NES Games Reviewing Continues Part 76.3/180.4

 Yep, I’m really into reviewing NES games. Last time I said I’m gonna try SIX games so that I can actually finish this up before the end of time. The grouping this time is pretty interesting. At least better than reviewing Baseball over and over. So let’s get to the games!

The Blue Marlin is the second of the two fishing games. It is a massive improvement over The Black Bass. The graphics are better, the music is better, everything seems improved. So you know what that means. It’s not exactly my kinda game and I really don’t get much out of it but I cannot actually call it bad. However if it is your kinda game I’m gonna say that this is definetly the better of the two NES Fishing games. So if you love NES and Fishing you’d like this game. I remember my dad playing a SNES fishing game a lot. I should get him to play that game again because it amuses me greatly to watch him play video games. Anyway The Blue Marlin is a winner if you like fishing. I’m sure one day I’ll give it a real honest try.

Here’s something I always found weird. This was based on the pretty great movie from 1980. It was R-Rated comedy and I know other games were based around R-Rated comedies but I can totally see kids wanting to see Predator, Friday the 13th or Rambo. I can’t see kids wanting to see The Blues Brothers. However these games must have sold to some degree because Titus made Blues Brothers games for the NES, the SNES AND the N64. I have not played the SNES or N64 games so I can’t say if they are improvements but I will say that the NES game is a huge pile of shit. The controls are so fucking insanely weird and shitty. You can go flying around like there’s no end. Seriously John Belushi was fucking Sonic the Hedgehog in this game. It’s weird and unpleasant and ruins the entire game. Also the levels just feel thrown together rubbish. Still the graphics are cartoony and fun and the music is pretty good too but overall the game is still a shitpile so it has to go into the bad pile.

I legit thought that the rest of the Baseball games were in like the Rs or Ms or whatever. Like RBI Baseball and Major League Baseball but nope, we got another one. Tricky fucking game. I thought I wouldnt have to bring this up again over and over. I don’t know how to play Baseball. I don’t know how to even hit a damn ball in a damn video game. This is one of the many throwaway Baseball games that suck shit and are games you go “do I need this for my collection for an ACTUAL full set?” and you buy the copy and buy another one forgetting all about it. This game is forgetable and shitty. Bo Jackson should have stayed in Tecmo Super Bowl.

Here it comes! Here comes the first hot take! I think! Here it is! Don’t look back! You must realize people disagree with things! The opinion is I don’t like the first Bomberman game for the NES. It is way way TOO slow for me. The character movies so slow yet the enemies dont. You get killed so easily. THE GIANT FUCKING FUCK ASS PASSWORD doesn’t help. You beat 3 levels and are like I’ll come back to this and you have to write down a password longer than my fucking arm. Bomberman would go on to have many many games, a long running series that was always pretty fun to me, however this game does not hold up very well in my mind. I see no reason to ever go back to it.

Bomberman II is a pretty fun game. It is the real start of the Bomberman series to me. It started what was really fun about these games. Having as many people play it as possible blowing the shit out of each other. I remember playing this game via internet linkups with people in the NES SCENE. Lots and lots of fun. I would recommend this game just on its multiplayer alone. However the actual game is worth it too. You play through several levels trying to find the evil Bomberman who framed the good Bomberman for a crime. Seeing cute and fun Bomberman going to prison will never not amuse me. This game has pretty good graphics and pretty good music and pretty decent challenge. It’s a mass improvement over the original NES game.

A sixth game! Holy moly! This game is a port of the TubroGraphix16 that I’ve played and enjoyed. I would say this is a pretty good port honestly. Very good graphics for the time. Very good music. It’s fun bopping creatures all over the screen and making Bonk angrier and angrier. The bosses are all creative and fun looking. I think Bonk’s Adventure on the NES is a very good game. Still not worth the what 700 bucks it now goes for? I just remember I got a bunch of later era Nintendo Powers and this game was mentioned in them which got me exicited to play it! It was a fun game on the Turbo Graphix and it’s a fun game on the NES. Just buy everdrives for those systems to actually play the games. You’ll have a good time and also $700 bucks in your pocket.

Good Games: 41

Bad Games: 38

Okay Games: 9

(12 more games till game #100 what will it be!!!!)

Hot Take Central: Retro Sonic the Hedgehog Games are Not Perfect!

 

I like Sonic the Hedgehog. He’s a cool fun guy. I liked the cartoon series. I liked the comic book. I liked the games. He’s fun and cool. I mean when I say I liked the games I mean the ones made for the Sega Genesis and Sega CD. However, there are many issues with these games. Actually honestly just two. But I am going to bitch about those two issues because I fucking feel like it alright? This is my shitty blog and I can do what I want! So Join me as I bitch about two points from Sonic the Hedgehog that I do not like.

1.) Water Levels in this game series suck ass. Yep. I’m going there. Actually I don’t know what the community feels about these levels. I like Water Levels in other games where it’s a change of pace really. It’s always fun to swim around in a Mario game. It is NOT fun in a Sonic game. The having to go find bubbles shit is a pain in the ass. Always was, always will be. When I play these games I want to go zoooooooming by shit, not have to stop because I’m gonna die in 5 seconds and find some bubbles. It’s a shit system and I don’t like it.

