Alright, I think for the next few posts it will just be Final Episodes. I really want to hit that #150 mark soon. So this is the SECOND in fifteen posts that I had port guess the show in the PORTNOYD GUESSING GAME FOR FARTASSES. You know portnoyd has a gassy asshole, you just know it. Farts more than uh a farting machine? I dunno. God I hate writing opening paragraphs for these things. Anyway The show he guessed was The A-Team and I had decided before hand to go with something more obscure. Still starring Mr. T but in CANADA!!!!!!!! so using my powers of knowing about many obscure Canadian things I picked the show T and T.
That's right people. Mr. T had a television show that lasted for 3 seasons from January 11th, 1988 to May 26, 1990. It ran for sixty-five episodes. It was created by Nelvana, which was Canada's first animation studio that was created in 1971. I'm pretty sure I've talked about them before so I won't spend too much time talking about them this time. They started out making some specials like A Cosmic Christmas and The Devil and Daniel Mouse. After making money on those specials they tried to make their own movie, the pretty cool Rock N Rule which uh, was a box office bomb. They lost a lot of money on this movie. They ended up getting the Care Bears and some Star Wars cartoons. which I guess made them enough money to help make this show, one of their only live action products. The other company that helped make this show was Hal Roach Studios. You should probably know the name of Hal Roach because he was the creator of the Little Rascals. I watched the Little Rascals movie from 1994 about 21 thousand times as a child. It is still hilarious and I will hear no hearsay against it. Hal Roach did all kinds of stuff but those silly comedies with kids are still the biggest thing he did. He sold the company to a Canadian company in 1972. They sold it to a company called Quintex and Quintex stopped being a thing in 2024. Wild.
Anyway T.S. Turner (Mr. T) is a street wise kid who gets framed for a crime he didn't commit. Amanda "Amy" Tyler is a lawyer who helps get him out of jail and back on the streets as a private detective. They would solve crimes and shit. I don't know, I only ever saw like 3 seconds of this show before going to watch something else. Even with Mr T, It's Canadian TV and it has a 70% chance of kinda being poop. I love my country but we created a good amount of poop. Anyway with the shows I have never seen before I watch and discuss two episodes just to get a better feel for this television show. The first episode I plan to discuss is called The Curse and was directed by Patrick Loubert himself! One of the founders of Nelvana! DJ Fordham also known as Dennise (why the two ns?) Fordham who wrote for Care Bears, Babar and all kinds of Nelvana things. She also worked on Monster By Mistake which caused my butthole to pucker up. Sorry if you somehow read this Dennise but it's not my favorite thing. It really really isn't.
Anyway our episode is called The Curse and it starts out with the cheesiest 80s theme I have ever seen. Holy shit, go check this out. Also apparently Amanda left the series and her Sister Terri now teams up with Mr. T. Anyway, we start with two guys talking in a gym about a new computer that one guy is trying to set up....in a boxing ring? He says he needs a large place to put everything out but using a boxing ring in a gym to do that is really dumb. I hope this is not indictive of the comedy within this episode. The guy in the ring literally has THE most Canadian accent I've ever heard. It's kind of amazing. Mr T goes into Terri's office to find out that they have no money and he has go to shake down some goober Romanian guy who well doesn't have the money. They argue over it and Mr T sees a watch and takes it and tells the Goober Man that he will get it back when he pays up. He tells Mr. T that he will be given a CURSE oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh. SCARY.
Mr. T goes back to the Gym and gets annoyed by the guy hooking up the computer. It's making annoying sounds that bother everyone. They talk about Curses for like 5 seconds before Mr. T makes some kind of bad joke and they go to the next scene which is abad joke. The comedy in this show is already making me sad and I don't think that's what comedy is supposed to do. This episode is just jumping all over the place because now he's in the boxing ring with some guy. All the things the Most Canadian Man Ever said to Mr. T about Curses is happening. They give you headaches, heart palpitations and another thing I already forgot and don't care enough to go back and look. This is a pretty shitty curse, not lying. Uh, The Canadian Man and The Goober Man talk about it being the Curse and how The Goober Man has to take it off him when Mr. T comes out of the room not being able to breathe. He lies down on a bench and the Doctor pronounces him.............DEAD. The Goober Man thinks its a giant hoax and The Canadian Man is crying over Mr. T when he walks in from a door. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? Oh, it's just a weird scheme to get The Goober Man to pay up.
