Oh good. We are talking about NES games again. Sadly it's in a bit of a slump. This group of games aren't the best and aren't really all that amazing to talk about. Except for one. One of these I actually really enjoy playing and I know portnoyd doesn't! So we will probably have a slap fight in the comments! You should always check the comments of these posts because portnoyd and I will probably argue about something. Anyway We will be discussing THREE Indiana Jones games in this post! Isn't that exciting! Join me if you will!
You know how I said Hillsfar was the last NES game I had never tried out before, well I believe I was wrong on this one because I do not remember playing this game before I just did. It is much better than Hillsfar. It's also at best kinda just okay. It's another one of those "search around everywhere until you find the final boss and shoot them enough to kill them" kinda game. You know like Blaster Master. The controls are fine, the music is also fine, everything about this game is just fine. That's the big problem. I'm getting old. Well, older and I want a better experience than fine. I see no reason to play this game when you could easily go for the other isometric "gotta find my way outta this shithole" game known as Solstice which does everything this game does but better. make sure I have another fifty years of life and maybe I'd play through the Immortal but I can't get a guarantee on that kinda shit ya know. Depressing but oh well. Anyway this game also looks way too dark and that just annoys me. I kinda want to see where im going. Too many cheap unseeable death traps too. Still I don't hate this game and might even one day play it again. Who knows, I still have to beat both Blaster Master and Solstice so it won't happen any time soon, The Immortal.
Oh hey, this is yet another Look around and find things game. This one does it worst of all. However I will get to all of that after I tell you a story. A STORY OF AN OLD SCHOOL GAMER. You know OSG. He had a website in like 2000? It wasn't yesterday. I just know that I remember finding it just when he was doing a contest. I think I showed his site to other NES scene people too. Anyway I remember sending him all kinds of shit trying to win this contest. However I did not win the contest. The winner was Drk_Warrior and his prize was this game. This awful piece of shit game. Anyway this game does the "search around everywhere!!!!" shit so badly because every place in this game just sounds the same. Also no music. Also all kinds of things that I have no idea what to do with. You press start and then you have to figure out what to do with the stuff on the bottom of the screen during the run around section. I don't know what to do with those. You get to some random level stages and have to just jump around robots because I have no idea how to kill them. Then you get to a computer to find stuff and then not know what to do with any of them. You are all like USE THE MANUAL BRO and that is true but I just don't care about this game at all. It doesn't seem like it will be come a memorable or fun game after you figure out what to do. I just have better things to do with my time. like watch The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers or something else. I'm putting this game in the bad pile because at least other "search around for shit" games were nice enough to make things look different so you knew you were going somewhere and really that's a big thing for those type of games.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is my favorite of the Indiana Jones movies. It probably should have stopped there honestly. Some stories you can go on and on with and others you should just quit while you are on top. Like Indiana Jones. or Star Wars. Wow two things George Lucas was a part of. Weird huh? The post Last Crusade Indiana Jones movies were better than the Star Wars prequels though. Anyway this game is really really bad. The Indiana Jones sprite is fucking microscopic and it's so god damn hard to figure where you even are sometimes. It also has some really bad controls and just isn't much fun to play. The funniest thing is that you can literally skip to the end part with the uh Jesus' Cup of Coffee or whatever they were going for in that movie and if you know the way to go you can beat this game in like probably under a minute. That's hilarious. Anyway this game sucks and I don't like it.
Oh cool. We get a redo on the game this game was made by UbiSoft. They make good games these days I hear. I dunno. I hear the games are other good or woke because a black person was in it or something. I dunno. I just know that THEY FUCKING MESSED UP THE RE-DO. THEY MADE IT WORSE THAN THE FIRST FUCKING GAME. This game has a slow as Indiana Jones in it. It's like he's taking a nice stroll in the park and not exploring a cave with crazy men ready to kill inside there. No, it's just Indiana Jones strolling around. You HAVE to pick up a torch that does not keep going throughout the entire stage. That's already SHITTY. I don't want to go out of my way IN PITCH DARKNESS to find another torch. Also enemies that can kill you in like two hits and you have to do a weird little dance with them to get them into a place that good to hit them. All of this within a fucking short ass timer. A stupid piss ass garbage game that I don't want to talk about it any more.
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was the worst of the original trilogy of movies. I mean I still liked it because it was a very entertaining film. It's just not as good as Raiders or Last Crusade. However it gets the best game out of the three Indiana Jones games for the NES. Not to say this Tengen game is a masterpiece or anything but I do enjoy playing it. It's one of those weird games that starts off simple where you just save kids to collect stuff, till you have to find the right place to get out of a level. The levels start getting bigger and harder and some of the controls can be really wonky but the fact is I've gotten past level one of this game and I've never done that in the fucking Ubisoft game. I guess I'll be putting this in the OKAY pile because honestly thats what this game is. OK.
This ends this post. The second to last post for the I's (The J's will start next time and they are vastly better than the I's which was better than the H's) and I think it ends off with a pretty simple racing game that I think is a lot of fun. I really don't have much else to say about it. This game is pretty much a better Super Sprint (which itself is a decent enough game). The graphics are fine. You can easily see the cars. The music is fun. I now know like three race car drivers (Michael Andretti, Al Usner Jr and Danny Sullivan!) which is pretty nice to be able to do. SURPRISE SPORTS LOVERS with my sports knowledge as a NON-sports fan. Good time. Oh there's also Nigel Mansell but his game really sucks and I don't like it. Uh, I guess spoilers for the Ns when we get there in 50 years. Anyway I like this game and portnoyd will poop on it because Rare made it. I know the future!
GOOD GAMES: 138
BAD GAMES: 111
OKAY GAMES: 41
GAMES IMPATIENT WHATEVER GO AWAY: 5
GAMES OVERALL: 295
Claw. The Ubisoft Indy game is based off of the fucking Gameboy version of the game, which is itself based of the shitty fucking original TIERTEX MS-DOS version of this game. On PC, its one of the first video games I ever played on my Uncle's XT that he stole from the high school he worked at. And it fucking sucks on every platform it was ever released on.
ReplyDeleteTiertex is to me as Micronics is to you. I fucking hate them for this game and I hate them for Strider Returns on Genesis and I hate them for being eurotrash ZX Spectrum devs-for-hire. Fuck Tiertex.
Tiertex or Ocean? What eurotrash company is worse?
DeleteTiertex by a country mile.
DeleteWhoa that's a bold thing to say. Ocean is intense shitty gerbage. That says a lot about Tiertex and holy shit did they do a lot of awful ports. Maybe not so bold, goddamn.
DeleteThe only Tiertiex games I played are that Indiana Jones game and the Flintstones game on the Sega Master System where you literally just paint a wall.
DeleteThe sega master system really was kinda poopy and I'm kinda tempted to review all of its games.
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ReplyDeleteOh no did you really like The Immortal.
ReplyDeleteOh good, you didn't really care for it. It's an ambituous game but ultimately for people who hate themselves. There's too many gotcha deaths in the game to be really fun. Sure, we put up with that with Sierra graphic adventures, but it's frankly lazy bullshit. This game would be a lot more fun if it was made by the Japanese imo. Also all the things you said: too dark and the game is otherwise fine.
Impossible Mission II sucks. It has always sucked and it sucks on the NES. The jumping is horrendous. Everything is so nebulous. If this was like one of 5 games I owned, I may have tried to beat it but it's never been more than 1 of 500 games I own so I will never touch it.
I remember (somehow) vividly renting this game. I was sick so my mom wheeled the TV over to my bed so I could play in bed. This led to the discovery of an inhuman amount of dust bunnies & crumbs under the the TV cart stand thing which I don't why I am even mentioning them. It was weird moving that TV out of that spot. Anyway, I remember getting to the end doing the floor tiles and I don't know if I beat it. The game was fairly ambitiuous in that regard, between the platforming and the bike riding and the stuff at the end. The game is ok.
The redo is totally a C64 game if I've ever seen it just slapped on the NES. And checking, that is entirely the case. I am totally for keeping C64 and NES shit separate. Funny how that is, right? Anyone I knew who had a C64 did not have a NES and vice versa. That shithead Kyle I mentioned a while back had a C64 and for a console, he got a Genesis. Where I have memories of us passing the controller back and forth in Moonwalker just so we could crotch thrust anyone and everyone in it. We were 12, leave us alone. Anyway, this game is the ass version but lol the much more expensive version.
I agree with you that the Indy movies should have ended with Crusade but the other two aren't bad. Also, Doom is definitely the worst one. It really falls off the rails once they get captured in the cult's lair. The NES game is based on the arcade version which is really neat, so this game is mostly neat. The arcade version has that Atari vibe to it which I love.
I will say this about the Indy games, while they are largely not the best games, they are very average games. Not bad games but not especially good and with flaws. With a library that has shit like Hydlide and X-Men, that has to count for something.
Indy Heat is a less terrible Rare game, I will give you that. You really covered it - it's Super Sprint and really nothing more. Super Sprint is a solid game, not great but fun and arcade-y. I remember playing it growing up with the big assed steering wheels that were violently easy to overturn and crash into a wall.
HAH I DID NOT POOP ON IT. I figured when you said you liked a game I did it, it had to be Immortal. But thankfully you made the right choice.
I played Immortal for like 15-20 minutes and I think I ended up falling in two pits and I was thinking you could get out of the pit somehow but nope at least I couldn't. It has a lot of ambition but doesn't really pull it off. I don't hate it and I believe I shoved it into the okay pile. I do remember turning the game off when I fell into one pit so I just hugged the wall of the room to fall into a pit in the next room. i don't want to guess where i can move so i can beat this game.
DeleteI cannot call Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade by UBISoft is average. Sorry, it's really bad. Also I should have mentioned it really does look gameboyish which makes sense when it was just the gameboy version made NES-y.
Wow you didn't poop on a Rare game. Are you feeling okay????
Impossible Mission II had a really good scream sound. I SHOULD have mentioned that in the review but I did not. The scream is actually kinda wild.