2.) Finding the Chaos Emeralds is no fun. I don’t know what was happening but when I was playing Sonic 2 earlier I was flying past the level and never seeing and of the checkpoints. None. How the fuck am I supposed to get into the chaos emeralds special stage if I can never find these shitty fuckers? It was legit very easy in the original game. Just getting to the end of the stage and everything. It was also easier to find rings in the original game if you lost them before crossing over. So many times I’d get hit because I was trying to find a bubble in the water level so I don’t die. Then trying to find enough coins not already taken to the checkpoint. It’s a bad system. I don’t like it.

3.) The Chaos Emeralds Game Rooms Are Not Fun: Okay, I kinda like the original game’s special Chaos Emeralds Game Room. I don’t know if thats a hot take or what but it’s kinda neat and I’m pretty decent at them. I dunno. The second games special stages are shit. Not only are they incredibly boring I find them really hard to play. I dunno if it just fucks with my depth perception or something. I dunno. I always get stuck in the 3rd games special stages. It’s weird.

Yeah, that’s about it. I’m trying to beat the Sonic games for the first time. Yes, I have never beaten a single Sonic game ever and none WITH the Chaos Emeralds and I’m doing it because it feels so embarrassing to be a retro gamer and not having beaten any of those games.

NES Games I love them!!!!!

 I wonder how weird the titles will get when I’m at like the Zs? Like what will the last parts title be? Finally I’m Done Reviewing All The NES games There are More Good Games than Just Mario 1,2, and 3 Joust you Fucker!” Will that be the title? I think so. I’m going to try to remember that title for the year 9062 when we are all in cyborg bodies waiting for the end of the world or something. Anyway, I decided to review some more games because well THIS set is actually quite good and has many of the games I want to gush over. It’s gonna be a good one. Even Portnoyd can’t argue over these games! The jerk!

Here we have a stone cold motherfucking classic NES title. A game that has a cool gimmick and is incredibly fun to use said gimmick. The character in this game can’t actually jump and has to use a bionic arm to swing around. I remember some guy complaining on some website that I visited decades ago about how hard it was to get this to work and I never really had that problem. The game works well with its concept. It’s not hard to get used too and I really gotta disagree with this game being put in their bad games section, however the majority of their bad games section was baffling. I think the website was called Sickos on Parade or something. I don’t care enough to look really. This game has great music, graphics and honestly a fair level of challenge. You also get to blow Hitler’s face up! How can you say no to that? Anyone who could probably hates joy. The entire concept of joy. This game will end up giving you enough medals if you play the truck levels to beat it but it won’t be TOO easy. All in all Bionic Commando rules and everyone should play it.

The Black Bass is one of two fishing games released for the NES. Unless the Famicom had more. I do not remember playing any Famicom Fishing Fun so I’m going to guess no, however I’m sure portnoyd the Famicom King will tell me so. Anyway this is another game like Sesame Street Hide and go Speak that is pretty well done honestly, it’s just not for me. I do not care for fishing. The closest I ever got was watching my dad play a Fishing SNES game when he couldn’t go fishing in the off months. My old man loves fishing, however I just don’t get it. I don’t get much enjoyment out of this game or the Blue Marlin even though I come back to them from time to time to try again. Still just because you aren’t into a game doesn’t mean it’s bad. If you dig fishing and the NES, The Black Bass is worth a look. If you aren’t into fishing the Black Bass is probably not going to change your mind or be up your alley. I’m still counting this as a good game because I can see that effort went into it and I’m sure some retro gamers will enjoy this.

There are several NES games that take place in Casinos and they are usually pretty good, at least I like them. Casino Kid, Casino Kid 2, Vegas Dreams and Caeser’s Palace are all pretty worth playing if you enjoy the casino stuff. This isn’t worth playing if you enjoy Casino games because why waste your time or money on a game that has….one whole casino game in it when for the same price you can get one that several. All of those ones above have several types of poker games in them. At least two kinds of games to play and I just don’t see the point of this game. Also I don’t think it does it well because the music is droning and bad and what makes those games fun is that the music seems to try to replicate the tense feeling of maybe losing a poker/blackjack/whatever game. This games music just makes you wanna turn it off. Hell even Peek a Boo Poker gave you 8 bit titties, this gives you nothing. This gets the rating of Who Gives A Shit?

This is the best hockey game on the NES. Period. Yes I sassed Ice Hockey. You wanna fight about that? I’ll do it! I’ll fight you in…..Blades of Steel. Because you can actually do that in this game. Just take off your gloves and hockey equipment and just beat the piss out of the other player. I was so fucking amused when I found that out. Holy hot Hannah, everything else about the game is clearly well done too. I’m not a hockey fan or even into any sports because I’m not cool enough really. Or that I just find them boring and uninteresting. I know people get into them and I’d say if you enjoy sports and Video Games that this game still holds up incredibly well today and I can easily give this the good spot even if I am quite terrible at it. Also this game could be the worst thing ever made and I would still give it a good rating just for the BLADES OF STEEL the pixelaited yelling. It warms my heart. It is one of the best things in any NES game ever.

