The Final Episode #144: Denver the Last Dinosaur (1988 - 1990)

 

I think my favorite thing about this blog in general is putting a spotlight on the weird obscure things that got stuck in a crevice within your subconscious.  It's one of those things that pop up ever so often but not a total complete memory. It's one of those things that when you finally figure what it is you literally grab the person who told you and kiss them. Those kinda things. Or you just yell at the BLOG WRITER that THIS DOESN'T EXIST I DON'T REMEMBER THIS FUCK YOU CLAW.  All I can tell you about Denver the Last Dinosaur prior to like watching an episode was the theme song, which was good so I did now what it was but I knew nothing else. I watched an episode recently and it was a weird as hell. Denver and the Kids literally mess around trying to get a bag of chips. Like potato chips. I have a sinking suspicion that Denver the Last Dinosaur is not a very good television show.

So what was Denver the Last Dinosaur even about? It was about a bunch of COOL 1980S SURFER TYPES (literally voiced by people you would recognize easily like Kath Souie, Cam Clarke and Townsend Coleman) find a Dinosaur. THE LAST DINOSAUR. I forget how and I don't care enough to look it up. This Dinosaur I think is also a rock star or some rock agent wants to make him a rock star. I do remember that the rock agent guy kinda sounded like Rodney Dangerfield. At least to me.) Also some kind of scientist wants him too. I guess the rock music agent guy and the scientist team up from time to time to get Denver. I don't know. As I said one episode had the main group chasing a bag of potato chips or some shit while the random baby dinosaur (meaning Denver is NOT the Last Dinosaur, stop lying to me) go back in time. This whole show was all over the place and backwards. It's kind of amazing actually.

So who made this? Peter Keefe, who worked Widget the World Watcher, Mr Bogus and Twinkle The Dream Being oh and Voltron. Isn't that hilarious. Worked on a bunch of stuff no one remembers (Seriously this is the first time I've heard of Mr Bogus OR Twinkle the Dream Being and I know about too many obscure shows. Peter Keefe was born in 1952 and passed away in 2010. He still gets creator status on Denver the Last Dinosaur reboots. Yes somewhere in this world they rebooted Denver. I think it's France. Oh hey I was right. This is an American-France production. Wild. Some French Company and the People who made VOLTRON, World Events Productions helped make it. The show lasted for two years and fifty episodes.

So you remember how I said this show was all over the place. Let me tell you some of the plots for this show. One involved them NOT being able to find a place ti skateboard in Venice Beach. Another episode was about Them going to the Bayou and some alligator wanting to fuck Denver. I haven't seen a show this confused about what it wanted to be since Quack Pack. That's not a good thing. This show doesn't know if it wants to be a down to earth show like I dunno Hey Arnold! or a action adventure thing like G.I. Joe. Oh, you know what's another bad omen. The fact no one wants to take accountability for writing this Final Episode. Oh boy. I'm in for a doozy aren't I?

The Final Episode was called "There's No Business Like Snow Business" and since no one wrote it I cannot talk about them so let's just jump right into The Final Episode of Denver, the Last Dinosaur (which is not a true statement). We start the episode with Denver vacuuming kinda dressed up like a 1950s housewife. He scares the dog. I am already amazed that this just started and it's already weirding me the hell out. Why is he vacuuming? Why is he wearing an apron? WHAT THE HELL? Denver is sad because it's apparently Christmastime (despite this episode coming out in April) and his family is well dead as fuck. He has no one to spend Christmas with. Other than that other little Dinosaur that I am sure existed but I really do not want to go and find out. Hang out with Lil' Denver, ya jerk.

Meanwhile in an air hanger. We meet the ROCK AGENT who's name is MORTON FIZZBACK which is the worst name I've ever heard. It just shows to me that the people making this clearly didn't care. Even if they went on to work on Tiny Toon Adventures or DragonWorld. they clearly didn't care about Denver the Last Dinosaur. Not that I blame them. STOP VACUUMING YOU WEIRDO.  Morton Fizzback is hanging out with DR. FUNT I know a word that rhymes with Funt.... it's Hunt! What kind of word did you think I was gonna say?!? They work with a dumb guy named.......Muttley. I think Hanna Barbera should have sued. Also that's THE NAME YOU GIVE A FUCKING DOG YOU SHITS. Jesus.

