Another NES game reviews article! Wow! I was thinking of playing Arkham City and completing it, I would love to finally beat the shit out of the Riddler, but you gotta get 440 riddler trophies. And I know that for a good number of them I will have to use the internet because my dumb ass has no idea what to do to figure it out. The thing is that’s not fun. The fun part was playing the main game. Why couldnt they cut down on the fucking trophies? Remember in Donkey Kong Country 2 and 3 you had to get like two or three tokens from each level and a DK coin. That was the perfect amount of extra bonus stuff. Port will go LOL DONKEY KONG COUNTRY MORE LIKE DONKEY KONG POOP OUT OF MY ASS because he hates fun and enjoyment. He can’t argue that games need 440 extra collectibles for just ONE after the game side quest. So I said fuck it and decided to talk about five more NES games.
Here I am trying to show you that games based on movies or tv shows or whatever aren’t automatically bad, or that RARE is a great company and I have this game coming in and just kinda stinking up the joint? Like I would not call this game a good or even okay game really but I don’t hate it? Like I still try to beat this game (I’ve gotten to the last level many times). It tries to be a little offbeat (like the movie) but it’s not all that great. The music is great because not even portnoyd can trash the music of David Wise. Even he knows that’s perfect. The graphics are pretty good but the gameplay is just all weird. I don’t think a lot of it was well thought out. They give you a bunch of masks to change Beetlejuice’s graphic up and more powers, just so many of them are pointless and you’ll find the one that gives you the most power and just spend way too much time squashing bugs to get points to buy them. The levels are just random mish mash of ideas. There’s also a level where you have to get away from the door (or something) that transports you to the sandworm level. I know YouTubers with their magical powers of super autism can beat levels like that amazingly well but I just go “fuck this I’m turning this game off”. I over all don’t hate this game because it does feel like they tried a little bit, it’s just turning an already weird movie like Beetlejuice wasn’t going to be possible with the NES or Gameboy. Or anything until like the 2010s. I will still put this in the bad pile because I cannot for the life of me call it even okay.
Yet another game that I cannot call super ultra shit but you won’t finding me ever playing it. This is one of those games where you have to button mash so fast your thumb literally explodes. I do not know how the people who have beaten this game on the YouTubes have done it. Probably with some cheats. For me to even beat the first guy I would have to go back into the training session and max everything out. That would at least take an hour or so I’m guessing and frankly this game doesn’t bring me enough entertainment value for that to be worth it. I would rather spend that time plus I think an extra 30-40 minutes to watch any of the movies entitled Best of the Best. Starring Eric Roberts, Chris Penn and Phillip Rhee. Anyway I’m going to rate this game as bad because it’s button mashy as hell and honestly not much fun and the music and graphics are not all that great. They really didn’t try to go out side the box with this game in my opinion.
Bible Adventures is a bad video game. I will get it out of the way first. I do not find it fun to play in any way. I will get into that in a bit, however I kinda love it. First off I was amused to death that they even made Bible games on the NES. My mother would bring me to Church every week until I was like 13 but I do not think she would ever make it so that the only NES games I ever had where Bible games. I don’t think I even ever saw any Color Dreams/Wisdom Tree/Bunch Games as a kid. However if I were collecting NES games I would probably buy them just for the weirdness factor. I like that about the NES, people weren’t afraid of trying new things. They’d be like “alright Tom Sawyer was popular in 1896 or whenver the fuck it was made let’s turn it into a video game” BAM. It sure wasn’t a good video game but the fact they decided to it makes me smile in some weird way. The weird “what the hell am I gonna find next” made NES collecting/playing on emulators in 1997 so much fucking fun. So Bible Adventures, while a very shitty game will always have a place in my heart for that. Now It’s a shitty game for reasons I will probably repeat over and over in every Color Dreams/Bunch Games/Wisdom Tree review as it has very unresponsive and awful as fuck game control. Possibly the stiffiest game controls in the history of the NES. Just so not fun to play with. The graphics are actually pretty charming in their own way. I always liked the way the graphics in Color Dreams games looked but man they don’t play well. The music is forgettable but man the game controls are what really ruin this beast.
This game is so ungodly boring to me. There are people that enjoy this game and I’m glad for them but man oh man does it just ever bore me. Maybe because it’s a board game video game (yes those were a thing) and they NEED other players. You can’t fuckin play monopoly by yourself with Computers, that’s not fun. I mean regular monopoly usually ended for my family before anyone ever lost all their money but still, at least I had fun with that. So I just don’t like this game and find it pointless. The NES cover is probably one of the most what the fuck am I looking at here? which is actually pretty amazing. Otherwise there’s really not much here to say other than this game is bad.
You’d expect me to jump and holler and scream and yell about how this game is stupid and terrible like I were the Angry Video Game Nerd or something. The thing is this game is actually pretty good. The music is great, the text speech is fantastic, the graphics are very nice and represent the characters well. The biggest problem and the reason you don’t actually enjoy playing this game is that it was made for like three to five year olds to play. I have not been five years old since 1990. That was THIRTY THREE years ago. It sets out and does what it intended to do very well however I was not interested and still not interested in games that teach me how to count or speak or spell words. I learned that in school. This game is for helping you know things before you go to pre-school. It does that incredibly well, as for being something fun to play for a thirty eight year old it does not do that very well. I guess in the end I will have to put this in the GOOD category despite never playing it or wanting to play it.
Good Games: 33
Bad Games: 30
Okay Games: 9
(wow 72 games done!)
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