Reviewing NES games Twice in One Day What the FUCKING HELL?

 I don’t know, I got a bug up my ass and I kinda want to at least finish the As before the end of this month. So that will probably mean two posts about NES games in a row. Anyway, here’s more As. Plus what could be a HOT TAKE. I don’t know.

Rare was one of the best publishers of the NES and SNES era. I don’t give a shit what portnoyd things because Battletoads was too hard for THE BIG BABY so he took it out on everything Rare like a BABY. Despite that I uh never really liked this game. I don’t know if thats a HOT TAKE but I’m considering it a HOT TAKE because I know people who love this game and give me grief for being like “It’s shitty pictionary with good music” which is what this game is. I don’t even like the actual board game pictionary for crying out loud. Well I’ve never actually played it but it would be like the last board game I would go for. You guess drawings and I don’t get it. I seriously don’t get it. This is literally boring as hell to me. Also I don’t know how Pat the NES Punk got popular when this was one of the games he chose to review. And spent 21 minutes doing it. I know one thing portnoyd and I will agree on is that if we were made to review a NES game on youtube we’d pick just about anything else than Anticipation, which is something I can’t talk about for 5 seconds let alone 21 minutes. A bad game that I don’t like.

I know you are probably expecting me to go YEAH ANOTHER POOPY SPORTS game because this was put out by ACCLAIM but well two things. I actually really really enjoy this game and think it’s probably the only basketball game on the NES I enjoy. And it was actually developed by rare. Maybe not assume things by the companies name you AVGN weirdo. Remember when people would parrot his points like he was an actual reviewer and not a goofy joke man on YouTube? That was a very annoying time. I like this game because I think it’s fun. I can punch dudes in the face AND actually score goals against the other team. Every other basketball game I play I end up being beaten by the computer because I have to jump in the right place to make the basket or shit like that. This game just cuts to the chase. The computers aren’t pushovers either but you can actually easily score baskets. Something I’ve never been able to do in any other basketball game on the NES.

You see this cover and you think, Holy shit this has to be bad ass. You don’t know what kind of game it is. It could be an a RPG (turn based or action) it could be a plat former. It could even be a strategy game. The last thing you think it would be is a chess game. I am not an old man sitting in Central Park in New York City so I don’t even know how to play chess. It’s also something that I feel even if I knew how to play I’d rather play with another actual person. Seems more fun that way. Still I gave this game another shot because the last time I played it was probably in 2006. It’s okay a bit different than chess but it’s still not a lot of fun. You play as either the light or dark side and then you fight each other in a little arena and the other monster or character always seems to end up having more fire power. I don’t know. I don’t like this game. I won’t be playing it again.

Arkanoid is a classic game where you have to bounce a ball around and smash it into blocks to make them disappear. Some blocks wont disappear and you gotta get the block into some weird areas and places. I like this game a decent amount but I am pretty terrible at it. I saw someone beat it on stream and it was awe-inspiring, even if they used the continue code built into the game. Anyway it has some great music, graphics, and creativity. It’s also hard as fucking hell. There’s really not much else to say about this game really. It’s just a good home port of an Arcade game but it’s gonna pull your dick around like a lunatic, it’s that hard.

We end this batch off with another game from our favorite American….Sammy! I apologize for that attempt at a joke there but still this is actually a pretty darn good little game. You play as an Elf girl and she’s going to find a magic wand or some shit in her fantasy elf world. You play in over one hundred top down levels. The problem is they pretty much repeat after like Level 25 or maybe 35? I don’t know. I just know that I’d rather just play a pretty good game that was 25 unique levels then have to play 125 or so to beat the game and get the real ending. I dunno, still I’d give Arkista’s Ring a look, it IS fun to play and I do like it quite a bit, it’s just you could have had the levels repeat like twice and 75 levels would have been plenty. It’s a bit much I guess is what I’m saying. Anyway a pretty good game to end this part off on. I always like it when the games are good to leave you with a warm feeling. I don’t know what I’m talking about anymore so I’m going to quit typing.

Anyway the ratings of Good, Bad and Okay in my mind are thus:

Good: 21

Bad: 11

Okay: 3 (I’m being nice to Anticpation because it’s box art is so hilariously shitty)

Next Time: We finish the As! Yay!

The Final Episode #121: Alf: The Animated Series

 

I’ve mentioned this many times but for like a year every day I would get up at lunchtime like a lazy bum, eat my lunch and then watch Alf, Chip n Dale Rescue Rangers, Boy Meets World and Sailor Moon all in a row. It was two hours of excellent awesome television and I don’t care what you think. I had some good laughs and then I would be ready for supper at like 4;30. So when I started up this blog of Final Episodes where I talk about television shows gone by and their last episodes. I knew Alf had to be one of the first I would talk about. I believe it was like #8 or 9. The only one of those shows I haven’t done is Sailor Moon, do I do the original anime? do I do the English adaptation which I saw first (DiC) or do I do the second English adaptation that did season 3 or 4. Or do I do all three? I’ll probably end up doing all three and with that show I’ll probably need to explain an entire season of stuff so It’ll probably come but who knows when.

Anyway, since right now I’m clearing up shows that have “sequels” or “spinoffs” or whatever it leads me to this. I did not even know Alf had a cartoon in 2003 when I was lazing around watching those shows. I just know that Alf was something I watched when I was a very young child. I also didn’t even realize he had a cartoon when I was re-introduced to the greatest crossover of all time Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue by some YouTube video. And yes I probably will end up talking about that because who doesn’t want to hear my thoughts on the cartoon where Bugs Bunny teams up with the Muppet Babies? Probably a bad person that’s who. Alf was a part of that series but I thought it was because he was just so damn popular as a live action character that they had to put him in it.

Nope, Alf had TWO cartoons which we will both go over. I will save the other for another time. Alf: The Animated Series was made in 1987 and ended in 1989. For two seasons and 26 episodes we got to see what the planet Melmac was like. This also sadly reminds me of The Big Bang Theory and why I fucking hate that show so much. They made a joke about how the kid wanted Alf to bring him to Melmac but IN THE LIVE ACTION SERIES THE PLANET HAD BLOWN UP which was what they were talking about. Fuck I really hate when TV shows get stuff mixed up because especially today YOU CAN LOOK AT A THING CALLED THE INTERNET AND READ THAT YOUR JOKE DOESN’T WORK AND IS SHITTY EVEN IF IT DID. That’s the second reason I hate that show. The first is that I feel the Sheldon character is probably one of the meaniest looks at autism ever. I guess you can just call me woke or something I don’t give a shit. The Big Bang Theory sucks ass.

But yes, this series was a prequel showing what Melmac was like (the comics also did that I wonder if they ever messed shit up because they couldn’t be calling each other so easily like they could have done in 2007 but the lazy assholes didn’t bother because the show was LAZY HORSE SHIT THAT SOME HOW RAN FOR WHAT 13 SEASONS. Yeah, I will never get over The Big Bang Theory and how much ass it sucks. But yes I’m sure the TV cartoon and comic contradicted each other but the internet was a wild and weirder place back then. I doubt anyone working on the cartoon or comic read Alf.Discussion.Net on Usenet or whatever. Anyway the show is something I’ve never seen so you know what that means, I talk about two episodes instead of one! Woowee!

