Comic Review #109: Web of Spider Man #84-89 (1991 - 1992)

 

Originally I was going to talk about a What If issue. This was like right after the Lobo Vs Batman Elseworlds. I like to keep things connected. Like if I review say The Flintstones, I'll have to end up talking about The Jetsons too. However I feel enough time has passed and I'm just not in the mood to talk about that What If right now. I didn't know what I wanted to talk about within comics so I went back to my safe space. Which is Spider-Man. We are going to talk about a story that I loved as a child when I bought it from the SECOND PAGE BOOKSTORE and have seen that it is not a very popular story among other Spider-Man fans. Who will win Lil' Claw or like it seems every other Spider-Man fan. LET''S FIND OUT TOGETHER! It will be BARRELS of fun!

 This is a six part story. Kind of a thing they did in the summer and winter months back in the day. I mean now it's like every story is at least a six part story so they can put it in a trade. I remember being WILD for these stories and hunting down every part of them like it necessary to live. They mostly showed up in Spider-Man comics and oddly enough Captain America comics. Like several for both of those characters. Then it started to seem that every story became a six part story and continued into another six part story and you got giant epics like Onslaught or the Clone Saga. I have still only read like half of either of them. It's something I should do this year but EHHHHH TOO LAZY. Anyway since this is a six part story we will try to put a encapsulation of what happens in each part within say two of my massive paragraphs that go no where. It'll be fun.

 This storys opening is pretty much STUCK in my minds eye. Like the cover to Pac-Man for the NES. Insteado Screaming Weird Pac-Man you get Kingpin almost naked. I have some really awful things stuck in my minds eye. At least it's better than what's stuck in my dad's minds eye. Ho boy. I'll tell you on discord port and anyone else from the discord reading this. Anyway Kingpin is training his BIG FAT BODY which is ACTUALLY REALLY MUSCLE and he is fighting Ninjas or something. His son Richard Fisk (who as the Rose and the Schemer tried to take down Kingpin because he hates him and he feels that he used him and his mother as pawns. He now has to work for the Kingpin)  I love this scene and Kingpin goes IVE BEEN ATTACKED FROM THE BEST, COSTUMED VIGILANTES AND FROM THOSE CLOSE TO ME. You get a close up of Richard and his eyes are darkened out and you can tell that line makes him want to jab a knife into The Kingpin's eye. Lololol he also says he needs to put some meat on his bones because HE LOOKS LIKE A GIRL. Old Twitter would cancel the Kingpin and New Twitter would love him. It's wild how things work sometimes.

 We turn to Spider-Man kicking the shit out of some dude named Jesse, who had grabbed a little girl and was threatening to cut her because her friends called him stupid. Spidey makes quick work of the loser and goes to see Mary Jane Watson-Parker. HIS WIFE WHO WILL ALWAYS BE HIS WIFE I DON'T GIVE A SHIT MARVEL. STOP BEING DOUCHE BAGS AND LET THEM BE TOGETHER. We then turn around to NICK KATZENBERG. I loved this guy. He was a fat sleazy asshole that was another photographer for the Daily Bugle. He would literally just do anything to get a photo and would be a great thorn in Peter Parker's side. You LOVED to hate this dude and I still miss him. I miss when comics would have stories involving the civilian life of the hero. Do you know that they made MARY JANE VENOM. I try to stick up for NEW MARVEL because I do believe they do good stuff still but Jesus that's a dumb idea. What next, J.Jonah Jameson becomes Carnage? I guess we are going to have three paragraphs on just issue one. Wow this could be the longest comic review ever!

Nick is shown the Daily Bugle by his scooper. He gets angry because of something we don't see yet and BAM   He's yelling about how he's going to kill somebody! Meanwhile Richard Fisk is talking to someone about today's news and how it needs to be fixed. Someone is in deep fuckin trouble! Also it seems Richard is back trying to screw over his dad. Don't call your son girly and he wont stab you in the back! Meanwhile AGAIN we go to Peter Parker hanging out with Aunt May and WILLIE LUMPKIN. The goofy looking mailman to the Fantastic Four. He's 102 years old and has weird ears and I love him. I kinda forgot that he and Aunt May had a thing for a very short time. Peter tries to read the bugle and Aunt May says he has to come in and carve the Turkey or something. THEN we move on to the Hobgoblin who is freaking out because he's like the Hobgoblin and also a demon combined together. So it's not a good time to be the Hobgoblin right now. We then change place to see a bunch of goons tear up an apartment. One of the goons talks on a unsecured line and well gets shot in the face for it. We then go back to Peter Parker who is talking about how happy he is to get to hang out with WILLIE LUMPKIN and MARY JANE WATSON-PARKER and AUNT MAY and all that. He is outside when his SPIDER SENSE starts and he sees some jerks with guns. It's time for Spider-Man to beat some ass. He finds out that they were looking for Peter Parker because of the photo in the paper that was taken. It's all about a BIG BLOWUP IN THE MOB. Kinda contrived because I don't know if a newspaper would credit a photographer for a piece like that but I'm still with this story so far.

