You know Rocky V, which is mentioned in this ad is not a bad movie. Yes it has some weird faults but I do enjoy it. I like the character of Tommy Gunn and how EVIL DON KING turns him away from Rocky. I dunno, I just like Rocky Balboa and his story. I should really watch those three Creed films. Rocky is a good series of films even if they get very silly like in part 4 when he stops the entirety of Communism and the Cold War. Rocky, you're the best! Uh, I would probably end up watching a movie version of Ikari Warriors even though I get the feeling they would not be good action movies. Anyway it's time to talk about another six NES games. So let's get to it!
You ever have a game that you liked until you REALLY got into it and played it and realized it is FLAWED AS SHIT. I remember getting Ice Climber for really cheap early on because the BLACK BOX GAMES ARE NOT AS RARE AS YOU LUNATIC COLLECTORS THINK. Not even in their HANGTAB BOXES. I am 100% certain that there are more copies of that stuff out there in random warehouses that are so big that no one has any idea whats even in them anymore. Just sitting there ready to be sold to COOLNESGUY1010 on Youtube who was born in like 2005 and wants to gatekeep people out of the NES fandom for liking woke games. I don't know what NES game could be considered woke but watch out for this guy. He's fierce and also very annoying. Anyway I liked Ice Climber until I played the NES bounty to beat it. Playing a few levels is fine but trying to beat it will make you hate this game. The controls are so fucking weird and shitty that just thinking about playing this game annoys me. I don't like it. The cool polar bear with sunglasses will always be awesome and iconic.
This is honestly how I like sports games, so simple that anyone can get into it. Again I'm still not very good at this game but I like to play it from time to time. I don't know whats about it but it hits my high standards for "A pretty good sports game that doesn't make me vomit from my asshole". The graphics are pretty good for the time and anyone can get the hang of if they put enough effort in. The music is pretty good too. Like there's not much else to say about this. I like when sports game are simple and I can actually get a point or two on them. Not much else to say about this game except it along with Blades of Steel are probably the only good game of CANADA'S HOLY SPORT HOCKEY. I can't think of any other good ones.
Oh man. Oh god. OH MAN. OH GOD. OH MAN. okay enough of a reference to an obscure movie I haven't even seen (but probably should as it looks weird and terrible) we finally hit the paydirt. the PAYDIRT OF SHIT. If you know me you know that I consider Ikari Warriors to be THE worst NES game of all time. This game also reminds me of early YouTube and it's in the weirdest way either. So you know there were like 9120 AGVN ripoffs and people just reviewing anything really so some random dude whos screen name escapes me right now started up something called Reviewing a Reviewer and he reviewed a guy named the Nintendo Rapist or the Gaming Rapist and yes he does mention how WHAT THE FUCK that whole concept was but it seemed he spent more time getting angry that the game this guy picked was Ikari Warriors. Like this was a game he loved in 1986 and was so offended that he spent like at least 5 minutes going on about the game choice. It was really fucking weird like incredibly weird. The reason it was weird was i've been talking about these stupid NES games since 1998 and he was the ONE person who ever said anything positive about this game. I hate this fucking game but I'm still weirdly glad it has a defender, I'm just never going to understand how ANYONE could consider this a good game (actually IGN somehow put it on its top 100 NES games so the game has two defenders I guess). Your character moves too fucking slow. My grandmother who passed away in 1960 could outrace these guys. Hell, my obese ass could outrace these two schmucks. So put in slow ass fucking guys and like 9000 guys trying to kill you, you just have a unpleasant and shitty time playing this game. Also you literally have to do some really stupid horse shit to actually get to the final level. Okay fine if you gotta do some crazy shit to get farther in a Zelda type game but FUCK that kinda shit in games like this. I just wanna shoot 10,000 fuckers trying to do something awful. It's just ugly, unpleasant to listen to, and I'm with the Nintendo Rapist and that's a sentence I did not expect to ever type.
This game is an improvement over the first game but that's not a hard thing to accomplish. This game has better graphics, better music, the character moves just a tad faster (still not fast enough to actually make it a good game). I mean the graphics are still bland and the levels are just gray as shit. The music is still not very memorable but it just doesn't hurt the eyes. The character does move faster but still not fast enough to get anywhere in the game without learning the SECRET which is just to strafe apparently. I mean that's what the person I talked to who beat the game said. I just don't want to play enough of this game to do so. I like that this game actually let you keep your weapons and even give you weapons more than one level but you'll get hit or trapped in some kind of stupid thing. You will be doing that ABBA code enough that your thumbs bleed. I just don't hate this game as much as I hate the original. It's still a worthless piece of shit that clogged up the NES library but I guess the NES had to have a little shit in it's flavor. I dunno, portnoyds the one who goes on about the NES' FLAVOR.
Ikari Warriors III is the best game in the franchise. Without a doubt, SNK dropped Micronics like THE LEAD TURD THEY ARE INTO A BIG MASSIVE SHITHOLE TO DIE ALONE and made this very okay video game. This game is honestly just kinda boring. It does everything you want in a game very completently. Nothing amazing. No really unique weapons or any wild level design. No urgent You gotta keep your ass moving stuff like Contra. Ikari Warriors III character finally moves fast enough and the graphics look good and the music again is fine but I don't see why you'd play this game when you could just reach for P.O.W Prisoners of War which is a way more fun game to play. I dunno I really don't enjoy this game very much. I'll put it in the OKAY games because unlike the first two games it works as a game and effort was clearly put into it. It's just why play this when you could play Guerilla War or P.O.W. or a billion other games. I'm pretty sure Ikari Warriors is the worst trilogy on the NES.
Image Fight is a okay enough game. It's a shoot em up or a SCHUMP or Shump of whatever the crazies who only play these games call them. SHCUMP. I dunno. I knew it before but those three attempts at remembering it do not work well. What's strange is this game is made by IREM who were a pretty good publisher/developer and I dunno this just doesn't seem like their best work. I dunno. This isn't awful but you have Gun Nac or Guardian Legend like 3 feet away from you and you should just play them instead, even if you have beaten them. I dunno. I just don't have anything to say about this game. It's like Ikari Warriors III, not poorly made or anything just not something that sets the world on fire. I wonder what PORTNOYD will say about this game. I hope it's a bit more than I said for it.
GOOD GAMES: 137
BAD GAMES: 108
OKAY GAMES: 39
GAMES IMPATIENT TO PLAY WHATEVER BLAH GO AWAY: 5
GAMES OVERALL: 289
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