The first episode of two I watched was called Flodust Memories. It’s starts out with the theme song of some really big cats that can talk singing to Alf. I mean are cats like even more sentient on Melmac or something. If so it kinda makes Alf eating them even more messed up. I don’t know if that was the best idea. Anyway I don’t know if those cats show up anywhere else or if they are just a dream. Alf does play the saxophone which I have deemed the most 80s musical instrument. This episode involves Flo Shumway (Alf’s mom) feeling like the family doesnt appreciate her so they end up getting her the award of Mom of the Millennium on Melmac. I don’t know how long Millenniums last on Melmac. Anyway she ends up winning and ends up going on tour for a year. The family then realize how much they miss her and get her to come back from the tour early, ruining the evil plans of some weird looking melmacian. Oh, and they watch a show called H.A.L.F. which involves a puppet (that looks like Max Wright, I bet he loved that) who ends up crash landing on Melmac. Wild.

The Final Episode is called Skipper’s Got a Brand New Dad. It was shown on NBC on Janurary 7th, 1989. The last year of the greatest decade of the 20th century was upon us. It was written by Duane Capizzi who worked in animation writing stories from 1988 to 2021. I don’t know if he retired or what or is just WAITING IN THE SHADOWS to write more but he’s got one hell of a resume. He wrote for The Real Ghostbusters, Alvin and the Chipmunks, C.O.P.S., Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Extreme Ghostbusters, Men in Black, Aladdin, Adventures of the Gummi Bears, Jackie Chan Adventures, Several Superman and Batman things, Big Guy and Rusty the Boy Robot and even the Carmen Sandiego netflix show. That’s one hell of a career. Gotta give it up for my main man, Duane!

Also another thing I gotta give it up for is DiC Animation literally seemingly only hiring Canadians for their 1980s stuff. Inspector Gadget, C.O.P.S., Adventures of Teddy Ruxpin and this Show all pretty much had Canadian casts (except for Frank Welker and Don Adams and Mr. Paul Fusco, voice of Alf) Also I just learned from looking up Paul Fusco on IMDb that he helped produce Disaster Movie and I’m sorry but that loses you like 12,000 cool points even if you did voice Alf (and give him one hell of a memorable voice too). That movie is still one of the worst film experiences of my life and I routinely watch films filmed on the same kinda camera that filmed my 7th birthday party in 1992.

Anyway, let’s get to the story of The Final Episode of Alf: The Animated Series. It starts off at the Mayo Lodge Family Picnic. Alf and His Dad are there. Rick (Alf’s friend) is there with his dad. Skip is there with his nanny. We find out that Skip is an orphan (Rick’s dad thought he was a dolphin) and that he’s not allowed to do the Wire Hanger Event (where Melmacian father and sons are put on giant wire hangers and shot into the sky and try to latch on to a giant tower. This cartoon is wild) because its too manly. Nanny doesn’t like this kinda talk and throws the judge around while Skip just walks off. Alf then gets Skip to agree to show his birth mark (that looks like two fat people kissing) on bottles of Slug Milk. Which everyone drinks. In hopes to find his parents.

Meanwhile, a big nasty villain, Larson Petty is being told by a banker (who is kind of fucking unsettling looking to me now at thirty eight years old!) that his uncle died and gave all his money to his missing son Eggbert (he’s been missing for 200 years!) Larson Petty wants this money for a giant bomb that he can put rotten potato salad in it. Larson Petty is a real fuckin jerk. He sees the Slug Milk bottle and he decides to pretend Skip is his son. We go to Nanny’s house and Skip, Alf and Rick are there. Skip worries that he may not be like his parents and Alf starts to go on a big old rant but my copy of this just skips over it. This is like the first time that’s ever happened I believe. Anyway, We then go to another scene where Alf and Rick are talking about Larson Petty.

Nanny wonders if Rick will come and visit and Alf says he will even if he has to drag him home by the hairs of his fat people kissing. Larson and Skip are at the bank and Skip just decides to leave his inheritance there at the bank which pisses off Larson. Larson, Skip and Larson’s henchperson thing (it is hard to decipher a Melmacian’s gender.) are in a giant car thing. Larson then pulls out a microphone because he wants to cheer himself up and scares the shit out of a Melmacian walking by saying he’s wearing no pants. Despite pants not seeming to exist on Melmac in the first place. Larson is a jerk. Skip does not like this.

Alf and Rick inflitrate Larson Petty’s army just to be told to go home because Larson no longer has any money. Skip also gets Larson to fire his henchperson Sloop. Sloop is a man’s name right? Melmacian gender identity confuses me. Anyway Alf doesn’t trust Larson and he’s right too because Larson finds out that if Skip meets an unfortunate accident that he will get all the money. Larson is one evil fuck. Alf and Rick save Sloop from his suicide attempt and find out that Sloop was taken by hairless banana moles as a baby. They also learn that Commander Krud is Larson Petty’s show.

Alf and Rick then dress up as Commander Krud and Dunder and almost fool Larson Petty before they are attack by the cartoon versions of Commander Krud and Dunder. this gets Larson Petty to attack Alf with a damn giant stick of salami, so Alf and Larson end up with a Salami fight. We then learn that Larsons son Eggbert was stolen by Banana Moles and two and two are put together and Larson realizes he now needs Sloops signature on the bank forms so he rushes off. Sloop was arguing with Skip on which hang glider he should use and he uses Larson’s so Larson ends up jumping on the one thats all fucked up. Larson falls to the ground all bent and bruised and busted.

Skip is back with Nanny Franny and says that he may not have parents but he’s glad to have a Nanny like Franny. Everyone is happy even though they didn’t find Skips dad. Anyway Larson Petty has to pay 499,999 wornecks (the melmacnian currency) to fix all of his bruises plus tax. So no giant potato salad bomb for Larson.

FINAL VERDICT: Weird show but a lot of fun. The epiosdes have two pretty good morals and were tons of fun to watch. I am definitely coming back to this show to watch more. I hope I enjoy Alf Tales just as much.

Reviewing Every NES Game Part 5: Chickens, Aliens and Car Racing.

 

Well buckos, I have fun talking about NES games and I still have well hundreds of them left to discuss. So today we get to some #1s. I think we get our first game based on a license! our first game from Europe! and our first Car racing game! How are they as games? Well you’ve come to the right place to get at least one opinion on them (my opinion is not the only one. I am just the one weirdo who wants to talk about EVERY NES game because I have nothing better to do) Let’s get ready to check out some new stuff!

Another NES game that I played A LOT as a child. I’m pretty sure it was a rental but I also believe some friends of my family that I’ve known since well I was born owned this game. I might be wrong on that but still this game has a special place in my heart and I do believe it still holds up pretty well. You play two different kind of games in here, both shumps. One is your regular shump like levels. Going from one side to the other blowing shit up like Gradius. The second part is when you get to the Air Fortress, you have to search around for a giant orange glowing orb to shoot at until it dies and then you have to GET THE FUCK OUT by finding the right exit. This is really neat and pretty well done. Sure the last two levels of the first run through of the game will have you pulling hair out of your head (or your legs, or arms or whatever) that’s not so bad if they were the actual last two levels, the end of a game should be harder than it’s beginning. No the biggest problem this game has is that it makes you play it through twice to really get the best ending which means they make the same levels harder by more enemies and changing the location of the orb and the exit plane thing. This game already had 8 levels and honestly that is by FAR enough for a game of this nature. It wasn’t like this was a game we (me and the friends) ever ever ever beat. I don’t even know how I beat the last level still. This overall is a good game that just went a bit too far. 8 levels for this shooting/exploration game is great, 16 is way too much.

