Who Created The Marvel Universe!?!? My Feelings MAY SHOCK AND APPALL YOU!!!

 This piece will end up being one of the most rambling and incoherent that I will ever write for this blog and that’s saying a lot. I’m writing it at 4:30 in the morning instead of sleeping because I woke up and started thinking about it for some reason because my brain doesn’t work correctly and now I’m awake. Not wide awake but awake to the point that if I do not get this down on the paper I will not be able to get back to sleep. So here are some sleep deprived opinions on a matter every stupid nerd seems to have an opinion on.

I’ve wanted to get this down on paper for the longest time. The longest time. I just wanted to get my thoughts out there. I see this fight between Jack Kirby superfans and Stan Lee superfans all the time. Who did create the Marvel Universe? Well It’s long and rambly but I have the answer. I mean I think I have the answer because I clearly cannot go back in time and no one thought to clearly and concisely get the thoughts and feelings of everyone in 1961 through 1964 when the most popular characters were being created because back then most people thought comic books were disposable entertainment for children, the mentally impaired and the insane. They didn’t realize they could make big money from it for decades.

Someone posted a thread that I’m pretty sure was bait to start arguments and I don’t do Facebook arguments. I spill thousands of pointless words on a blog that very few people read. I pretty much use Facebook to keep in contact with people and never argue in the groups I’m in. I may also buy things sometimes from those groups but never arguments. Facebook arguments are pointless because the other person wants to argue about something, anything and will do it until you are beaten down. Period. Anyway they were praising Stan Lee for doing everything, and no that’s not the case. I do not believe Stan Lee and Disney when they say it all flew out of his brain and no one else working with him did anything creative ever. I also believe that he took too much credit. That is clear and present. He certainly did do that. I will never argue against that point but I will also never try to say that he went into the offices every day and shoved his thumb up his ass and gave himself prostate massages for like several fucking decades.

One guy posted something I actually agree with. Stan Lee’s selling of Marvel gave it an identity. It made it feel COOLER than the other guys, not just DC but any of them. It made them feel like a bunch of hip and fun uncles to us young kids. That all started with Stan Lee and he made us feel like we were part of a cool club for cool dudes. You can say he was just trying to sell a product but hey none of the guys you want to say did everything would ever get eyes on their stuff if he didn’t do that you know. A big thing is that well the Marvel Method, Stan would sometimes give an artist like a story in one or two sentences and they had to get that out into 22 or sometimes even more pages. That alone makes every story something that both of them should have gotten a written by credit on. One person said all he did was edit dialogue and well that ain’t the case skippy. I’ll talk about the stuff done fully by Steve Ditko and Jack Kirby.

Steve Ditko I will start with because I just read Mr. A for the first time and wow what a piece of shit story that was. Yes, it had great unique art I will give it that but holy shit if you want to read an Objectivist screed about how Ayn Rand (the hypocritical piece of shit that she was) should be considered the savior of humanity and that shades of gray don’t exist (yeah I’m sorry but they do, Stevie) and that’s one of the things that made Marvel popular. The whole shades of gray. The heroes weren’t perfect and the villains sometimes had humanity to them. It’s what changed comics in general and Steve Ditko hated it with a passion. Was Steve Ditko a creative man? Hell yes. It shows in a lot of the work he created after Spider-Man and Dr. Strange (this is another thing people use against Stan because well he helped create Nightcat, Ravage 2099 and fucking Stripperella where as Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko created stuff like the Question and Darkseid who are way more notable than Ravage 2099 or Pamela Anderson in a supersuit)

Jack Kirby was a talented man, hell if you had to put a gun to my head and say the one person who Marvel needed was I’d probably end up picking him. Yes, I know I’m trying to point out it wasn’t all one person (and it wasn’t, sorry) but Jack Kirby has his DNA in just about every Marvel thing that isn’t Dr. Strange. Yes, Jack Kirby came up with a different Spider-Man idea that they did not use. Anyway Jack Kirby left Marvel Comics for DC Comics in 1970. He created a lot of wild and inventive things. The first time I read them I cannot deny I was put off by the weird, clunky, dialogue (not from any of his DC comics but the words “Cut that funky corn, Sersi” shows up in a Eternals book) I mean now unfettered 100% Jack Kirby is one of my favorite things this world has ever given me but I cannot deny that the dialogue is no where near perfect and is still probably the worst parts of his comics.

This is where Stan Lee came in. His dialogue is better than both. I do not care about to fight this with anyone. Ever. You are being dishonest and lying to yourself if you say he just edited their dialogue. His dialogue was peppy and fun and gave so many characters their personality. From Spider-Man’s wisecracking ways to Reed Richards having his head up his ass but still caring deeply about his family. It all came from Stan Lee’s dialogue. Hell even if the one thing Stan Lee did in his like 800 years at Marvel Comics was be like “No, Steve, Spider Man isn’t going to kiss Ayn Rand’s ass like you do” then I’d give him credit for literally saving that character and well that one thing alone would make him a founding father of Marvel Comics in my eyes

Here’s another thing, these people argue about Jack Kirby and Stan Lee and Steve Ditko but what if I told you this insane thing… Marvel Comics was around before any of them worked there. It’s true, you can look it up! It was founded in 1939 by a man named Martin Goodman and if you want to be pedantic and petty you could give all the credit to him because his money was what set the ball rolling. I do want to mention the people that worked on his first comic, Carl Burgos (created the Human Torch), Bill Everett (Namor) and Bob Byrd (his original Ka-Zar pulp was made into a comic in this issue!) because they were there first but even then I don’t know if that means they should get all the credit either!

What do I think? I think it took an insane amount of creative people starting on August 31st, 1939 (just 46 years shy of my birthday!) to create the Marvel Universe. That’s when it all started, sure they weren’t known as Marvel Comics then (they were known as Timely, then Atlas) but that’s when it started. All three of those characters. Namor, Human Torch (the android version) and Ka-Zar all appeared throughout the decades. It took those guys to kick it off and it took tons of people from the 1960s (some guys want you to believe Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko were the only people who worked at Marvel Comics in the 1960s) to turn it into a power house. It took people in the 1970s to create new characters that became incredibly popular. Same with the 1980s, 1990s, 2000s, 2010s. It takes way more than one or two people to create a character that becomes a household name, it takes a fucking army of people to do that. Marvel Comics was created by an army of talented artists and writers and inkers and letterers and colorists and all kinds of things I’m forgetting and It’s very very unfair to just go DURRR THIS ONE GUY DID IT ALL IT WAS HIM!!!!!!

The Comic Review #86: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Adventures #62-66 (1994 – 1995)

 

This is one of the comic series I really should have reviewed more of by now. I really should have started with #1 and reviewed them all by now. If I had the brain that wasn’t weird and could do things normally and correctly and not go OOH I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT NOW SO I HAVE TO GO FIND IT AND WATCH IT instead of you know planning things out. In other words if my brain wasn’t on all the time I could plan stuff and stick to that plan. I don’t know why I’m even blabbing all of this shit to you instead of someone who could actually help. Anyway, I love the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The old cartoon. the original Mirage comics (I need to review them too) but I love this series the most of all. I’m pretty sure these were some of the first comics I ever had. Not the ones that made me want to go hog wild on collecting we will get to them soon enough too. Just the first ones I was ever given because I remember quite a number of these characters and situations. I only have one issue of this series left from Childhood (I bought several more recently but I still have that tattered issue and it’s from later in the run too and if I cared about money I could probably sell it for way too much money but I’m gonna bitch and moan about that later.) Point is I should have reviewed something from this series by now.

