The Final Episode #137: Captain Planet and the Planeteers (1990 - 1996) (Redo)

 

Hey lads and lassies! It's the new year! 2026! I am going to make this my year. I am finally done feeling bad during the last week of the year, it's always the worst part of this year. I'm going to make it a year to look back on. I am going to accomplish so many damn things that your dickhole will spin! This means in every aspect of my life. I am going to do so many new things with this blog. I was going to list them but I think I'll wait. First off though I got to finish some things from 2025. I gotta finish the Redos before getting to anything new. I plan to do more shows from the 1960s and 1970s. Thanks to syndication on TV the latter half of the 20th Century felt so connected. Things even decades old ended up having staying power. Staying power to get video games and everything. Now adays the few big new things (seriously the 21st Century is mostly about cannibalizing the 20th century) that come around have no real staying power. They just come on Netflix and then fly away a year or two later. In the 20th century you could play a fuckin Gilligan's Island game on your damn Nintendo! Anyway let's get back to whats important, discussing Captain Planet... wait what?

Yes. Captain Planet, the environmentalist cheese-ball cartoon from the 1990s.  It was the fourth thing I discussed. It was brought over from a different blog for some reason. I don't know why and I wish I had just kept posting over there. Oh well. I won't get into much detail why but I wish I had. Anyway It was a short very sparse post on the blog. A lot of them were, I'm glad that I feel I have improved as a writer. Not a lot but I can at least write several paragraphs about something instead of just one. Since I realized all of those shows were weirdly "important" to me as a kid and "important" enough to pop culture (and don't try to tell me Captain Planet wasn't somewhat big back then either. The damn thing got a NES and a Genesis game. They didn't give no NES games or Genesis games to uh..... Mother Goose N Grimm... I'm sorry it was the only thing that came to mind!) that they deserved updated better posts. I seriously don't like looking at those posts but I won't delete them because they are a part of the history of this blog and a man cannot destroy history. Even really pointless history like my first post on Captain Planet.

So Captain Planet. Yeah, let's get to the history of this show. To get to the history of this show, we must first talk about a man. A weird man. A bizarre man. A very rich man. We must first talk about Ted Turner. Ted Turner was born sometime in like 1938 or something. I'm sorry I don't care enough to look up the information. He's a billionaire jerk and I don't do good with billionaire jerks. Unless they are like Batman or Scrooge McDuck. Anyway Ted Turner became a HUGE deal within the 1970s and 1980s by buying tv stations and starting his own. I used to watch so much TBS as a kid. It used to be a channel that we would only get preview weekends of, but you bet your sweet bippy I watched those preview days. I'd watch Scooby Doo on TBS instead of another station. You had to make use of those preview weekends son!! Uh. Where was I? oh yeah, Ted Turner. He became very rich and wanted to make a cartoon. About helping the environment.  So he teamed up with Barbara Pyle. Together they created Captain Planet. 

So what was my history with Captain Planet. Uh, It was a show I liked watching as a child. It was never the toppest top spot but I would watch it quite frequently. Probably on YTV? I don't know. I don't really remember owning any of the toys (but I own some of them now because I am a very cool forty year old man who won't let the past go. Why let the past go? So I can join the future and be miserable. No way I'm going to stay in the past and be miserable for completely different reasons!  Anyway I liked it enough that I re-watched every episode and even made a piss poor YouTube Video on it. No I won't link it here, Yes it's privated. Don't even try to find that video friend-o.  The show is very cheesy, very silly but also very 1990s and very entertaining. It still holds up pretty well, of course I say that about just about everything from the past. NO YOU WONT TAKE IT FROM ME. GO AWAY. GO POST ON TWITTER YELLING POLITICS. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Uh, okay yeah. So what was Captain Planet about? It involves Gaia, the spirit of the Earth itself (who was voiced by Whoopi Goldberg and then Margot Kidder!) sending rings of power to several young people. Kwame from Africa got the power to move the earth. Wheeler from America got the power to use fire. Linka from the Soviet Union got to use Wind. Gi from Asia got to use Water. and Ma-Ti from South America got to use heart. He could control peoples hearts!!! He was way more powerful than you thought NOSTALGIA CRITIC. YOU JERK.  They could combine their powers and bring about Captain Planet who could use all the powers but was weak as shit to pollution. Toss a dirty diaper at his face and BAM he had to go away to recharge. Captain Planet is kind of a weak ass bum now that I think about it! Anyway they fought people trying to destroy the earth like Looten Plunder, Verminous Skumm (he outed a teenager with AIDS in one episode. What a jerk?) and Hoggish Greedly. Also the voice cast was nuts. Ed Asner, Jeff Goldblum, Meg Ryan, and all kinds of people voiced characters on this show. 

