ClawX Vs. Live Action Disney Remakes Part III

 

Alrighty, so you know the deal. I talk about four Live Action Disney remakes and then portnoyd comments and we discuss it together in the comments for whatever reason. Then I do it again (although the next part will be the last part for a very long time thankfully). So yeah. Let's get this shit show over with and get on to discussing other things.

 I am sure I watched it a decent amount and I'm sure we owned it on VHS but I do not really remember the Lion King very well. I remember the spinoff tv series Timon and Pumbaa Fuck Around and Do Shit more than I remember the actual movie. It makes sense as they were my favorite part. They were always very amusing. So was this movie any good? No. It was horse shit. Just completely worthless like just about all of these movies are. The same reasons as before, the length of the movie completely throwing off the flow of the story, the voice actors being better in the original, the CGI Lions having no real personality to them and everything. Seriously I am pretty sure by the time I get to the last movie the review will just be movie bad. I will give this movie one thing, it showed me that even at like 87 or 88 years old James Earl Jones literally could still out voice everyone else in a movie. That was pretty impressive and I respect the hell outta that guy. He was the only thing in this movie that I liked. I don't remember if they wrote any new shitty songs for this movie or just ruined the original songs. Oh and Timon and Pumbaa were much better in the original. I even like Seth Rogan and he was not good as Pumbaa. Sorry, Seth! I know you read this blog every day on set! 

 

 I have said before that I do not really like the Jungle Book. I mean the original animated movie. Sure the animation is great and the songs are pretty good but the movie is as close to having no plot as a movie can. You get to see Shere Khan the villain of the piece for the first five minutes and like the last ten. the other fifty or sixty minutes were just Baloo and Mowgili fucking around and dancing with King Louie. This movie pretty much is a better film than the animated one. Yeah, did not expect to hear that but here we are! This movie has some really great voice acting. Ben Kingsley and Idris Elba as the Bagheera and Shere Khan really work well (to be fair the voice acting was also pretty good in the original movie too) but Bill Murray as Baloo is one of the bad parts of this movie. He just feels bored to be there. He is a very talented man but man when he does not care about the material and wants the paycheck he will give a blah performance when you know he can do so much better. Plus I just don't think his voice works for Baloo. PHIL HARRIS 4 LYFE BOYS! The other problem is that the kid who played Mowgili did a better job. It's a shame that he didn't becuase this could have been REALLY good instead of just good. Still you get to hear CHRISTOPHER WALKEN sing I WANNA BE LIKE YOU. Who could say no to that? Not even portnoyd. I wonder if I will actually like any more of these films.

 This movie was kinda doomed from the start. When they announced it Peter Dinklage came in and was like NO THIS MOVIE IS OFFENSIVE TO ME AND THEREFORE ALL DWARVES EVER. I AM THE KING OF THE DWARVES. This caused a bit of a stir. I think some dwarf wrestler called Peter Dinklage a doofus. Here's a hint to any movie company. Do not listen to the people on twitter. Regardless of them being conservative or liberal. They will argue with each other and whatever controversy will be forgotten in 5 days to a month,  People literally get angry over like 4 592 perceived controversies a week. It's kind of amazing honestly. Anyway this movie got conservatives angry about it because Snow White wasn't literally the whitest woman in the world and played by some lady who had the gall to talk politics! Oh no! She also did some not very good interviews and they WENT OFF TO THE RACES! Except sad and depressing and not amusing like the Marx Brothers. So how was the actual movie mr. controversy reviewer. It was a piece of crap. Rachel Zegler, Snow White tries a little bit but everyone else seemed to be bored to tears. It made me want to watch Charles Nelson Reiley be a goofball or something. That would have been much better. They had a chance to make a good film here but it really wasn't. The dwarves are weird creatures that are NEVER called dwarves and they also have a real life dwarf in the movie. I hope Peter Dinklage approved of the man's choices becauise you don't want to bother THE ALMIGHTY KING OF THE DWARVES. Gal Godot's song is worse than Akwafina's song from the Little Mermaid. It is now the worst song ever. I have nothing else to say about this movie except that really they could have beefed up and changed some things in the Snow White and actually do a good job with them not just MASH UP Snow White and ROBIN HOOD.  Yes the new prince guy who Snow White is in love with is some shitty Robin Hood ripoff. I hope these movies stop getting made because I am tired of this shit.

 

Movie bad.

 

That's it folks! See you again when I feel like hurting myself over another four shitty shitty movies. Or maybe I'll review a different group of movies. Who knows!?!?