The Final Part of THE DISNEY AFTERNOON LOOKBACK! OH MY!

 

So in 1997 to 1998 the Disney Afternoon had its last gasp of fresh beautiful air before going excitent and by fresh beautiful air I mean the smoggiest shit in existence. Stuff that would make you sick. So like living in Los Angeles OH SNAP SON!  Anyway they cut down to 90 minutes and put on one new show Mighty Ducks and reruns of Quack Pack and Ducktales?!?. This era is refered to as the "Disney-Kellogg's Alliance" because they needed someones help because they didnt want to spend as much money and syndication was losing to Nickoldeon and Cartoon Network.  They were also doing ONE SATURDAY MORNING with well let's face it better cartoons than Quack Pack and the Mighty Ducks. Apparently 101 Dalmations premiered on this block and was shared with One Saturday Morning but I'm gonna talk about that show in THAT set of articles.

 I liked this show a lot more as a kid but if I'm being honest it's still not bad. Just kind of the middle show. The characters act like they did in the Lion King and the comedy comes from them put in wacky situations. It's just I thought it was funnier when I was a kid. I still got a few chuckles outta some stuff so it's not all bad. It's just "Yeah that existed and it was alright" kinda quality for me. Certainly better than the next two shows we are talking about. I'll give this a Kinda-Recommend but a Recommend if you are like super into the Lion King.

Quack Pack: This is the 1990s at its worst. Every dumb thing about the 1990s shoved into one Disney Cartoon. Huey Dewy and Louie are now cynical and lazy teenangers who think they are better than the grownups around them. you know, a 90s teenanger who have no time for those LAME OLD THINGS as seen in the theme song (THE QUACK PACK THEME. ITS BAD.) and they give us bad Donald Duck cartoons, which I personally belive is a sin against God, Nature, and al lliving creatures within the universe no matter where they are. Also another sin is making Huey Duck horny for like human women. I don't like that. Also don't call the place they live Duckberg you don't deserve Duckberg. Not Recommended.

The Mighty Ducks: Can you say generic? If you can good on you! If you can say forced 90s action show that somehow is generic as hell then this is that show. I did not even enjoy this as a 12 year old and I was watching the hell out of One Saturday Morning like the cool dude I was. This was the last gasp for the Disney Afternoon and it didn't work out. This show was just bland as oatmeal without any charm. I think this would probably be the worst of the lot. At least Quack Pack is weirdly interesting in its terribleness, this however is nonsense. They both have weird Duck/human love stuff going on in them. I don't want to come off as some kind of duck racist but I don't think human beings should want to have sex with them. It's weird. (Oh and the guy who was a part of Jefferson Starship and Starship sung the theme song or wrote the lyrics or something. Wild. We Built this City is a great song and haters can suck my taint) The lack of Emilio Estevez is also very bad. Not Recommended.

That's the Disney Afternoon, peeps. It started off great, became good (as in there were a mix of good and less than good shows on it) and ended off poorly. It was a big part of my childhood but I don't even know if I ever saw these shows under the Disney Afternoon banner. I'm glad you joined me to discuss these shows and I will be back with a new set of Disney related stuff for ya. 

The Disney Afternoon Part 5!

 I like the Disney Afternoon. Let's do some more shows! Yeah! I'll get better at intro doing! (no I won't) (Did I ever mention that I like brackets?) (Did I mention how great all the NES and SNES games based around these cartoons were? Well I just did here!)

Aladdin was my favorite Disney movie as a kid. Musta watched that bastard a few thousand times. I'm pretty sure we wore the VHS tape out, just like we wore out the tape to Home Alone 2. Good stuff. I also loved this cartoon and thought it was great fun and Aladdin going on more adventures in and around Agraba worked much better than The Little Mermaid did. Of course one of the guys who worked on this show, Tad Stones, also created Darkwing Duck and Alan Zaslove (which is also a great name) worked on like most of the shows I've already mentioned and about 52 thousand other ones.. I believe Tad Stones would be a great name for an action movie hero, played by Wings Hauser. This show had great new villains like Abis Mal (which is a wonderful pun), Mozenrath and Mechanicles. This show also had a weird ass voice cast with George Costanza playing Abis Mal, Mozenrath being played by the kid from such film classics as The Never Ending Story Part 2 and Ladybugs, Homer Simpson replacing Robin Williams as the Genie (and I think he does a good job), Mr. Tone Loc who was in just about everything in the 1990s  and to top it all off the sweet soothing voice of Gilbert Gottfried.. A show very much worth watching. Higly Recommended

Well here it is, the show I alluded too last time. So in the 1990s, espcially in the early 1990s, a fellow named John K (I'm not typing out his last name because fuck that) was a very popular animator because of the show Ren and Stimpy that he had created with Bob Camp. It was so popular that it made Nickoldean 720,0523509,05943059043, dollars and 32 cents. Disney decided they wanted some of that money so they got some dude I've never heard of to rip him off. Shnookums and Meat is pretty much the Disney Ren and Stimpy except really bad. the main reason is that it's not very funny but also because the way Ren and Stimpy was animated added a lot to its comedy (and I'm going to be honest here and say I don't think that shows that great either) and this show just looks like a Disney cartoon for the most part. It's weirdly off putting honestly. Oh yeah I do like the designs of the characters from all 3 segments I just wish I found the show as funny and entertaining I did when I was a wee child apparently watching this on The Disney Afternoon . For 13 episodes. Apparently little Michael was the only person who liked this. Not Recommended.

