You can tell by the title that I'm at least going to enjoy discussing four of the six games today. That's pretty good. Anyway I just had to talk about something that wasn't Marville so don't expect two posts every day but who the hell knows. This blog is gonna to be overflowing with content soon enough. You'll get sick reading this stuff. Anyway I own a LOT of comics from the late 1980s and early 1990s and I have NOT seen this Joint AD for Jackal and Contra until right now. SO that's pretty cool. I'm glad I started to do the post an ad of one of the six games I discuss at the top of the page of each blog post. It's really cool because old video game ads were pretty great. Anyway let's get into these six games and the SPECIAL 300TH GAME!!!! WOAH!!!
You know there's a time and a place for putting a lot into a game. Sometimes it's neat to have a lot of things to do. However this game already starts off on the wrong foot because it's not the type of game where yo uneed for it to be so complicated. This game has you fhaving to figure out so many things just to get the fucking plane of the ground. And for what, so you can do a bunch of Top Gun shit. You gotta go through like 10 different things and try to get it all worked out so you can fly around and do the shooting at planes. No one wants that. Just get to the fucking plane shooting shit. Something every other game like this did. You pressed A or B and you instantly got to the plane shooting shit. You gotta do all kinds of stuff just to play a game you don't wanna play. You gotta start the game and pick the right stuff and figure out how to just fly the damn game. This is actually another game I never played and I think it might be the last one I needed to actually try out. I hope it isn't because at least Hillsfar and The Immortal didn't have you jump through nintey six stupid hoops so you can play the damn game. Fuck the infiltrator. You play as someone called Jimbo Baby. What kind of dumb fucking shit is that. I couldn't even get the plane off the ground and don't want to figure otu how too. It should be easy as hell to do that, Like not even looking at a manual easy. I'm going to do something better like slam my penis in a car door.
Iron Tank is a game I have a lot of history with. It was no joke one of the first NES games I remember buying when I got my second NES in like 1998. I actually don't know if I bought it or if it came with said NES. I just know that I got this VERY early on. It was very much one of the first fifty games I got for my collection and it has a special place in my heart for that. I mean it still has some flaws but I was willing to at least try and play it. I never did get far until we had THE NES BOUNTY. I still haven't beaten this game. Most people consider it pretty easy but I still can't beat this one. The game has good music, pretty good graphics for the time. A big world to explore. The only problems with this game is that it seems you can get lost pretty easily and your tank gets stuck on things. You can also run out of ammunition near the end when the game seems to want to fuck you in the butthole. Still I would say it is worth the $5 I paid for it and probably is still $5. It's kinda nice to know that something at least worth owning for the NES is still as low as $5. It's not amazing but I still like this little game, even with its weird controls.
In between 1996 when I wanted to get back into NES but my mother was like no I'm not buying one of them for you and 1998 when I finally got one, I would go to my cousins, both of which were younger than me and they had a NES and a Sega Master System. I don't know how they got them but they did. They had TMNT, Blaster Master, I think a Mario game and Isolated Warrior. Later on they would get Castlevania II, RoboCop 3 and Raid 2020. It was clearly THE most random collection of games anyone could have for any system. We would play them a lot. Mostly TMNT, the mario game and Blaster Master. I don't think I played this game until I got a copy of it. I was mostly into reliving memories or playing games people really talked about like Blaster Master. However I really think this game should get more discussion. It is a over head isometric shooter game where you gotta shoot alot of weird fucking shit. This might be one of the weirder shooters. It's a decent challenge and I still have to beat it. I have gotten to the last level. It mostly has the same issue most shooters have in that if you lose one life when you get far in the game you might as well start over from level 1 because it will be easier to upgrade your weapon. Another weird thing is that the bosses show no like damage until they die. Still this is a pretty worthwhile game to own and I think anyone reading this that isn't portnoyd should give it a whirl. I'm sure he has already played it. If he hasn't he should.
