Well it’s time to get this thing back on the go. Well sorta. You see I decided to rank every NES game and well I should have realized that was an insane thing to try because it’s literally impossible to rank 800 games, or at least it is for me because I am very very lazy. Anyway, what is possible to do is to review every single NES game. I will be going by Mike Etler’s Rarity List because all other rarity lists are shit. I will be starting with 10 Yard Fight and I think ending with Zoda’s Revenge. I will talk about the licensed games and the unlicensed games. It will be a fun enjoyable time for the entire family. Except Grandma. I don’t think she likes me.
We start with a sports game. Let me tell you that the majority of sports games will get poor reviews. I am not a sporty guy. I like Sporty Spice but that’s as close as I will ever get to any sports. I do not get most sports video games. A few made them selves either simple enough for me to enjoy and be able to play or just be really fun. We will get to them. 10 Yard Fight is a black box sports game. You see I was born in 1985, I probably got my NES when I was like 3 or 4 in 1988 or 1989. By that time pretty much all of the black box sports games were outdated. Maybe they were shit your pants amazing in 1985, I will never know because if I somehow get a time machine I will not be using it to try this game out in 1985. I will be using it to do anything else. The graphics are okay enough for this time but what gets me is how the game controls. It annoys me and I am not a fan. I do not play this game very much and it will continue that way going forward because I can easily play Tecmo Super Bowl or something. Also getting that picture made me realize something, people still care about 5 screw vs 3 screws (which is the dumbest thing ever and helped ruin collecting video games for me thanks a lot pricks) It does not magically make the game better. You are stupid either way for paying 8 dollars for this game. This game was like a quarter for decades and should still only be a quarter. People should pay YOU 8 dollars to get it away from them.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret, the majority of the first Capcom games on the NES (the ones with a box like above) were created by a company called Micronics. Not much is known about them but it’s believed that it was just one man in his bedroom in Japan coding these games and honestly I believe it. The games he made are terrible. I will be talking about them all and giving them poor reviews for the most part. I believe he had a hand in just about every early Capcom game except for three (which I will mention when I get to them, hopefully) This game is a mess. The music is some of the worst you’ll ever hear coming out of any game console. The game is a slow and ugly shooter. There is no reason to play this in 2023. It aged horribly and was probably a pile of shit back then too. I will never forgive Micronics.
Talk about an upgrade. Holy shit is this game awesome as fuck. You get all kinds of different weapons and the planes move around a lot faster and more fluidly. The music is fucking amazing. This seriously beats the shit out of 1942 in every single way imaginable. You can even decide on how to play the game by what you upgrade first. That’s right! You can even upgrade your fucking cool ass ship. Blow the shit outta those kamikazi bastards! The bosses are big and beautiful and always fun to fight. You even get a cool supercharged weapon by holding down the fire button. If I got anything wrong I’m sure Damien will come to my house and scream at me until he passes out and I don’t want that to happen.
Oh joy. We get to our first unlicensed NES game. I think unlicensed NES games get a really bad wrap. With some collectors being wieners and not collecting them (yet probably buying two copies of the same game because it has extra screws in it like the stupid fucker they are) I will be championing many unlicensed games that are honestly better than most licensed games! This is not one of them. Caltron 6 in 1 (along with Myraid 6 in 1 because its the same game. They literally just slapped a new sticker on the old carts because they were that cheap) is probably one of the worst unlicensed games not made by Color Dreams (oh boy wait till we get to them) You get a really bad Balloon Fight/Joust clone that barely works. You get a really bad Space Harrier clone that’s incredibly slow and ugly. You get a bad shooter in that Aladdin game. You get a Boxxle game where I think one of the puzzles is literally impossible to do because the game was thrown together horse shit. Another game where you play as a mouse pushing a roller around that kind of reminds me of Pac-Man except not fun. Anyway these games were cheap and outdated and had no charm or fun factor to them. A game to avoid unless you like to waste money.
A simple, very simple game. You go around trying to do cool skateboard tricks and get gold in every competition. It gets harder and harder. All kinds of different competitions that end up repeating until the end of time. You just get a high score on this game. You’ll find out that I very much enjoy these just a get a High Score games a lot. They might be simple but they can end up getting pretty hard. There’s really not much else to say except if you enjoy skateboarding stuff you might get a kick out of 720. I don’t know how much this game goes for these days but it’s probably pretty cheap because I used to see this game all over the place. Anyway I think you’d still have a fun time with this game in 2023. That’s just me though.
So we have two pretty good games (720 and 1943) and three really terrible games. I’m going to keep tally on the good games, the okay games and the terrible games. Sounds like fun. Yeah!
Good Games: 2
Okay Games: 0
Bad Games: 3
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