I have to be honest when I was talking about the first licensed game (as in game based on a tv show, movie, or book) I wasn’t talking about this game. I also have already forgotten Tom Sawyer (which isn’t hard as that game is forgettable as hell and also shitty but I am way too lazy to change that introduction paragraph now!) This is a game that I forget exists way too often on a television series I forget exists. Yes, the man who hugs and kisses old TV literally forgets Airwolf existed. I’ve never even seen an episode. How’s that for a surprise???? I have no idea how much I will or won’t enjoy the show when I get to it but I know that I do not like this game. This game had stuff going against it from the get go. It’s another one of those Top Gun Style Cockpit Outlooking Air fighting games that I just never got. However while I can at least tell you that After Burner might be a game you’d enjoy if you are into those types of games I can tell you that you should just avoid Airwolf. I want to at least be able to show you that licensed games can be fun and cool but Airwolf (and Tom Sawyer) are not that. Airwolf is also slow moving where as the enemy planes are way too much. Place that with weird controls and a map I have no idea how to make work for me and really don’t care to learn and you have a game that is not fun. Apparently this game has parts where you save people but fuck if I could get to that area of the map. Fuck if I want to try again either. Airwolf might be a wonderfully fun TV show that I’ll feel bad that I constantly forget about when I finally watch it but I know that I will probably not be playing this game any time soon.

Here we have it. The first NES game Alphabetically that is a racing game. I will say this right now the NES had a lot of racing games and they were either pretty good and felt fast and furious and you wanted to play it. or they tried to many fancy things when all you wanted was to feel like you were racing past other drivers. OR they were dull as fucking shit and you probably forgot you even played a game after you turned it off, like literally seconds later. Al Unser Jr Turbo Racing feels like the third category. It’s just boring and I do not enjoy playing it. Sure the graphics and all that are decent enough but the whole feeling of GOING FAST is missing. I’d skip this one.

For some reason Mike Elter has the Aladdin Deck Enhancer in the game area. That always bothered me because it’s an accessory. Yeah games come with it but you can’t play them without that accessory. Always felt like that was out of place. It’s like putting the Power Glove or the Power Pad in there. It’s weird and I don’t like it. Speaking of other things I don’t like, the Amiga bothers me. Or at least the good amount of games for it do. They are weird and unappealing and bizarre and really not much fun for me to play. There’s one just one game I like that has Amiga origins and it’s this game. Which may have started on the Amiga but literally was on like every console you could get. The Super NES? Yep. the PS1? Yep. Game Boy? Yep. Game Boy Color? Yep. Okay that’s not every console but it’s way more than you’d expect this obscure character to get on to. The NES version is the only version I like because it feels like a NES game and not a weird Amiga game ported over to the SNES (like so many others. too many) and I enjoy playing it. It’s a platformer game where you have to pick up all the eggs in a given stage and find the exit. It’s very cute and fun and the weirdness is charming instead of off putting like other Amiga related things. Maybe I’m giving it more credit then it deserves because while it does entertain me it also reminds me of the early days of my NES collecting where I’d just play games on an emulator testing them out and reading websites for like every obscure NES game out there. There was even a website mostly dedicated to THIS game. I can’t remember if it talked about the other games in this series (I have only played the SNES game and it’s Amiga-tastic which means I don’t like it) and that probably brings it up a bit in my estitmation. Still I’d give it a shot because if you like NES games these days you either own it or have an everdrive and hey it takes like 5 seconds to load up the rom and like 10 minutes to get a feel for the game to see if you’ll like it or not.

This is what I was refering too as the first Licensed game. Even though there’s Airwolf, and Addams Family. And you could count Al Usner Jr’s name as a license too. I really should be barred from writing when I have had not had enough sleep. It always turns out really bad. The articles are either short and terrible or somehow even longer than usual. Anyway let’s get to Alien 3. I remember finding this game at a local video store in like the 2000s? I have no idea when it was. I really should have kept some kind of journal or something. I dunno. Anyway it even came with the box and was like $10 or something. And I’m sure the person working there was even wondering why I wanted this old game that is old but also not popular. Now the AVGN reviewed it and everyone has an opinion on it even though I doubt most people even gave it a real look. I was one of those people willing to look past the dreaded rainbow of doom and found out that LJN is not the worst publisher on the NES. I’d play every LJN game to completion 25 times before I’d ever even think about playing Cool World by Ocean again. As for Alien 3, I didn’t look up who actually made the game but I always thought it was pretty good to be honest. The game was worth the $10 even if I did end up losing the box. I never really cared that much about the boxes. Should have sold them to someone who did. Anyway it was a much better game than given credit for. You play as Ripley and you shoot aliens and save guys. Then you leave the level. Rinse and repeat. Honestly there is only one really big flaw that I’ve been able to see in this game and that’s the time limit. I don’t want to be rushing trying to remember an entire level and where to go to save the most time trying not to get knocked down because it takes time to get up. I want to be able to enjoy exploring the level and all that. Still I would call this one of the better LJN games and one of the better licensed games on the NES. That’s games based on a license not games that were given the okay by Nintendo. I like to make things more confusing. Also I should probably finally watch Alien 3.

There we have it. Five more games. Time to update the list.

Good Games: 15

Bad Games: 9

Okay Games: 1

The Comic Review #89: Spider-Girl #1 (1998)

 

You can tell from the amount of articles that I’m legit jazzed as hell to be talking about this stuff right now. The NES games, the Final Episodes, the comics. It’s all stuff I want to discuss! I also want to get some of this stuff out of the way before Halloween comes by and all I want to discuss is SPOOKY STUFF for the SECOND TOTALLY COOL AND NOT LAME SPOOKY HALLOWEEN SPOOKTACULAR. Yes, so spooky it gets mentioned twice. Still it’s a fun time to be blogging and I hope it’s a fun time for you all to be reading.

As you know I’m going through all of the first issues of the Marvel Comics alternative universes. The ones that got ongoing series that people are still cult fans of to this day. It’s very weird that so many fans dismiss alternative realities or alternative futures or anything because I eat them up like they are the tastiest cakes and cookies that were ever put out. I love What If (volume one and two). I really did like Star Brand (and what little I read of the New Universe). Same with 2099. I was also even a fan of this series before the blog. It’s been a while but I’m pretty sure I had a few (flimsy as shit) digests that Marvel put out on the cheap. The Ultimate Universe is the only one I never got that jazzed on. They never seemed to go to far with the new concepts and ideas until it was almost over. I think starting with Miles Morales would probably have interested me more, of course that caused a shit fit in 2011 when he did come out so you know it would have blown the internet up in 2000. It was a boon for Marvel anyway as the character has had two successful films and a good amount of fans. I read Ultimate Universe stuff and it was just not really my bag. I might give it a re-do but that’s after I read a ton of other stuff. So expect reviews in like 2032 or something. I mean that is if I’m not dead by then.

