What If Wednesday #1

 That's right mother fuckers! We are going to talk about the greatest comics ever published right here, mother fucking WHAT IF? I love alternative takes on characters and stories which you can do in comics! What If was the best thing that Roy "The Boy" Thomas (do you think he hated that Stan gave him that nick name, seeing as he was like 25 at the time?) ever did for comics. Created by him in 1977 and still gets brought out every little time Marvel feels like it, however most of the comics we will be discussing are from the 1977 to 1984 series and the 1989 to 1998 series. The first had 47 issues and the second had 114 issues, so we will hopefully be doing this for many Wednesdays to come!

This weeks first comic is What If, Volume 2, #1 and boy howdy is this a hum dinger of a comic book. Written by Roy Thomas with art by Ron Wilson you get a lot of stuff for your $1.25 (I wish comics still cost that much) The original story The Evolutionary War was a story that took place in the previous years annuals and if I recall correctly was a pretty enjoyable affair... it's about The High Evolutionary (who does sadly not get as ripped as FlowingMindspin) creating a genetic bomb to well cause man and mutant to evolve without their consent. And the Avengers have to stop him because who knows WHAT people could evolve into! This story tells us... they evolve into big headed freaky looking motherfuckers who are a hive mind, no more care for good or bad... but powerful enough to make a fucking Celestial (you know those giant robot God things created by Jack Kirby that Marvel will now make into a movie that I'll watch once and go yeah that was fun but will read the Eternals by Jack Kirby 1,000 times because the comics are better than the superhero movies. Just letting you know that) but what about the mutants. They also become a hive mind and decide to leave earth and fuck the shit out of the universe (no joke, they beat the shit out of the Kree, the Skrulls AND the Shi'ar (you know the bird woman that Professor X bones from time to time is one of them before going on to fuck up Galactus, Death and Eternity before becoming a wild mix of both Death and Life AND CREATING A NEW UNIVERSE.)  Roy Thomas literally packed the entire Marvel Universe into this story and its a whole hell of a lot of fun to read. Highly Recommended.

The Armor Wars was a story that took place in Iron Man's book (except for one issue of Captain America which tells Captain America's side of the fight they had) and was one of the best Iron Man stories probably ever! And this What If is a neat side piece that should be included in any trade that has the full story within it (and the story was originally called Stark Wars which is not as good) Anyway the original Armor Wars story involved Tony Stark finding out that technology he created was being used by Justin Hammer so he decides to make sure that no one cause use that technology by beating up every body who might have the technology, regardless if they are good or bad. It's got a lot of fights, internal pathos and great art! This what if issue is not perfect but I think it's a good companion piece to the original story. The what if differs is that Justin Hammer finds out that Second Ant Man was sent by Tony to help him uncover what was going on and his daughter Cassie gets kidnapped and he has to rat on Tony. Justin Hammer then again takes control of Tony's armor and causes him to help blow up S.H.I.E.L.D. bases and both East and West Coast Avengers bases and makes Tony unmask in front of everyone and confess making it harder for Tony to walk back. Then if that wasn't enough A.I.M. literally shoots Justin Hammer in the back and steals ALL the information he had! So Tony has to end up teaming up with a group of armored bad guys to fight A.I.M. and in the end has to fight for his time in court. The interactions between Tony and the other characters are fun but I'd still believe that if Tony told any of the Avengers he was being controlled they would believe and help him. And the art is pretty good but I don't like how now Superstar Artist of Batman, Greg Capullo draws Justin Hammer. Despite these issues I'd still say What If #8 comes Recommended!

I've got to admit some probably controversial opinion right here and now and say that I think the majority of the 1990s X-Men stuff is very unmemorable. I didn't even read them as a kid all that much because I was picking up much better back issues from the 1980s. I find the 1990s era of X-Men very dull and I know a lot of people think highly of this era but it leaves me very cold. I couldn't even tell you about the story of X-Cutioner's Song except it involves Strfye and Cable way before they were put in better stories and actually made enjoyable characters. I'm sure someone is complaining about how they make Cable a kid in new issues of X-Men but I actually enjoy that series by Gerry Duggan which is a whole part of the X-Men relaunch of sorts by Jonathan "Big Jon" Hickman. Anyway this time the X-Men die and then Cable fights Stryfe and takes over for X-Factor  and X-Force who become the new X-Men. There's not much too this story written by Fabian Nizicia's brother and while I'm not a fan of 90s X-Men, I did enjoy his Thunderbolts but I don't think comics worked out for his brother. The art is very of that era and if you dig it you dig it. I'm kinda hot and cold on the art from this era. I will probably end up adding this to my collection as not owning every issue of something gives me hives but I don't think I can give it a recommendation. Not Recommended. Oh, and like everyone else on the internet I'm obliged to go "oh nice, the sex number!"

That's it, next time we will alternate and go for a full discussion of issues from the original volume. What three will be picked! Who knows! That's why you gotta come back next week!