To be fair, I believe I talked about TMNT Meet Archie on my YouTube channel which got less views then this blog does. This blog will at least get some attention sometimes. TMNT was one of the biggest things of my early childhood, up until I was like 7 or 8 it was my favorite thing. It was only usurped in popularity by Power Rangers which became my favorite thing. I’m sure I still bought TMNT action figures (until we had a garage sale in 1995 and my mom got me to sell them all for $50 to buy some Garfield stuff or something. Those figures could have gone for so much more). I still bought this comic (I remember getting an issue of the digest comic from a used book store and it turning out to be the same one I sold them! Wild!) Anyway, this comic did pretty well it lasted from 1988 to 1995. I believe from September of 1988 to October of 1995. That’s a good run seeing as the original cartoon only lasted another year, until they came back with the Power Rangers ripoff that I’ll get into in another blog post because I don’t like to think about it.

Anyway, this comic was written by Dean Clarrian, in fact I believe everything related to Ninja Turtles at Archie was done by him. He is very underrated in the Turtles fandom and should get more respect! This part of the series is when the executives stopped really checking in with him “You put the cyber turtles in here to help sell the toys. Yes? Alright have fun” because this five parter called Dream World is fucking wild and I will take you on this beautiful beautiful journey.

We start with a cat man who has cool cybernetic parts to his body who notices an alien ship flying by because he hacked into the hubble telescope II (hacking n the 1990s was fucking cool and let you do literally anything if you could hack you could dethrone God.) Yes, I know that’s 90s comic goofery but it’s 90s comic goofery I like. Along with the virtual reality. Honestly the only things I hate about 90s comics is the sometimes incredibly awful art (not a problem with this series) and the overuse of the cliche of A NEW COOL BAD GUY (usually just some dip shit in a shitty dirty ass trench coat and a big generic gun) being able to take down and sometimes kill a classic “golden oldie” bad guy. Either way we see him talking about his plan to destroy the Ninja Turtles. We then go see which all of the future turtles (yes this story takes place in the future where New York City has sunk under the ground and people and mutants have to get around on motor skis. It’s awesome). Michaelango works at an orphanage. Raphael is boining this hot fox woman and works at a restaurant. Leo is training a white lady, an Asian lady, a black guy AND A BABOON MAN to be ninjas and Donnie is still a big old nerd working on fixing a time travelling device (created by a giant shark man apparently! Man I missed out on some awesome shit when I gave up on this comic book) There’s a brain connected to the Time Travelling device and when he gets it all working it turns to WORLD WAR II. However that has to wait because Leonardo calls Donatello and tells him about the terrorists that took pills which literally vaporized their faces off. They are now off to find out whats up with those guys. End of part 1.

The second part opens up wit hthe brain just thinking in German and trying to get back to the past… in Nazi Germany. If you know anything about this comic you should know where this is heading. Hell if you don’t know anything about this comic you should still know where this is heading. It’s heading somewhere fucking cool as hell. Then we see some robots shoot a police officer while another one prays to God. Then we get the CYBER TURTLES to show up and kick ass. Don’t forget to ask your mom to go to the department store after reading this issue to buy you’re very own Cyber Turtles. I do not remember owning these guys as a nine year old child but I certainly want to own them now as a thirty eight year old child. Anyway the turtles find out that the robots are actually ROBO ZOMBIES. I seriously need to review every issue of this comic so badly. Michaelangelo leaves the group and runs afoul of VERMINATOR-X the Cat Man from part one and literally gets his ass kicked. I would have been sad about this had I read this comic as a kid because Mikey was my favorite but now as a mature respectable adult I like Raphael more.

Verminator-X is found by a HIDDEN INDIVIDUAL IN THE SHADOWS!!! He will be come very important in the upcoming issues. They leave Mikey all beaten and bruised for Raphael to find bringing him to Leo and Don…unconscious and not breathing! End of part 2! Mikey is now all in a bed being watching over by Leo’s new students. Thankfully he’s breathing again while Leo, Don and Raph all go into the time machine to Nazi Germany. I didn’t think I’d ever read a Ninja Turtles story where that happened, and I didn’t think I’d ever read one where it was only one of the wild and crazy things that happen within. The brain now has a cool robot body. I don’t know how it got it but hey it did. Maybe it has something to do with the shark man. I do not know. I believe I should have clearly read this story about the shark man. I really do not believe this was the first Future Turtles story.

Anyway the robot brain body attacks a resistance fighter right before the turtles show up and are chased by the rest of the resistance. The turtles climb out of the sewer just to find that the brain was in fact Hitler’s brain and he’s gotten back together with the real deal in 1944! Before we get back to that we have to talk about Verminator-X and his new alien friend who we will learn is named Crainium. He wants human brains for money to sell to an alien group that cannot dream without tapping into the memories of specific human beings. So that’s why he will want the brain of HITLER and he wants them FAST before earth is hit with a comet. Anyway we then see the Turtles meet the real Hitler and some Nazis but that’s before literal planes show up and shoot the shit out of the Nazi’s and the brains robot body. Hitler says he’s going to get the brain to Mengele but not before Raphael PUNCHES HIM RIGHT IN HIS FUCKING WORTHLESS FACE. I don’t care what story it is in that if you don’t cheer when HITLER GETS PUNCHED IN THE FACE you are a bad person that I do not want to know. No sir.

After Raphael says He’d like to do that again, Donnie let’s the other guys know that he lost the remote and they have to race back to where the gate opened because it will continue to open and close until they get back. Anyway they are met there by Hitler not because Raphael pulled his punches but because the writer wants to fuck with Hitler some more. He thinks they are demons and they get him to SHOOT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD. They then go back to realize that Leo’s students are really kinda shitty and have gotten themselves all tangled up with Verminator-X and Crainium who steal Hitler’s brain and fly off. Only this time Michaelanglo has grabbed onto the space ship and is going to hang on to find out where their hideout is! End of part 3. We start part four up with Leo being surrounded by tons of brains ready to screw over his cyber turtle costume? It ain’t good that’s for sure. He recounts the story from the past 3 issues and we see how Mikey is found. It’s pretty easily. He’s just floating in the river. He has however found two ways to attack the duo of Veriminator-X and Crainium. The turtles now break into two teams, Raph, Mikey, Raphs hot fox girlfriend, Leo’s crappy students all team up to go one way while Leo and Donnie go somewhere else in their cool new Cyber Suits (now only 899.99 dollars on eBay) They end up in the brain tank and have to fight the brains! While the other group fights ZOMBIES (ones that have not been turned into Zombie Robots). The brains overtake Leo and Don and separate them! What will happen next!

The final part is here! Don saves Leo and Raph tries to shock the zombies with Don’s bo staff but it helps them so he decides to reverse it and suck the juice out of the zombies which works! However there’s too much energy so he ends up having to shoot at the brain tank! This releases Cyber Don and Cyber Leo and the brains and also really pisses off the bad guys. They end up fighting and it pretty much comes down to Veriminator-X and Raph both pointing guns at each other and RAPH SHOOTS HIM. It’s fucking wild. I mean it’s still fixed by the next page when Donnie fixes his robotic body and makes him a good guy and they blow up the comet. This wild ass story is over.