I think this is going to be a long one portnoyd AND THE GANG. So buckle in as we discuss Part two. We start with The Kingpin and his son fighting. The Kingpin is being a huge asshole in this one. It's funny. I like asshole comments Kingpin. Anyway he says that the Rose is back and he knows it can't be Richard so he tells Richard to kill this imposter. Richard says yes sir and he looks PISSED. We find out that the apartment that was trashed last night was well Peter and MJ's. Kinda not hard to figure out but yeah. They freak out and then find the dead body and the Spider-Man costume just out in the open. Peter must have a lot of Spider-Man costumes because he is wearing one at the moment. The Police come and you find out about SGT. BLUME. I think they were setting him up to be a character that comes in later but THAT'S NOT RIGHT NOW. He tells them they have to come to the station to answer some more questions but then Nick Katzenberg shows up and is a huge asshole like always. Peter wants to SLAP SOME SENSE into his head but the cops won't let him. 

Woah, we see a meeting of THE ROSE and RICHARD FISK! What!? They talk about what's going on and how if the rest of the photos PETER PARKER supposedly took show up then they will be killed by the Kingpin. Richard Fisk sends the Hobgoblin a rose and well he realizes someones gonna help him escape. Peter and MJ take a walk and then are ATTACKED by crazy guys with fuckin swords! They are the Triad Brothers! They have a pretty cool fight sequence where they show the SWORDS have electricity. I mean Spider-Man kicks their asses and I'm pretty sure they never show up again. I will petition Marvel to bring back the Triad Brothers. Mary Jane PUNCHES NICK KATZENBERG in the face. Wild. He has another fight with the Triad Brothers after looking around for stuff. Spider Man gets too angry and CUTS one of the Triad Brothers and then runs off. They then talk to DEATHWATCH. You hear a lot of people talking about how Comic books are too hard to get into and I'm here realizing that I read this story who knows how many times as a kid and I still have no fucking clue who Deathwatch is. Just that he's some 1990s goober who probably sucks.

Part three opens up with  Kingpin and Richard Fisk trying to talk to some people. I should have mentioned that this story takes place around the same time as Daredevil #300. Daredevil #300 was a story where uh the Kingpin gets taken down. I did not read that story as a kid. I probably just went BLAH at Daredevil because he wasn't Spider-Man or the X-Men. I now realize that Daredevil is fucking awesome. Still this details with that story. Kingpin will be gone from the rest of this story making it pretty easy for the Rose. The Kingpin kills a dude and stomps off like a little baby yelling about how Richard will never be a replacement for the Kingpin. Some people try to break the Hobgoblin out of prison while Richard Fisk just remembers about his life. He remembers a man named Alfredo and Ned Leeds, Ned Leeds was the original Hobgoblin until they decided that he wasn't. I could go into detail but I already feel like I am writing War and Peace II in this blog post.

 The Hobgoblin shows up while Richard Fisk and the Rose are talking and kills some guys. Richard Fisk PULLS OFF HIS SHIRT AND YELLS I HAVE BEEN TOUCHED BY THE SAME MAN AS YOU WERE HOBGOBLIN. I AM HIS SERVANT TOO. This causes the Hobgoblin to listen to him and get him to kill Peter Parker and Spider Man. I'm also just realizing that the hoodlums from Part one saw Spider-Man's outfit in Peter Parkers apartment and did they not tell the Rose!?? The Rose and Richard Fisk should like at least realize there's more to that relationship than they think now. He does call Spider-Man Peter Parker's bodyguard but man this story is kinda going to crazy town. Not sure if its fun crazy town or not. Anyway the Hobgoblin flies off.

 Spider-Man finds out the Hobgoblin has escaped. After you know threatening to throw Nick Katzenberg out of a window on like the 38th floor if he doesn't let him know about the photos. Anyway we finally get to see THE FIRST APPEARANCE OF A NEW CHARACTER. That's right this is the issue where Demogoblin breaks free of Hobgoblin and becomes his own character. I loved him and this issue as a kid. It was wild. Spider Man has to fight two Hobgoblins. I'm surprised the scene with RICHARD FISK HAVING A WEIRD DEMON HAND STUCK ON HIS STOMACH never stuck within my minds eye. My minds eye is weird. Anyway the regular non-Demon Hobgoblin gets taken in and we find out that it was just latex he used for his WEIRD DEMON HAND. The Rose is pissed off at him and he's like IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT WHEN MY FATHER IS DEAD. Part three is done.