Anyway, MC2 pretty much comes from the mind of Tom DeFalco, who I have mentioned that I am a fan of before. He’s done some very great work with Spider-Man. He’s also done some work I don’t really like with Fantastic Four, however we will leave that stuff for later. He conceived of all of this, starting with What If? #105. That story was about the baby Norman Osborn had kidnapped (or what we thought was a baby at the time. It turned out to be Aunt May who didn’t actually die in one of the few stories so bad it literally made me feel ashamed to enjoy this stuff. Seriously it was that mindbogglingly shitty.) but this What If? tells the story of her as a teenager and it was a huge fucking deal. It’s literally the one What If comic from the second volume that can go for any money. It ain’t a three dollar comic from the back issues boy!

So he went and got Marvel to do an entire Alternative Future where all the characters grow up and have children and their children are the heroes of the future. However none of the other comics in this Alternative Future ever sold very well. He tried and I can’t say if he was at least successful in making fun comics (just because something doesn’t sell like hot cakes does not mean it’s a bad comic, or movie, or book, or television show. It just means they didn’t market it properly) because I’ve only read Spider-Girl and American Dreams mini series and I do not remember that mini series at all. The only exception was the Spider-Girl character went on to sell 130 issues in between two series and still has dedicated fans to this day (even though she was on the chopping block several times, dedicated fans saved the book) (Seriously there are people that are fans of this character who get mad at the push characters like Silk get today because Marvel realized women can be into silly ass nerdy shit too. I can’t get mad at them because they got their character pushed around like she was a pile of poop. Seriously Marvel decided to make a different Spider-Girl character and give her a series not even a year after they canned The Amazing Spider-Girl. That’s not even mentioning other stuff from other stories.) Either way I’ve always wanted to get into this characters earlier comics so today is a good time to do so!

This was a spectacular comic book because it hooked me in one issue. I seriously cannot wait till I own the rest of these books to read them. All 129 of them. This story starts off a few months after What If? #105, where they burned the original Spider-Man costume that she used to stop the Grandson of the Green Goblin. It was done because being Spider-Man ended up disabling Peter Parker. He now walks around with an artificial leg and a cane. However Mayday “May” Parker still thinks about that day. Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson-Parker are both very worried that their daughter is tempted to play hero but they gotta realize that she’s gonna do what her dad did.

We then move to Midtown High School where poor nerd Jimmy Yama and Moose Miller are almost having a fight until Mayday broke it up. Brad Miller comes by and takes Moose away. Jimmy is not too happy with either Moose or Brad so who knows what’s gonna happen there! Anyway She stops by the police station (where Peter now works!) and talks with Phil Ulrich (who she calls Uncle. I guess he and Pete become really close). Phil is the nephew of Daredevil/Spider Man Daily Bugle guy Ben Ulrich. He was also the heroic Green Goblin in a series that didn’t last very long but was also written by Tom DeFalco. Mayday is curious about the history of Spider-Man so Phil lets her know the old origin story.

Then Peter and the Captain come in (not America, just the Police Captain) and they all pretty much leave and she (and her dad) sense someone is watching them because of you know the Spider Sense. Anyway she tries to get herself to go back to school but she can’t do it because she doesn’t know if this guy will hurt her dad. She ends up putting a trash can on his head and smacking him around a whole hell of a lot. The guy is still able to get up and go away. She tracks him to a clothing store! Then after this she goes back to school and we meet up with her friend Davida. They end up going to play some Basketball and well Mayday shows off some skills! So good that Coach Thompson (who I am sure is Flash Thompson from the old comics) even singles her out. She hopes this doesn’t mean any of the girls now hate her. I actually quite like that Mayday seems to be well liked by just about everyone in school unlike her nerdy old father who loved test tubes.

Mayday, Peter and MJ have dinner and they talk about unsolved murders and how the mob might be involved with the fashion industry. She then decides to dress up and go kick some ass at that clothing building. Which she does, but she also ends up meeting a new bad guy Mr. Nobody. He can teleport and that’s all I know just yet. He fights her and then she comes around and is easily able to stop the bad guys. The cops are alerted and they come just in time to capture everyone except Mayday and Mr. Nobody. We then get a panel or two of Mr. Nobody working for THE KINGPIN! Oh boy! We also see two panels of Peter trying to talk to Mayday about what he clearly knows. Mayday then ends the comic making a new suit to fight crime in!

FINAL VERDICT: A really great start to what is a series I can’t wait to read. Tom DeFalco really makes you like Mayday while introducing a whole ton of new characters and giving them things that will probably end up causing Mayday some trouble. The art is really great. I cannot wait to read more. So far this might be my favorite of all the alternative universes/futures. Sorry Doom 2099.and Star Brand… Anyway next comic review is probably back to Darkhawk!

Reviewing All of the NES Games Part Something Or Other: Still On the As

 I’ve decided that I will stick with five reviews because any more will just make the articles feel unweidly. I know I end up going on 12,000 run on sentences about Mork and Mindy in a review for a Darkhawk comic and I’m the last person you’d think worries about the length of an blog post/article/whatever you call this but I do. I do not want them to be too short and I do not want them to be too long. I want them to be a pretty decent length, doesn’t take too long to read but you aren’t done with them in 25 seconds either. Anyway, look for this to end sometime in the year 2052 If I’m somehow still alive.

Adventures of Lolo is one of the best puzzle games period, not just on the NES, but PERIOD. The game has you playing as Lolo a big old ball (I had to finish my high school after quitting at this place nearby called the Murphy Centre and I would download NES emulators on the game and I remember some guy calling Lolo an M&M. Fun stuff) who has to push blocks to find all the items to end the stage without getting his ass beaten or bludgeoned by all kinda shit. These were games I remember at the Video Store that was next to a convenience store (that also rented videos and probably games too! that’s what it was like back then, everyone wanted a bit of that Nintendo and VHS money!) and I do remember renting it. And the sequel. And probably even the third game despite the fact I was never any good at any of them as a child. The difficultly level is just right for this game. Never too easy (except at the start to get you into the feel for the game which is appropriate) and never too hard either. It does what it needs to do.

Before I start I must say that all three games had some of THE best cover art on the NES (and the famicom Eggerland game also has great art too. It’s all claymation and shit. I love that stuff!) and this is where I got to pick a bone with the REAL defilers of collecting and all that. The ones that started it all and had it all fuck up every other hobby with this kinda thinking. The shit suckers at NintendoAge, instead of using their resources they found to I dunno, find out what the complete original art for game boxes looked like they went to find fucking 5 screw horse shit. If you collect 5 screw variants I fucking hate you with every fibre of my fucking being. That shit helped make it more LOL ITS RARE AND WORTH THE MONIES. You know that guy I mentioned up in the first paragraph. The Lolo is an M&M guy? Yeah, I’m sure he thought I was fucking weird for playing this old ass game but it wouldn’t surprise me that now that NERD CULTURE IS SO COOL he says he knows all about Lolo and always loved this cult game! I’m a grumpy asshole. Anyway to get back to the main point of this article, the games themselves, Lolo does what every good Video Game Sequel should, it improves on the original. The graphics, music and everything (which were already pretty damn good) have been improved. You get more puzzles and I believe the difficulty might be a little wonkier than the first game though. I remember the last time I played through this one I needed more help or time beating the levels. Anyway it’s still a very good sequel.