FINAL VERDICT: Yes, this story is all over the place. Yes, they don’t ever explain what Veriminator-X’s original plan was, Yes it has flaws, but I could clearly get the fact that the people were having fun making this and I’ll take that over a story where everything is perfect but didn’t really feel like anyone was having any fun doing it. The thing is earlier I found out about this stupid thing eBay is doing to help not collectors (sorry I know that most collectors want to own their thing) but people who think they will get rich off this nerd stuff. Yeah, it depresses me. if I could press a button to make things go back to the days of “what you want this thing, fucking gross man” I would do that. To the days when the most you’d pay for this comic was 5 bucks (someone out there no joke wants 292 dollars for the Hitler punching issue. Is it just me or trying to profit off a comic where the character punches Hitler just seem really crass?) and the most expensive NES game was Stadium Events at a whopping 300 dollars. Yeah I’d do that in a heart beat. This stuff should be fun. If you want to invest, invest in some fucking stocks idiot.

Reviewing Every NES Game Part Two of Who Knows How Many

 I now have to at least get past Air Fortress so I can tell osg to SHOVE IT. I will do it easily because talking about this STUPID HORSESHIT is what I like to do. I have been doing it for over twenty years now. It’s a pretty good place to get my thoughts in on EVERY NES game no matter what they are. My thoughts are my own and if you want to agree or disagree do it politely, unlike portnoyd the stupid jerk who never does anything politely. He probably proudly goes into churches and farts as loud as he can and leaves. He is a JERL.

Well, we already got to one of the games that I were making a bottom 50 list of games on the NES I would put this one on there (sorry OSG) I really very much do not like this game in the slightest. It is ugly, it is slow, the controls are wonky to do the simplest shit. This game is just basically Great Value Castlevania, but even then Great Value food still probably tastes better than this game would. The graphics are fine and the music isn’t all that bad either it’s just everything else that really hampers my fun and enjoyment of this game. Too bad, it could have been something enjoyable.

Here is a pretty unique little game that I personally enjoy quite a bit. It involves a Boy and his blob… A squishy little guy from the planet Blobolonia. The planet has been taken over and it’s up to A Boy and His Blob to save the day! The Boy can use several different kinds of jelly beans to turn the Blob into all kinds of different things. You have to find treasures and find your way through all kinds of puzzles and stop the mean Blob jerk from winning the game. The games graphics are weird. They look very Atari-y, which makes sense because David Crane was born from an Atari, yet weirdly updated. I kinda love them. It’s weird to see updated Atari graphics on a NES. The boy is a goofy lookin stick figure and I want to give a hug to the Blob. The music is very memorable and catchy, pretty simple but hey nothing wrong with being simple when it’s still very well done ya know? Anyway I like this game and I think it’s fun to play.

This game fucking RULES. It’s one of THE best shumps on the NES, up there with Life Force and Gun Nac. It’s a lot like Life Force because you go from overhead stages to Gradius like stages? Yeah let’s go with that. You have to fight all kinds of gross weird looking monsters to save something or someone. I actually think you get eaten and the person you have to save is yourself from becoming poop! So go on and turn the NES on and help this guy not become alien feces! Anyway the graphics are very memorable, kinda cartoony but it helps keep them different enough from Life Force. The music is fucking AWESOME and anyone who disagrees is poopy. Natsume is one of the best publishers ever and every game they make is both cool and good.

I see this game a lot like a bad movie. It’s inept and ugly and really rushed. It was not worth 1 dollar let alone the 200 they wanted for it at retail. However I also kind a love it. Like everything about this game is so ineptly done that it’s fucking hilarious. A friend and I make fun of this game all the time. It’s a chore to play any of the games on this cartridge for any amount of time. the controls, movement of the characters, the fact everything is so slow all works against it as a playable NES game. But as something to laugh at for being so bad it works wonders. It’s a gold mine for any saucy Angry Video Game Youtuber guy that was around in like 2006 to 2011. I think they all took this game apart. It’s kind of amazing in its own way. Never actually play it but do turn on one of the games and just piss yourself laughing. Also who can say no to a game that just awkwardly and randomly shoves It Takes Two by Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock into the title screen? I bet they didn’t get permission either lol.

This game is pretty decent. Which is a rarity coming from Ocean. I dislike Ocean more than most NES fans dislike say LJN or THQ. I would rather play several games made by LJN or THQ over the majority of Ocean games. I like one other Ocean game on the NES. Anyway this was based around the 1991 movie, which I loved. Maybe that’s why I have an affinity for this game. I don’t know. It’s one of those games where you have to find keys and clues and all kindsa shit to be able to explore other areas of the Addams Family house. The controls are pretty fucking wonky and annoying and the hit detection is pretty shit too but I still enjoy this one to a degree. I dunno.

Another five games down. I will do this so I can stick it in your craw JOUST. STICK ALL 800 GAMES IN YOUR CRAW. I don’t even know what a craw is but YOURS IS GONNA GET STUCK WITH 800 NES GAMES SOON ENOUGH BOY!

Good games: 5

Okay Games: 0

Bad Games: 5

Reviewing Every Single NES Game To Annoy JoustWilliams

 Well it’s time to get this thing back on the go. Well sorta. You see I decided to rank every NES game and well I should have realized that was an insane thing to try because it’s literally impossible to rank 800 games, or at least it is for me because I am very very lazy. Anyway, what is possible to do is to review every single NES game. I will be going by Mike Etler’s Rarity List because all other rarity lists are shit. I will be starting with 10 Yard Fight and I think ending with Zoda’s Revenge. I will talk about the licensed games and the unlicensed games. It will be a fun enjoyable time for the entire family. Except Grandma. I don’t think she likes me.

We start with a sports game. Let me tell you that the majority of sports games will get poor reviews. I am not a sporty guy. I like Sporty Spice but that’s as close as I will ever get to any sports. I do not get most sports video games. A few made them selves either simple enough for me to enjoy and be able to play or just be really fun. We will get to them. 10 Yard Fight is a black box sports game. You see I was born in 1985, I probably got my NES when I was like 3 or 4 in 1988 or 1989. By that time pretty much all of the black box sports games were outdated. Maybe they were shit your pants amazing in 1985, I will never know because if I somehow get a time machine I will not be using it to try this game out in 1985. I will be using it to do anything else. The graphics are okay enough for this time but what gets me is how the game controls. It annoys me and I am not a fan. I do not play this game very much and it will continue that way going forward because I can easily play Tecmo Super Bowl or something. Also getting that picture made me realize something, people still care about 5 screw vs 3 screws (which is the dumbest thing ever and helped ruin collecting video games for me thanks a lot pricks) It does not magically make the game better. You are stupid either way for paying 8 dollars for this game. This game was like a quarter for decades and should still only be a quarter. People should pay YOU 8 dollars to get it away from them.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret, the majority of the first Capcom games on the NES (the ones with a box like above) were created by a company called Micronics. Not much is known about them but it’s believed that it was just one man in his bedroom in Japan coding these games and honestly I believe it. The games he made are terrible. I will be talking about them all and giving them poor reviews for the most part. I believe he had a hand in just about every early Capcom game except for three (which I will mention when I get to them, hopefully) This game is a mess. The music is some of the worst you’ll ever hear coming out of any game console. The game is a slow and ugly shooter. There is no reason to play this in 2023. It aged horribly and was probably a pile of shit back then too. I will never forgive Micronics.