 So the Final Episode of Captain Planet graced our airwaves on May 11, 1996. Soon to be thirty years ago. Doesn't that make you feel like that gif of Matt Damon aging from some movie I never watched and probably never will. TOO BUSY WATCHING REAL ENTERTAINMENT LIKE DON PANCHO AND SANTO PANDA. It was the 113th episode. I guess they decided that was enough. They had gone through two different animation studios and who knew how many voice actors for the show. They had even tried to become hip with a new theme song and it was terrible. This weird pair of lips starts rapping about Captain Planet. I think it was rapping. I am not looking it up again. It was horrendous and clearly the worst thing from the 1990s.  This episode was called 101 Mutations and was written by Nick Boxer, Laren Bright and Sean Catherine Derek. Together they worked on A Pup Named Scooby Doo, Batman the Animated Series, Smurfs and the movie Foodfight (Sean Catherine Derek is also Bo Derek's stepdaughter!!!!). Which looks terrible. Which means I'll probably see it before I see that Matt Damon movie. I kinda don't want to know why he ages in like a second. It just a weirdly perfect image for "damn I feel old son". So with all that said and done, let's get into discussing and making dumb comments and jokes about this episode.

 We start the episode with a bunch of sick looking animals in ratty cages. Then we come to Dr. Blight who is selling these puppy mill dogs. She talks to MAL her computer (voiced by Tim Curry!). Then she goes outside just to harass her guard dogs Slasher and Lasher. Man, Dr. Blights one hell of a bitch. We then go to a dog funeral (boy howdy this episode is fun on a bun!) being held for Wheeler's cousin's dog Skippy. Skippy was only 6 months old! Wheeler then says he's gonna take Joey to get another. Sorry Wheeler but Jesus Christ, I've had several dogs for many years and when they died I did not want to get another dog the day of the poor creatures funeral. Jesus this has to be the character at his most meatheaded. Damn ass doofus. Captain Planet then goes THE POWER IS YOURS to Joey like thats supposed to make him feel better. They do in fact go to the shittiest pet store ever. Every animal there looks like it's sad or dying. Joey just wants to go home then he finds his way into a room with animals in very ratty cages. The Planeteers leave, without this ten year old kid. Joey then finds out that the Pet Store people are working with a Puppy Mill called Puppies by the Millions but PUP and MILL are written differently. VERY SUBTLE CAPTAIN PLANET.

Joey then finds out very easily where the Puppy Mill is. He even decides to go in to help the pups. I should mention that one of these dogs was drawn to have just one eye. My Jesus Christ Dr. Blight was the most evil of this group and the bad guys in this show do the worst shit possible. Awful. Joey lets the Puppies loose but not before getting his dumb ass captured. He's now stuck in a small cage.Dr. Blight lets in Slasher and Lasher and oh shit, Joey's dead! No, he literally gives them some snacks. Which were chocolate bars. Then they become friends. This is before Slasher and Lasher die from the chocolate they ate. Maybe Skippy's death wasn't completely Dr. Blights fault. Don't be feeding the damn dogs chocolate you little shit. He then finds the dog Lady that Blight was treating poorly earlier and gives her some chocolate. JOEY YOU STUPID SHIT STOP KILLING THE DOGS.

