You know I really honestly kinda want to get into these games. I really do think there's something there once you get over the hump. It's just that hump of learning about how to do the game properly just makes me so fucking lethargic. I could be so alert like I'm on 85 monster energy drinks nad my heart is pounding like a jackhammer and I can't sleep but the second I turn on a single Koei game I just want to go to sleep. I really want to be more fair to these games but getting over that hurdle or hump or whatever the fuck is so damn hard. However I am going to use this place to SASS a boring asshole who used to post on NintendoAGE. his name was THE WIZARD or THE LIZARD or some shit and he was like the biggest fan of these games. Like so big. He also hated Super Mario Brothers 3. If it were just like I don't like platformers and I like these games that you have to think about what to do, I'd at least be able to say yeah I can get that. I mean they were made for strategic thinking and all that. However he would also claim that X-Men and Conan were GREAT games and some of his favorites and no. That's no. You sir are a contrarian. I hate to say that because I do stick up for some unpopular shit and dislike some popular shit but no. There is no fucking way you can enjoy Conan or X-Men. Seriously. What a chode. I'm shoving this game into the IMPATIENT pile and I cannot wait till I am done with the Koei games which will happen in the letter U, when I am almost fucking done. Wonderful. Fuck.
This game is one of those TOP GUN like games. I mean there's more to it then that too where you do some platforming shit and also 3D first person mazes. So I will give this the badge of BEST TOP GUN STYLE game because they put effort into it. There's another reason it's the best is because I was actually able to shoot down a few planes before they killed me i none hit. I actually got to the boss. Or what I think is the boss. It killed me but the fact I can get somewhere in this game literally makes it the best. That is NOT something I can do anywhere else. So congrats Konami you did it. A TOP GUN style game that I will actually come back to and maybe even try to beat it. Konami is cool!
Last Action Hero is a weird parody movie of Arnold Schwartzenegger movies that just happened to star Arnold Schwartzenegger himself. It was weird and wild and ridiculous. I dunno how many people like it but I do. However I am a god damn sucker for Arnie. I will watch him in any movie no matter what it is and enjoy it. I am a sucker for all of those 1990s action movie stars and they are better than whoever we have today. Chris Pratt? Fuck that. He's a GOOFY GOOBER not an ACTION MAN. Get that shit offa my movie screen bitches! Anyway enough of my movie reviews for 30 year old movies that no one really care about anymore. How is the NES game? It's a god damn fucking worthless piece of shit and I hate it so fucking much. It's a beat em up. Where punching and kicking regular enemies is really hard and all you want to do is jump over them. That is NO fucking good. In a beat em up you want to slap the shit out of the enemies. Kicking and punching them. This game has you jump over them. Weirdest thing about this game is the actual bosses are real pushovers and if you can get through like four stages you can beat this game. I'm sorry but a game you can beat in 15 minutes should not exist in 1993. Fuck this game and fuck Sony Imagesoft games. Jesus CHRIST.
This is a game I am sure I have never played. I am pretty sure that JALECO'S NES game THE LAST NINJA sat on my bookcase where I put all of my NES games forever. Always getting picked over. So I have now played it. It is not a very good game. I do not think isometric works very well on the NES. I am not a big fan. I really like Isolated Warrior and I like two others in the S but I think they would all be better if they weren't isometric. The problem is the controls just MESS ME UP AND IT'S NOT FUN TO PLAY. Then you get to fight some random punks and it's just HOPE YOU HIT THE BUTTON ENOUGH for them to fall down and die. It's just not a lot of fun. I don't like it. I am done talking about this crap. Fuck the Last Ninja.
I enjoyed The Last Starfighter the last time I saw it. Like 25 years ago. I don't really remember anything about it except the main plot of someone getting really good at arcade game gets to help aliens take down some WAR ALIENS. It's nothing simple but it was fun and cute. I do want to watch it again but there are so many things I want to watch and or re-watch so who knows if I ever will. Still I don't think it was a big hit. I guess it was one of those movies that got big because it was shown on HBO or whatever stations like that. Anyway Mindscape bought the license and then just put it on a fucking computer game. Like Conan was brought over. I don't know what game it was because I forgot it and I don't like it. This is a game that feels like it was from 1983 that was brought into 1989 or whenever this game came out. You had like twenty better choices for a ROOTY TOOTY SHOOTY game. This game has your ship move too fast and you can die by hitting things that don't look like they are in the way at all. I think you have to find a random amount of things to shoot up to beat the level and I just don't care. I see no reason why I should play this crap when I can play Guardian Legend of Gun-Nac or Gradius or any other shooty game on the NES. At least Starship Hector can say it was made in 1986 and WAS STILL BETTER THAN THIS SHIT. I would rather watch the reboot/sequel they want to try to make because they want to remake the entirety of the past over playing this game. Shit. Trash. Garbage. Portnoyd probably loves this game.
I don't think I ever played this game before so I did just now. I picked Pretty Amy and lol you can see her 8 BIT PANTIES IN THIS GAME. Japan you wild rascal! It also seems to uh work well enough for a golf game. I think its alright enough I guess. I'm sure you can get somewhere in it i you tried. I want to get to a fighting point so I can kick someones ass. IN FIGHTING GOLF. This game apparently inspired the Simpsons writers to create LEE CARVELLO'S PUTTING CHALLENGE in the classic BoneStorm episode. Which is a great running joke for that episode and if this game has to gunk up video game stores for the rest of time so we get that joke I'm sure glad it exists. I guess I will put this in the okay pile becuase I at least want to play long enough to kick someones ass. That's something.