Talk about an upgrade. Holy shit is this game awesome as fuck. You get all kinds of different weapons and the planes move around a lot faster and more fluidly. The music is fucking amazing. This seriously beats the shit out of 1942 in every single way imaginable. You can even decide on how to play the game by what you upgrade first. That’s right! You can even upgrade your fucking cool ass ship. Blow the shit outta those kamikazi bastards! The bosses are big and beautiful and always fun to fight. You even get a cool supercharged weapon by holding down the fire button. If I got anything wrong I’m sure Damien will come to my house and scream at me until he passes out and I don’t want that to happen.

Oh joy. We get to our first unlicensed NES game. I think unlicensed NES games get a really bad wrap. With some collectors being wieners and not collecting them (yet probably buying two copies of the same game because it has extra screws in it like the stupid fucker they are) I will be championing many unlicensed games that are honestly better than most licensed games! This is not one of them. Caltron 6 in 1 (along with Myraid 6 in 1 because its the same game. They literally just slapped a new sticker on the old carts because they were that cheap) is probably one of the worst unlicensed games not made by Color Dreams (oh boy wait till we get to them) You get a really bad Balloon Fight/Joust clone that barely works. You get a really bad Space Harrier clone that’s incredibly slow and ugly. You get a bad shooter in that Aladdin game. You get a Boxxle game where I think one of the puzzles is literally impossible to do because the game was thrown together horse shit. Another game where you play as a mouse pushing a roller around that kind of reminds me of Pac-Man except not fun. Anyway these games were cheap and outdated and had no charm or fun factor to them. A game to avoid unless you like to waste money.

A simple, very simple game. You go around trying to do cool skateboard tricks and get gold in every competition. It gets harder and harder. All kinds of different competitions that end up repeating until the end of time. You just get a high score on this game. You’ll find out that I very much enjoy these just a get a High Score games a lot. They might be simple but they can end up getting pretty hard. There’s really not much else to say except if you enjoy skateboarding stuff you might get a kick out of 720. I don’t know how much this game goes for these days but it’s probably pretty cheap because I used to see this game all over the place. Anyway I think you’d still have a fun time with this game in 2023. That’s just me though.

So we have two pretty good games (720 and 1943) and three really terrible games. I’m going to keep tally on the good games, the okay games and the terrible games. Sounds like fun. Yeah!

Good Games: 2

Okay Games: 0

Bad Games: 3

The Comic Review #85: Darkhawk #6 (1991)

 

I ended my Darkhawk #5 review by saying “I hope I don’t end up waiting until June to review another issue” but I did. I waited for June of 2022 to past and the June of 2023 to past. That’s two fucking Junes! Anyway that was because I was trying to make my You Tube channel a thing. I wish I had the talent with editing and the patience to actually script stuff out but I just made terrible video after terrible video and I should have come back to this blog sooner because like it or not I’m a Internet 1.0 kinda guy. I was there when you had to make a geocities site. Anything more than a blog page is too much for me. Anyway It’s finally time to talk about the 6th issue of Darkhawk.

You can tell by this issue that Darkhawk teams up again with two other Marvel heroes, Captain America and Daredevil. Two characters that were more popular than Darkhawk (and still are) and were there to bring eyes on the new character. Three of the first six issues had characters joining Darkhawk on his adventures. Of course this was the 1990s when cross overs were insane. The Punisher is going to show up soon because again 1990s and The Punisher probably showed up in 6 different comics that month (and that’s not to mention his ongoing series…I think there were only at two at this point. The Punisher made money like there was no tomorrow!)

When we last left Darkhawk, he had defeated the new character of Portal, a guy wearing a Darkhawk mask! Mysterious! I don’t think we learn about the whole thing until later on! No I didn’t re-read Darkhawk #5 because I’m lazy! Anyway This issue starts up with Darkhawk beating the shit out of Philippe Bazin’s goons. Phil is a big time gangster guy, every superhero needs at least one big time gangster guy to fight no matter who they are. So Phil tried sent an assassin after Darkhawk’s alter ego Chris Powells mother. Probably something having to do with Chris’ dad taking money from his goons and then just disappearing! DRAMA! Anyway Darkhawk is pissed due to the assassination attempt. I mean I would be too, nobody hurts my momma! He gets to Philippe Bazin (this is a fun name to type) and it turns out he has his own family! Wow! His daughter is one hell of a saucy woman, trashing Darkhawk all while he’s still got her dad by the throat. Screaming shit like “IF HE WANTS TO KILL OUR FATHER HE’LL HAVE TO DO IT WHILE WE WATCH” This woman is fucking wild as shit. I think I love her. Darkhawk leaves him alive after realizing he is all his children have left (they mention how their mother is dead)

We then go back to family life for Chris Powell, he’s playing some b-ball with his younger brothers and has a fresh new haircut! He hears his mom arguing with cops. Cops that worked with his dad, she doesn’t want to get pushed out of the investigation. Chris Powell does the ol’ I must retire as Darkhawk but… thing like most Superheroes do at least once. The but turns out to be finding out about Portal’s Darkhawk costume. He’s being held in a hospital waiting for Avengers Clearance (from Captain America, of course!) to go to the Vault. A fancy prison for Super villains. We also get a cameo from the Guardsmen! I love those outfits! Anyway you know that’s not a good thing because it means someones there to break him out! Turns out it’s the U-Foes, guys (and one lady) who fight the Hulk and Avengers and just about anyone in the Marvel Universe. They tried to recreate The Fantastic Four’s trip to space and also got cosmic rays poured all over them. They are now evil because I don’t know. I haven’t read The Incredible Hulk #254 in like 8 years now. Probably more. Leave me alone.

We then see Darkhawk and Captain America fighting the U-Foes (Vapor, Ironclad, Vector and X-Ray) and then Matt Murdock “sees” using his radar sense that one of the U-Foes have been thrown out of a wall. So it’s time for Daredevil to join the fray! They have one hell of a fight, you get to see all of the U-Foes and the heroes use their powers and even have the U-Foes take a baby and their mother hostage because they are really big dickheads. Of course they get their asses kicked because there’s three badasses there and the U-Foes are characters only I remember and care about. I would totally use the U-Foes if I got to write for Marvel Comics. Anyway they are saved when Portal (who they needed to find something for them) shows up and distracts them so the heroes can beat ass.

Daredevil and Captain America actually give Darkhawk a hard time for getting to exicted earlier when he saw the mother and her baby and going in without a plan of attack. Give the poor boy a break I say, he’s only been a super hero for 6 issues now! You guys got decades of hero work behind you! He still saved the woman and her child anyway! It doesn’t matter because Darkhawk is not there because he went off to chase Portal, who tells him that he got the costume from a guy trying to kill him but he killed him. Portal eventually opens up a Portal and escapes before Daredevil and Captain America show up. He asks how they can risk their lives when they have people that need them there alive, and Daredevil says you do it for those people and because it’s right! Darkhawk then goes “That’s easy for perfect heroes to say!” and Cap goes “Not Perfect, not by a long shot”

We then go to Darkhawk as Chris Powell and he’s gotten a note that says BEWARE THE CURSE OF THE DARKHAWK! What does this mean? Who is sending the note? What curse? Not only that there’s two final pages that show Phillipe Bazin going “Now that Project Lodestone is Complete the Darkhawk power will be mine! and the owner of the power will be DEAD” Who or what is Project Lodestone! Well we are going to have to find that out in issue #7!