They tell DUMB GUY that their idea is to sell Snow Shovels. I don't know why he's given up trying ot make money doing rock music but snow shovels in LOS ANGELES is a bad idea. DUMB GUY is confused while they laugh at him. They finally tell him that they created a machine to CHANGE THE WEATHER.  Also someone decided to make the Doctor sound like a weird homosexual. Morton Fizzback doesn't actually sound that much like Rodney Dangerfield now that I'm watching the show back. Oh well. He didn't even say NO RESPECT once!! So Dr. Funt created something that will turn every cloud into a snow cloud! Oh no!

Oh wow. The kids get Denver out of his depression by playing basketball and then we go to the bad guys and the doctor literally says the opposite than what he said before. He needs a certain cloud now. Oh, well they find it. So DENVER AND THE GANG's basketball game gets snowed out so they go inside and ANNOYING SURFER BITCH is just pissing and moaning about how this is the worst thing ever. Oh piss off you little shit. Just buy a damn snow shovel from MORTON FIZZBACK. God what a stupid, stupid name. DENVER AND THE GANG then go to make some..............HOT CHOCOLATE. What you thought that they would actually go after the antagonists of this cartoon? You silly fuck.

Denver literally sniffs the Hot Chocolate and gets high off it. Seriously it's like it almost makes him aroused. Denver is a fucking freaky dinosaur and should not be allowed around people. At all. Little creep. Anyway they turn on the news and hear the newscaster who tells them the snow is man made. Wow Professor Dipshit you couldn't even make it so your plan succeeded for like twenty fucking minutes! Oh and Cam Clarke voices two characters just BARELY changing his voice. It's kind of amazing actually. I don't blame him either. I wouldn't strain a fucking muscle for creepy ass Denver. 

They learn of the Fizzback's plan just by seeing a commercial. Imagine if this happened in a Batman story. Batman just watches TV until the Joker shows up. You'd like be tearing your ass hairs out of their regular place out of sheer frustration. They realize that it's up to them. Two Cam Clarkes, A Dinosaur,Two Mentally Challenged Sounding Children and a blonde guy. Personally I hope DUMB GUY wins in the end. They show up at FROSTY FIZZBACKS FUN TIME SHOVELS or whatever they named his store. PROFESSOR DIPSHIT tells MORTON FIZZBACK that the snow machine was supposed to turn off but it hasn't! OH NO.

Now Denver takes out some kind of ROCK from his ASSHOLE (seriously where else could he store this BIG ASS ROCK) and gets MORTON FIZZBACK to touch it. It shows them the ICE AGE. You know the one that DENVER lived through. FIZZBACK asks will that happen her in Los Angeles if we don't fix it. Denver says yes. Cool. We just wasted 2 minutes on this shit. Wow Denver shows THE GANG another BACK IN TIME thing this time him going through a tunnel in some California mountain that just happens to be around where they are. I'm amazed that that tunnel will still exist and his plan to VACUUM THE CLOUD UP. See it all comes together in the end especially when you force it to!

DENVER AND THE GANG tie a BI-PLANE to the back of the tunnel and VACUUM UP THE CLOUD. Yeah I don't even know what else to do. No, they didn't have any trouble with this WILD ASS PLAN it just worked. The Kids tell Denver that he is their family and he goes OH RIGHT. I wish it was OH ALRIGHT and he just puts up with these two. Seriously Cam Clarke usess his LEONARDO VOICE and then his MEXICAN LEONARDO VOICE. It's kind of wonderful actually. Oh and the bad guys just drive off in their plane. No attempting to get them arrested or anything for this money making scheme just let them fly off.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Uh. This show is weird but it's not weird fun. It's weird but also kinda boring. There's a reason you don't remember a single DENVER THE LAST DINOSAUR plot. That's because they were not very good/memorable. This show does have two good points though. The theme song is KILLER and the voice acting is pretty good. It's like TMNT reunion without BARRY GORDON or JAMES AVERY. Oh shit. Is Denver The Dinosaur racist against BLACK PEOPLE and JEWS?????? PORTNOYD WHAT DO YOU THINK????