Movie Review #37: The Identical (2014)

 

I really don't know where to begin with this movie so I guess I will just talk about religious films for a second here. They've been a part of Hollywood since like forever. They made Ben-Hur in like 1925. The Ten Commandments and Ben Hur (the 1959 version) probably being the most famous. They have kinda gone the way side in the decades since my father was a child but Christians still make indie movies for themselves. They have been having a bit of a resurgence now in the 2010s/2020s. All kinds of famous or at least used to be famous Christians like Kevin Sorbo and Dean Cain make them now. They are usually not very good but this movie is a special kind of not good.

The Identical is uh a very weird movie. You see this is pretty much about a guy who stole Elvis Presley's entire life story. This movie starts in the middle of the Great Depression in like 1935 with two people waiting for their baby to arrive. It happens that the Baby arrives and it's TWINS. The real dad goes to Preacher Ray Liotta's tent church and after one sermon of his decides to give him one of the twins. Oh, Preacher Ray Liotta's wife is Ashley Judd and he mentions her miscarriage in the middle of the sermon. Yes all these people needed to know about that serious and personal information. It's only 5 minutes in and I already knew I had hit bad movie GOLD.

So they give up Dexter Ryan Hemsley who becomes Reece Ryan Wade. His birth parents have a fake funeral for the baby who they apparently had for one day before they gave him up. Yes. This happens before the movie hits the 10 minute mark. I was amazed too. Preacher Ray Liotta wants him to become a preacher like him and he wants to become a musician. Preacher Ray Liotta is not happy with the music at all. We then turn to 1952 or thereabouts where he and his friend Dino are playing underage teens (despite the guy playing Ryan Wade being like 30 and Seth Green (yes, THAT Seth Green) playing a teenager at 40 years old. To be fair I do think Seth Green will still be playing teenagers at 70 years old so that's not that bad really. Just dye that bastards hair red and he will look like hes 16 until he dies.

He gets up on the dance floor and starts singing then a damn police officer comes in and says something like this "This place is like my mood... DARK and Stinky." Yes this is a club full of a lot of black people in it. He also says hootie weed. I do not think that has ever been a name marijuana has ever been called but I know very little about the devil's lettuce. Anyway Preacher Ray Liotta makes him go to the army. After the army he ends up trying all kinds of things before he's forced to go to school to become a preacher by his dad. He ends up telling his dad he does not want to be a preacher.

All while this is happening his brother has become a superstar Rock Star like Elvis Presley. His name is Drexel the Dream Hemsley. Everyone comments on how he looks just like him. He also has a record of his identical twin brother on it and he never thinks to ask his parents about this. So he ends up in a chance meeting with his birth mother after finding this information out due to talking to this girl and her friend. The girl is named Jenny and they went on a date to the club back in like 1952 or 53 or whatever. His birth mother is up there dying and he sneaks in to see her just because he's a fan of Drexel the Dream Hemsley. He also sings her this song of Drexels that was her favorite. She even calls him Dexter and he STILL doesn't go to his parents and ask questions. Oh and the fact that she is close enough to this hospice to be taken care of means that Drexel and his birth father must not live THAT far away from him. 

So he ends up marrying Jenny and she puts him in a Drexel The Dream Hemsley sing a like contest and he wins. He also gets sorta almost close to getting to talk to Drexel the Dream because he shows up. This is the only time they kinda meet together while both are still alive. He gets a job going from county to county as The Identical. They end up making a ton of money but he quits when he can't make his own songs (they also say that Elvis exists in this universe which means why the fuck is anyone listening to this shitty half assed version of Elvis instead of the real thing? Like why put Elvis and this Elvis knockoff in the same universe?) right after this Drexel the Dream Hemsley dies and his brother goes into a deep depression.

Preacher Ray Liotta is trying to make him go into preaching YET again like a big baby but he ends up having a mild heart attack. While pulling EVERYTHING apart in a room to find Preacher Ray Liotta's pills he ends up uncovering the letter that Preacher Ray Liotta was given by his birth father. This gets him to go to Drexel's house where he finds his birth father in the grave side in the backyard. He tells him who he is. They have a nice moment together. Then they go back to Preacher Ray Liotta and they have a nice moment together. It ends with him bringing back the Identical show himself but singing some of his own songs along with Drexel's.

FINAL VERDICT: I think every human being on this planet should watch this movie. It is amazingly bad. Hilariously so. It's sad in a way because everyone in this film is acting their heart out, but it's like The Book of Henry. It's a story that just doesn't work period. It's amazing the acting talent a movie like this got. It even has Joey Pants and the little person who played Kramer's friend in Seinfeld. This movie is so amazingly bad that it will change your life. Watch it with someone and don't tell them ANYTHING about it and have them literally go insane from watching this foolishness.