Before I get into this game I must say that it’s still VERY GOOD. If you collect NES games like a weird moron in 2023 and you come across it cheap like 5-10 (lol that ain’t happening) I’d say pick it up. It is not worth the 71 dollars it goes for. I mean if I had a copy I would end up selling it for that price and I don’t care if you think that makes me a hypocrite or anything because it wasn’ t me who made all this shit rise in price. It was NinteodoAge, AVGN, Pat the NES Punk, all of those fucking retro video game YouTube channels and even the pandemic. You want the goods you pay the price you made it. I had Adventures of Lolo 3 and I paid $20 for it. I had it so good back then that I felt like a weirdo paying $50 for any NES game, now you have to literally almost 30 bucks for games I found everywhere and anywhere and I live on a small fucking island in Canada. I know we have collectables because there are people here who never got rid of anything (hi to my uncle) and other collectors but I can’t just break into peoples houses and leave money for the stuff I stole. I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I’m just saying that Lolo 3 is not worth $71 dollars. It is not the easiest game to find but if I can find it without going online so can you. It was more fun that way. I’m just pissed that I also sold NES games at the wrong time. I could have bought like a cool cybernetic penis with the money I got from my like 600 game collection these days. I want a cool cybernetic penis. Uh, okay back to Lolo 3. This game still has the fun music, character designs, big bosses to fight. It’s got some neat stuff added in (the big bosses). The problem is that the difficulty goes from wow my grandma who passed away in 1960 could somehow beat this level and she’s DEAD to holy shit how the fuck did they expect a grown adult with an IQ of 150 to beat this level let alone a 6 year old child. It’s very uneven. Also I think part 2 had the right amount of levels where as this one I think goes a little overboard with it. Still you get to play as Lala, Lolo’s girlfriend. Yes I know the name of Lolo’s girlfriend. I am very cool. Still despite these flaws the game is absolutely worth playing. Just not as good as the first two in my mind. I’d rank the series 2, 1, 3 if you were somehow curious

Well, now we get to a big old pile of fucking horse shit. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer is a very bad game. The graphics are kinda all over the place. Tom looks simple and shitty but some of the bosses look cool. The music is actually pretty decent and is the only good thing about this game. This game is one of those games that gives you a weapon that you have to use for most of the game that shoots in a weird awkward pattern. Think the rocks in Friday the 13th but those are somehow in a better pattern (from what I recall). The game is just unfairly hard to me at least because of that and I really do not enjoy playing it. Yet I beat it twice. I do not understand me in the slightest. There have been games that have had problems that I will defend but despite those issues the game at least had flair. This game has zero flair. It’s all done in the most humdrum manner possible. Doesn’t even try anything new. Except maybe some of the bosses looking cool but they don’t really do much. Plus why the hell did they think this was gonna be a smash hit. Yeah let’s make a game based on an old ass book kids are forced to read and then do homework on. I know the last thing I would want to do when I got home from school was play a game that reminded me of fucking school. Fuck this game. Mark Twain is rolling around in his grave STILL thanks to this game.

I’m going to be using Tengen over the course of these posts to show you why you SHOULD collect and play unlicensed games if you are going for the full set because well they are a part of the set and some of them are legit awesome games that should be in a collection. Anyway I can’t really do that with this game because I have never been a fan of any game that’s like this (save for maybe one) I call them the Face Forwarding Top Gun Like Games Where you Shoot Planes. I just find them annoying, frustrating, unrewarding and honestly kinda dull. They just do not do much for me. I’ve never beaten a level in After Burner because I always end up dying or just going “why the hell am I playing After Burner?” to my self. If I had to play through this game or Top Gun, I’d play through this game. It has more levels and less of things that annoy me in Top Gun. I don’t know if annoying shit comes in After Burner because I never play very far in it. Still despite that I’ll probably give this the first OKAY game award because I can see people who actually enjoy these kinds of games enjoying it. It has pretty good graphics and music and all that jazz for a NES game. I just don’t get into these games very easily to be honest.

Anyway, here are the rankings of good, bad and okay thus far.

Good: 12

Bad: 7

Okay: 1 

The Comic Review #88: Star Brand (1986) #1

 

Well, I think you are catching on to what I’m doing, I’m going to be alternating between MC2, 2099 and New Universe, the three most popular alternative universes that Marvel Comics ever made. It’s gonna be to review the first issue of each comic (and who knows maybe come back and give you a full review of the entire series of each one if I did like issue 1). (Don’t worry I will also be putting in reviews of Darkhawk and Vigilante because I want to review every issue of them before the year 2050 happens). That is gonna be a good amount of comics reviewed. Don’t worry #100 will be something really bad.

The New Universe was an idea to capitalize on Marvel’s upcoming 25th Anniversary (even though the company had been around since 1939 but let’s let them have it because the Anniversary covers were really cool!) in 1986. Jim Shooter went to the president of Marvel and was like HEY LET’S RESTART EVERY CHARACTER FROM THE BEGINNING! Jim Galton the President was like “No way bro” so they didn’t. What’s funny is that they did something similar to this with the Ultimate Marvel Universe except kept the original titles still ongoing. I don’t know if I will ever review the Ultimate Marvel Universe because I honestly don’t find it as interesting as the three I picked out but who knows? I’ll probably be doing this silly blog long enough to get to them.

Anyway Jim got Jim (lol) to agree to the idea of the New Universe which would be a more realistic look at life with super powers. The powers would be smaller, no hidden races, no gods, no super-technology (which Archie Goodwin was like EH SCREW THAT with his comic Justice) and it would be seen as “the world outside your window”. It was a good honest concept and had several pretty good creators on it. I have read some of it and thought it was pretty enjoyable honestly. The biggest problem wasn’t the comics it was internal politics.

You see Cadence Industries, the people who owned Marvel Comics at the time were planning to sell (and they would to the New World Pictures which was formerly owned by Roger Corman. See my brain can connect anything to anything else. It practically does it all the time for NO FUCKING REASON.) and that meant they had to spend less and make more money which caused Shooter to not be able to get the hot talent that he wanted for his comics. Not o say that the people he got were bad (Archie Goodwin and Tom DeFalco are very good at what they did). He wanted the people that were the hardest to get to do these books. He was also not able to give the entire line the overreach that he wanted due to these internal politics. These and many other reasons would have him leave Marvel a few years later. You can find out the full story in Marvel Comics: The Untold Story which is a great book by Sean Howe. Read it buckaroos! You know I’m serious when I bring out the harsh language like buckaroos!

Now let’s go over the titles and who created these ideas because you’ll be seeing them over the next little while. Spitfire and the Troubleshooters, Mark Hazzard: Merc, Nightmask, Psi-Force, Kickers Inc, DP7, Justice, and Star Brand. These concepts were created by Mark Gruenwald, Paul Ryan, Tom DeFalco, Ron Frenz, Archie Goodwin, Eliot R Brown, John Moreli, Walter Simonson, and Jim Shooter. They were written and drawn by just about everyone at Marvel. Very few of these had a concurrent team of people working on each issue. That’s pretty wild. Star Brand was not like that but let’s discuss the creative team of this series!