Oh good Golf. I really do not have any more Golf movies to talk about. I have not seen Happy Gilmore 2 or Tin Cup. Who knows if I ever will? I dunno. I could I guess talk about the movie Who's Your Caddy? where a rap guy annoys a bunch of stuffy white people (one of which was played by Jeffery Jones in one of his last Non-Deadwood appearances) but I really do not remember that movie at all. So sadly I cannot do that joke again. I forget was this the guy Donald Trump talked about. I know he randomly talked about some golfers penis and then got to be President again. I don't really want to get poltiical but I'm amazed that people were all BIDENS BRAIN IS DEAD AND GONE ALL SOUPY but will be like TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP as if his brain isn't the soupiest shit out there. I dunno. This game seems to be kinda shitty honestly. It seems very not nicely made for Konami. It's like I kinda expected better. Like something easier to figure out and also nicer looking. I dunno. I will not really spend my time trying to figure this out because I simply do not give a shit.
Game 300 is no joke one of THE best NES games. One the top 5 made by Konami and I do not wnat ot hear otherwise. Jackal is a overhead shooter I guess. You play as a Jeep and you have to rescue guys and get outta town. You can run over dudes and shoot them and it feels so good. I will literally drive everywhere and shoot everything. I don't know what it is, I think it's the sound effects but Jesus it feels SO good to do it. The game has a lots of power ups which just makes things even more fun. The levels are well thought out and varied . The challenge is fair, each level gets a little bit harder than the last. You CAN beat this game and even get incredibly good at it but you won't fly through it the first time you play it. The music is bangin' and the graphics are well done. It's literally everything you'd expect for a NES game. If you can only buy 100 NES games this game better be fucking one of them or I will take a greasy shit AND a foamy shit on your collection. You will not want to play your games after I've been there so fucking buy a copy of Jackal. The only problem with this game is that sometimes your Jeep can get caught. That's it! I'm glad this was game 300 and not Jack Nicklaus and his 18 holes of fucking horse shit.
This is such a weird game to me. I mean Jackie Chan is pretty popular and well liked now but in 1990 you really would be hard pressed to find people in America who liked him. I mean probably a big nerd who was into asian shit like anime and Hong Kong movies but they were harder to find then they are now. Throw a rock these days and you'll probably hit someone whos into that stuff, but in 1990. You probably got laughed at BY the nerds. I respect those anime/asian shit nerds of the past. They knew what was up long before any of us. Anyway I'm seriously amazed that he got two games and they were NOT renamed. In 1990 Jackie Chan to Americans was the funny Chinese dude who was in The Cannonball Run. You might have known of the Protector or The Big Brawl if you were like BIGASIAFAN62 on Usenet or something. I'm glad Rush Hour changed that and brought all of his 1980s Hong Kong movies to the fore front. They are seriously entertaining. I'm glad Rush Hour brought him to America because he got to be in a lot of stuff and he deserves it. He's very likable. Rush Hour (or any of its sequels) aren't on the top of my list for Jackie Chan stuff but they helped bring in the INCREDIBLY AWESOME stuff so they deserve respect just for that. Anyway this game is incredibly cartoony (seriously the cartoony sprite does not look like Jackie Chan at all) but it's also really fun. You get all kinds of different fighting styles to play around with and the game has great music and play control, a fair challenge and all that stuff that makes a game good. It's very much worth a look.
Next time I might have to take another mulligan because REALLY I do not want to talk about four Jeopardy games in a row.
GOOD GAMES: 142
BAD GAMES: 113
OKAY GAMES: 41
GAMES IMPATIENT WHATEVER BLAH GO AWAY: 5
TOTAL OVERALL: 301
I will reply to your Marville post later because IT IS QUITE LONG. Also gonna need a drink or six to hear about the worst comic ever.
ReplyDeleteThat ad is great and who wouldn't to play both games after seeing it? JERKS, that's who.
The best thing about Infiltrator is the name. It sounds cool. The game is not. Mindscape + basically a flight simulator = for a very specific audience and it ain't us. These are like the white people versions of Koei games and done as well as a lot of white people made games. It's also kind of goofy and has the 1st person levels which are also not good and fun. YOU BLEW IT CLAWBO.