Part four starts out with Richard Fisk doing the fighting and kicking and punching. Like his dad. His dad has now LEFT THE BUILDING to say. I don't remember what happens in Daredevil #300 even though I know I've read it. I get the feeling I should re-read it for this blog because if its HALF AS WILD AS THIS STORY it would make for a good blog post. Anyway Richard proves he can KILL A MAN BY SMASHING HIS LARYNX or whoever you spell that stupid body part. After he kills said man we turn to page to see Spider-Man recapping the last four parts. So when you were like 8 years old and buying this as a back issue you would know what was going on. He finds THE DEMOGOBLIN. The Demogoblin tells him to fuck off he's after a bigger fish and flies off. Then we go to Peter Parker's Pad (try saying that three times fast) and seeing SGT. BLUME just break into the house and looks around and HE HAS A SINISTER GRIN. Oh man, what's this guy up to!!

 Richard is hanging out with a woman who apparently is his fiance and also looks WAY TOO MUCH LIKE HIS MOTHER. Like scarily so. He yells at her when she almost breaks the photos of his mother, Ned Leeds and ALFREDO. I wonder if this comic is where my love of using that name came from.. Some men come in and tell them that THE PACKAGE has arrived. Which turns out to be Jason Macendale. He killed Ned Leeds so Richard is going to kill him. However he beats the shit out of Richard AND the guys holding him back. WITH HANDCUFFS. He gets a gun and Richard gets a gun and well let's see who's gonna die! It's neither of them. He's just going to go fight Spider-Man while trying to get Peter Parker. I do like the fact that Richard puts the photo of Ned Leeds face down when agreeing to this.

 Spider Man is trying to find information on the Rose, when he runs into Twitch. Not the streaming platform but a hobo. He tells him the Rose can be found at some pier and then we see that it's Nick Katzenberg paying Twitch to say that. WHAT'S THIS SHITTY BASTARD UP TOO?.  Richard and The Rose show up and talk to each other again. They are not happy with each other. The Rose wants them to stop because they have already gotten rid of the Kingpin. He left after pissing off Hydra and the Feds. Twitch is killed by a ROBOT ARM. Oh shit is it time for the 1990s and my favorite thing in CYBERNETIC SUIT FIGHT??? OH MAN I CAN'T WAIT.  They fight with Spider-Man on the pier. I guess Nick Katzenberg knew these guys would be there so he paid Twitch to tell Spider-Man?!? Weird. Anyway Spider-Man gets his ass kicked and Richard Fisk tries to kill the Rose with the help of The Hobgoblin. THE CYBERNETIC SUIT MEN beat up Spider-Man (I already forgot the name they gave themselves and I don't care to look it up) and they ask who is going to kill him now that he's unconscious because he had to save some kids. The Hobgoblin says he's up for the job.

 We start again in the Kingpin's office. I like that every issue starts here. It's neat. This time the office is WRECKED and The Hobgoblin is pleading with Richard to let him kill Spider-Man. Richard is like NOT YET. I love when bad guys get cocky like this. They are all like YEAH I FINALLY GOT SPIDER MAN. They just keep him around until he can bust out of the SUPER ELECTRICAL CYBERNETIC ROPE and KICK SOME ASS.  Richard is actually pissed that someone other than he took his father down. Then BLACK GUY IN CYBERNETIC GEAR says he hates to agree with the Hobgoblin but something must be done about Spider-Man.  Before anyone can do anything a giant Helicopter shows up and starts GUNNING EVERYONE DOWN. He gets hit in the head but doesn't die. Just a flesh wound I guess. This gives Spider-Man enough time to get his strength together and escape. 

 Hobgoblin fights and recalls nostalgic days of being a mercenary willing to kill anyone. I am glad I am just nostalgic for things like The Smoggies. Spider-Man tries to escape just to knock himself out again. What? We then see Aunt May and MJ at a cabin in the woods talking about how they hope Peter is okay. Then we get NICK KATZENBERG. I like that this story has so much of him. He feels like he was in every issue of every book around this time but according to the internet he only appeared in 43 comic books. Wild how the memory works out isn't it? Anyway Robbie Robertson found out that Nick Katzenberg took the photos and then that's when SGT BLUME comes in. Nick runs off and BLUME gets a message from his BEEPER. Remember beepers? That was a good time for America. So Richard Fisk is having his wound cleaned by his mother-fiancee. Seriously she's even got that streak of gray in her her like the Kingpin's wife always had. They are moving and well Richard might have to shave his head because the wound wont let the hair grow back. What a way to get him to look like the Kingpin! Except way skinner.