The writer of the first eleven issues of this series was Jim Shooter. He started in comics when he was 13 or so writing stories for the Legion of Superheroes, some really fun and enjoyable stories too. He worked at DC, Marvel, he pretty much ran Valiant! Remember Valiant comics? People want the comics they made involving Nintendo characters really badly. Like so many of them go for like $300 now. It’s wild. Jim Shooter is a pretty talented guy and overall a pretty good boss for Marvel Comics. He did some things that were mentioned in the Marvel Comics the Untold Story I certainly don’t agree with but he still helped Marvel produce some amazing comics during the 1980s. The artist of this story was John Romita Jr, son of John Romita Sr (RIP) who’s work I always admired. If you go on Facebook you’ll see crabby old men yell about how he ruined the X-Men but you’ll see crabby old men say that such and such ruined Marvel Comics going back to 1968, the real truth of it is being Marvel Comics has put out both excellent and poopy comics from it’s debut to right now. Same with DC. The final person in the group I will be talking about today is Al Williamson who worked in comics from 1948 at just 17 years old to 2003 when he was 72. That’s one hell of a career. Worked at EC Comics (you know Tales from the Crypt) and Marvel and won like every award someone can win for comic books it seems. He is the guy that made John Romita work way more awesome as it hasn’t been the same since. Also Jim Shooter was amazed either of them wanted to work on the comic as he didn’t have a crazy salary to give them.

Anyway it’s finally time to talk about Star Brand #1 and I have to say this is a pretty good origin story. Ken Connell finds an old man in the woods who ends up giving him the power of the Star Brand (and is found out to be an alien!). He does the usual OH SHIT I GOT SUPERPOWERS stuff like breaking things and flying and just testing out the powers. All excitedly too like everyone would be if they got super powers! He goes to his friends Myron’s (whos a therapist and Ken is like SAVE THAT THERAPY CRAP FOR YOUR PATIENTS kinda lame thoughts there Ken!!!!) then another Alien comes by and says that the old man alien is not dead and that he gave him the power in hopes it would help the old man alien take over the universe. This alien wants the power to stop that alien. Ken Connell however doesn’t believe this or want to give it up. He blows the shit out of a slag dump and the Weird Robot Alien is no where to be seen.

Ken then goes to his friend Debbie “The Duck” who he just calls Duck. I already like Debbie she looks like a 1980s punk rocker which is tres erotic. We end up meeting Ken’s girlfriend Barb and her two kids, one of the kids ends up with the crazy Alien Robot ray gun! We also meet our last member of the supporting cast (for now) a fat black guy who runs a garage with Ken as one of his workers. His name is John Eberhardt. After meeting Duck and before going to Karen. Ken goes back to where he met the original maybe bad guy old alien man and just finds clothes for him to wear. Suspiciously looking like a costume!!!

Ken then puts on the costume and goes and finds the Weird Alien Robot and he tells him he found out his secret of getting away, you know from not being EXPLODED which is able to sink into the ground. So Ken BREAKS the gun The Weird Alien Robot gave Barb’s kid and then gets up real close and lets him know he ain’t taking any more of his shit BY THROWING HIM BACK INTO HIS FUCKING SPACE CRAFT. Don’t fuck with Kenny here! He then says whether or not he meant too the old alien man picked the right man and he’s going to stay the Star Brand if he has to kick every butt in the universe.

FINAL THOUGHTS: This was a pretty good first issue. I’m definetly interested in seeing where the next issues go. I like Ken, and the rest of his supporting cast enough to see them in more issues. The art’s cool. The Alien Robot was awesome looking. It’s a fun comic and I hope the rest of these New Universe titles are as good. 

The Final Episode #120: Disney’s Mighty Ducks (1996)

 

Well, I don’t know if I mentioned this but there’s a list of shows that I want to finish up and review. Oh wait yes I have it’s the opening to most of my posts in this series. Anyway, I realized while doing them that there’s like several Disney Afternoon shows that I have to still do. Five of them in fact, plus another Disney show that just showed on ABC in the early to mid 90s. I think it’s finally time we get to them so we will be alternating from the list to Disney Shows until we are done them all. It’ll be cool and fun. Anyway I decided on putting the Disney Shows in a randomizer and this is the first one that popped out. We can now finally discuss The Mighty Ducks.

Now you all know that I am a fat balding nerd weirdo outcast. So you also know that I just do not care for sports. At least watching them on the TV. I’ve never gone to an actual game but it seems like a far more engaging time than just sitting and watching them on TV. It’s not like I’m ever going to do that either but I can’t completely say it’s just as boring as that (nothing was more boring to me as a kid than sports.) The closest I ever got was collecting sports cards from Mickey D’s and enjoying movies like The Mighty Ducks, The Sandlot and other sports movies. Couldn’t tell you how to play baseball but I could tell you the entire damn plot of The Sandlot.

The Mighty Ducks starring Mr. Emilio Estevez came to theatres on October 2nd, 1992. 31 years ago! It was directed by Stephen Herek who directed Critters and Bill And Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Only bangers in Mister Herek’s film career. Well I never saw Mister Holland’s Opus, and I probably never will. Anyway the movie was a silly comedy about a kids hockey team and it was POPULAR AS FUCK. So popular in fact that Disney created their own Hockey Team The Mighty Ducks in 1993. (They were later sold off and are now known as a the boring ass name of Anehiem Ducks) I never watched hockey but the Mighty Ducks were so damn popular that I’m sure I owned at least one shirt with them on it. That duck wearing a mask is fucking badass still today to me as a grown ass man (supposedly)

Anyway the movie was a hit (spawned two sequels) and the team was a hit. Disney then decided why not try a cartoon. It couldn’t hurt. I mean this was like the end days of the Disney Afternoon. I think Gargoyles left because they wanted to put it on ABC Saturday Mornings for the third season. You had Bonkers and Aladdin and that was it. Or maybe it was something else. I don’t know because even I had left at this point. I have seen one episode of Quack Pack (more on that in another post) and that was enough for me until I had to make this stupid blog and this stupid blog post series thing. Anyway I was off watching other things at this point. I do know that UPN probably giving Disney more money for a different Afternoon block along with them opening a new TV Channel called Toon Disney all but meant the end for The Disney Afternoon (which was only 90 minutes now!)

The Final Shows were Quack Pack (mentioned above) and The Mighty Ducks. I have never actually seen the Mighty Ducks cartoon to the best of my memory. I saw some clips here and there but never a full episode. Seemed interesting enough. I mean who can hate on a cartoon show that gives us Tim Curry, Clancy Brown, and Tony Jay as voices? Just one of those guys is able to give your ear an orgasm, so who knows what all three can do!?!? (Also dreadfully sorry for putting the idea of an ear orgasm into your head). This show started in 1996, September 6 in fact and ran on every Friday (Just like the Legend of Zelda cartoon!) until Janurary 17th, 1997 for a whopping total of 26 episodes and one season. Oh, here’s where I just drop the whole one season rule. I just wanna talk about shows that didn’t even last as long as 26 episodes on this little thing. It’s fun. So EAT BEANS AND FART PORTNOYD.