FINAL VERDICT: I still like Darkhawk. He’s this cool robotic looking guy when he uses his power! I like him as Chris too, he’s a fun likable guy. I like Philippe Bazin (and man I want to see more of his crazy ass daughter Alegra). I enjoyed this comic. Was it the most amazing comic ever published? No. but it’s still a decent fun ride. The character is unique and charming and I am still with his adventures. We will get too issue #7 before June 2024 I promise!

The Final Episode #118: Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers (1989 – 1990)

 

This is a shout out to my Facebook group who somehow still voted in the poll even though I barely use it any more! Thanks! Them posting made members of my discord angry because they felt their votes were being unheard! I’m sorry but everyone gets a vote! This is a democracy! You know we will end up talking about Bonkers soon enough because we have to talk about every single show that appeared on the Disney Afternoon (along with like every single show that appeared on television in the past at the rate I’m going. I’m really amazed I’ve done 118 of these things. I guess they just amuse me and I’ll do it until it doesn’t amuse me any more)

This show actually predates the Disney Afternoon! It ran from March 4th, 1989 to November 19th, 1990. The Disney Afternoon didn’t start until September of that year, with TaleSpin being the big new show to join Adventures of the Gummi Bears, Duck Tales and Chip N Dale. It was originally gonna be a show involving the Rescuers but that guy who ran Disney and made all those shitty Disney sequels decided it should be Chip N Dale in the end. I’m glad he made that decision even though I do not care enough to look up his name. I am a very lazy man. Oh wait I think it was Michael Eisner? I wonder if he has any relation to comic book artist Will Eisner? I don’t know because again I am very very lazy. Anyway Michael Eisner may have made a lot of decisions people don’t like but he did good work with the Disney Afternoon (and I suppose One Saturday Morning too)

Anyway, I’m really surprised it took me this long to do this one (to be fair I was planning on it during the run up to 100 but Christmas came and I wanted to do Christmas themed stuff even though I do not think I’ll be able to find any more Christmas episodes for this series of blog posts. Oh well.) because Chip N Dale might just be one of the first things I was ever into. I was given a VHS tape of Chip N Dale (which I will find again mark my words) by my uncle when I was born thirty eight years ago. I am that old because I can remember things like VHS tapes and rental stores and I don’t shut up about the past because the future is frightening. Anyway that tape had three Chip N Dale cartoons, one involving some chickens that I always skipped, one called the Lone Chipmunks (which is hilarious) and one of the greatest pieces of animation ever made Chips Ahoy where they steal Donald Duck’s little toy boat and hilarity ensues. I do not care if I live to be 183 years old in a weird cyborg body I will always laugh at this one scene. It will never ever get old. I am not mentioning it because Portnoyd will try to make it feel old because he’s a jerk.

Anyway, let’s do a little bit of history on Chip N Dale, because It’s something I feel I ended up missing from the other posts about Disney cartoons. All of those other characters had anywhere from 20 to 40 years of history before any of these shows came out. Chip N Dale started out in a 1943 cartoon called Private Pluto. They were created by an animator called Bill Justice who has one cool fucking name. For the first two cartoons they were a foil for Pluto and then Mickey and Pluto. Then they realized they would be perfect foils for another Disney character, Mr. Donald Duck. With the majority of their appearances being with him. Then in 1956 Disney stopped doing as many shorts and by the mid 1960s were not doing any at all. So Chip N Dale just appeared here and there until Michael Eisner gave them their own show. The show concept and everything else involved with it was created by Tad Stones (Darwking Duck baby!) and Alan Zaslove. I am talking about Alan Zaslove because he has a great name and because he was in the animation business from 1943 to 2002. 59 fucking years! the man was like 15 or 16 in 1943 and left it a tired grizzled old man of 75 in 2002. He worked with UPA (Mr. Magoo), Popeye, Fractured Fairy Tales and George of the Jungle (Jay Ward. I need to do those shows soon), Scooby Doo and Go-Bots (Hanna Barbera) and then Disney stuff. Those are only some of the things he worked on because he worked for 59 fucking years on this stuff! Sadly he passed away in 2019 at the age of 91.

Also I don’t know who decided to make Chip N Dale look like Indiana Jones and Magnum P.I. but I love it. I will give that person a hug and a kiss. A big wet slobbery kiss. One you will never forget no matter how hard you’d like too! Anyway, the show involved Chip N Dale, along side Gadget, Monterery Jack and Zipper. They would solve crimes that ususally involved other animals and the bad guys were usually either Norton Nimnul or Fat Cat. Not always though. I don’t know where to mention this but I will have to finally mention the NES games because I forgot to with Duck Tales and Darkwing Duck. The NES games are fucking great regardless of what discord hooligans may say. This goes for all of the Capcom Disney games, made on the NES or the SNES. I really should start reviewing every NES game because why not?

Anyway, let’s get to the Final Episode entitled “They Shoot Dogs, Don’t They” after the 1935 novel entitled “They Shoot Horses, Don’t They” that has the plot of people trying to win money in a gruelling Depressing era dance marathon (was also made into a movie in 1969). I’ve already seen a horror movie called the Dead Don’t Die that had dance marathons in it and while I liked that movie I think that’s enough dance marathons for one life time. This episode was directed by John Kimball & Bob Zamboni who seemed to be involved with just about every episode of this show. Only needing help from a few other people. The episode was written by Bruce Reid Schaefer, Ken Koonce & David Weimers. Between the three of them they have written for Hercules, X-Men the Animated Series, The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, Goof Troop, Darkwing Duck, Peter Pan and the Pirates, Mummies Alive, Casper, Harry and the Hendersons, Aladdin, Dumb and Dumber, Muppet Babies, Galaxy High School, Alvin and the Chipmunks, 101 Dalmatians The Animated Series, Smurfs and many many more.

The Final Episode involves a dog character named Canina Le Fur (I thought her name was based on an actress because shes a dog actress but I was just thinking of Sasha La Fur from All Dogs Go to Heaven. Anyway she’s voiced by musical theatre legend Carol Channing. I have never seen any of the musical theatre she did because it’s decades old and I am also not fancy enough to be seen in a theatre for musicals. I will be shot on sight. I am not fancy enough for the Grand Ol’ Opry for crying out loud! Anyway she sends a message to the Rescue Rangers to help her because she felt someone is trying to kill her. It’s kinda jarring to hear kill in a cartoon because of the all the WIMPS and WIENERS who can’t handle it these days. Anyway they get there where she’s filming the dog food commercial, the great nation of taxdermia where every animal is able to be hunted, mostly just for one hour. It seems to be for the benefit of one hunter but we will come back to him.

