey hardcore conservatives I’d feel better but I doubt it. Anyway it’s time to review 6 more NES games and finally finish off the Letter B.

Yes, I am in fact going to bitch about how much this game costs. It is not rare. There are 2 pages of copies, many that are complete on eBay right now. Rare is something you see one every 5 years. Rare is that thing that if you see it you pick it up. Rare is not something that has TWO FUCKING PAGES on eBay. A part of me wants to collect old Retro Games, but only the ones I owned or rented as a child and get them CIB and seeing Bucky O Hare for the NES complete goes for like 500-700 bucks makes my head spin. I am putting all of this blame on the first YouTuber who showed people where to go to find this stuff easily, which was Pat the NES Punk with his shitty Flea Market Madness, you then got SO MANY FUCKERS doing the same thing! I even enjoyed some of these videos at one point! I actually watch them now just to listen to them complain! Yeah you know why that flea market vendor wants $200 for that Super NES and 12 sports games? It’s because he thinks what he has is fucking gold because games THAT ARE NOT RARE I WILL NOT LET YOU FUCKERS TELL ME BUCKY O HARE IS RARE. I DID NOT HAVE TO FUCKING BUY THIS GAME OFF EBAY OR ANYTHING. I GOT IT IN ST JOHNS NEWFOUNDLAND. ANY GAME THAT WAS FOUND THERE CAN NO LONGER BE CONSIDERED RARE. THIS IS A FACT. NEWFOUNDLAND IS A DAMN ISLAND IN THE MOST RANDOM ASS PLACE AND THIS GAME GOT HERE EASILY. EASILY. I remember renting the damn thing! It’s not rare. Fuck Youtube Game shit and fuck me for still watching it. I guess I will now finally review this game and holy shit did Konami make one of the BEST LICENSED GAMES. As in games based on a license. Bucky O Hare was a comic created by Larry Hama and Michael Golden in the 1980s. It then became a cartoon after TMNT hit big. I remember having tons of the toys and enjoyed the cartoon even if it didn’t last long. It was a cool cartoon show! The game has great graphics, great music, a lot of really great level design (some of it kinda sucks but most is still pretty well done) and honestly a mostly fair challenge (again some points are very not well done) It’s a game very much worth playing, just don’t fucking pay $120 for it. If you pay that much for this NOT RARE FUCKING GAME I will punch you in the dick. If you do not have a penis I will glue one on you to punch it. Do not pay the price you fuck.

Ahhhh the Looney Tunes, the greatest group of cartoon characters from the Golden Age of Animation. I don’t think anyone will ever argue against that fact, unless they are a contrarian fucker. Portnoyd is a fucker who’s wrong a lot but I don’t think he’s a contrarian fucker. Anyway I either had or rented this game a LOT as a youngster. It was Bugs FUCKING Bunny for fuck sake and I don’t know what it’s like now but just about every flea market vendor that had more than 3 NES games for sale had a copy of this game. Like it was EVERYWHERE. I remember getting it again very quickly and easily. It’s admittedly a very janky and probably quickly rushed out game to get out in 1990 for Bugs Bunny 50th anniversary at the time. However, I don’t care what the Angry Video Game Nerd or anyone else says. I still like this game and think it’s mostly fun to play. It can have some hard moments in it but by the time you get to those moments you’ll have like 9,000 fucking lives that beating them shouldn’t be hard at all. The music in this game is seared into my brain and I will never be able to not hear it.

I love the fact that this simple puzzle game has SO many licenses attached to it. It was originally Roger Rabbit in Japan, then easily became a reskinned Bugs Bunny. I believe it has connections to a Mickey Mouse game, a Garfield game, the Real Ghostbusters and even Woody Woodpecker. That’s a wild group of characters isn’t it? This game was another game I rented a lot as a kid (or I owned a copy. I don’t know. this was nearly 35 fucking years ago, give me a fucking break) I just remember that it actually took me some time to aquire a copy of it when I collected games. I was very happy when I found a copy and pretty sure I went home and beat this game easily. This game is very easy. Very very easy. Maybe a few levels later on being hard but it’s easy to beat. I beat it then, left it soak for decades and then beat it again for the NES Bounty. I haven’t played the game since but I get the feeling I’ll come back to it again. It’s a simple, charming little affair that I enjoy playing.