This might be my favorite NES game, or second favorite. I can never be quite sure. I remember seeing this game at my cousins house when my uncle would pick my sister and I up from school and my parents would pick us up from there. My two cousins were younger than me but I still hung out with them and played NES with them. This was a game that caught my eye because up until that point (this was like 1998 or so) I had never ever played this game and so I played it and was hooked. I mean I didn’t know what I was doing but I was having fun. I mean it would take some time before I would get a copy of my very own and really delve deep into this games amazing game play. You play as a kid in a big mecha tank thing. You can play as the tank or get out of the tank and you’ll have to do both to play this game. You also get into rooms and the game becomes a shooter of sorts. It’s some crazy stuff. The game has great music and graphics and a very hard challenge factor (I’ve been trying since 1998 to beat this beast of a game) but I love it. It’s something I WILL beat and beat soon. I can get pretty far in it. The only problem I can see with this game is the fact when you get hit you lose your power ups which are then a pain in the ass to get back. The bosses are nice and big and different and fun to fight. You can even cheese the hell out of them with the pause button trick. Anyway, this is a must own for NES owners and if you don’t like this game don’t tell me because it will make me very sad.

Good Games: 38

Bad Games: 35

Okay Games: 9

Next time I think I’m gonna try to review six games to maybe finish this whole thing before the sun dies.

How Many NES Games To Review??? TOO MANY!!!!!!

 Yep, I’m here to review some NES games. I still don’t feel like playing Arkham City because the over 200 Riddles I have to get is too daunting of a task and it’s just not all that fun. I might finally beat Sonic Mania or Scott Pilgrim vs the World The Game but I dunno. Or maybe read some Japanese Manga Comic Book Things because you know I’m a coolest guy ever! Anyway this set of games is slightly better than the last? Maybe? I dunno. I promise we get to some fucking bangers real soon. Real fuckin soon too!

A big foot game. I would love to enjoy this game. I really would, however I cannot get past the controls. For every event (one event is tug of war, another is jumping around stuff, another is racing) it just has awful obtuse controls. You’ll see me say play control just ruins many games for me and when it comes to this one thatch the one thing that keeps me from enjoying this. It has several cool events, the graphics are fine, the music is fine. Everything else about it is fine but I can’t give this any rank other than bad thanks to the controls. It’s a shame too. I would love to squish the shit out of cars! I just can’t get the controls to work in my favor. Since that’s really the only flaw I can think of this makes this review very short.

I don’t know why Mike Elter’s rarity list is like this but since the sequel is first I’m going to talk about it first. It’s a vast, vast, VAST improvement over the original game. I actually quite like this game honestly. For the longest time I didn’t because I’d end up dying quickly because it takes a bit of time to get use to the skateboarding around thing, however I played through it for the NES BOUNTY (RIP) that SUCKERS and WIENERS didn’t want to finish. This game is actually pretty simple and fun and just a good overall time. The play control can be a little weird but it’s something you can easily get used too. Anyway Mike Elter had the Aladdin cartridge right next to this one? Did they actually change anything with those two games? I’ve never played the Aladdin cartridges. Maybe I’ll come back to them but for right now I’m gonna say I like Big Nose Freaks Out. Good music, pretty good graphics, fun gameplay I enjoy it a bit.

This is also like Big Foot, a game I keep coming back to hoping to enjoy it. I really do. It’s actually pretty fun when you can have a weapon upgrade and here is the total reason I don’t think I’ll ever really like this game is that once you lose that upgrade way way WAY too many of the bosses are literally impossible to hit. They run to fast, they are up way to high to hit. It’s a complete shame too. I like everything else about the game. the graphics are charming the music is great, the levels are decently varied and all that. I want to show IDIOT YOUTUBERS that never will visit this blog that Unlicnesed games are worth owning but this is not really worth owing, which is sad. I love the box art though, Maybe I should do BEST BOX ART articles??? That would be something. Anyway bad game, sequel improves on it greatly.

Now this is a game that pisses me the fuck off so much. This is probably the worst game I’ve covered up to this point and one simple, SIMPLE fucking change would have made this game something unique and worth while. Something I would have gone back to several times. The graphics are fine, the music is fine. The biggest problem is that you get this HUGE area to explore and are not given any clues as too what you need to jump on to get a historical item, so you have to FUCKING JUMP ON EVERYTHING. You do that a lot and its VERY annoying. Then you have to hope that you can find the historical figure before the guys chasing you (who become fucking insanely relentless in the later stages) I somehow beat this game but the only way you will ever do it and retain your sanity is use a YouTube video. There is no other way. However if you had I dunno make the bush or spot your supposed to jump on a different color or something then YOU’D KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING JUMP ON. Jesus. Also the Phone mini game thing between the stages is fucking brutal too. You don’t know how many times I went in there with tons of coins just to end up with like 4 or 5 left. It’s useless, it’s stupid, it’s fucking god awful, it’s unworthy of Bill and fucking Ted, FUCK.