 Anyway Spider-Man wakes up and he's in the company of the Rose. The Rose lets him know that he and Richard know where MJ and Aunt May are. A man is coming ot kill them. Also some men are trying to kill Richard. I did not expect to have written THIS much about this story but man I gotta give Howard Mackie this be sure does pack this story to the brim with action. It turns out that with the Kingpin gone it's gonna start a gang war and no one wants Richard Fisk in charge because they think he's a sissy. Richard Fisk kills this guy because he tried to hurt him and his mother-fiancee. Spider-Man gets to the cabin in time to beat some ass on some CYBERNETIC SUIT MEN. Spider-Man comes back to see the Rose get shot to death and turns out he was SGT. BLUME (you see because BLUME and BLOOM kinda sound alike). He did it for his brother because Kingpin framed him or something. Another man just grabs the Rose mask and goes IM GOING TO AVENGE HIM. 

 This issue is at uh the Kingpin's kitchen table. I guess it couldn't be forced into the office to keep up the gimmick. Anyway they all say Richard Fisk won't take over the New York underworld so he has all of these gangsters killed by his CYBERNETIC SUIT MEN. Richard then gets into a limo and starts talking about what had happened over the last five parts. This was done so a new reader could get caught up to speed pretty much. Spider-Man then talks about the New Rose who just randomly appeared in the smoke while Sgt Blume was dying. How that Rose wants Richard Fisk dead and how Spider-Man doesn't. He wants him to pay for his crimes and to make sure he doesn't become the New Kingpin.  Also The Rose isn't going to be called The Rose anymore. No he is going to be called BLOOD ROSE. 

 Spider-Man and the Hobgoblin team up to go look for Richard Fisk. The Hobgoblin did not get his money and Spider-Man just wants to put them all in prison. BLOOD ROSE sends Richard Fisk a message and he goes to see him. A fight ensues and the dialogue makes it out to sound like the random guy was Alfredo. Richard Fisk's best friend. We don't find out because Spider-Man and the Hobgoblin show up and wreck shit. Also a scene where Nick Katzenberg is shitting his pants because the people who wanted to kill Peter are now after him. The rest of the issue is pretty much one big fight scene which ends with Richard Fisk being shot by the Blood Rose in the back as he was trying to get out a window. He breaks the window and falls into the water. He is not dead because this story has a sequel. I just might do it next. It's all up to portnoyd. Spider-Man finds BLOOD ROSE and THE HOBGOBLIN have escaped while he tried to save Richard Fisk. It's all done.

What a wild fucking ride. I mean it has plot contrivances all over the damn place. Like the photo, I'm pretty sure newspapers don't do that. I might be wrong. What about how Peter's Spider-Man costume was found and they all go OH THAT MEANS SPIDER MANS HIS BODYGUARD?!?!?? Or how Nick Katzenberg knew where the Rose would be so he could tell and pay Twitch so he could tell Spider-Man to go there and get his FACE BLOWN OFF? I'm not the pickiest about plot holes, really only when they POP OUT TO ME WHILE IM READING/WATCHING SOMETHING. A plot hole that obvious really needs to be brought into consideration. I have to honestly say that this doesn't feel like they plotted out the entire story but just wrote the next part after reading the previous. It's a wild kinda all over the place mess. However there are things I liked about it. I like getting to see Willie Lumpkin and Nick Katzenberg. I also like seeing Spider-Man and Mary Jane as a married couple no matter when. I just believe they work so well with one another. It's also very action packed which is why I read this story like 49205662 times as a kid. It's not as good as I thought it was when I was a kid but I don't think it deserves it's harsh reputation. I would certainly read this story over MARY JANE BECOMING VENOM. This felt like a story someone cared about and not something forced on the fans because they don't want to have MJ and Peter together. I really think they just should not use the MJ character. I do hear the sequel is like ten times worse than this and that makes me really kind of want to read it for the next blog post. IT'S ALL UP TO PORTNOYD THOUGH. YOU READY FOR THAT?

FINAL THOUGHTS: It does not hold up very well, but still has some strong points that I really like. I think the first issue sets stuff up pretty well. It just kinda goes to crazy town by like part three. I'll always be up to seeing Nick Katzenberg be a douche bag. Seriously sad that they killed him off and he's still not around annoying Peter like the colossal dickhead that he is. These issues also had the Marvel COOL-OMeter which ranked the things the people within the offices talked about from HOT being the most to COOL being the least. Do you remember the Cool-o-Meter Portnoyd? I should find as many of them as possible and do a post on just them. The Cool-o-Meters alone make this a better story than MARY JANE AS VENOM. No I will not give that up. Ever. LET THEM BE MARRIED FOR CHRIST SAKE.