Vic Tokai is a very underrated video game company. I am a big fan of a lot of their games. I also like how it’s just a guys name. Like that’s just a name of a Japanese dude. VICTOR TOKAI. Anyway, Bump N Jump is a very simple game. You drive in a car and you jump over areas to get to the next driving area. You can also jump on other cars or bump them into the wall. It’s a simple situation but CAN and DOES get very hard. I’ve never gotten past like stage 5 or 6 in this game. I’m still a really big fan of it though. It’s just simple fun arcade like action. It’s like a lot of NES games, it’s a simple concept just done really well. You’ll have a good time with Bump N Jump.

KID is a great company. They made games for Taxan and Capcom and Taito. I will praise all of their games very highly. This is one of the best shoot em up games on the NES. I love it. The graphics and music are great. The challenge is hard but mostly fair (I still have to beat this game but have gotten to the last boss before). If you like rooty tooty shooty games then Burai Fighter is a worthwile one. The game does try to change it up in some levels and change what you have to do and search and find something and I don’t really like those levels but other than that I will always say positive things about Burai Fighter. I am not very good at reviewing NES games.

Well this is the first group of games where I like every single game that I reviewed, at least I believe so. I wondered if I would find a set of five games where I reviewed them all pretty highly or at least decently well. Every game in this set of six games will get put in the good games list. I don’t know what others thing about Burger Time for the NES but I love it. In fact I like it more than the arcade game. I’m just more used to the NES game and the arcade game is just a tad bit different. It’s a game where you play a chef trying to makre burgers and living food like sausages and eggs want to kill you. It’s a weird game but I like it. It has like six or so levels before it repeats over and over again. I like to think I’m pretty decent at the game too so that’s a good thing. Final thing since I doubt I’m ever going to review every Game Boy game I will say that Burger Time Deluxe for the Game Boy is a game worth getting. I just like Burger Time. It’s a game Pat the NES Punk and Mr. Depressing (Ian) are wrong about. They probably like eating paint chips. The jerks. (this is also game #100! Woo!!!)

More fun to come!

Good games: 51

Bad Games: 39

Okay games: 10

NES GAMES COOL I THINK SO YEAH!

 As of right now, I’m hoping to quit using Twitter or X or whatever it was called. I went back stupidly for two reasons, some people I like used it for whatever reason AND I wanted to see how long it would take for Melon Husk to ruin the shithole. Surprisingly it is still up but it seems to be falling apart. It just does not do any good for my already shitty mental health. Twitter just helps put me in a worse mood and most of the time I’m already in a crummy mood due to stuff I don’t want to mention. I’ve made my points about the state of the POPULAR CULTURE CULTURE WAR that’s big on YouTube and Twitter. You know my feelings on the word woke and all that garbage.

So what does that mean, it means I’m going to be posting on this stupid blog a LOT more. A LOT more. Bringing back old concepts and all that. So let’s get through the B games in these next few posts!

Boulder Dash is a game that I want to like more than I do. It’s one of those action puzzle games, like Lolo or Kickle Cubicle. Kinda like those mixed with Dig Dug. You have to dig and figure out ways to kill enemies and all that, and I dig those games a whole lot. Anyway the real problem this game has for me is that it’s REALLY FUCKING HARD. At least I believe it is. I’ve tried to go back to this game and beat it many times, many many times, for at least 15 years now and I cannot get past stage 2-1. That’s as far as I can get into this game. The stuff the game wants you to do the kill the enemies to get the gems is just TOO FUCKIN MUCH for me. I can’t call this a bad game as I’m sure I will go back to it again I can’t say it’s one I’m very good at.