I’ve said before that racing games on the NES either still hold up pretty damn well (like F1 Formula Racing Built to Win, the Rad Racer games, and RC Pro AM games) or just come off as dull and boring or weirdly hard to control. This game is somehow all three. It’s dull, boring, tedious and very ugly looking. The car seems to go very slow and I don’t know and don’t care enough to make it go faster. You get to pick several cars but the layout is bad. I don’t like this game and I don’t want to talk any more about it. Konami let me down and that just took all the winds out of my sails man.

Good Games: 34

Bad Games: 34

Okay Games: 9

I guess I was wrong about this being better than last time. It’s about the same really. 

NES Games, NES Games Woo Woo WOO!

 Another NES game reviews article! Wow! I was thinking of playing Arkham City and completing it, I would love to finally beat the shit out of the Riddler, but you gotta get 440 riddler trophies. And I know that for a good number of them I will have to use the internet because my dumb ass has no idea what to do to figure it out. The thing is that’s not fun. The fun part was playing the main game. Why couldnt they cut down on the fucking trophies? Remember in Donkey Kong Country 2 and 3 you had to get like two or three tokens from each level and a DK coin. That was the perfect amount of extra bonus stuff. Port will go LOL DONKEY KONG COUNTRY MORE LIKE DONKEY KONG POOP OUT OF MY ASS because he hates fun and enjoyment. He can’t argue that games need 440 extra collectibles for just ONE after the game side quest. So I said fuck it and decided to talk about five more NES games.

Here I am trying to show you that games based on movies or tv shows or whatever aren’t automatically bad, or that RARE is a great company and I have this game coming in and just kinda stinking up the joint? Like I would not call this game a good or even okay game really but I don’t hate it? Like I still try to beat this game (I’ve gotten to the last level many times). It tries to be a little offbeat (like the movie) but it’s not all that great. The music is great because not even portnoyd can trash the music of David Wise. Even he knows that’s perfect. The graphics are pretty good but the gameplay is just all weird. I don’t think a lot of it was well thought out. They give you a bunch of masks to change Beetlejuice’s graphic up and more powers, just so many of them are pointless and you’ll find the one that gives you the most power and just spend way too much time squashing bugs to get points to buy them. The levels are just random mish mash of ideas. There’s also a level where you have to get away from the door (or something) that transports you to the sandworm level. I know YouTubers with their magical powers of super autism can beat levels like that amazingly well but I just go “fuck this I’m turning this game off”. I over all don’t hate this game because it does feel like they tried a little bit, it’s just turning an already weird movie like Beetlejuice wasn’t going to be possible with the NES or Gameboy. Or anything until like the 2010s. I will still put this in the bad pile because I cannot for the life of me call it even okay.

Yet another game that I cannot call super ultra shit but you won’t finding me ever playing it. This is one of those games where you have to button mash so fast your thumb literally explodes. I do not know how the people who have beaten this game on the YouTubes have done it. Probably with some cheats. For me to even beat the first guy I would have to go back into the training session and max everything out. That would at least take an hour or so I’m guessing and frankly this game doesn’t bring me enough entertainment value for that to be worth it. I would rather spend that time plus I think an extra 30-40 minutes to watch any of the movies entitled Best of the Best. Starring Eric Roberts, Chris Penn and Phillip Rhee. Anyway I’m going to rate this game as bad because it’s button mashy as hell and honestly not much fun and the music and graphics are not all that great. They really didn’t try to go out side the box with this game in my opinion.

Bible Adventures is a bad video game. I will get it out of the way first. I do not find it fun to play in any way. I will get into that in a bit, however I kinda love it. First off I was amused to death that they even made Bible games on the NES. My mother would bring me to Church every week until I was like 13 but I do not think she would ever make it so that the only NES games I ever had where Bible games. I don’t think I even ever saw any Color Dreams/Wisdom Tree/Bunch Games as a kid. However if I were collecting NES games I would probably buy them just for the weirdness factor. I like that about the NES, people weren’t afraid of trying new things. They’d be like “alright Tom Sawyer was popular in 1896 or whenver the fuck it was made let’s turn it into a video game” BAM. It sure wasn’t a good video game but the fact they decided to it makes me smile in some weird way. The weird “what the hell am I gonna find next” made NES collecting/playing on emulators in 1997 so much fucking fun. So Bible Adventures, while a very shitty game will always have a place in my heart for that. Now It’s a shitty game for reasons I will probably repeat over and over in every Color Dreams/Bunch Games/Wisdom Tree review as it has very unresponsive and awful as fuck game control. Possibly the stiffiest game controls in the history of the NES. Just so not fun to play with. The graphics are actually pretty charming in their own way. I always liked the way the graphics in Color Dreams games looked but man they don’t play well. The music is forgettable but man the game controls are what really ruin this beast.

