One of the things I like to do sometimes when I'm bored is to read old blog posts of mine. I don't know if that makes me some kind of narcissistic weirdo or if the internet is so fucking boring now that I have to read my dumb crap. Sometimes I'll actually find a funny joke I made. Then I see like twenty seven unfunny jokes I make. My ratio for good to bad jokes is not very good at all. Probably one or two to like fifty. I do like those one or two jokes quite a bit. Anyway one of the reviews I re-read was of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre 4. I mentioned this movie and how I didn't really like it all that much. I figured after twenty six years I decided to rewatch it. I don't really want to spoil this review for all of you but I still didn't really like this movie all this much.
I like to mention this as much as I can because I like to talk about my history with a movie or tv show or whatever if I have it. So for like the first decade of my life I was not allowed to watch horror movies despite desperately wanting too. I'd watch scary things in cartoons or kids stuff. Are You Afraid of the Dark, Goosebumps, Scooby Doo and Real Ghostbusters. I even watched the fake Ghostbusters with the monkey just because I needed something that had scares or spooky things within it. Anyway one trip to Lewisporte, which was a place we would go to every year to visit family. I had a bad asthma attack and we had to go home. To get me to cut my vacation short my parents finally relented and did pretty much the only thing they could to get me to go home. They finally said yes I could rent the horror movies I'd look at before renting I dunno Harry and the Hendersons and Tiny Toon Adventures: Buster's Hidden Treasure for the Sega Genesis.
I don't remember when I finally rented the Texas Chainsaw Massacre for the first time, but I know I went for the original movie first. Most of the time I'd just grab whatever damn sequel I could to watch. It didn't matter. I was finally getting to see them (minus my dad like having to fast forward through all the boobies and murder) My dad mentioned how he had seen some of it in the theatre and how it messed him up. So one Sunday, I say Sunday because really all the tv channels seemed to shove the shit I did not want to wtach on Sunday. Which was nice of them so I could play Buster's Treasure Hunt and watch movies. I really liked Buster's Treasure Hunt. I don't remember when I saw Part 2 or Part 4 but I remember thinking they were very entertaining when I did see them. I just know that of the first four movies the Third one was the one that took the longest to see. It was just not at the video store we'd rent from. Or the other one. I finally did find a copy just to be very underwhelmed.
The director of this movie Jeff Burr is a guy who did a lot of horror movie sequels. The Stepfather Part II, Pumpkinhead II, Puppet Master 4 AND Puppet Master 5. Also stuff like Dark Night of the Scarecrow. It is also my least favorite of all his movies. Yes I like Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings more than this movie. This also might be my least favorite Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie besides Texas Chainsaw 3D which was a massive poop pile. I dunno I still haven't seen The Beginning and I don't really want to re-watch any of the movies made after Part 4. I'm still gonna say this one is pretty far down on the list.
The biggest problem with this movie is that the main characters are boring as fucking hell. They aren't interesting or memorable or fun or played by actors I even know. Like I seriously do not know if I've ever seen these two in a movie before and I really do not care to look it up. They aren't even annoying. They are just boring as hell. The second problem with this movie is that the family characters are either very fucking annoying like the Alfredo character or just as unmemorable than the others. The family characters and Leatherface are supposed to be the most entertaining part of these damn movies (weirdly enough they kinda give up on that part in the movies made after the remake). They are delightful characters in the first movie, the second movie and the fourth movie. This group is just boring as hell. It was kinda neat to see a child and a lady character being a part of the family but it would have been more neat if they actually got to do something (although there is a good black comedy moment where the little girl gets exicited to pull the string that will have a hammer smash into the boring male character played boringly by a boring actor.)
Ken Foree played the character Peter in Dawn of the Dead wonderfully. He was the best part of that movie and somehow he seems to not give a holy hot shit about this movie (not that I can blame him at all) He seems bored to tears but somehow audiences liked him so much he lived after the movies other memorable scene occurs. Leatherface has dropped his chainsaw in the water and its moving on its own because of the water I guess. I dunno it's spraying water everywhere and Leatherface grabs Ken head and just smashes it into the chainsaw. He was supposed to die there but somehow did not. I mean he did not because test audiences were sad that he died. I guess that should show you that even when he doesn't give a holy hot shit about being in a movie Ken Foree is still pretty great.
I think I have said enough about this movie and no I will not be watching it again in twenty six years. Two times was enough for this not very memorable sequel. Sorry Jeff but you didn't win me over here.
I reread my old posts from time to time. I don't know why. I think it's a form of narcissism like you said but you and I are the least narcissistic people on earth so that doesn't track. Maybe it's a way of strengthening your opinions? Whatever, who cares.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you've been on fire with jokes recently. COOLNESGUY1010 is a banger and there was something else recently that made me CHORTLE out loud. That may seem not seem like much, but like most people, when you say lol online, you usually aren't laughing out loud or at all. Or maybe that's just me? But to actually make me laugh physically is an accomplishment.
Fwiw, this movie has Viggo Mortensen in it. He played one of the Leatherface family. You should remember him from Lord of the Rings, but you don't like that series for reasons that I don't understand, but he's in a lot of other stuff too that is good and fun.
Anyway, it sounds like this movie was the definition of PHONED IN. Kind of tracks with the horror sequel machine that ran from the early 80s to the early 90s.
I won't watch this because I don't care for horror so that's why, if you took out everything unrelated to the movie from this post, there would just be this sentence lol.
If you were to STEP A TOE into the horror world I would still tell you to not bother with this movie. It's one of those movies where you have to watch it if you need to see every movie in a franchise. that's just it.
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