This is a great show. Incredible voice cast. Incredible LORE. Incredible everything. I don't know if this is true or not but according to the internet Greg Weisman had this idea in his head since the 1980s when he was a teen and if thats the case, it's great to see an idea gestate over all these years into a great cartoon. I'm not even sure if thats a word or if its spelt wrong because it feels like a word. Apparently it's to carry a fetus to birth. so he carried an idea fetus from a teenager to his time and Disney! Wow that's a terrible sentence but really what can I say that hasn't been said by about 50,000 other people online about this show. The characters were great and voiced by great actors (KEITH DAVID and THAT RIKER GUY from Star Trek also David Xanatos is better than his Riker character but not as good as him on BEYOND BELIEF. Find it in your heart Star Trek people, you know it to be true!) All of the characters were an insane amount of fun to watch and you never quite knew what was gonna happen. A great series that would call back to other stuff full of mystery and wonder.  Highly Recommended

Well, it's finally time for the LAST part of this series! Coming soon you will all get to see the beauty of uh... well the last three shows aren't exactly the greatest so the beauty of nothing really. I really should think out my jokes better but I never do.

Talkin About Disney Animations From 1990 to 1996 Part What the fuck ever

 

I've been reading too many bad Spider-Man clone stories lately, just keeping a nice little word document instead of updating this blog 42 times a day. I think the best story gets a Kinda Recommend and the worst gets Fuck You for Reading This rating. So this is why I have other things to talk about on this blog so I don't get too bogged down when one of them gets into a shithole of garbage. I at least hope the shows today won't be shitholes of garbage...

I have literally the vaguest idea of what Raw Toonage was. The vaguest idea and since most of it is now considered lost media I can't really review it for you. I'm of the opinion that yes you can review a show by seeing an episode or two, but there's like 7 minutes of footage on youtube from different episodes. I don't think that's fair by far. So this CBS Saturday Morning Show that lasted for an whopping 12 episodes (and apparently starred several Duck Tales characters) must just remain a vague memory of childhood. I don't even remember watching this on CBS but in reruns, maybe whatever company got Bonkers got this included because he's in the show. Who really knows but yeah I lived in Canada and I would watch YTV on Saturday because they would get all the best stuff for us Canadian kids. Anyway uh yeah Raw Toonage exists and I'm sure I watched it. 

Which brings us to Bonkers. I think I might be the one person who enjoyed this show. I mean I enjoyed it a lot more as a child as the show feels like it's trying to hard now as an adult but I still got some fun out of the episodes I recently watched. There were a bunch with Lucky Piquel and a bunch with a cop named Miranda. In fact it seems that there was some weird issues behind the scenes that I didn't know about. Some Miranda issues were aired first, then Lucky, then Miranda, then finally Lucky again. So if you are crazy about continuity this show may not be for you. Despite the fact I still laughed at some stuff this is to be honest a cheap imitation of the whole Roger Rabbit thing. I wonder if it was supposed to be his show. Anyway, not terrible but I liked it a lot more when I was 8. Apparently Brer Bear makes an appearance in an episode, I thought Disney would hide away all that tarbaby Song of the South stuff like it was some kind of poison. Anyway, I guess I give this a Kinda Recommend. I dunno. 

Today's final show is Marsupilami and like Raw Toonage it seems that I can't really review this show as I don't think the Sebastian the Crab segments (since when was he a wacky and slapsticky character?) and the Shnookums and Meat segments (yes the Disney Ren and Stimpy first appeared on this show! Tell your friends that trivia and they'll make fun of you for remembering Shnookums and Meat!) are online anywhere to be seen, but I did watch one Marsupilami segment and it was okay. I'm pretty sure I must have watched this show as a kid because I remember the two characters but man I don't remember anything about them. Oh and they were based on a Belgian comic from like 1952. I'd like to read the comic actually. Anyway I can't really talk about the show overall, I'm just reminding you that Shnookums and Meat was a thing.

Well hopefully next time I can actually review more than one show and not have to make a whole paragraph out of "Yeah, this show is lost media and I'm not fucking Merlin or a dude with 10,000 VHS tapes so I can't review it"

THE CLONE SAGA PART 1

 

The Spider Man Clone Saga is finally here! I uh, never read the entire thing. Yeah. So let's see what my thoughts are from beginning to end. I will indicate what stories I read before as a kid and whats new. Some of it is pretty bad. Some of it is really bad, but I remember some bright spots too. Fun stories that get lumped in with the entire Saga and are considered bad.

The first story in the Saga, entitled Power and Responsibility is not a very good way to start the whole thing up. First off Judas Traveller feels like he should be a Ghost Rider villain or something. Weird maybe mystical powers. Hell one of his team looks like a guy that Ghost Rider fought, or fought with. I haven't read that comic in many years. The story is also nearing the end of THE SPIDER fiasco. After fighting the Chameleon for making his Robot Parents (with help from the Green Goblin #2) Spider-Man becomes ENRAGED and has to DESTROY the Peter Parker part of him and man this going through several stories is so forced and stupid. Peter Parker would talk to Mary Jane about this shit  and not do this shit. It's a sad attempt to make Spider-Man HARSH AND GRIM AND GRITTY for the 1990s. This THE SPIDER stuff should have been done with before they did even started this story. Buncha crap if you ask me. Not Recommended.