This game is so ungodly boring to me. There are people that enjoy this game and I’m glad for them but man oh man does it just ever bore me. Maybe because it’s a board game video game (yes those were a thing) and they NEED other players. You can’t fuckin play monopoly by yourself with Computers, that’s not fun. I mean regular monopoly usually ended for my family before anyone ever lost all their money but still, at least I had fun with that. So I just don’t like this game and find it pointless. The NES cover is probably one of the most what the fuck am I looking at here? which is actually pretty amazing. Otherwise there’s really not much here to say other than this game is bad.

You’d expect me to jump and holler and scream and yell about how this game is stupid and terrible like I were the Angry Video Game Nerd or something. The thing is this game is actually pretty good. The music is great, the text speech is fantastic, the graphics are very nice and represent the characters well. The biggest problem and the reason you don’t actually enjoy playing this game is that it was made for like three to five year olds to play. I have not been five years old since 1990. That was THIRTY THREE years ago. It sets out and does what it intended to do very well however I was not interested and still not interested in games that teach me how to count or speak or spell words. I learned that in school. This game is for helping you know things before you go to pre-school. It does that incredibly well, as for being something fun to play for a thirty eight year old it does not do that very well. I guess in the end I will have to put this in the GOOD category despite never playing it or wanting to play it.

Good Games: 33

Bad Games: 30

Okay Games: 9

(wow 72 games done!)

The Simpsons Is Good Again?????????? WHAT DOES CLAW THINK!!!!

 

The Simpsons, there might be someone in a small hut living on the edge of the planet that hasn’t heard of this show, or it’s history. So for that one person I’ll give a one sentence explanation for it. It was made by Matt Groening for The Tracy Ullman Show in 1987 and got really popular which made its own show which became INSANELY POPULAR. Love them, hate them, be completely indifferent to them, The Simpsons was a very incredibly popular thing. It was something that some people didn’t even let their kids watch, but may parents didn’t care. Also this was more then a sentence but who cares?

The Simpsons was a big thing, I don’t remember when I started watching it but it was probably in reruns. Like reruns being ran on NTV in 1994. Then it became something to watch every Sunday night, people will argue till the cows come home about when the show jumped the shark but I can tell you when it stopped being the big deal for me. It was sometime in 1999, season 10 had been airing. It was the episode where Homer becomes a trucker. It’s not even a terrible episode I just remember the King of the Hill episode being better and the Futurama episode being better. John Swartzwelder wrote that episode and you should seriously look at the other episodes he wrote before it and you can tell if the guy who wrote those classics was know not trying as hard the show was in trouble. And that was 24 years ago. Still YouTube Weirdos and other goobers online have been saying the show is good again so I decided to check out some Season 33 and 34 episodes! Let’s discuss them!

I watched the Season 33 Treehouse of Horror, which was okay. I liked several jokes in it and the third segment was the best, even if it did mention tiktok. I’m sorry but the Simpsons mentioning and using things like ipads and smart tvs and tiktoks and having guest stars like Lady Gaga and Elon Musk will never NOT be weird and unsettling to me. It’s just not right. It’s like characters from Get Smart doing things we’d do in the 1980s if that show somehow had become an unstoppable juggernaut. Anyway the episode was okay. I did not hate it. I just thought some of the voices felt off. I also just started Treehouse of Horror Season 34 and holy balls does Marge’s voice actor Julie Kavner just needs to give it up. She sounds like she is dying. Literally dying there at the sound recording. Her voice is just so bad. So so bad. She know sounds like Marge’s mother.

It was okay. The three segments were Babadook spoof. I never saw that movie because it sounds goofy. It was okay. I guess. I kinda liked the fact they tried to make it a little scary like some of the very early Treehouse episodes. The second segment was the best one about the anime Death Note. They actually made the Simpsons characters look like anime characters which was really neat to see honestly. I laughed a few times at this segment and also the third one was really meta but done better than usual meta shit these days I’ll give them that much. It’s about Simpsons Robots that escape a Simpsons Theme Park of all the classic Season 1-9 moments. All in all not too bad. Nothing amazing but nothing worth ripping your dick off in anger. I watched the episode involving Carl Carlson’s racial identity crisis and it was definitely the best of the bunch. A new kinda story for The Simpsons really. and the last episode was about Marge and Homer getting lost in the woods because the kids think they should be more romantic. I can’t say it was bad but I can’t say I very much like it.

The last time I was a dedicated viewer, or at least semi-dedicated or would check it out from time to time viewer or whatever was in like season 18. I remember it being pretty mundane. One stand out episode and maybe some okay episodes if you are being really charitable. These new episodes I watched are maybe a tad better than that era but going WOW THE SIMPSONS IS GOOD AGAIN is still a bit much really. I still feel the same that despite enjoying to some degree 3 episodes of the show they should still cancel it. They are clearly more engaged with the material and characters now but that is why they should give it up. Go out on a semi-sorta-almost high note. I know how bad at least twenty years of this show was. That’s just insane. . I mean this shows nine seasons have no episodes I truly dislike. Yes they had some dumb moments but I can sit and at least laugh at the jokes of those really goofy episodes from season 9. I can’t say that about many other tv shows or any new seasons. The biggest reason I gotta go against the grain here is that several classic era guys came back and even then they can at BEST make okay content.

