I’ve decided that I will stick with five reviews because any more will just make the articles feel unweidly. I know I end up going on 12,000 run on sentences about Mork and Mindy in a review for a Darkhawk comic and I’m the last person you’d think worries about the length of an blog post/article/whatever you call this but I do. I do not want them to be too short and I do not want them to be too long. I want them to be a pretty decent length, doesn’t take too long to read but you aren’t done with them in 25 seconds either. Anyway, look for this to end sometime in the year 2052 If I’m somehow still alive.
Adventures of Lolo is one of the best puzzle games period, not just on the NES, but PERIOD. The game has you playing as Lolo a big old ball (I had to finish my high school after quitting at this place nearby called the Murphy Centre and I would download NES emulators on the game and I remember some guy calling Lolo an M&M. Fun stuff) who has to push blocks to find all the items to end the stage without getting his ass beaten or bludgeoned by all kinda shit. These were games I remember at the Video Store that was next to a convenience store (that also rented videos and probably games too! that’s what it was like back then, everyone wanted a bit of that Nintendo and VHS money!) and I do remember renting it. And the sequel. And probably even the third game despite the fact I was never any good at any of them as a child. The difficultly level is just right for this game. Never too easy (except at the start to get you into the feel for the game which is appropriate) and never too hard either. It does what it needs to do.
Before I start I must say that all three games had some of THE best cover art on the NES (and the famicom Eggerland game also has great art too. It’s all claymation and shit. I love that stuff!) and this is where I got to pick a bone with the REAL defilers of collecting and all that. The ones that started it all and had it all fuck up every other hobby with this kinda thinking. The shit suckers at NintendoAge, instead of using their resources they found to I dunno, find out what the complete original art for game boxes looked like they went to find fucking 5 screw horse shit. If you collect 5 screw variants I fucking hate you with every fibre of my fucking being. That shit helped make it more LOL ITS RARE AND WORTH THE MONIES. You know that guy I mentioned up in the first paragraph. The Lolo is an M&M guy? Yeah, I’m sure he thought I was fucking weird for playing this old ass game but it wouldn’t surprise me that now that NERD CULTURE IS SO COOL he says he knows all about Lolo and always loved this cult game! I’m a grumpy asshole. Anyway to get back to the main point of this article, the games themselves, Lolo does what every good Video Game Sequel should, it improves on the original. The graphics, music and everything (which were already pretty damn good) have been improved. You get more puzzles and I believe the difficulty might be a little wonkier than the first game though. I remember the last time I played through this one I needed more help or time beating the levels. Anyway it’s still a very good sequel.
Before I get into this game I must say that it’s still VERY GOOD. If you collect NES games like a weird moron in 2023 and you come across it cheap like 5-10 (lol that ain’t happening) I’d say pick it up. It is not worth the 71 dollars it goes for. I mean if I had a copy I would end up selling it for that price and I don’t care if you think that makes me a hypocrite or anything because it wasn’ t me who made all this shit rise in price. It was NinteodoAge, AVGN, Pat the NES Punk, all of those fucking retro video game YouTube channels and even the pandemic. You want the goods you pay the price you made it. I had Adventures of Lolo 3 and I paid $20 for it. I had it so good back then that I felt like a weirdo paying $50 for any NES game, now you have to literally almost 30 bucks for games I found everywhere and anywhere and I live on a small fucking island in Canada. I know we have collectables because there are people here who never got rid of anything (hi to my uncle) and other collectors but I can’t just break into peoples houses and leave money for the stuff I stole. I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I’m just saying that Lolo 3 is not worth $71 dollars. It is not the easiest game to find but if I can find it without going online so can you. It was more fun that way. I’m just pissed that I also sold NES games at the wrong time. I could have bought like a cool cybernetic penis with the money I got from my like 600 game collection these days. I want a cool cybernetic penis. Uh, okay back to Lolo 3. This game still has the fun music, character designs, big bosses to fight. It’s got some neat stuff added in (the big bosses). The problem is that the difficulty goes from wow my grandma who passed away in 1960 could somehow beat this level and she’s DEAD to holy shit how the fuck did they expect a grown adult with an IQ of 150 to beat this level let alone a 6 year old child. It’s very uneven. Also I think part 2 had the right amount of levels where as this one I think goes a little overboard with it. Still you get to play as Lala, Lolo’s girlfriend. Yes I know the name of Lolo’s girlfriend. I am very cool. Still despite these flaws the game is absolutely worth playing. Just not as good as the first two in my mind. I’d rank the series 2, 1, 3 if you were somehow curious
Well, now we get to a big old pile of fucking horse shit. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer is a very bad game. The graphics are kinda all over the place. Tom looks simple and shitty but some of the bosses look cool. The music is actually pretty decent and is the only good thing about this game. This game is one of those games that gives you a weapon that you have to use for most of the game that shoots in a weird awkward pattern. Think the rocks in Friday the 13th but those are somehow in a better pattern (from what I recall). The game is just unfairly hard to me at least because of that and I really do not enjoy playing it. Yet I beat it twice. I do not understand me in the slightest. There have been games that have had problems that I will defend but despite those issues the game at least had flair. This game has zero flair. It’s all done in the most humdrum manner possible. Doesn’t even try anything new. Except maybe some of the bosses looking cool but they don’t really do much. Plus why the hell did they think this was gonna be a smash hit. Yeah let’s make a game based on an old ass book kids are forced to read and then do homework on. I know the last thing I would want to do when I got home from school was play a game that reminded me of fucking school. Fuck this game. Mark Twain is rolling around in his grave STILL thanks to this game.
I’m going to be using Tengen over the course of these posts to show you why you SHOULD collect and play unlicensed games if you are going for the full set because well they are a part of the set and some of them are legit awesome games that should be in a collection. Anyway I can’t really do that with this game because I have never been a fan of any game that’s like this (save for maybe one) I call them the Face Forwarding Top Gun Like Games Where you Shoot Planes. I just find them annoying, frustrating, unrewarding and honestly kinda dull. They just do not do much for me. I’ve never beaten a level in After Burner because I always end up dying or just going “why the hell am I playing After Burner?” to my self. If I had to play through this game or Top Gun, I’d play through this game. It has more levels and less of things that annoy me in Top Gun. I don’t know if annoying shit comes in After Burner because I never play very far in it. Still despite that I’ll probably give this the first OKAY game award because I can see people who actually enjoy these kinds of games enjoying it. It has pretty good graphics and music and all that jazz for a NES game. I just don’t get into these games very easily to be honest.
Anyway, here are the rankings of good, bad and okay thus far.
Good: 12
Bad: 7
Okay: 1
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