I don't have much to say about this story except that I didn't like it. It finally ends THE SPIDER nonsense thankfully though. He fights Puma and then teams up with Daredevil to fight the Owl and the Vulture and it felt like you could have taken the first two parts out of the story and that's not great. Also they try to make me think the Owl is not a lunatic and feels bad for what he has done and I sure as hell don't believe that. I get trying to get villains to have a shade of grey sometimes, even really bad guys but some people are just dickholes. Daredevil and Spider-Man fight them and Spidey gets infected by a Vulture (not The Vulture) and then they have get the antidote from the Vulture....which OH SHIT TURNS OUT TO BE TAP WATER!!! can we just finally be done with this THE SPIDER shit already? There are some nice moments involving Mary Jane and her family but this still gets the Not Recommended rating.

I actually enjoyed this story. Ben Reilly decides to take on the identity of the Scarlet Spider when he ends up meeting up with Venom and Scream. It was fun seeing how he would deal with villains that aren't familiar to him. It was fun seeing him create a new costume and some new gadgets (stingers and impact webbing). It was overall pretty fun. I think had the Clone Saga been stories like this we'd be singing its praises. It's weird how I have less to say about a story I liked then ones I didn't, but this has what you want in a Spider-Man comic. Nice art. Fun continuation of the story. I definitely give this one a Recommendation.

This will be an ongoing thing, like many of my things, so we will see what the next stories are like!

Spider-Man in the 1990s Part 4!

 

Man, the animation and stuff doesn't hold up very well after 26 years on the 1994 Spider-Man show. Why does Venom have some kind of weird duck lups? and Carnage a wild and freaky looking design is made very dull looking here. I guess I might have to do a re-watch of some episodes to let you guys know if the show is still any good 26 years later or if the Spider-Man cartoon from the 1960s is the reigning champion! Anyway this is me just blathering on about something because I really really really don't want to talk about any of the stories we have to talk about today. Web of Spider-Man was always a tricky title and a lot of its run was just not very good, and these stories fit right in. 

Oh boy it's another time for LOOK AT THIS COOL 90S CHARACTER and how he beats the ass of SOME LAME OLD CHARACTERS BECAUSE HES COOL AND 90S. man that's one of my least favorite tropes, having a new character just pop up in their first appearance or first story and just beat or kill a popular or beloved character. It's lame and I believe writers have stopped doing it. I'm not sure because I can't afford to buy all 424040 comics Marvel or DC put out each month. I doubt even Bill Gates could keep up with every Marvel or DC comic these days, and that's not even mentioning the cool indie stuff you wanna try. Uh oh yeah I got sidetracked. Some lame new bad guy Sandstorm (who I don't think ever showed up again) is created at some lab and then fights Spidey and Quicksand. Spidey stops him after part 2 and frankly I'd have rather read a story where Sandman teams up with Spidey and they have to stop Quicksand. Would have been better than this Sandstorm asshole. D-/Don't Read this shit.

This is a 1 1/2 part story. I say this because the first half of this story was Shocker getting too much power and Spider-Man and Night Thrasher having to save him. I know Night Thrasher is just as ridiculous as the other 90s people I rag on, but I'm going to give him a chance until I read every New Warriors comic. The story is pretty good but nothing earth shattering but still a solid B. I mean you could pick it up for a dollar at most comic shops. It's worth being in the collection at least. Unlike the Lizard story. So Calypso, who apparently is a big time Spider-Man villain because the issue before said a big name villain DIES in this issue and shes the only one who does. Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't she appear in like two stories before this? Her origin and that fucking pile of shit story known as Torment. Yeah, Todd McFarlane or however you spell his name should stick to drawing. Anyway this story does my least favorite trope TWICE so you can tell how much I loved it. The Lizard kills Calypso to show that HES TOUGH AND COOL AND NOT LIKE YOUR DADDYS LIZARD FROM THOSE DUMB OLD COMICS! then Warrant (I wonder if he likes Cherry Pie.... god damn I'm terrible) kills the Lizard OH MAN HE'S SO TOUGH AND COOL AND WILLINGLY TO PLAY BY HIS OWN RULES THAT I NOW LOVE HIM. caps lock is my way of being sarcastic. Fuck Warrant and fuck this story. I'm glad someone came to their senses and brought the Lizard and Calypso back. They deserved better than this shit. F-/Fuck you for writing this

Oh goodie, it's three for three in the LET'S SHOW HOW COOL AND HIP WE ARE. this time the F.A.C.A.D.E. armor kills Lance Bannon. A rival photographer of Peter Parker's. A better character then F.A.C.A.D.E. or any of the people who was supposed to be under the mask. Cole Cooper. Mr. Bryce. and well I'm not even including John Jameson on the list of suspects even though he was one for the simple reason as I doubt Terry Kavanagh would have gotten the okay to actually make him the villain and it really wouldn't make since. Yeah he's hurt people when he's Man-Wolf but he didn't have control of him self in most of those situations. This stupid story ended up killing off Lance Bannon and then didn't even tell us who the fuck F.A.C.A.D.E. was. Fucking hell. This story was balls ass garbage and F.A.C.A.D.E. is another try hard 90s bull shit asshole who can fuck himself. F MINUS MINUS MINUS MINUS MINUS. Fuck you for writing this.

I'm too fucking angry at these dumb stories to even attempt writing an outro. 

Spider-Man in the 1990s Part 3.

 I never had the Spider-Man cereal from the 1990s. I want to try it. I also never had a single Hostess Fruit Pies either. I want to try them. I've never had Rice-A-Roni but I want to try it. They can't just call it the San Francisco Treat if it's no good! This is going very far for a joke that wasn't very good to begin with so let's all put this out of our memory and talk about three more Spider-Man stories from the 1990s.