Also, I should point this out to everyone who goes BUT YEAH THE SNPP USENET WEIRDOS were angry at season 6 episodes! Yeah, I’m sure if I went back and looked I could find bad reviews for things like Jaws and Psycho that people now consider classics. Just because there were a bunch of grumpy fucks back in the 1990s (or when Jaws and Psycho were made) doesn’t mean that what they are doing now is anywhere as good. It just shows you that there are grumpy fucks who think literally great television and movies aren’t up to their standards. Fuck grumpy fuckers. Don’t listen to usenet. Ever.

So to answer the question the blog post states. This show can say it’s better than seasons 11 to like 32 but it can’t say it’s as great as it was or even good. It’s okay television at best. I just don’t have the time in my life anymore for just okay things. You gotta be incredibly awful or very enjoyable to me to get me to spend my time with you. I gotta a lot of stuff I wanna watch and I shan’t be putting new episodes of The Simpsons on there.

A Man Rambles about The Angry Video Game Nerd because he has nothing better to do.

 

Yeah, I haven’t been feeling reviewing comics or The Final Episodes or stuff I do on this blog but for some reason I will blather on about this doofus for way too many paragraphs. I wonder how portnoyd will react. Probably be like “I ONLY WATCHED 3 VIDEOS OF THIS JERK. YOUTUBE IS SOCIAL MEDIA AND THEREFORE I HATE IT. I somehow use the internet without interacting with SOCIAL MEDIA despite that all what the internet is these days!” There portnoyd I gave you the comment you can make if you don’t care enough about the AVGN. Which is what you probably think.

Anyway some history. Youtube came out in I think 2005? or was it 2006. All I know is that in 2006 This guy hit the scene and was A BIG DEAL. He showed just about everyone that you can get a decent camera and produce decent videos. He would try to make his videos better and better. Regardless of what you thought about his POOP COMEDY, he was into this stuff. Not as hardcore as you’d expect but he did it well. He worked well with Mike Matei, a friend of his who was the more knowlegable of the two. You know the word I’m trying to post here. Mike Matei would help write scripts, star in videos as some random bad guy character (like Joker or Bugs Bunny) I’ll get back to these guys in a bit.

I was all over the place with AVGN. I enjoyed the videos but I fucking hated the idiots on Play the NES who would be like Nah I never played that game, the angry ACTOR MAN on YouTube said the game was bad and I can’t even be bothered to open up a emulator to try the game. These dickheads annoyed me so much that I even took it out on the AVGN which really wasn’t too fair to be honest, but I’m a human being with human emotions. We aren’t fucking perfect! Anyway this is just funny to me now because one of the shows Mike Matei made with some random weirdo who ended up hiring the AVGN for his company made a video calling TMNT an overly hated game. Yeah it was ALWAYS a love or hate it game but holy shit if the AVGN video you worked on didn’t end up helping that hate column way more. You doofus.

Then he made a movie, it was not the best thing ever but not the worst thing ever regardless of what The Cinemassacre Truth on reddit wants to say (yes there’s a reddit for angry ex-fans. It’s wild.). It was probably one of the better YouTube guy movies, which was a thing. It was not a very good thing overall. I should do a piece on the Nostaliga Critic too! I’m sure portnoyd loves him! Anyway he ended up having two children. He came back with a new show where he and Mike Matei played board games. Then a guy named Bootsy came in. Then they made Mike and James Plays where they would play through a video game. Watch the Donkey Kong Country 3 video and be amazed at how bad someone could play that very simple game that I played as a damn 11 year old boy! It was a pretty good time to enjoy the Cinemassacre content.

I don’t know where Screenwave comes into the matter but you can totally see a change in just about everything. Videos came out less and less and most of them were of poor to mid quality. Bootsy left because of money issues. Kyle Justin also left. It was clear that Jimmy was caring less and less about the content. Like all content. Then they came out with Rental Reviews which is a bad ripoff of Best Worst WHATEVER its called from Red Letter Media. Not saying a group of people reviewing a movie is the most original idea though. It was just really bad, you could tell that Jimmy didn’t want to be talking about any of these movies for the most part. He likes horror movies and things made 30-140 years ago. He doesn’t want to review Avengers Endgame. I didn’t really like any of the new guys all that much anyway. Then he does the whole 300 episode video! It was like a 3 parter and reviewed every LJN game left that he had to review. There’s a reason he didn’t review the majority of these games beforehand because there’s not much to talk about when it comes to Football or Wrestling LJN games.