Anyway after she is almost crushed by a giant can of dog food, she introduces the Rescue Rangers to Zsa Zsa Labrador (you know joke on the name of Zsa Zsa Gabor, who I know was more popular but I’ve seen more things her sister Eva Gabor did. What the hell was up with there accent anyway?) whom she thinks is trying to kill her. She tells the Rescue Rangers while in her house about two other attempts on her life. Zsa Zsa Labrador then ties her dog house to a truck and it gets pulled around and ends up off a cliff! You’d think the rest of the episode would be about the entire team getting back to the movie studio but nope, they are already back right after the commercial break, probably showing some cool Ninja Turtles toys that I would pester my parents for. Anyway they realize the studio is empty and rush to find the plane. They get on the plane but while the two bitches fight (lol I am so funny) Monty gets into the action which just causes him and Canina to get knocked off the plane.

They end up finding the boat the Rescue Rangers came in on made by Gadget (a cartoon mouse who has a cult in Russia, No I am not joking, LOOK IT UP!) they end up getting on the Right Side of the Amazing River (or some joke about the River sounding like the Amazon River) and that no ones survived that river! I mean they fall off the Water Fall (after being chased by the goofy looking hunter who clearly has more guns than most Americans…okay some Americans) Monty fixes the boat and they make it to safety after finally stopping the Hunter by making him think he actually killed Canina La Fur and when he brings her on board she bites his ass.

The other Rescue Rangers try to get the hat Canina wears that Zsa Zsa Labrador stole but they end up getting captured and she gets to go to the big award show just to find out that Canina is there and she’s PISSED. She wrecks the shit out of Zsa Zsa Labrador and that’s it. She fogets Montys actual name one last time and Monty complains about that. That is how Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers ended.

FINAL VERDICT: Talk about being all over the place. I do not believe they had a real idea but Carol Channing was down for two episodes with her character and they had to come up with something fast. Kinda all over the place really. I’m not going to say it’s bad, I still had a good time with this episode. Monty and Canina arguing with each other was very fun. It’s just that I don’t even remember this episode and in like 2003 I’d sit down and watch like two hours of old 80s and 90s shows . Alf, Boy Meets World, Sailor Moon and this show. I still remember several episodes that I know would have been more fun than this one. The fact that Chip, Dale, Gadget and Zipper don’t get a lot to do makes for a sad finale. Also I don’t know where to put this but the people who performed the Theme Songs to this show (and every other Disney Afternoon show) are musical gods that I like more than the Beatles and I’m not joking. 

The Final Episode #117: Hang Time (1995 – 2000)

 

It’s been quite a bit of time since I went hog wild on a random television show from the 1950s to the 1990s Final Episode and I feel like getting back to that. I have a list of shows that are related to other shows that I’ve done in the past and I feel like I gotta do these too. Several of these shows do not sound like exciting watches and several of them I have nothing to talk about when it comes to nostalgia so you know what that means. I’m going to pull some garbage straight from my ass hole like some kind of disgusting magician.

I figure I feel like talking about the Rise and Fall of Saturday Morning Cartoons or Saturday Morning Kids Programming. If you are my age or even say 30 years older you’d probably have some fond ass memories of Saturday Morning. It was when they put on all the cartoons. It started more or less sometime in the 1950s. You know Howdy Doody and all that shit. I think Howdy Doody was a real show and was syndicated but it was around the same time so shut up. I’m just blathering before getting to the real point. Anyway those shows would just more or less show old Disney, Looney Tunes, Terrytoons, and probably that fucker Casper. It was like this until Hanna Barbera got into making TV shows and then most of that stuff was by them. And Filmation. It was literally those two for like the 1960s and 1970s until Ruby Spears made their own animation studio.

Still in 1979 the first sign of a crack in the foundation was formed. It was called Nickelodeon. Not something they really had to worry about in 1979. Not until 1991 they really had to worry. Then in 1983 another crack formed in the shape of Mickey Mouse due to the Disney Channel coming out then. They also didn’t have to really worry until it became a Cable channel you didn’t have to go out and get a satellite for. Then in 1992 several cracks formed. Cartoon Network came out and then NBC stopped showing Cartoons and Kids stuff realizing that they could make money from Teenagers by ripping off Saved by the Bell and yes I’m calling these shows a ripoff even if they were created by the same guy. They are the same damn show. I didn’t get into Saved by the Bell until like TBS would start rerunning it forever in like 1996? 1997? 1998? some time when I was close to being a teenager. I was way too into Ninja Turtles and Ghostbusters in 1989 because I was four.

Anyway NBC would show a three hour block of Saved by the Bell and Saved by the Bell ripoffs. Not something I really found all that interesting until I was like again probably eleven. I also never did watch any of the ripoffs in syndication because I don’t think TBS or any other channel showed them. Actually I think they were still on TV at the time and I was clearly more interested in One Saturday Morning in 1997. Another problem that came around the middle of the decade was that a decent amount of the programming had to be educational and informative. Sorry but the large majority of edutainment programming was always forced. Sure The Magic School Bus and Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego were really fun but the majority was like those PSAs at the end of a cartoon that meant it was time to get up and some more Oreos or something.

CBS I believe ended their Saturday Morning stuff sometime in the mid 1990s. Sometime when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles finally left the airwaves for the first time. (Also I just remembered another show that I feel like I have to do but don’t really want too and will put on the list and yes it’s connected to TMNT) also if I had any talent for video making I would probably be like those YouTubers who make 85 hour videos on things like this. Anyway it was just ABC and having been just been bought by Disney they did get a shot in the arm. Recess, Pepper Ann, Brand Spanking New Doug and other stuff made it a fun thing that I just had to watch at the time. It would change names and stuff but they would pump out new content until like 2006. It just ended in 2011 or 2012. Which is way recent.

Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network and The Disney Channel helped kill Saturday Morning Cartoons but they are now being killed slowly by streaming services. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if streaming literally completely pops because there are so fucking many services and we all go back to cable and renting movies. That would legit be fun but probably not. We do not get to enjoy fun in 2023. Anyway back in 1992 NBC created TNBC and finally we are getting to the fucking point because in 1995 they put Hang Time on the boob tube. In 2023 I watched it so I can discuss it with portnoyd who probably never watched it.

As you know with television programs I did not watch as a child or even in the insuring years of my life I will talk about two episodes for this blog post. The one thing I will say about this show is that it’s kinda weird to see a show literally have three Final Episodes one after another. Like the last three episodes of this show could have easily been the end episode of them. One of them was even a fucking clip show and no if I do not have to I will not discuss another fucking clip show. The clip show wasn’t even the last episode either! Still I am skipping it because I do not want to talk about it.

I think when it comes to tv shows based around high school Saved by the Bell is the only one I can think of that I enjoyed. Well, I also liked Student Bodies which was just Canadian Saved By The Bell but still stories about Proms do not interest me. Unless it has like some kind of crazy horror movie connection. I’ll watch Prom Night but if I have to watch another story where some girl goes BUT PROM IS SO IMPORTANT I’ll eat my hat. And that means I’ll have to buy a damn hat to eat! Saved by the Bell had like 82 proms but every one of these shows seemed to save Prom for the end of the show. Yet Saved by the Bell is still more creative and fun.

Anyway I think we already have a new contender for the bottom list because holy shit this show stinks out loud. The characters are all unmemorable, the plots are all unmemorable. Dick Butkis the fucking football star was literally the best actor in the fucking show! That’s not good AT ALL. Oh, and whoever taped this off TV originally did aterrible job. One of the set ups for a joke is missing (Literally one character ends up talking about how hes dating a supermodel but they never show him making a date or anything! The joke ends up being the supermodel was a model in 1949! The lady who he ends up going to prom with was literally Betsy Palmer more famous as Jason Voorhees’ mom from the Friday the 13th movies. She’s also totally the best part of it. Oh and another plot point never gets fixed. I don’t know if its because the person didn’t record it or what.