Spectacular Spider-Man #212 by Mike Lackey and Sal Buscema is not a very good issue. It has some Z-List 90s nobody villain fight Spider-Man. He's got a goofy costume with two Vs on it (He's known as the Master of Vengeance) and I really thought this was a dire issue. He goes on and on about how Spider-Man created him and how he's his father and how he hates him because he drove his family away even though it was his fault not Spider-Mans. There's a reason this guy appeared in 3 stories and hasn't been seen since 1995. He's just one of many 90s losers that have no real charm in appearance or character. Forget about this one unless you love 90s stuff, Maybe you'll get something out of it. I didn't. D-/Not Recommended

I love it when heroes fight other heroes villains. It always a fun time to see it get mixed up. Spectacular Spider Man #213 and #214 Spider Man ends up fighting Typhoid Mary, a gal that usually fights  Daredevil. Typhoid Mary is killing abusers of women and Spider-Man has to stop her because he's not a big fan of the murder thing. There's nothing ground breaking about these two issues but it's a fun story and I can't really say more than I enjoyed it. B+

It's kinda sad that a enjoyable story with some neat drama and all that is put into two pretty bad stories. This story is a bit better than The Master of Fuck-All story.  This story has The Scorpion team up with some old fat guy to rob the old fat guys stores because the old fat guy thinks his son is going to take everything from him. Spider-Man fights some guys and then ends up hitting the old guy and everyone is shocked. Then he finds Mac Gargan outside of his Scorpion suit and literally beats him up. That just didn't feel like Spider-Man to me. It was like they were trying for the Pursuit storyline again with him being really angry but man it didn't work here. Also a weird garbage sewage sludge monster makes Spider-Man calm again. No I didn't make that up. Look here it is.

I don't know where this weird garbage sewage sludge monster came from but uhh. I hope it was explained in some other Marvel Comic and just didnt pop out of nowhere.. I will say that I enjoyed the Sal Buscema art and the scenes where the Scorpion gets to be Mac Gargan again but other than that yikes. Tom Defalco, Mike Lackey and Sal Buscema did this story and it's bit of a mess. D-

Next time we jump on over to Web of Spider-Man to try to talk about the stories that happened in that book before the Clone showed up! Golly gee I can't wait!

Spider Man in the 1990s....Part 2!

 

I enjoyed talking about those Spider-Man stories so I decided to read some more. Uh, I don't know what else to say for an opening so let's just get to it.

Tombstone is a great Spider-Man villain, he's tough, he's ruthless, he has a history with a long time supporting character (he and Joe Robertson were "friends" back in the day) I must have read that story with him and Joe Robertson ending up in prison like 5,000 times as a kid. I'm surprised I still have those issues and they aren't whipped to shit. I liked them enough to take care of them. That was a good era for Spectacular Spider-Man/Web of Spider-Man, and Tombstone has been on the run since that story with Robbie, I'm pretty sure this is his first appearance since then but we will see. This story stats with Tombstone just walking into Hammerhead's place and beating his ass. I usually don't like the "new (er) bad guy beats up a older bad guy to show he he's cool but that first story already gave Tombstone enough personality that watching him beat Hammerhead is pretty amazing actually, even if I do love Hammerhead too. I love the goofy Mob guys Spidey fights. So The Council of all the crime bosses are fine with Tombstone taking over Hammerheads spot EXCEPT one. A guy named Kaska who tells Tombstone off. Tombstone doesn't like this so he decides to fucking rob the guy to show him up. Anyway shit goes down and Tombstone ends up wrecking Flash Thompsons shit which brings Spider-Man AND the Black Cat (she was dating Thompson) to him. So Kaska says if Tombstone can kill Spider-Man he can join the Council, so the fight is on! I thought the end of this story was actually pretty amusing so I won't ruin it. Spectacular Spider-Man #204-206 by Steven Grant and Sal Buscema are worth adding to your collection. Recommended Rating: B+

I must admit that I love the horror heroes of the 1970s. The Living Mummy. Ghost Rider. Werewolf by Night, and yes The Shroud is on that list. The Shroud is doing some undercover work and Spider-Man is looking around New York when he sees that Dr. Strange's mansion has exploded (One thing I gotta give New Marvel People some gruff over is that they don't do this stuff well enough anymore. It always seems everyone is everyones book. Like in some recent Spider-Man books he's teaming up with every Spider-Man type character and it's a bit much. I kinda miss when team ups in a main book were a special thing. I guess) Shroud and Spider-Man fight and then some crazy ass masks escape from the wrecked mansion and take over the three goons that the Shroud had beaten up. They get sucked into the Darkness dimension (is that the same Dimension Cloak of Cloak and Dagger is connected too?) and when they come out they are fucking Skeletons proving the Masks just use the guys until they die... and one just got on SPIDER-MAN!!! OH SHIT! Of course the Mask of Martookiga (I don't know the official name but a Dr. Strange thing needs a goofy yet fun name like that) only feeds on fear and Spider-Man thinks about the people he loves and the Mask just turns inert. The Shroud and Spider-Man end up kicking the Mask of Martookiga's asses. Another fun story about Steven Grant and Sal Buscema, Spectacular Spider-Man #207 and #208 are worthy additions to a collection. Recommended. B+

We were on a streak of two pretty good stories but that had to end some time. This Foreigner story I believe has been a part of some ongoing stuff in the Web of Spider-Man title because I remember the three guys the Foreigner fights in the first half of the first part being in a story involving him. No, I didn't care enough about this story to go back and read that one. Someone has ousted the Foreigner from his organization and I don't know if we ever find out who and I can't say that I care, and I might be the only person in the world who likes the Foreigner. The Master as he's called sends out several no named 90's losers to try to fight and kill Spider-Man and The Foreigner. Dead Aim is his name and looking goofy (like most 90s try too hard villains) is his name. I just can't believe someone whos been shown to be smart and calculating like the Foreigner would get his organization taken away from him by someone stupid enough to hire guys like Dead Aim, Warzone and some other stupid 90s name I don't remember and I read the damn issue last night. A forgettable waste of talent. Sorry it's not going ot be 3 for 3 this time. D-/Not Recommended.