Then he decided to start a band. Like a true middle aged man. My band will be called BIG JERKS and we will cover 80s and 90s theme songs. Look for our first album coming in 2026. It’s called Rex Viper and it made some really bad video game cover songs. No one watches it. Seriously. This is around where the reddit group comes in. They are not very happy with the new material or Screenwave. or a Jimmy who clearly doesn’t care anymore. He hides behind his kids and “having no time” but you have the easiest job on the planet (he also made this behind the scenes video showing that he put a tripod on his ceiling for camera shots. This is why you have no time Jimmy you clearly waste it doing weird weird shit). Yeah, I’m not saying his videos don’t take time to make but he could clearly do with some kind of vacation or something. He’s burnt out to an insane degree. He used to do 31 reviews of Monster Madness , you know Horror movies nad stuff. This year it’s like 5 videos on tv episodes Halloween stuff. It could have easily been 31 reviews. People who literally work as ditch diggers to incredibly famous actors have time to spend with their family. Maybe this poor bastard has to do all the work at home too. Who knows I don’t fucking know his wife at all.

If you want the most proof that he’s clearly bored to tears of YouTube stuff now is he’s re-doing his review of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde for the 6th or so time. He did it twice as reviews, once with Mike and another time with some random guest YouTubers. Oh and a giant movie trailer for the game. Maybe I’m just mad that he clearly has burnout and I’d love to do YouTube shit. Shit I’d piss in who ever cheerio’s you wanted me too to get a fucking STUDIO willing to back me and help me make silly ass YouTube Videos!!!

Oh well. I guess this ends this ramble. Come back next time for me to talk about the Nostaliga Critic’s wild history! I’m sure portnoyd will have tons to talk about with that one!

NES Games Reviews For You and Me!

 Yep, I’m back in the mood to just review NES, probably the next few posts could be NES game reviews but really who the hell knows with me? Thankfully we are done with the Baseball shit for a little while and just about every B game is at least somewhat interesting to talk about. This grouping has a game you either love or hate, a sequel to that game, a game based on a board game, an unlicensed game (which are kryptonite to Youtubers for some fucking reason) and an action RPG! What do I think of them! Well read on sonny boy!

Here it is, the game you either love (correct opinion) or hate (incorrect opinion). Personally I’m a big fan of BattleToads. The graphics and music are wonderful. The levels are nice and varied, always doing something different to keep it interesting. The biggest problem with this game is that it’s very, very, very hard. I will not argue that. I will say that YOU CAN get good at this game. If I CAN get to the Rat Race then ANYONE can. You just gotta stop being A LITTLE BITCH and MAN UP and play Rare’s most famous game (I mean behind the Donkey Kong Country games, but those are co-made with Nintendo) or you could be a big wiener who got so angry at this game in 1991 because THEY WEREN’T GOOD ENOUGH that you hate the game and everything Rare (one of the BEST companies to make NES games) made. Personally I am a BattleToads fan because I am cool AND good.

I will start this by saying that I think the vast majority of Turn based RPGs on the NES have aged like milk. I will get more into it later when I hit an actual Turn Based RPG but the Action RPGs, like Zelda or Startropics. I think every single one of them made for the NES well I still really like and think they are pretty high quality games. Battle of Olympus is pretty much a Zelda 2 clone that takes place in Ancient Greece. That’s always a fun place to put your fantasy story into! Apparently this game was ported to the gameboy by Radical Entertainment. I know they improved over the years and gave us cult hits like The Simpsons Hit and Run but HOLY SHIT did their early games suck. I will not be playing the gameboy port of this ever. Anyway the music in this game is sick and the graphics are pretty good too, even if they are clearly inspired by Zelda 2. Anyway, Battle of Olympus is a very good game that is worth playing. The challenge is pretty fair but has some really brutal as fuck moments but shit what NES game doesn’t?

More proof the Battle Toads are fucking cool as hell. Would the Double Dragons hang out with LAME-OS? No they fucking wouldn’t! So the fact they teamed up with the Battle Toads is PROOF enough that the Battle Toads and their games are both cool and good. This was a game I played quite a bit on the SNES with my sister way back in the day. It was always a good time. Even if we could never beat level 3. The NES version is also a good time. The challenge is toned down and it’s still pretty damn hard honestly. I can’t get past that one level that turns the game into like Asteroids or something on the Atari, just with better graphics. I’ll tell you this much I’d play any Battle Toads game over any Atari 2600/5200/7800/Jaguar game thats for sure. Fuck Atari. Anyway the graphics and music are excellent because Rare does good work with that stuff. Portnoyd is wrong and will make a wrong comment being a goober.

I think it’s pretty weird to make this into a NES game but hey they did it. Mindscape also made Monopoly (which I think was the only other board game turned NES game out there but I could be wrong oh yeah they made Pictonary too.) Anyway I like this game. It’s a pretty fun time I thinks. Probably not as good as playing two player or the board game but I still enjoyed playing through this game twice. It has pretty good music and the graphics are as good as you can get really for what they were going for. It’s really not a game you can really write an insane amount about. Either way I liked it.

I believe that this is our first Codemasters/Camerica game! Oh no! Unlicensed! if you are somehow a youtube lame-o or a NintendoAge lame-o you should shield your eyes! Save yourself! I will be doing something you won’t like! I’m going to praise this game as being a pretty decent little game! Based on some shit from the Commodore 64’s asshole (another system that can go fuck itself) we get a much better and more enjoyable port for the old NES. I used to dislike this game until I GOT GOOD. Nah, I had no idea what to really do and would die a lot. I figured out what to do and I still die a lot, except I can at least get to level 5 or 6 or something. You play as a Bee who has to get Honey back to his hive. You can get the Honey from three plants before you have to go back and drop the honey off. You can attack with your stinger (which somehow doesn’t kill you despite you being a Bee) and random weapon upgrades that you can get. This is a neat little fun game with fun music and mostly pretty well done level design. I think Codemasters/Camerica did a good job here!