Anyway we go to the Planeteers and they find out about the Puppy Mills from a weirdly drawn woman. I also don't really like the redesigns for the characters. All of that screams "we just gotta keep this show on the air" pump out the crappier animation and redesigns to hopefully get the kids interest back!  They find a Puppy Mill and then some random guy pops out of nowhere and goes you guys want to get this place shut down THEN FOLLOW ME! he then pulls out a humane society badge. I do not think those exist?. This episode is bonkers. The Random Man does what the Poorly Drawn Woman did and tell us to our face about what we should do. Do not buy puppies from pet stores but your local animal shelter! He also films the puppy mill for evidence.

Dr. Blight finally finds Joey and is very angry that Slasher and Lasher are now nice so she uses her shock collar. I was about to bring up some dumb internet drama but I realized my post would work better without it. Let this be the final small part of Internet 1.0 still beating!  Anyway she takes them out of the cage which really was getting very crowded. MAL then tells her that the Planeteers are coming! Joey mentions Wheeler and Blight takes him away. Lady gets out of the cage by the sheer power of CHOCOLATE and LOVE FOR JOEY. Lady wants to save him! The Planeteers find Dr. Blight and Random Man is back with them. Blight sends Slasher and Lasher out after them and Joey tries to stop them but that just gets them a shock from Dr. Evil Bitch

Dr. Evil Bitch looses the device that controls the shock collars. Which causes MAL to shock the dogs. You know it's like two dogs. You could like do something to keep them safe or something. Maybe use Ma-Ti's power instead of being afraid. These are very low stakes, Planeteers! Joey tries to keep them from hurting anyone and this causes MAL to retaliate but it just causes their collars to explode. They chase after Dr. Evil Bitch (I'm pretty sure she was the one willing to work with Hitler in another episode. Yes, Hitler showed up on Captain Planet. He had a handlebar/fu-manchu mustache. It was awesome.) who jumps up on MAL and they escape. MAL also sets fire to the dogs cages and the Planeteers have to save them!

They call for Captain Planet because well we didn't see a lot of him earlier. He starts to save the dogs while Joey and Lady try to save Lady's puppy uh Puppy. I guess that's a good enough name for him. or her. I dunno. I don't think dogs care about gender stuff. Anyway Captain Planet saves the day and yes Dr. Blight does not actually get away. She is being chased by Slasher and Lasher and then jumps into the Humane Society van which she thinks is the police and Random Man lets Slasher and Lasher in to you know rip her apart. RIP Dr. Evil Bitch (1959 - 1996) The Random Man shows up and tells Joey that some of the dogs might have to be put down and Lady and her pup have to be checked out. 

Joey and the Planeteers are checking dog shelters and Wheeler begins to talk about how Lady might be gone when BLAM RANDOM MAN TO THE RESCUE. He shows up and lets Lady and Pup out of the truck and Joey is happy. He says Slasher and Lasher made it so I guess Dr. Evil Bitch wasn't totally ripped to shreds so they didn't have to be put down as violent dogs or something. The show ends with Lady and Pup giving Wheeler all kinds of doggie kissies. What a nice way to end this show. 

FINAL THOUGHTS: A very, very, very weird episode. Tackling an issue like this is uh a depressing one but the show is it's goofy self. I was entertained but I think it as a good idea to end it here. 113 episodes is good for a cartoon from this era. A good amount of episodes to rerun and most were pretty enjoyable. It was showing signs of wear and tear. You can also see the green lips theme song here. Except for a what looks like a GRIM AND GRITTY comic (which really should be hilarious. I should read it), a College Humor (or was it Funny Or Die) and a reunion on a cartoon called OK KO or whatever, Captain Planet has not seen much action within the 21st Century and I hope it stays that way. Anyway I think I've typed enough words about Captain Planet for now.