So there you have it. 3 more Spider-Man stories. Come back later for 3 more stories. One of them is good, I promise!

Spider Man in the 1990s... Part 1.

 

Spider-Man is my favorite superhero. He's been my favorite since I got his comics in my Christmas stocking in 1993. I loved him and quickly had to find as much as I could about him and his adventures. I read as many Spider-Man comics as I could. I loved his sense of responsibility and his silly jokes. I loved the bad guys he fought. They were all cool as hell. As a kid I was ride or die with Spidey. I've always wanted to read every Spider-Man comic from 1962 to the present day. I've read a great deal of them but not everything. This is why this post is here, It's for me to discuss the stuff I'm reading now. Which is 90s stuff so expect The Clone Saga stuff to show up here.

Well It's time to discuss Maximum Carnage. I always thought Venom was cool but Carnage was a bit too much, I mean his first story was pretty good and I can't help but love the story where he takes over the Silver Surfer, but Carnage hasn't had many good stories and this is one of those many pissy stories involving Carnage. This story is just fight....hero or villain joins up....fight....hero or villain joins up....fight....people in new york start going crazy....fight....fucking NIGHTWATCH, the Spawn ripoff shows up (seriously I'm surprised McFarlane never sued them... even if Spawn himself sucked ass) this story feels like it goes nowhere and then Deathlok and Iron Fist's company literally creates a beam and he Care Bear stares the bad guys. This whole story felt like a chore for the writers and feels like a chore to read. And it was all you had to read for like 2 months? 3? I don't know. The art is pretty good I must admit, I really like the cover up there. Carnage had a pretty funny joke about the Wonder Years when trying to dig up his mother. I liked the scenes at Harry Osborns funeral and the scenes with Peter's dad...(we will get to them later). Otherwise this was a pretty dreadful and not entertaining little story. Go with Absoulte Carnage from a few years ago if you want a big carnage event that's way more fun to read then this piss shit. Not Recommended. D+

This story, Trial by Jury is much better. Okay, so Venom killed a guy named Hugh alllllllll the way back in Amazing Spider-Man #315, one of his earliest appearances too! Now Hugh's father and friends have become The Jury and they are after Spider-Man for bringing the Alien Symboite to earth in the first place. This is a pretty good 3 parter that doesn't rush itself out. The first part is Spider-Man fighting them and then getting caught. Then in part 2 it's an actual trial of sorts! Then in part 3 Spidey actually teams up with the guys and they try to get a weapon that will blow up Venom... Spider-Man realizes thats murder and he's against that even with a monster like Venom, so he fights the Jury and kicks their asses. They also have some sub plot stuff like with MJ and her smoking (she ends up giving it up after seeing Nick Katzenburg dying of lung cancer in the hospital) and the really stupid subplot of Peter's real mom and dad coming back. The art by Mark Bagley was really great too. Nothing that will top the best Spider-Man stories ever list but gets a solid B from me. Recommended. B

It's time for a controversial in your face comic opinion, and we all know how well comic book fans take controversial opinions... badly. Don't step out of line in the comic community or you will get....angry twitter messages... OK, since no one actually reads this crap (or at least comments on it) My controversial opinion is........I like the Peter Parker Parents storyline from Spider-Man. I'm not too keen on the ending really but I liked them being in the comics, I liked the mystery, I liked them having  different thoughts and feelings from Ben and May Parker. I thought it would have been neat to have them survive this and keep going on. I believe they first appeared somewhere in issue 360? I could be wrong and I'm too lazy to check but I dunno, I liked them. This story where they finally are revealed as robots is kinda dumb. As I said earlier I wish it was some kind of weird blackmail plot or something else and they could have been  saved to be in other stories. I guess my feeling is it's a decent enough story with a lukewarm ending? Yeah let's go with that.  Lifetheft starts out with the Vulture, one of my favorite Spider-Man bad guys escaping from prison. I always loved that guy and I love how Mark Bagley draws him. He comes across the JUVINATOR and takes Spider-Man's youth away from him. He gets it back because the JUVEINATOR works better on Artificial Life, you know. Like Robots that Peter Parker's parents apparently are, and he finds that out AFTER he tells them who he is. Spidey ya dope you should have listened to Aunt May. He finds the Chameleon's lair (yeah he's in on it too!) and he fights his dad robot until it's destroyed and the Vulture takes his mom's robot's life. Yeah, it's a bit silly even for a comic book. Hell it's a bit silly for a guy who loves silly comic books. Maybe I just wish the characters have kept going on and not been robots who died. Still the first two parts are actually fun and I enjoyed them, so I guess I'm going to give Lifetheft a Sorta-Recommend. C+

It's now for the epilogue to the Peter Parker's parents story. Spider-Man is trying to find the Chameleon for his part within the story, and he's fucking pissed! Spider Man is not playing around this time. He's going to find the Chameleon and he's going to shove his foot right up his ass. The Chameleon is trying to bide his time and keep Spider-Man away from him (like sending goons after him, running from hideout to hideout until he ends up as Kraven's house seeing as they had a relationship before Kraven died) but Spider-Man catches up to him and woahie, It's a bad day for the Chameleon who gets the shit beat out of and webbed up for the police. The only real problem with this story is that at the end it turns out that the Green Goblin (Harry Osborn) was behind the whole thing and there was a file "SPIDER-MAN FOR YOUR EYES ONLY" and I don't see how the Chameleon wouldn't have watched that video, but despite that I had fun reading this one. I'd Recommend it. B

Well, I talked about four stories, so I guess it's time to end it up now. I think we will try to talk about some of the stories that happen right before the CLONE SAGA pops up!