You and me both have history with I. RON TANK. For me, it's one of the earliest games I rented. And it was hard at the time and like you said, it isn't too bad now. The different paths were unexpected and weapon bar management was a thing. It also had a kind of... lonely vibe? Like going onto the pause screen was completely quiet, you'd get messages direct to you and they were kind of weird and then it's just the tank on the map... I dunno. I highly enjoy this game. I can't remember if I ever beat it though. SNK made good shit on the NES before ALL THE FIGHTING GAMES.
I have indeed played Isolated Warrior. It's by KID which means it's pretty damn good. I agree you can beat it - I felt the same way that if I practiced, I could do it. Kind of a HRRFDFDFGEFEN germ that is actually hidden. Maybe. I can't not love KID made games.
I beat Jack Nicklaus for the bounty. I was -50 over par. Yeah. Anyway, Happy Gilmore 2 is pretty awful. The only high point is his sons and they aren't in it enough. They are the only thing that will give you an impression that they remembered what made the first one great. The rest of shit, half pure shit and half literally clips of the first movie. Whoever gave Adam Sandler a Netflix contract is an idiot. Yes, it was Jack Nicklaus and Trump's brain is pudding. So was Biden's BECAUSE THERE SHOULD BE A HARD CAP OF 70 FOR ANY POLITICAL OFFICE. Anyway, this game was not any good.
The problem with putting Jackal in the top 5 of Konami is it is really crowded at the top. Pick one Castlevania, one Contra, one Gradius, one TMNT and one of the insanely good FC games like Crisis Force or Yume Penguin Monogatari and the top 5 is already full. Jackal is excellent. Period. But top 5 is tough because NES-era Konami was unreal. True mastery of the platform. I wouldn't mind seeing a TOP TEN KONAMI/CAPCOM post from you, would be good for yelling at each other.
HEY CLAW, HOW IS WATCHING "EVERY" JACKIE CHAN MOVIE GOING FOR YOU MAYBE YOU'D KNOW WHERE RUSH HOUR FALLS ON YOUR TOP JACKIE CHAN MOVIE LIST IF YOU HAD DONE WHAT I DID ON MY BLOG HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
You knew this was coming and there was no avoiding it.
Anyway, this game is incredibly solid and fun as fuck to play. Hudson was also QUITE THE CREATOR OF THE BANGERS as the cool kids say. Oddly related to my comment about Indy Last Crusade, I also rented Jackie Chan when I was sick and had the TV by my bed. Yeah. Weird I know.
The problem with Jackie Chan in America is they just didn't release his amazing movies in the US as is. They had to make new shit. And while Battle Creek Brawl is ok, and Cannonball Run II is not a Jackie Chan movie and The Protector is FUCKING HORRENDOUS, they all pale to Police Story, Drunken Master I, Wheels on Meals and a whole lot of others. Just dub them poorly and stick them in a theater. There is no lost in translation for Jackie kicking ass and doing stunts.
I will allow you to review Jeopardy as a cluster BUT you must rank them all the same. Which is probably what was going to happen anyway. Like, the golf games you slogged through were different enough that you had to split them up, but the Jeopardy games are all Rare garbage with different questions. That's fine imo. And if it's not, I'll just tease you about not reviewing every game individually when you finish.
Portnoyd told me to tell you that Rollergames is the best Konami game on the NES.
ReplyDeleteRollergames is cool!
ReplyDeleteI will watch more Jackie Chan soon and beat your damn record you shit. Cannonball Run and Cannonball Run II have JACKIE in them so you should WATCH THEM FOR YOUR RANKINGS. Same with the animated stuff. Dickass.
I'm glad you played Isolated Warrior.
NO IT'S NOT, DO NOT BELIEVE HIS LIES.
DeleteHE IS A PART OF THE MOVIE, JERK.
DeleteBUT NOT THE STAR, ASSFACE. Spoiler: I watched Cannonball Run I recently. REVIEW INCOMING
DeleteYou hated it like you hate all movies. Picky peter.
Delete