I should talk more about the voice cast because this show really had a stellar one. It had Jim Belushi (I like him more than his brother and no I don’t care how much of a hot take that is), Jennifer Hale (she was born here in my province of Newfoundland!!!), April Winchell, Townsend Coleman, Rob Paulsen (legally you have to have him in your cartoon. It’s the only reason why he’s voiced 92,099 characters) Brad Garrett (this guy should have done more voice acting and yes he plays the big strong guy character) and Frank Welker (it is also illegal to make a cartoon without him. also illegal to have anyone else make animal noises for your movies too). Not to mention Jeff Bennett, JOHNNY BRAVO HIMSELF. Quite the cast I must say.

I watched the first episode which is mostly the origin story, I keep wanting to start a thing called the First Episode where I go over the origin story (or the First Episode if no origin exists) for shows like this so I won’t go into too great detail. The Mighty Ducks live on Puckworld (yes) in an alternate dimension. They end up fighting the bad guys, Tim Curry Dragon Man and his henchmen and they escape to earth due to a dimension portal. You know the real stuff. A pretty good amusing opening two parter. It pretty much tells you everything you need to know about the show. I hope one day I finally do the First Episode thing.

Anyway The Final Episode was entitled “To Catch A Duck” and was written by Marty Isenberg, Robert N Skir and David Wise (who all created this series!) Marty wrote for like every cartoon in the 1990s ever. Robert N Skir wrote IT’S FLASHBEAGLE, CHARLIE BROWN which is a masterpiece. And David Wise wrote a LOT of Ninja Turtles. This is actually not the Final Episode but I watched it so I will give a brief summary because why the hell not? Anyway it starts with Duke L’Orange, who used to be a thief being accused of wanting to go back to being a thief. Tim Curry Dragon Man then gets Falcone who used to be in Duke’s gang to earth via the portal. I guess the portal can only be opened for very short amounts of time so they can’t use to to escape. Or maybe I’m just overthinking “fun escapist” cartoon from the 1990s. Anyway Duke makes Falcone think he joined him (but he still gets double crossed) anyway it all ends on a nice note. However when I went to Wikipedia to find out how to spell a characters name I saw that another episode was Chronologically the last and you know what that means. I write a whole lot of words about it after watching it.

The Actual Final Episode is called The Final Face Off, and boy howdy is it ever a good one. This episode starts with Tim Curry Dragon Man finding a source of Plot Device Crystals that he needs to open the portal so big that he can bring in the entire fleet of Star ships to blow the planet to shit. The thing is the Crystals are found on the Lost City of Atlantis. So he sends his henchmen Chameleon down there to find the crystals. Chameleon sees a statue and decides to turn into the guy who the statue is of. Luckily it turns out to be a prince!

Chameleon as the Prince goes and finds out that another guy has taken over for the prince. He says he knows what happened to the real prince, but Chameleon says the Atlanteans love him so he’s not getting rid of him that easy. So they end up forming a bond. Tim Curry Dragon Man calls Chameleon back because he only had one hour to find the crystals and Chameleon tells him to pretty much piss off. This angers Tim Curry Dragon Man but he reckons that the Mask worn by Wildwing (which can see things that are invisible) will be able to see where Atlantis moved. The Ducks end up falling for the trap because they think they trapped Seege one his henchmen. However it turns out that only a duck can wear the mask so Wildwing and Seege have to team up to steal the crystals.

Seege and Wildwing teleport there easily but Seege decides to try to hurt Chameleon while he still looks like the prince which is not a good thing for them. They end up in the prison where they find the prince who is weak without his spectre. The Prince has that weak cartoon character voice that I am sure dates back to the 1940s. I do not know if it was based on an actor from that time but you’ve heard this voice if you watched a single cartoon in your life. It’s been used 9,000 times. Anyway Wildwing gets the guard to use his mask by saying he can see all kinds of things and the guard is a moron and they get the key. Freeing everyone. Seege runs off to get the crystals while Wildwing has to fight some guards. The Weak Prince runs off to find the spectre.

Seege finds the crystals and finds Chameleon without guards. He also finds Wildwing and tells Chameleon to set him up to get LAVA POURED OVER HIM. I don’t think Seege likes Wildwing very much. However the Weak Prince is able to stop the machine that created the cool handcuff effects that held down Wildwing. Wildwing finds the spectre. He also talks to the Prince when hes strong and this character was clearly voiced by Jeff Bennett because he uses the Johnny Bravo voice. He does not get to call any of the girl ducks Sugar Momma. Meanwhile Jim Belushi the Manager of the Mighty Ducks hockey team and a cop (voiced by Dennis Franz, yes that show my butthole on NBC Dennis Franz) find there way to the spaceship (it can disguise itself) and they go in. They find some guns nad help rescue the ducks.

However Seege and Chameleon had gotten the crystals back and they even forced the Ducks off the ship, however they had landed on the Aerowing (quick check on eBay has someone wanting 200 bucks for it!) and get inside quickly. They see the Suarian Army coming towards them through the portal and realize the only way they can win is if they blow up the portal making device, which they do, Sticking them on Planet Earth. The bad guys ship gets hit, explodes and gets knocked into the ocean. The Mighty Ducks win the hockey game that I forgot to mention earlier on was a big deal and they are going to the Stanley Cup!

FINAL VERDICT: I really like this show. It’s very enjoyable and charming stuff. I wish I had watched more of it as a kid. This Final Episode is pretty good, it’s a good enough ending but had there been season two you could still pick up where it left off. Now I’m off to search eBay for the toys which are way too expensive. Yes, I will still complain about that shit JERKS.

The Comic Review #87: Doom 2099 #1

 

Doctor Doom is one of the top five comic characters of all time (the other four are Scrooge McDuck, Spider-Man, Batman and Jughead Jones) and without a doubt the best supervillain of all time. He is a warlord and a scientist and he knows magic because why the hell not. I cannot even think of a single comic book that he appears in that is bad. Every time he shows up is a wonderful delight because HE IS DOOM. So this is pretty much why I’m pretty glad that the randomizer website I used to pick out the next comic review chose this one. I plan to alternate between several things for the next many reviews to keep you all entertained and enlightened BY THE MAJESTY OF DOOM!!!!!

2099 was an idea that I believe started in 1991 by Stan Lee and John Byrne. I am sure you do not need me to introduce either of those men in a paragraph because they are incredibly popular WITH BIG NERDS. Anyway It took a year or so for the comics to finally come to fruition. The first four were Doom 2099, Ravage 2099, Spider Man 2099 and Punisher 2099. I will be reviewing all the first issues of those series and who knows maybe even talk about more of the crazy shit if I enjoy them. It took place in the FAR FLUNG FUTURE OF 2099 where all kinds of things were different. All of the heroes had died. (Although this was an alternative earth for the longest time until some random comic in 2019 made it so that it’s THE actual future of the Marvel Universe. Which I’m sure will get changed between now and the actual year 2099. Don’t sweat this stuff, just have fun with the story the people give you, man.I

I will however spend a paragraph talking about John Francis Moore the man who wrote the story for Doom 2099 #1. He worked for Marvel Comics, DC Comics and Howard Chaykin. He wrote Superboy, X-Force, X-Factor, and X-Men 2099. I’m gonna spoil my reaction to this comic already and tell you that I liked Doom 2099 #1 quite a bit AND it made me want to read some of his X-Men comics which are 1990s X-Men comics which you all should know is not my favourite era for our merry mutants. Pat Broderick does the art and he’s worked on like literally everything. Batman, Firestorm, COPS (based on the DiC cartoon and yes I will review some issues of it), Captain Marvel, Captain Planet… The man has a good style that I very much enjoy. I’m not an art critic I just know what I like and I don’t and I like his art.