GOOD GAMES: 159
BAD GAMES: 127
OKAY GAMES: 55
GAMES IMPATIENT WHATEVER BLAH: 6
TOTAL GAMES: 347
That Laser Invasion is like Exhibit C (because there are better examples I'm sure) of a game ad that makes the actual game waaaaaaaaaaaay more interesting than it actually is. Also, R@R3 amirite.
ReplyDeleteLol the_wizard_666 had some impressively bad opinions. He wasn't a complete NA scumbag, or possibly even half of one, or even close to half as bad as that Tanooki nitwit, but man, he just knew the wrong things to say. I do give him credit for him summoning me onto nuNintendoAge a few years ago when that Wata scam shit was hitting a head.
It's weird, some people there liked that I was there, even though I spent most of my time telling them how much I hated being around them. Part of it was my opinions, largely identical to yours that you've stated over multiple posts, they agreed with. But because NA is full of BIG PERSONALITIES and BIGGER DOUCHEBAGS, that opinion never gained steam. Oh well. The truth is even if I was the most ardent voice, there was nothing stopping the train of failure that hit comics and cards from coming to videogames. It was inevitable because there are awful people who ONLY care about collectibles for making money and the only way to stop them is to literally kill them.
Anyway, what I like about L'Empereur is it comes with a thick manual and like 3 maps. My copy of it is PUFFED (omfg -2.5 points on the cuntbag Wata rating scale). I bought it that way and I am happy with it even though it might take a decade or two to play it, kinda like you.
I briefly played Laser Invasion and it did nothing for me. But true, it is Konami so there is some hope.
I like Last Action Hero too. The end when they return to the real world is a little meh, but they do a great job of making a ridiculous movie world. Arnold is a true star and anyone else would not have been able to prop this movie up. Also, I remember reading about this movie being made and they referred to Arnold as "Arno". That gave me douchechills.
The game itself is a turd. Why do they have a fist at the top like they are going to give you another weapon. Such epically bland gameplay. Punch, move forward, punch, jump, crouch, punch. It's Kung Fu but somehow incredibly boring. The splash screens were encoded on a potato and you can barely tell where the still is from in the movie. Maybe it's a hair above turd, but there's no reason to play it.
The Last Ninja is a C64 game that shouldn't have hit the NES. It's clunky and more of an adventure/graphic adventure game than COOL NINJA STUFF. The isometric control is godawful and done poorly. I have tried to play this game MULTIPLE times and turned off the NES in disgust. It's just not good.
NO I DONT, YOU FUCK GRAPIST FUCK
The best part about Last Starfighter is I have it signed by Lance Guest THE LAST STARFIGHTER. Otherwise the game is a rotten turd. You are stuck to a band in the center and can only move up and down. GOOD LUCK DODGING ANYTHING. They turned off enemy collision for a reason. The graphics barely cut it for a Atari 5200 game. Bland as shit graphics make it worse.
Of all the golf games out there, Lee Trevino's is the one I don't think I played. I have been meaning to sleeze into a PGA Tour Golf thing that he goes to everywhere and bug him for an autograph. That's probably more exciting than this game.
Everyone except you on NintendoAge were giant GOOBERS.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait till all of this shit just become unsustainable and you can't make money on it. It has to come. So many people just did crazy shit behind the scenes to make this stuff rare and so many people will just give up on it. I dunno. I just hope that in the long haul I'll be able to buy dumb shit like Tiny Toon Adventures trading cards at not insane prices. Yeah the amount of people who want that stuff is like me adn only me and im not paying $300 for the stuff.
I did not get to fight someone in Lee Trevino's fighting golf but seeing pretty amy's panties was very lol-worthy. Japan ya wild but I love ya.
Did he say anything about the games? Do these people ever say anything about these games? was he like Christ I wish they made a game that wasn't a shitty turd. I think it's also another piece of shit from the C64 that they should have just left on the C64.
Last Ninja is at least better than the Last Starfighter. I do like that they actually seemed to try something but it's not very fun at all and I don't like it.
I'm just amazed that if you were to force yourself to beat Last Action Hero you probably could do it in 15 minutes. That's not very good for 1993.
Laser Invasion is clearly the best of these games lol. Gotta give it that much hahaha.
Ok I am now going to REPLY to your REPLIES. They will be shorter just so I can go through the *counts them* 14 posts that need reply replies. I may not make it through all of them and if I don't I am sorry but I am going to call it on reply replies for a while.
DeleteThere were decent people on NA. Most of them were people from other forums, yes, but decent. And the former owner Dain. He didn't like the userbase either lol.
DeleteI don't know when it will collapse. I called for game collecting crash a decade ago and VERY WRONG. The problem now is the people who can manipulate the market are the ones with a lot of money so they don't want to lose their money so they do what they can to prevent it. And unfortunately there are a lot of goddamn suckers out there.
I always thought Fighting Golf would have fighting too.
I should do a short blog post about autograph comments. I will do that this weekend, maybe sooner if I finish these reply replies.
I got halfway through Last Action Hero by brute force. I believe it that you could beat it in 15 minutes. Just a cash in I guess.
I will have to give Laser Invasion a better chance. I just always associate it with the Laseractive headset or whatever it was called and feel I need to break it out to play it which isn't true. I'm not smart.
Some guy on youtube called RETRO RICK who I used to honestly like becuase he seemed likable until the WOW I GET FREE MONEY FROM YOUTUBE AND AD SPONSORS YEAH. He has a store and apparently people are selling their collections. I hope it means more and more people sell this shit.
DeleteI kinda want to beat Last Action Hero because it's so short but I also want to enjoy my life so probably not.
I am certain I saw a video of someone Fighting someone else in that game but I have no idea on how to get to the fighting or if I even watn to load up that rom again.