Elseworlds Eroticism #1

 

Hello ladies, gentlemen, and people of ambiguous gender identity. I'm sure you know about the very popular and beloved ongoing series What If Wednesday, but did you know that DC Comics ALSO had their own out of continuity stories? Well I'm guessing if you are a comic fan you probably did, but this is for anyone who might not know. Since I felt like adding DC content what better idea then to make my own Elseworlds series... so welcome to Elseworlds Eroticism... What, I wanted alteration damnit. So let's get on with this!

Holy hot bananas, Batman! This Elseworlds, Batman/Houdini: The Devil's Workshop (1993) is fucking awesome! It's written by Howard Chaykin and John Francis Moore with beautiful painted art from Mark Chiarello whom I've only heard of thanks to this book and now want to read every story he wrote. This story puts Batman and his cast of characters into the early 19th century, where he teams up with Harry Houdini. There are a lot of neat touches here that make sense with when the story takes place, Alfred is a freed slave who works for Bruce Wayne as his butler (at least its hinted at), Vicki Vale is a suffragette working for the right for women to vote. Stuff like that. Makes the whole world feel more full and well researched. Anyway, Batman teams up with Harry Houdini and they fight VAMPIRES which is cool as hell, and yes of course a version of the Joker (called Jack Schadenfreude, naturally). If you have problem with some Jewish slurs being used I'd probably not read this one but if you can look past that this one comes Highly Recommended.

Our second Elseworlds for this week is, Batman: In Darkest Knight (1994), written by Mike W Barr and drawn by Jerry Bingham (probably known better for Batman: Son of the Demon) is a fun mashup of both Batman and Green Lantern. It starts with Batman doing the "HOW CAN I MAKE THEM FEAR ME!!!?" thing and BLAM Abin Sur just smashes down into Batman's backyard and he becomes the Green BatLantern and then the Green BatLantern just smashes the shit outta The Red Hood so that he never becomes The Joker! Then the Guardians of the Universe (those blue up their own ass motherfuckers) tell him he has to fight SINESTRO and he does beating his ass into jelly and taking away his dictatorship. Sinestro is then sent to the Anti Matter Universe Qward to stay FOREVER! Of course, forever is like 12 seconds, Sinestro is given his yellow ring and escapes! He turns Catwoman into Star Sapphire and Harvey Dent into Binary Star and fucking KILLS THE SHIT out of Gordon! He also takes Joe Chills mind into his but I'll get back to that. He tells the blue fuckers to eat shit and they freak the fuck out and send 4 Lanterns down to take him down WHILE giving Superman, Wonder Woman and Flash, Green Lantern rings because why the hell not and during the fight FUCKING ALFRED DIES. Holy shit, Mike W Barr just killin people left and right. The Guardians then decide to stay back. He has a back and forth with the Green Justice League and then goes into space to kick the shit outta Sinestro and his gang. Oh and Sinestro wears a purple jacket because the colorist was like Fuck it I'mma do this.  This does have some problems. I thought the fact that Joe Chill and Sinestro are in the same mind kinda interesting and it doesnt do much with it and I think I would have liked to see a mini series of this instead, let some of the ideas breathe more. So I'll put this in the fun but flawed catergory and give it a Recommend. Oh and this gets big ups for giving Bill Finger a dedication at the end and being like "Fucking hell DC give the man credit for his part in Batman you shits" just a lot classier than that.

John Byrne is many things, a comics superstar turned angry old man. Yep. I'm not going to get into any of that stuff right now, but during the 1980s John Byrne was on the top of the comics world. X-Men, Fantastic Four, Superman. All really great stuff with great art. John Byrne kinda went off the rails during the 1990s and made some pretty bad stuff, but Batman/Captain America (1997) is totally not on the list of stuff he did that wasn't very good in the 1990s and in is in fact a lot of fun. You get to see the two heroes fight in the Second World War against Joker and the Red Skull (and when Joker finds out that he's working for a nazi a very funny scene happens. Even the Joker thinks nazis can go fuck themselves) The art is still pretty good but in one of the scenes Bucky looks like a dwarf and not a teenager. Still its fun to see all the random characters interact and even have Sgt Rock in it! I give this a Highly Recommended. Lots of fun.

Well, next time maybe I'll talk about some non Batman Elseworlds. Or Maybe I'll just stick with Batman. Who knows? I'll probably do this more than once a week as I'm not kept to a Wednesday schedule. I might even change that too. Who knows? THE SHADOW KNOWS. BUMBUMBUM... uh okay I'm out.