The Canadian Man goes to The Goober Man's house to tell him about the wake at the gym. They end up going to the wake. A detective that Mr. T knows shows up and some people start talking about him. They start playing Mr. T saying the name Alfredo again over the new sound system computer thing they were creating in the beginning! WOAH! It all connects!!! Alfredo freaks the fuck out and pays the money and this weird attempt at something ends. I sigh and wish I had just let portnoyd win and I would be talking about The A Team which has to be better than this. Some stuff happens after this but I do not care enough to type anything about it. This is not a very good TV show.
As I start the Final Episode known as The Little Prince, I hope it's better than whatever the hell it was I just watched. It's about Mr. T having to look after the Crown Prince of Some Place. Two Italian Canadian Men are in the crowd and they are apparently apart of the Canadian Mafia which is not very scary sounding. They are there to kidnap the Crown Prince of Some Place. Oh good, the Prince is a little snot nosed kid. I very much regret talking about this. This is a pyrrhic victory over portnoyd. No one wins. The Canadian Mafia guys see Turner and realize that they are screwed. These two apparently showed up in many episodes and I'm sure were very annoying in those episodes too. The King of Some Place tells Mr. T and Terri that his country will no longer be run by kings and will be democratic and is here to get support for that from everyone. Woo. His shitty sone the Prince talks about he's afraid of someone called Uncle Something I forgot The Name
So Mr. T and the shitty snot nosed little brat shithead Prince of Some Place are talking and he literally pulls an gun on him. And tells him its from his Uncle Something I forgot the Name. and that his Uncle is the only one who cares for him. His dad is too busy. The shitty little Prince tries to get Mr. T to bring him to Wonderland (after Mr. T says guns don't fix hurt feelings Friends do... this shit is so terrible) and Mr. T can't even after The Prince said they are friends. The Prince runs into the bathroom and won't come out. I really, really, really, really, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hate this little fucker so much. Holy shit. The Canadian Mafia guys dress up as waiters to hopefully kidnap the prince but Mr. T already knows them. This show is stupid.
They at least show up with many many waiters. So that's something. Mr. T thinks he sees something but a singing telegram woman makes it so he can't check it out. He sends the food downstairs to be given to the homeless. Homeless people gonna be eatin a lot of french fries. The Prince of Some Place escapes in the chaos just for the Canadian Mafia guys to find him. Mr. T finds out that the Prince of Some Place is missing and that the Canadian Mafia guys took him. He pretty much escapes from them easily and they go to the Games room. The Canadian Mafia gets there and takes the kid back but Mr. T now knows who took him because some guy working at the hotel tells him. The Canadian Mafia actually get the kid to call his dad to get him to stop the speech. It doesn't actually go the way they want as the King of Some Place doesn't believe he's actually been kidnapped. Mr. T didn't tell him. Anyway the Prince of Some Place calls his uncle and his uncle literally just says he hired the kidnappers. Wow, I would have thought he would wnat to keep the kid on his side but I guess he realized theres only four mintues left in this pile of putrid dogshit.
The Shitty Uncle Who We All Knew Was Actually Shitty tells The Canadian Mafia to kill the guys. The Prince escapes AGAIN and they chase after them. Running into Mr. T who's ready to beat ass. He says some nice things about the Prince and the Prince hears it! Oh man! It's gonna end up positive for those two isn't it. I haven't even watched the last 2 minutes but I can tell it is. The prince trips up the bad guys and Mr. T growls at them. Not even a comedic throw around. Just a growl. Everything is fine in the end. Blah.
FINAL THOUGHTS: I haven't hated a show like this since I watched the New Adventures of He-Man. This is some horrible shit. The stories just feel like they were thrown together at the last second. The comedy is awful and none of the characters besides Mr. T are any fun to watch. It reminds me of Mama's Family and Charles In Charge for some reason and that's not a good thing. Portnoyd loses this guess but I also lose for having to watch this pile of crap. I have had my fill of T and T for the rest of my life. I feel bad that I had to be so harsh on something from Nelvana because I really did like a lot of their cartoons as a child (and well still these days) but this show is just not good. Hopefully the rest of these shows are better than this. Wow.
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