Anyway we start with the three girl characters who apparently do a lot of vaulting because that’s a gym activity women can do?!? The guys do basketball and I guess the girls vault. I do not know for sure and you should be able to tell that after I finish this show I will not be returning. I knew there was a reason I never watched these shows in the first fucking place. Curiosity gets the better of you in the end. They do the normal shit like argue about what they will do at prom but here’s another problem. These kids can’t act worth a fuck. I’m not Dustin Diamond was a master thespian up there with Laurence Olivier or something but you know what he could out act every single one of the people who regularly appeared on this show and yes that includes Dick Butkis. He actually got laughs at least.

So here comes the plot point that may not even have an ending. You see one of the girls I’m gonna call her Tiffany because I don’t care enough to look up her real name and her mom sent her shitty clothes to the thrift store!!!! It had all the prom money in there!!!! The girls then go to the thrift store and find the shirt but no money! The next scene literally has them at the prom. I’m going to just pretend this is how it aired and not because the person taping it off the TV was probably 14 at the time because it’s really funny. Oh and I forgot to mention that the stuck up girl ended up having to date a nerd due to hi-jinx! also more hi-jinx made the black guy have to end up dating a girl nerd!!! and Yes the two nerds get together because no one was really trying to break the mold here with this show. This was season six of a show that clearly ran out of whatever ideas they had in season one.

There’s also a tornado and the prom is ruined! Only the girls save the day by singing Gloria Gaynor’s song I Will Survive! Woo! Prom Saved!!!!!!!!!!! I know I’m 38 watching this goofy shit for teenagers but trust me even at the time I would have been like “I’m going to watch a Saved by the Bell rerun instead”. Trust me this show would not have won me over at any time in my life. Everyone dances and they say they were happy to enjoy this day because they got to enjoy each others company. This could have been the final episode and I could have gone off to do something else but nope.

The Final Episode of this show was called “Graduation on Three” and appeared on our Television screens for the first time on December 16, 2000. Nearly one year after the Y2K bug had destroyed all computers! Yes I made a Y2K bug joke. I’m not bringing my A game to this material, sorry. What little A game material I have is not being wasted by this show. Anyway the characters are graduating and OH NO one of them is worried they will never see the others again. The boys also try to prank the coach. If you are using a well worn plot like that you either need good comedic acting or a nice twist on it. This show does not have the good comedic acting and I doubt it will have a twist.

I’ll be nice and say the Coach being in on the pranks no matter how hard they try might have been a twist in 2000. It probably wasn’t but I don’t like being that mean to a tv show. Anyway they keep trying to prank him and failing! Oh and two of the boring non discript boys are leaving to go to Arizona! how will this make Tiffany feel! She’s sad and thinks she wont see her high school friends ever again which in most cases you don’t! This was just like the California Dreams ending except that did go into the Future to show us stuff!

Tiffany is sad and runs off to the bathroom and the other two girls go to cheer her up and let on that they are worried about CHANGES in life!!! Life is one big fucking change after another so get used to it twinkle toes! They will be away from their friends and boyfriends! SUCH SERIOUS DRAMA! They then graduate and have a final goodbye with the coach who they finally bpranked! It wasn’t the boys tho! The shitty mean rich girl did it!!! She was also the team manager apparently! I love all of this Hang Time lore!!!!!!

FINAL THOUGHTS: This show was not good at all. I wasn’t all that amazed by California Dreams but it was better than this. Where will City Guys rank? Who the hell knows but we will find out soon enough. Wonderful.

Let’s Discuss Every Adult Swim Show Oh God Why Didn’t I Realize They Put Out So Much Part Nineteen million and Two: More Pick Ups Because Why Not Make This Even Longer?

 In an attempt to make this go on as long as humanly possible I decided to talk about the pick up shows Adult Swim picked up. Not only because of that but because I wanted to talk about them. I figured why not. I just now have like 78 or 79 shows to now talk about. I did not know adult swim had that many. I will likely be talking about these on the afterlife internet twenty years after my spirit has left my body. Anyway, today is interesting because it’s going to be about the four most popular pick ups they ever had. Two of those shows clearly got brought back in different ways because of their newfound popularity on adult swim. I’m pretty sure you have to know about these shows so I will be discussing how I felt about them when they originally aired (because being a cool guy I watched all of these shows even when Family Guy and King of the Hill got moved to Tuesday because Fox is and was ran by morons. Anyway let’s get on with this shit show!

This is a show you either love and find hilarious or you want to find Seth McFarlande or however you spell his stupid name and kick him right in his dick or something. There’s not much in between you either find this show hilarious or incredibly annoying. Personally I found it hilarious when they had it on Fox for three seasons and I thought it was still pretty funny when they brought it back for a few more seasons. I believe the first episode of Season 8 (which was that murder mystery episode where that news reporter lady was the murderer) was the last one I watched. I mean I really liked that episode but I just stopped watching for like seasons. Some times I’d see an episode and be like “wow that’s not very good” and some where I was like “wow they at least tried something new there?”. There were funny moments but they clearly had run out of gas and they really like abusing fourth wall breaking/meta comedy like there’s no tomorrow and you know how I feel like that stuff should be using sparingly and subtly. You can say Family Guy is a lot of things but it is not subtle at all, probably once or twice and those two times were an accident.

I have now watched two episodes from Season Twenty of Family Guy. I do not know if they are the newest but they are new enough for me to talk about. I watched one where they parodied the life stories of Music people, you know like the Doors or Elton John. I thought it was pretty good. I also watched an episode where they made fun of HBO shows like Game of Thrones and Succession and since I do not watch fancy television for grown ups I had no idea what any thing was. Anyway I enjoyed the first episode I watched enough to actually check out more of Newer Family Guy.

I have to amend something from earlier in this article. This is how ramshackle this joint is. It wasn’t King of the Hill and Family Guy that they put on Tuesdays it was King of the Hill and Futurama. Or maybe it was all three. I know there was a time when they put them on Tuesday but the Simpsons (which let’s be fair was something they should have let die around that time anyway) Anyway I remember hearing about Futurama and being like WOW THE SIMPSONS MAN HAS A NEW SHOW and watching it and being pretty entertained. It was something I kept watching even when it was interrupted by Football (the worst sport) and shoved on to different days. I even bought the DVD sets. I’m pretty sure I watched most of season four because of those sets. Fox treated this like a red headed step child because I believe it didn’t hit those Simpsons numbers so quickly. The Simpsons is something most people can enjoy and even relate to. Sci Fi is something a lot of people may just not care about but that didn’t matter to the dunderheads at Fox. However the nice respectful people at adult swim helped this show find its footing which lead too four movies, one of which I probably would watch again. Not to say they were the worst thing ever it’s just I don’t think they were that amazing or worth my rapidly decreasing time on this planet rewatching. I did like Bender’s Big Score (the first movie) enough that I would watch it again.