What If Wednesday #3: Kurt Busiek let me down man

 

Welcome one and all to the best Wednesday thing on a blog ever! What if Wednesday #3! I am going to be so hard pressed to talk about stuff in the first paragraph of each and every one of these! Anyway up there is an image of the Watcher's first appearance from Fantastic Four #13 all the way back in like 1963 or something. I feel a What If post should probably start off with some kind of picture of the Watcher man. I don't know when I will use my favorite picture of him but we will get to it! Anyway we got more What If's from Volume 2 to talk about!

Holy moly ass shit! Now this is a comic book (by Doug Murray of the 'Nam fame and Rik Levins) that grabs your ass and doesn't let go until the last 3 pages which are just weird joke what ifs that I guess they just decided to shove in there for some reason or another. We will get to the wacky issues of What If someday and boy howdy they are something! Anyway this time the mob DOES NOT kill The Punisher's family AND he becomes a police officer. An honest cop trying to do the best he can, you know like Frank Serpico. He finds out about corruption, judges, his partner and even his Captain are in on it (they are all pretty much working for the Kingpin in the end) it doesn't end well for his family. And then it doesn't end well for the corrupt cops and judges this go around because THEY are who he's after this time. So keep your nose clean or Frank Castle will shoot it off. I'm amazed that 30 years ago we were still talking about issues we are talking about now. And they still haven't been resolved. And the fact people are complaining NOW that comic books have discussed social and political issues. Anyway, this comic comes Highly Recommended! 

What If #22 by Ron Marz and Ron Lim (double Ron action for ya!) is pretty good too. I think I like it because it has a mostly positive ending really. OK so in the mainline Marvel Universe comics published between 1966 and 1987 that had the Silver Surfer in it had him confined to earth (I believe that Silver Surfer #1 from 1987 by Steve Englehart and one of the best Batman artists EVER!, Marshall Rogers was the first time he finally passed the barrier put on him by Galactus. You can easily correct me if I'm wrong becuase I 1.) haven't read every damn comic ever made and 2.) can't remember every single detail about them) but in 1987 he finally found his way off planet and had wild cosmic adventures. THIS what if keeps him confined to earth and accepts membership into THE FANTASTIC FIVE! and they start whuppin ass like its going outta style. In a two page spread they beat the piss outta Dr. Doom, Annihilus, The Frightful Four and fucking Terminus, the huge ass motherfucker space robot guy. Then after that they get a call from a priest worrying about shit and after the priest is possessed BLAM they get sent to fucking HELL and have to fight Mephisto, one of the stand ins in Marvel Comics for you know, Satan (my favorite is Satannish because he's not Satan he's just kinda Satannish.. its wild). Mephisto tells the Surfer he has to stay in Hades forever unless he wants the rest of the Fantastic Five to be tortured by him. The Surfer agrees but refuses to sign his agreement because "The Surfers Word is his Bond" and Mephisto just burns the shit outta the Human Torch. Long story short the Surfer ends up taking over Hades and making Mephisto his prisoner and all Evil disappeares. Wild stuff. Recommended.

I had a hell of a time trying to get those two images to stick there. One would always get deleted. Uh, yeah I think we finally got to the first What If that I really did not like which is weird because it's by Kurt Busiek who usually does very good work. I wasn't exactly thrilled with What If #69 but I'm sure someone would dig it, this I don't think it works very good. Anyway, this two parter starts off with a bang with Scott Summers, Jean Grey and Professor Xavier being blown the fuck up... by Cable. Then it goes back to them all talking by Professor X (who had returned early from space in this timeline) and he tells Cable he's no longer leader of the New Mutants which causes him to throw a tantrum and start a fight and the New Mutants go with him. Oh and THEN they go back to the start of the story where they are at a funeral now and the X-Men break into two factions, one who wants to kill Cable and one who wants to bring him in. It's not even like they both go after him, just the murder crazy faction (led by Wolverine) but the Storm faction is now being taken down by supervillains all teaming up and the X-Men don't bother trying to get help from any other superheroes or anything nah, that's foolish talk. So with several X-Men dead it becomes a time for Magneto to take over the USA and then the Sentinels are sent out and if you don't see that this is going to the Days of Future Past future than you are being silly. It ends with Wolverine pulling some Mutants out of the camps (and people think X-Men isn't an allegory for civil rights from everyone to Jewish people to black people to gays and on) because he got some fail safe thing that made it so that Sebastian Shaw (who made these metal-less Sentinels so it wouldn't be able to tell hes a mutant) saying the X-Men are back. 

Boy fucking howdy I did not like this story. Everything about it feels forced, from Cable not stepping down to the New Mutants not leaving Cable after he killed Xavier and Scott and Jean (I mean you can be against the X-Men for trying to execute Cable without a fair trial and all but JESUS these people were your mentors for crying out loud! Didn't feel like that was something they would be for), then Storms side not trying to get some help from anyone or anything. THEN Dazzler and Sunspot and Strong Guy just being like "ok sure i'll now join you Magneto and these people who killed my friends and not the pro mutant people like the Fantastic Four". I know for some of these you'll go "DURR IT'S AN ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE SILLY" and I'll respond "Yeah but it just splits off at this second, these characters should still act like they did in 616 unless giving really good reasoning and it wasnt here" it just felt like Kurt had a idea to make this end up in the Days of Future Past like Future and just wanted to shove it all in there. The bring side this comic does have Siryn in it, Banshee's daughter and lady redheads very sexy. Oh and the art was pretty decent and those covers are pretty cool. I'll probably end up owning these but if you aren't the kind of person who needs to own every issue in a series I'd say these comics come really Not Recommended at all.

Anyway, what comics will happen next Wednesday!  WAIT AND SEE!

