NES Game Reviews #45: Golgo's Gold Golf Medal Challenge!

 

Alright! NES Time! But before I get into the six games for today. I have to make an announcement and tell you all that post 500 won't be what I wanted it to be or said it would be. I am not one for bingeing TV series. I mean I did it for a while when I was recovering from a surgery in 2024 but I can't watch more than three episodes of something in a row before wanting to do something else. Sometimes I can watch more. 21st Century Television wasn't really meant to be binged. Anyway that post will come out and will start a brand new series on this blog. Just won't be post 500. Post 500 will be me reviewing something that annoys the hell out of me. I did not expect to find a Golgo 13 AD but I did, it's pretty cool but I don't like that Golgo isn't shooting that guy with his CUSTOM MADE M-16 but some dinky ass hand gun!

 Here's another sports game but here's the thing, this is one that I REALLY want to like. I mean it's Capcom and they definitely simplified every sport in this game down to its basics which I like. It has nice fun cartoony graphics and Capcom music is always great. It has a nice variety of sports to play through and is a well thought out game. The only problem is that you literally have to push the buttons so fast and hard that by the time you are done with this game your thumb will be disintegrated into nothing. I don't know how the hell anyone does it without a turbo pad and I don't like using them very much. I really want to like this game more than I do because you know Capcom but I just don't. I think I'll have to put this in the OKAY section of games because clear effort was put into it. It's just blasting your thumb away doesn't seem like a good idea just so you can say you beat Gold Medal Challenge '92.

 I've kinda grown to hate a lot of the black box games for two reasons, one most of them are sports games that are just not very well made and two I am just sick of SHITTY NINTENDOAGE/YOUTUBE JERKS being like OH MAN THIS IS SO COOL THEY HAVE THE HANGTAB STILL ON THE BOX............... OH MY GOD THE HANG TABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB IT'S SO RARE AND COOL! however I have to say that this just might be the only Golf game that I can get into on the ol' Nintendo Entertainment System. It's simple and I can actually get somewhere in it. I can figure this game out a least a little bit. It's really weird, I've beaten a ton of hard NES games but scoring a point in any NES sports game is impossible. Except for like two. We will get to them when we get to them. Sometimes simplicity is the best. I dunno. I'm not in love with Golf but I will see my self playing it from time to time. It's better than any other Golf game and also better than most of the black box games.

I watched the Chevy Chase documentary last night. I thought it was pretty good. Chevy Chase is uh something else when it comes to personhood. It reminded me of Caddyshack because they played a few clips of the movie. Caddyshack was actually supposed to be about the caddies, until Bill Murray, Rodney Dangerfield, Chevy Chase and Ted Knight just popped on in and decided no we want this movie to just be goofy in. That's how we got a literal comedic classic. The plot is literally so thin you could cut it with a plastic knife but it is there (everything kinda has to have a plot even if its its simple or not very well done) but who the hell cares about the plot. You don't remember that. You remember Chevy Chase being his old comedic dickhead self (seriously he either played a comedic dickhead or a total goober like Clark Griswald) or Rodney Dangerfield screaming HEY EVERYBODY WE'RE ALL GONNA GET LAID. Which is really the best ending of all time. He's just so happy that everyones gonna get some. God bless Rodney Dangerfield. Anyway this is some Golf game by Atlus that I really don't wanna talk about.

 You know what movie gets a bad rap but I'm gonna defend it right here. Caddyshack II. Did you know that Rodney Dangerfield was originally going to come back to the role of uh Rodney Dangerfield that he played in the first movie. Chevy Chase came back and Dan Akryoyd does Bill Murray's role. RANDY QUAID comes in and RANDY QUAID is great. The biggest problem with this movie is that Rodney Dangerfield quit the production and they had to replace him with Jackie Mason who uh kinda sucks. I liked him as Krusty's father in The Simpsons but man not a huge fan of him in this movie. He is a bad replacement for Rodney Dangerfield. You can also see ROBERT STACK as the bad guy and who doesn't love him? PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT MYSTERIES SOLVED THAT'S WHO. Yeah the movie ends up being a bit of a mess and you can see the disdain Chevy Chase has for the whole production in his performance which is weirdly hilarious. It's not a perfect movie and it has many flaws but I laughed at it and don't care what you say. I also own a Caddyshack Gopher they made in like 2000. I am a cool cat. Oh, and this is a Golf Game by Bandai that I really have nothing to say about. I'm sure it's good if you know golf.

You know who used to be pretty good at comedy and then just gave up? Adam Sandler. I was like eleven years old when I first saw him in something. It wasn't SNL because I wasn't allowed to stay up that late at night and if I were I would probably watch the weird B-movie they showed on ASN instead of SNL. Said movie was Happy Gilmore and I thought it was the funniest thing I had seen up till that point in my life. I mean besides Spaceballs. He gets into a fight with the guy from The Price is Right! That was hilarious to me as a kid. I actually have not seen any of those Adam Sandler movies I loved as a kid/teen since like those days and I don't know if I should go back to them. I think I will leave them as positive memories. Once he had enough money to start a production studio and just make movies where he hangs out with his friends the quality dropped so much so quickly. I think by 2002 I was out. I never did see Mr. Deeds and I don't think I should ever bother with Happy Gilmore 2. Adam Sandler is a man with clear talent who uh has a pretty bad track record. It's sad. Oh and this game is fucking terrible. I pushed every damn button I could and couldn't get the damn stupid Greg Norman to hit the fucking ball. Fuck this game. In the ear.

 

Oh hey. Hey port remember when we were talking about how it was weird that Fist of the North Star was just kept pretty much intact despite the fact no one knew what that was except for like some Ultra Nerds. Well here's another one Golgo 13. It was weird that he got to keep his name. I'm surprised he didn't become SAM SNIPER or something dumb (but wonderfully dumb). It's also amazing that he literally has sex in this game and Nintendo did not censor it. This was also a game that must have been pretty popular because I would see copies of it EVERYWHERE. I remember getting it early in my NES career and I think it's a fun game. It has platformer levels, 3d first person tunnel levels, fighting under water, all that stuff was honestly really well done. The 3D First Person Levels are mostly fine until later on in the game when they just get hair pullingly annoying. I just remember Loogaroo being a pissy baby about this game but he was a pissy baby about every video game that wasn't Final Fantasy 3 it seems. Golgo 13 shoots a damn Brain creature in this game! I got to him once and I could not beat him and I really should go back to this game. It's a neat game that genuinely does feel like a spy adventure. Golgo 13 rules and haters can get out!

 GOOD GAMES: 126

BAD GAMES: 90

OKAY / HAVENT AGED WELL:  37

IMPATIENT WHATEVER: 5