Break Time, it’s Pool. I’m sure you expect me to freak out about having to discuss Pool games but, there were only like 3 and I remember that I actually enjoyed one of them. I don’t know which one of those it was but I do remember enjoying it and felt it did it well. It was simple and easy to pick up for someone who has never actually played Pool. I could actually get somewhere in it and enjoyed myself. The game I remember liking was not this one but playing this game again I have ot admit that it’s a well done Pool game. I am not good at it, but I cannot tell you that if you like Pool and NES Games that you shouldn’t give this game a shot. It’s still probably a game you’d find in a $2-5 range if you actually buy NES games in this market like a sucker. Get a everdrive loser! Anyway, this does the Pool thing and does it pretty well. Give it a shot.

You know what when reviewing this batch of games, the new number of six, I realized I had missed one and had to reformat this entire article. It’s not hard to forget about Breakthru. If you were to look up the word “okay” in the dictionary you’d find Breakthru. It’s an unremarkable game that does things okayly. It won’t wow you, it won’t make you angry. You’ll probably forget you even played it if you play a lot of other games. I think it might be the most okay game ever made. It sets out to do what it wants to do in the most mundane manner. It won’t amaze you with it’s graphics or music or anything. It’s just “yeah that’s a game and it existed and I think I beat it, gotta go check” If you beat Breakthru you’ll have to put it on the list because you’ll never remember that you did or not. It’s just it doesn’t do anything really awful either. It just exists and is a thing. Sometimes I feel like I am Breakthru for the NES. I exist and am a thing.

Bubble Bath Babes is an interesting game. It’s a unique game. It’s an unlicensed game. It’s a very rare game. It’s also a god damn piece of shit. The unique/interesting stuff is well, it’s titties on the NES. Real ass titties! They are done as nicely as you can do for 8-bit Graphics. I can at least see someone getting a boner over this unlike the Atari Porn games. They made 3 games and they were incredibly hard to find. This game also god redone as Mermaids of Atlantis. I don’t know which is first and I don’t care because both are awful garbage and I hate them. This is a Tetris like clone and I just find it weird how awful it is and how badly they botched an easy thing like that. Some times it’s just impossible to connect anything and it just gets harder! So easy to fill up a screen with shit that never connects! Fuck this game. In the asshole.

Now here we have a stone cold classic. An arcade classic made into a really great little NES game. You play as Bub (or Bob) and have to fight through 100 levels and beat monsters by trapping them in bubbles and jump on them. It’s thrilling action packed fun. Okay yeah some levels are annoying and poorly thought out but the most of them are good to play through, the graphics are pretty great and the music is too. The only problem is that you need a second player to actually get an ending with this game, I almost got to the end with someone a long time ago and we never beat it. It’s just not a good idea to do that. Unless the internet lied to me and you CAN beat the game and get a good ending with just one player. I should play it again anyway, it’s a fun game.

I don’t know what the consensus is on this game if people like it more or less than the original. I just know that it’s another rare game that people never seem to actual talk about just talk about how rare it is, which yes I will complain about for every single even remotely rare game out there (and most of these games are not as rare as you think, something rare is something you see once every 3 years on eBay, something that you’ll never see again, not something that has like probably 40 copies on eBay for a crazy price. And unlike other games that rose in crazy prices this game always ALWAYS was 80 plus. I guess the Bubble Bobble name was still popular then and now it’s like YEAH I’LL GET YOUTUBE CRED FOR MY SHITTY YOUTUBE RETRO GAMING SHOW THAT SUCKS ASS for owning this game and spending who knows how much on it. Is this up in like the 700 range now or what? or did it just stop at 200 like it was for like ever, or at least when I was collecting. This was one of the rare titles I never had because I could never ever feel like spending 200 bucks on it.) Now for the actual review. I actually like this game better than the original. I like the graphics more, I like the music more, I like the levels more (although some are still “why did you do this you jerk?” kind of level design) and the addition of bosses is a welcomed one. Every 10 levels is a neat boss you have to fight. I’m a fan of Bubble Bobble Part 2 and I wish I had at least been able to say I owned it at one point but alas.

Good Games: 45

Bad Games: 39

Okay Games: 10

6 more games until game 100!!!! WOAH@!!!!!