The Disney Afternoon or Random Disney Shows Part 3!

 

Boy howdy it's time for the Third Part of this wild adventure known as uh....Discussing the Afternoon of Disney (yes I'm doing a joke that bad. DO you know how hard it is to make a good introduction to a part 3? or even a passable one? I'm asking because I don't) and well this is a pretty interesting set of shows we have here. I guess that's all I can really say so let's get to discussing them!

The first show on the discussion pile today is Darkwing Duck a show I thought was great as a child and still think that to this very day! Tied with Rescue Rangers and Duck Tales for the best Disney Afternoon show! Ever! It showed the adventures of a egotistical superhero duck named Darkwing Duck and all of the great creative spoofs of old superhero villains, like MegaVolt, who's a spoof on Electro from Spider Man. or Quackerjack and his Banana Brain buddy doll. Ahh good stuff. He even has a girlfriend that I'm sure turned some individuals into furries. If I had to find one fault is that some of the jokes don't hold up and I don't think they would have made me laugh as a kid and it wasn't hard to do that as a kid, but that's maybe one joke in like several episodes. I don't know where else to put this but when some weirdo hillbillies thought Darkwing Duck was a potato vampire (because of Bushroot the half duck half plant creating a potato vampire) they literally tried to put a stake in his heart and I went "wtf". Cartoons of the past were hardcore man.

Up at bat is Goof Troop.  A show that I feel should get more discussion based around it, because it really does have it all. Wacky adventures in a sitcom-esque setting. Fun characters. One of the best themes ever! (it's very early 1990s tho) This version brings Goofy and his son Max to the most thrilling and exicting places imaginable.... THE SUBURBS! And living next door to them is Pete (the big bulldog guy who harassed like every Disney hero at least once in the old cartoons... also he predates Mickey Mouse... isn't that wild?) and Pete is the best part of this show, they updated him from the 90s and made him a sleazy car salesman whos always pulling stuff in attempt to get richer. He and Goofy work incredibly well off each other. It also gave us A Goofy Movie  which is a legit great film about a father and his son. Everything Goofy touches is gold!

It's time to end off this part with The Little Mermaid and It's the worst kinda show to comment on. It's not one I can go on and on about what I liked about it, or what made me so fucking angry I shit my pants and broke something. This isn't a bad show par say but it sure isn't a good one either. I don't think these characters have legs outside of the movie and I think the viewing audience mostly agreed with me because it lasted a whopping 31 episodes over 2 seasons. I liked the movie and all but this show never captured me, always making me go "Eh whats on the other channel" or just deciding to turn on the Sega Genesis or Nintendo and play something. Then my sister put cheese in my Nintendo because she thought it was hungry or something. I don't know why I told you all that boring fact, maybe it's because I don't really want to talk about this show. So I'll just ending this rambling nonsense with this, the music from this show is still pretty nice but not something I'd spend watching the rest of the show for.

There you have it, Next time it's a bunch of obscure nonsense that no one remembers or stuff no one likes. And Maybe Gargoyles? I should be more on the ball with this but I'm not and we all have to suffer for it.

Weird Comic Book Stuff #1

 

It's time for YET another comics article. Yes, I like these because I like comic books and they are easy and fun to talk about. This will be a series of articles about weird shit within comic books, weird villains, heroes, stories, writers, artists. Just the stuff that makes you go "what the jumping jesus hell were they thinking?" so expect a LOT of stories from Bob Haney and Bob Kanigher to show up here because they practically made a career at doing weird shit.

I pretty much made this article so I could show you the greatest goofy ass bad guy who ever existed in comic books. I will probably say that a LOT but fuck it, Tapping Tommy is amazing. He's a tap dancer 
(with killer tap dancing robots of course) who fought The Defenders (Defenders #30 I believe) and somehow got the better of them for a short time. The Defenders at that time had Dr. Strange, Valkyrie, Nighthawk, and a little guy named The Incredible Fucking Hulk, so it's already pretty hilarious how he wasnt beaten to tar in like one panel. Sadly, Tapping Tommy has not been seen in the last 45 years but if I ever somehow get a job at Marvel Comics you'll get your day Tommy!!!

This guy is also amazing. He's got the last name Weele, which kinda sounds like Wheel so of course in COMIC BOOK FASHION he decides to create a giant wheel to destroy the Rocket Racer and Spider-Man. I just had to include him in this one becuase I get the feeling Marv Wolfman who wrote the story just came up with his alter ego's name Jackson Weele first and just HAD to create something for him. Ridiculous and silly but oh so much fun. He even got more than one appearance and apparently his last appearance was in 2016. Wild. Sadly it was in a Deadpool book so I will never get to read it because Deadpool gives me the shits.

The last fellow we are going to talk about today is the Hypno Hustler and if you guessed he appeared in a comic book published during the 1970s give your self a Captain Fucking Obvious award because there's no other decade something this insane could come from. He's pretty much disco Ringmaster from Ringmaster and his Circus of Crime (don't worry I will talk about them) where as he uses his guitar to hypnotize people and would it surprise you if I told you Bill Mantlo also created Tapping Tommy?? Oddly enough, he actually made it out of the 1970s and had more appearances. YET MY POOR TOMMY GETS NOTHING.

I may have poked some fun at these guys but all of their origin stories were fun comics that I would recommend, Defenders  #30, Amazing Spider Man #182-183, and Spectacular Spider Man #28. All from the 1970s, a very fun and weird decade for comic books. Anyway, I'll catch you later moon doggies!!