The Comic Review #99: GI Joe #100

 

I think this will be the first time I review an anniversary issue. meaning like issue 100, 200, 300 or such. Only a few comics really get to these points but you'd think I'd have reviewed one of them by now. Anyway, it's GI Joe #100. I figured I just talked about Transformers after never having done so, so I just had to talk about GI Joe. They both feel connected to me. The cartoons were made by Sunbow and the comics were made by Marvel. A lot of Sunbow stuff was made into cartoons. Sadly there was no 1980s Jem comic by Marvel. BLAH BLAH BLAH not enough women read comic books BLAH BLAH BLAH what about men like me who REALIZE girl shit is cool as hell, HUH? WHAT ABOUT ME?

So, GI Joe huh? I don't think I ever actually got to see the Sunbow show either at the time or in reruns due to my age. In fact the only GI Joe cartoon I can remember was the DiC cartoon and that's when DiC was ran by Andy Heyward and he made the stuff look as cheap as humanly possible. I don't even remember anything about that version of the show (and yes I'll do a Final Episode on it). I don't remember watching GI Joe at all as a child. I don't remember owning any of the figures. GI Joe is something I like more now as a supposed adult (really can we call me anything more than a manchild? I don't think so) than as a child. However I do have a story involving GI Joe from my childhood.

As a kid I had a "friend" named Shawn. It was like being friends with your bully. This kid was mean, cruel, and I hope to never see him again. It would not be pretty. I will leave it at that and do not ask me to get more into it. He was mean cruel and violent towards literally everyone. Me, his brothers, his mother, aunt, grandparents, other children. It didn't matter. Anyway he had some GI Joes that he probably stole from someone else because that was his favorite hobby. Stealing. He gave me a comic book he stole because he didn't even care about it just stealing. I was surprised I never got in trouble for actually stealing it. Anyway he had some GI Joes and I had some old coins that my mom got from my grandpa. He gave me the GI Joes for the coins, probably under force. My mom however was livid and the very next day we went to the principal at the school and he had to give back the coins. I gave back the GI Joes that I had no attachment too. However those GI Joes are probably worth more than those coins monetarily. However those coins mean more to me because they are the only thing connecting me to my grandfather seeing as he died before I was even born. I think that's worth more than money but what do I know, I still pine for a 1980s Marvel Comic series based on Jem and the Holograms.

The person we are going to talk about involved with this comic today is Mr. Larry Hama, THE GI JOE GUY. He was born on June 7, 1949. He fought in the Vietnam War. After that he got a job working with Wally Wood from his High School friend and artist Ralph Reese (both men went to the Manhattan High School of Art and Design. He even worked as an actor in a few projects. Like Saturday Night Live and an episode of MASH. I don't care enough to do the dashes, sorry. He edited several books for DC and other companies. Then in 1982, while working at Marvel on things like Crazy Magazine and Conan comics he gets an opportunity because no one else wanted too. He gets to work on a toy property. GI Joe. No one else wanted to so he did it! He gave like every single GI Joe their name. Wrote most of the backstories that appeared on the back of their toy boxes (those things are so cool to me!) and then wrote every issue of GI Joe for Marvel. 155 issues. Then another company gets the GI Joe license and he writes another 150+ issues. This man IS GI Joe and don't you forget it. (He also co-created Bucky O'Hare which is also really cool and I should talk about!)

Now this issue is the return of Cobra Commander who was considered to be dead and a man named Fred VII was pretending to be him. I do not remember the story behind Fred VII because there is only so much filth flarn filth that one man's brain can hold. Even mine. Anyway issue 100 is the grand return of Cobra Commander and the first thing we see is him kicking a dog. It's probably the most amazing scene of Cobra Commander. He's such an asshole he'll kick a damn dog that's not even doing anything. It's also very well drawn by M.D. Bright who does much better work on this comic than he did on Marville, which is probably still the worst comic book I've read. It's so bad that I do not think I will ever even review issues 4 and onward. He then gets out and addresses the crowd in Millville about how Cobra is taking over their town. They will have new jobs and everything but they will uh become brainwashed mindless zombies. We see GI Joe members Spirit, Mutt and Junkyard. Are the dogs considered members of GI Joe or not? Do they get money from this whole thing? I just wanna know. Anyway Junkyard is a good boy. They mention how they were supposed to go to see Mutt's Uncle Jeff.

They get the Crimson Guard that are all named Fred with a number behind it and well I guess that's where Fred VII comes from. Anyway they take over the police force for Millville. Spirit and Mutt talk about Mutt's Uncle Jeff's Neighbor (god this is starting to sound like that joke in Spaceballs!) and how he was a ham radio enthusiast. They hope he has a long range transmitter so that they can get a message out to GI Joe HQ. Cobra Commander is giving a big speech about everything they will do for him and a lone veteran comes out and tries to stop them from doing it. Saying Cobra is a terrorist organization. However this does not work for the poor guy and blam he's on the ground almost getting stampeded by people running to get into these brainwashing spots. I mean they don't know they are gonna get brainwashed but still. Uncle Jeff shows up and well let's say it doesn't end well for the poor guy. Lady Jaye and some Joes in a different plot show up and I'm not really sure what the entire plot is, as it's ongoing so I'm going to ignore this stuff, however two GI Joes have to look after thirteen year old girls. Two of them. One of them is Rock n Roll who I remember from the really good GI Joe NES game that portnoyd probably hates.

Anyway when we get back to Mutt and Spirit and Junkyard. We see what I believe is a Hiss tank of some sort. I really enjoy the snake motif of Cobra. It's very entertaining. Anyway Mutt is pretending to be passed out in the middle of the road and when a Cobra soldier comes by SMASHED IN THE FACE WITH A FUCKIN BEER BOTTLE. POW. Now that's what you get for being a no good America hating Terrorist bastard! Junkyard attacks another Cobra soldier and well, Spirit jumps form behind a fence to take out the last guy. They then take over the Hiss tank. They find the Vietnam veteran from earlier all tied up and he tells them about the brainwashing. They start to leave town to get help but they decide to go help Uncle Jeff, even if they don't know if he's brainwashed or not. I mean it would be hard to leave your uncle wouldn't it? Anyway he's been brainwashed and BLAM the guys are caught. What will happen???? I don't even know yet. I don't have many issues of GI Joe past 100. I don't even know what issue this story ends in because Larry Hama was always starting and stopping stories with all the GI Joes and there were only like 4250242043294029 members of GI Joe and portnoyd probably owned them all and could tell you every character. Portnoyd is a GI Joe nut, but yeah with that said I DO want to find out what happened so I'm going to find the issue it happens in and review it. 

FINAL THOUGHTS: You gotta give it to Larry Hama, it wasn't easy coming up with 4205892049209420 different characters and plots to give those characters and not forget about an earlier plot. I want to know where the Millville plot ends and how the Lady Jaye plot starts and ends, so you can say I'm hooked! GI JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE