I was planning on doing my youtube channel again but I want to put actual effort and all that into that. I mean I think I could make it if that was the case. I need actual editing skills and a better microphone and all kinds of things I just don’t have right now. The lazy lame videos I made just gross me out right now. Is it possible to be really lazy, make shitty work and still somehow be a perfectionist? I don’t know but I do know that I need something to occupy my time in between watching movies and all that. Which means I’m bringing the blog back. To make portnoyd happy. I swear the jerk better watch the youtube video I make that is actually well made.
While I do plan to discuss other things again. Like comics and FINAL EPISODES and other stuff. I just feel the need to discuss another six NES games because well it was the thing I had most fun doing. I also want to get these games out of the way because well this just might be the most boring set of games I somehow came across. Really.
One of like three video game games based on bowling that I can think of. Bowling is probably the hardest sport to turn into a video game that feels satisfying. You can make satisfying Hockey games, Baseball games, Basketball games but Bowling just doesn’t seem to work. It’s weird. I think Super Bowling on the SNES is okay, but none of these games feel as satisfying as actually hitting a bunch of pins with a huge ass ball. So this game is made by ROMStar a company that made a lot of underwhelming games. Games I can’t in any way call good but I also cannot call bad. The worst is probably this game honestly. It’s really quite boring and I don’t like playing it. There is one ROMstar game I like and will consider in the good pile and it WILL annoy portnoyd when it shows up. So That’s good. This game isn’t an awful mess of shit that should never be played but it’s also not very exciting and your better off playing an actual game of bowling. The music is also really pretty shitty and boring too. Yet I cannot hate it.
This game is one of maybe 20 games I still haven’t played before. I’ve been playing NES games, just random NES games since I started collecting games in 1998. I had a collection of at least 600 of the games at one point. I just never played this one. I don’t know if I never owned it (the cover does not look familiar but it also incredibly generic as shit and I don’t want to see it again) or just decided to play something better, including the other three Pool games on the NES. In fact I had forgotten about this terrible, terrible game. This atrocious game. It’s the worst pool game on the NES. The rest of them are at least fun to a degree even if you suck at pool like I do. It’s just those games are honestly easy to figure out and control. This game was weird and hard to get a handle on and even hit any balls. I don’t even know what the hell to do and I just don’t give enough of a shit to try. I’m getting old and all I want is to figure out a game easily. Nothing fancy. Don’t do fancy! I can at least say I have now played Championship Pool, even if it was only for about five minutes. Five minutes I will never get back!
Hey, Can I just be honest for a second and say that I don’t think I’d played THIS game either. I never played Chess. I don’t know how too. To be honest I don’t want to spend my time trying to learn. Maybe when I’m 97 and living in New York Central Park somehow I can learn, but until then I do not want to play chess. It’s weird, it’s confusing, nothing is done with these games to help me figure out what the flying fuck I am doing, Just getting told THAT IS NOT A LEGAL MOVE!!! Fuck chess. I’m going to play Checkers, THE REAL THINKING MAN’S GAME. (also I hope this is the last Chess game I have to talk about. Also the last two games were made by the Software Toolworks. I don’t even remember any of there games that weren’t Mario is Missing and Marios Time Machine!)
Zapper games are a weird weird bunch. Some of them are weirdly simple (and they mostly work. like the black box games), some try to hard and don’t work and some try pretty hard and do end up working. Chiller is not a terrible zapper game but not that amazing. I don’t think I ever worked it but I somehow got working at one point with some emulator and now it wont work to retry it for this blog post. Chiller is sadly a game that really should have been cooler. Look at that cover. You do not get anything that cool looking in the game. It’s kinda like ghoulish shit happening to Fisher Price people in this game which is really funny in its own way. At least to me. Anyway this game isn’t awful.
Oh man. You know what this games means! Yes! I get to complain about the prices of Retro games online! You know how I mentioned how I started collecting in 1998! Here’s something I remembered recently. I asked a kid I was sorta friendly with if he had any NES games to sell me and he made fun of me. Yes, back then you would get made fun of for asking a damn question and even offering money! Now it’s like WOW SO COOL! I used to make fun of people who were like MAN THIS BAND THAT ACTUALLY FINALLY GOT A LITTLE BIT OF FAME SOLD OUT but I can honestly kind of understand those people now. At least a little bit. You were there when people thought you were a stupid worthless idiot with a damaged brain for wanting or enjoying this stuff. You were there in the long haul! Just to get thrown out for idiots who had too much money and idiots who somehow got popular on youtube! No I will not ever stop complaining about this. However this game may be rarer than we all think. You remember the Newfoundland rule (for those who do not, it’s the rule that if something shows up in Newfoundland you can no longer call it a rare thing. Only uncommon). Well I saw a LOT of games. Like stuff like Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers 2 and many rare games but I never once saw this. Not for a second. I had to buy this from someone. For five dollars. I remember some YouTube guys (that I liked at the time and still kinda like but I also hold responsible for ruining the shit out of this hobby) going on about how he spent $35 for this game. Or something like that. You could have spent that 35 bucks on so many fucking better things. This game was a waste of the five fucking dollars I spent on it. It’s a buggy, ugly, not enjoyable SHITTY FUCKING PIECE OF GARBAGE. The hit detection in this game is some of the worst garbage shit trash SHIT FUCK I have ever ever EVER seen IN MY LIFE. EVER. Fuck this game. Fuck people who ruined this shit. Fuck people who came in and took a big old messy dump on the floor. Fuck.
I’m probably going to be called a bit contrarian for this but I do not think these are the worst games on the NES. I don’t even know why but something about these games amuse the shit out of me. Like something about these try hard Ninja Turtle ripoffs are kind of amazingly charming to me. I’m not in any way saying this or Action 52 are good games. They are not. They are poor excuses for video games. However, if you were to show up to my house with a super goofy looking 1990s comic book gun and said YOU WILL PLAY ONE OF THESE GAMES FOR FIVE MINUTES OR I WILL SHOOT EVERYONE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD and gave me this game or Chubby Cherub, well I’d play this game. Yes, I said that. I said I’d play this over a game that the YOUTUBE VIDEO WIZARDS have decreed is rare and worth owning. This game is like a so bad it’s good movie where as Chubby Cherub is a fucking pile of hot shit melting on the sidewalk.
Good Games: 57
Bad Games: 52
Okay Games: 15
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