Now comes the Comedy Central years, I watched I think the first two or three episodes. I do remember liking the first episode but I do know that like just about everyone else the Susan Boyle (remember her? Of course you don’t I barely remember her and my brain is literally stationed in the fucking past) but she’s a boil on Leela? It may have had that classic SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY bit but that’s still the worst episode of this show that I’ve seen. Remember grabbing some flash in the pan reality tv show person and putting her in your TV show that will probably be re-watched in the future because they are not that memorable and will probably confuse the people watching it at the time. I also remember seeing the third episode and going “Man that a whole lot of meh” . I stopped watching but did end up seeing two episodes I really liked later on. I do want to see the entire Comedy Central run but I do hear it’s very hit or miss.

And now since they are rebooting everything, Matt Groening got sad and missed Futurama and 10 years later we have a new season on Hulu. Also Disney might have problems with RONNIE DESANTIS now but I think they should thank God or something that they had Donald Trump in office when they literally bought Fox. I get the feeling that if a Democrat was in office they would not own Fox and thus many many new things to reboot and probably tarnish the reputation of. Also if you hate Disney because some anti-woke YouTubers told you to then you have to blame a guy you probably love for giving them even more things to be able to reboot. Thankfully the Futurama episode I just watched was pretty funny and a worthwhile piece of entertainment. It makes me want to watch all of the Comedy Central years and the new 10 episode season. So I’m gonna say they still have the magic. And the new writer people are pretty good too.

When Fox came crawling back to Mr Seth Farlande to put Family Guy on their channel again (after literally failing with 900 different shows. It was kind of amazing how many they put out and had fail in that short amount of time. Maybe one day I will review them when I am a half cyborg computer in the year 3987. That would be really cool actually.) They sweetened the deal and let him do another cartoon and that cartoon would be American Dad. He was all gung ho about making a cartoon making fun of conservatives. I’m not saying there’s not a ton of material there and not saying I haven’t mocked them either but it was not very good. I can’t tell a lie but for the first two seasons when it was politically heavy it was just not very good. I remember watching them and being disappointed (I had nothing else to do and just watched them with my parents) but around season three something happened. They stopped doing a lot of the political stuff and just got weird with the show and it became a favorite of mine. I do not think this show would have lasted if they kept doing the political stuff. However the stuff that just went gonzo was so much fun and I would watch (admittedly off and on for a while) this show and very much enjoy it. It did move to TBS which was a really weird move. I mean I watched tons of TBS as a kid but I don’t think it even comes up in our cable box anymore. It was changed to Peachtree TV and then just vanished. I have now watched a new episode of this show and uhhhhh It’s not a great one that’s for sure. Some plastic surgeon steals Stan’s face because he hates him for getting a house and a family. Roger goes into a sinkhole to get an apple back. Not the prime gold material this show can do thats for sure. Still I’m not calling the entire of season twenty (despite the fact it came out in 2005 how the hell does that work?) bad or something, just that I certainly did not pick the best episode to view. That’s for sure.

This is a do over for me. I’ll get to that in a second. I always waffle back and forth if I should even do a Final Episode on King of the Hill. Yes, it started in 1997 and I will probably make exceptions for shows that ended in like 2005 if it started in 1999 or before, but King of the Hill was on for thirteen years. Something that legit amazes me. The Final Episode is for stuff from the 1950s to the 1990s. 2010 just feels way too modern for me to do an post on. I guess I will just have to ask the discord and also portnoyd if its okay.

Now for a boring pointless paragraph where I talk about something I did in the past. In 2003, at the tender age of eight teen, instead of trying to talk to girls (or anyone really) I decided that I needed to open up a website with someone (who now hates me!) and it was dedicated to discussing old pop culture. Kinda like I do now except way worse. You see I had become a fan of the site Whatever-Dude that did the same thing. Review movies and tv shows from the 1980s and 1990s. You see I loved the guy who wrote under the name B (who now I hear is a bit of a jerk and stuff. I guess The Dark Knight was right, you really do die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain) and all I did was just treat the stuff negatively just like he did. It worked for him because I guess that’s the person he is but it does not work for me and finding the few remaining posts from that site (and the second attempt) still around on the internet is one of the few things to make me cringe.

You should know that I love this stuff. Okay that’s not the case for many of these things now but it was for sure back then. I made angry posts about the Care Bears and Sailor Moon and Goosebumps and King of the Hill. I clearly love these things. King of the Hill was never the most hilarious show when I was younger (it clearly works better as an adult) but it was carefree and entertaining and just plain really likeable. I wouldn’t have watched something for at least six or seven seasons if I didn’t get something out of it. I can force myself through a movie but I don’t rush to get to a TV show I didn’t at least somewhat enjoy. I do enjoy it more now as an adult and want to rewatch it (I really need to pick a show and watch it through to the end because man I have a lot of them)

This is just a big rambling post where I could have put all the information in one or two sentences but didn’t. I was angry at the time that the site was deleted and hacked but now I must thank that person if he ever somehow pops up in these comments again. KRAP (the website) was terrible. I apologize to Michael Judgement (aka Mike Judge) and everyone who created those things I angrily yelled at because it was 2003 internet and everyone had to act that way. I just wish I knew what I talked about at that time so I could talk about it again in a more fair and honest manner that works for the person I am now. I love this stuff I might get angry and obscene at some of it but I wouldn’t talk about any of it if I didn’t get enjoyment out of the majority of it. I might poke fun at things but out of love instead of out of anger.

With that pointless crap out of the way let’s discuss the show King of the Hill. King of the Hill is the life story of Hank Hill, his family, his friends, his neighbours, his abusive dad, all of them. It’s very amusing and funny and laid back and very low key. It’s also at times pretty darn weird. However no matter how weird it did get it was still done in a laid back and low key way which makes it a very different show from not only every show on this list but also Mike Judge’s other show Beavis and Butthead. I like that everything he touches does feel somewhat different to each other but you could easily see that they are done by the same guy. That’s hard to do!

The episode I watched involved Dale and Joseph. Dale was clearly the best character on the show (RIP Johnny Hardwick!) and the episode was fine. He end s up in the nut house because of course he does. This was already done in another episode where Bill AND Dale ended up in a mental institution and was much funnier than this one. When you are more or less re-using plots ideas it’s probably time to give up. Anyway the episode was decent enough but not a classic. Of course since we live in a time when Hollywood really does not want to do a single thing that could be considered creative we are getting a reboot of King of the Hill. What I’ve seen of the Beavis and Butthead reboot is pretty good but I just don’t think we need another reboot. We also do not need some of the ideas they are bouncing around for King of the Hill. Apparently Bill might end up with dementia because you know that’s a really good goldmine for comedy. The saddest thing I think that can happen to you happens to Bill. Maybe I’m not in love with that idea because it’s already happened to three people in my life that I cared about. Just a depressing concept that you don’t need to pile onto Bill. Poor bastards life got too depressing at time in the original series. The fact Johnny Hardwick was perfect as Dale and is going to be hard to replace. It all just makes me not care about the writers and actors s trike and I do think everyone should get a good honest pay it’s just I can’t get excited for Marvel/DC/and Now Anime movie #403204 or reboot #13,000. Like even after enjoying the Futurama reboot I STILL think we have too many reboots.

There. I went over the four most popular pick ups for adult swim. I think we have two more pick ups I want to talk about right now for the next time but what will be the other two!!!!! WHO KNOWS MAYBE EVEN SOME MORE ANIME!!! I just know I have at least 74 or 75 more shows to fucking talk about!!!!