That’s it. This time I actually liked all the games. Next time however, hooo boy. Maybe I wont be posting nothing but NES reviews! Either way here are the scores!

Good Games: 32

Bad Games: 26

Okay Games: 9

Hey boyzzzzz It’s time for SOME NES WOOOOOO

 Yep, it’s time yet again for my favorite blog post series. Or at least second favorite. I hope this is at least your favorite to read too! You know the drill. I review five NES games and either praise them or complain about them. This time is like no different really. Several of these games will get praise and I will complain about at least one of them! I cannot wait till I find a group of games where I get to do nothing but complain like a jerk.

Well, here it is. This is the one game you can show any dickheads who are like DURRR EVERY GAME BASED ON A LICENSE IS BAD LOL. I know there are a lot of bad games based of movies and TV show. Don’t make it out like I’m defending all of them, however, games like Batman (and I’m just gonna spoil many other reviews just about every game developed by Sunsoft in the NES days) prove that games can be made out of a license and be a fucking classic. Batman on the NES is a fucking classic. One of the best NES games, period. I will not discuss further. The graphics are still pretty amazing for the old NES. The music is fucking fantastic. The levels are well thought out for the most part (there may be a few “why the fuck did you do this developer” moments) and the challenge for the most part is just right. Every level is harder than the last. Only problem with the challenge is that the Joker WILL take you forever to beat. He is a fucking monster, one of the hardest bosses of ANY NES game ever. Still one of my absolute favorite NES games. It’s also based on Michael Keaton’s Batman who is still the best Batman even if the Flash tried to ruin him. I mean best MOVIE Batman. Everyone knows the Best Batman overall is Adam West.

Despite giving you new weapons, somehow UPPING the graphics and music, I still like this game less than the first one. Not to say it’s a bad game. It’s an incredible game still but I would say it has some flaws. You know how above I said well thought out levels, well this game still has them for the most part, just sometimes they decided to put enemies in like THE worst fucking spots. It’s like “shit man we have a day to make this game harder what do we do” and that’s what they decided to do so. Still despite this flaw I would say (let’s pretend this is 2005) that finding a copy of this game would be worth it. You’d probably pay $5 for it instead of like 80. This game is not rare enough to be 80 dollars worth but that’s what the price is now at conventions and game stores. Sorry you had to suck and still collect video games in 2023 I guess. Anyway I would still recommend this game very highly. It just has that one flaw.

Hey! It’s a Batman game based on a Batman movie back in the time when Batman movies were an unheard of thing and actually a special treat! This was a big thing back then. You had toys for Batman and Batman Returns. This time Sunsoft lost the license but THQ or Radical Entertainment or some shitheads didn’t get the license but Konami did. Going from one company that very rarely popped out any turds to another is a very good thing. Konami’s Batman Returns is a very enjoyable NES beat em up. I think the graphics don’t work as well as the two Sunsoft games but the music is pretty great. Konami never made a bad soundtrack. Ever. At least in the NES/SNES/Genesis era. I don’t know about after that. The challenge factor of this game is pretty wild. It starts out hard and ends “tear your ass hair off” hard. The SNES game is pretty good too but a lot like that too.

I am not an old man in New York City’s Central Park so I do not know how to play Chess. I do not know if I will ever know how to play Chess. I don’t know if the New York Old Man Community will even let others play Chess. I just know that I played Battle Chess like twice in my life. Not knowing what I did and just watching a character shoot another one. Chess was meant to be played on a fucking chess board not in Video Games. Get that old man shit outta my video games damnit! Anyway the graphics are fine the music isn’t terrible. It’s just not what I want out of a video game ya know? I guess I’ll end up putting this in OKAY because I can see people enjoying it if they know how to play Chess and aren’t too lazy/dumb to learn how too.

This is a game that I didn’t play for the longest time. Like decades. Until I played it and actually got somewhere. Not far but at least too level three. You are in a first person Tank thing and you have to find other tanks and blow them up. I can’t give this game a complete review as I’ve only gotten to level 3. I don’t know if it ends up getting more and more annoying but it wasn’t a too bad of an experience. I have no idea who Garry Kitchen is but he needs to remove at least one R from his first name. Gary, not Garry. Weirdo. However I did play this game again recently and have no idea how I got anywhere. Anyway I’ll rate this game an OKAY for right now.

Well three games I cared about a lot and two I didn’t really have anyrthing to say about! I will probably give Battle Tank another go sometime soon but I djust don’t care about Chess. Maybe if I move to New York City in like 2050 when I’m 70. or 65. I dunno. When I’m old I guess. I’m not good at math. Anyway the numbers are.

Good Games: 27.

Bad Games: 26

Okay games: 9