Anyway Doom 2099 #1 is actually quite good but let’s give you all a long and unwinding recap of the entire issue. Two Romanian people (the actual comic does use a word that is outdated and I won’t be using for my review but just realize I think if you try to go on twitter and yell about the use of the word that you are pretty lame. It’s in the past and we cannot change the past. We can only better the future) are selling government goods to some fat guy. They get caught by the Guardsmen who are flying around patrolling everything. So these two get on a RAD AS FUCK COOL SCI FI FUTURE BIKE and fly off.

They keep flying until they run into what seems to be DOCTOR DOOM. The DOCTOR DOOM of the past! They don’t know who he is and he is NOT happy about that. He finds out that the big wig of this time period is a cyborg man called Tyger Wylde or something like that. Doom 2099 decides to go to visit Tyger Wylde and they tussle, it does do the whole “Some random new guy dipshit character beats up a classic baddie” thing that I mentioned I do not like however they at least put some effort into Tyger Wylde’s design and it does show us that this Doom’s face is scared. Is this the real Doom from the old Marvel Universe or some new guy? This I assume is the real question this series will answer. Tiger Wylde (this is actually a fun name to say) tells his fortune teller to get rid of Doom 2099 but she does not!

In fact he wakes up in a Romanian campground. He is scarred from the scars that Tiger Wylde gave him. He joins up with these other Romanians and they go to his castle where he shows that he at least knows some of the REAL Doom’s secrets! Or IS HE THE REAL DOOM?!?! You will just have to read this series to find out. Or just read a wikipedia page you lazy bum!!!! Doom 2099 finds a jet and it takes them to a research facility where all of the stuff they need to build Doom 2099 a bigger better more cool 1990s set of armor. That’s where they go! And they do just that. The final page shows Doom screaming I AM DOOM! But is this true? Well you’re just gonna have to read issue #2.

FINAL VERDICT: This sets up a lot of things incredibly well. I quite enjoyed it. I’m intrigued by the set up. These new characters seem pretty decent thus far. One of them looks like a cool 1990s Hacker so I would like to see more of him. I have to say my look at 2099 has started on a pretty good note. I will definitely be buying more issues of this series for my collection.

Reviewing NES Games Because I Can Part 3!

 The hardest thing to do with these is the openings really. I know what I want to say about the five games for today and want I want to discuss and all that but I want to make the opening at least somewhat interesting and more than HEY FIVE MORE NES GAMES. So I was thinking that I would consolidate the games with several sequels to just one paragraph but then I felt it wasn’t fair. I guess this know makes this opening long enough for me to quit talking about it but man I got o do like who knows how many? 400 or so of these?

This was a game I had as a little child and I want to collect all the games I had or rented as a kid CIB becuase I’m a nutcase like that. Only problem is that this game now goes for $55 complete and I’m not playing that game the people on youtube who collect games and anything really want me to do. You stupid assholes ruined all of this shit. Making everyone think they have fucking gold when all they have is Dino Riki. There are more copies of this game than the Bible. When I collected NES games (and I did this in Newfoundland where every kind of collectible is hidden incredibly well) people would sell this game for $5 and thats what it should stay at for fucking ever. I would see this fucker everywhere, which made me happy when I found it, and honestly pretty fucking sad when I finally played it. I really had fond memories of this game as a kid but as an adult I gotta admit it mostly sucks. Yeah I like the graphics and the music despite it pretty much being kinda goofy. The controls ruin this game. The only way I believe any human being can beat this is to get the wings and literally murder their thumb holding onto those wings by doing a trick that is a pain in the ass. This game just does not hold up and I cannot argue in any way about it being a good worthwhile game to own.

Now here is a game I WILL argue in favor of. Yes, the levels are repeated over and over and yes, it’s harder than humanly possible. Yet, I still love it. I still enjoy playing this one and one day I WILL beat it. That is a promise to my readers! And to God too I guess! JUST TO MAKE ME REALLY DO IT! The music is incredibly memorable and so are the graphics. Really quite good for 1988. I remember when I was a kid I would just run into the fire and laugh like a maniac. Such an amusing sprite of him all on fire. The Japanese men who just stole Wonder Boy and made him Master Higgins are as messed up as I am! Anyway I still love this game and I don’t care what anyone says.

A major improvement from the first game. Levels have a lot more variety, the music is better, the graphics are incredibly updated and it’s totally a better game. One I also had as a child. I have to say the difficulty is brought down immensely as you can beat this game. It’s still incredibly fucking hard to do so but you can beat it. I’ve beaten it twice and I’ll probably do it again because I am cool like that. Plus you get tons of Dinosaur buddies to ride around on. That alone is pretty fucking awesome. The Dinosaurs are all different and do different things which is even better! You can also save your weapons and dinosaurs for harder areas! They really thought of everything with this one.

Adventure Island 3 is pretty much the same as the second game except I think they add in a boomerang which I don’t even believe is a really good weapon. You can save the Dinosaurs and the weapons but this game is just “Hey you liked the last game so here’s more stuff that’s slighty different”. I was fucking so exicited when I found this game when I got into emulation as a teenager. Holy shit I was over the moon. I did not know this game existed at that point and I was so happy to play more Adventure Island 3. I still like this game quite a bit but there’s not as much change from Adventure Island 3 as there was from the original game to part 2 so that’s kind of a bummer. Still if you like these games like I do there’s nothing wrong with this one.

This game takes me way back to the days of first searching NES games on the Internet. It brought me to this wild ass fucking NES site called Ogre Hombre’s Planet NES. This man had a wild sense of humor that I loved. He had crazy NES fights where one character would get beaten to fuck and back. He had great little editorials, and reviews and this is where I was brought to find out about Bayou Billy. A NES game that I feel gets a bad rap. Yeah, the first time I played it was so hard I used a game genie but the second time I beat it I realized if you play the different modes you get more stuff that helps you in the actual full game so it was much easier. Do not get me wrong the game is still a mighty challenge but it was one I had alot of fun with. The music is amazing, the graphics are incredibly memorable and well done for the time period. Also the game is still Konami so it’s still better then so many games on the NES anyway. I would recommend giving Bayou Billy another shot. It’s really cool that you get three different games in one really. You drive around in a car for some levels, you use the Zapper for others and others you just pummel the shit out of guys with names like Louis Torture. Who couldn’t love that? Only crumb bums thats who.

Another five games that you have my opinion on. I do not know if I will start upping the amount of games I review because I really do not want to do this forever and ever but I do want to discuss every NES game. Anyway the tallies of Bad to Good are:

Bad: 6

Good: 9

Okay: Zilch