This above is the NES Advantage. I don't believe ever getting to try it. I did get NES Max which sucked but I made this the image of this post of NES Game Reviews because I used the NES Max for another. It felt right. I would love to find a image of the weirdo cheapo controller I had that I felt was so great. Maybe I'll search google later, or I'll probably forget and watch Teddy Ruxpin instead. Or something equally awesome.
Can I tell you a story about this game? It was a game that got so much discussion on the NES forums back in the day. NESesscity or whowever that shit was spelt. Everyone except like two people were talking about how great it was. I never had played this game but I thought the cover was cool and you could get a free copy via Nintendo Power's first issue! Now would Nitnendo give away a shitty game? I thought No! They wouldn't. So I go on a vacation to Lewisporte, a town in Newfoundland that we would go to every year. It was pretty awesome in its own way. Anyway in one of the stores there I found a copy of this game for 10.99, along with Three Stooges for the same price and I wanted both. I chose this and I'm still, 25 years later pissed at myself for that. I ended up feeling the way those two random people felt (I want to say one of them was MuscleSprout) and man this game is fucking boring as hell. I cannot pretend I like it. I can't. I really do not like the first Dragon Warrior game. The biggest problem behind it just being boring is that it takes FOREVER to level up or even buy a weapon. FOR-EV-ER. I'm going to be as fair as I can and put this in the dated category because I figure that the people who played this after getting it from Nintendo Power had tons of fun with it, but I did not have tons of fun with it a decade later. That sounds like dated as hell to me.
I didn't want to make this post because I didn't want to talk about four Dragon Warrior games in a row. I have to be honest and say that I'm not really big on any of these games. However I must admit this is an improvement on the original game. You get more people to fight with so it's less likely you'll die. The game is bigger but I still find the whole spend 952 hours to get to level 5 and buy a 500 coin sword to actually do anything with very annoying. I beat this game (and the original somehow) but I really am not a fan of them personally. I'll give this game a Good because it doesn't irritate me like the original but I'm never going to play it again. Ths music is pretty good and the graphics are too. That kinda rhymes right? I'm going to say this paragraph is long enough for Dragon Warrior II and go to the third game.
Dragon Warrior III is yet again an improvement over the second game. This game has a new setup where you can choose your party and their jobs like Wizard or Ditchdigger or whatever the fuck. They get different stats, like Wizard is good at magic and Ditchdigger is strong. Or whatever. I'm sure they made this game even bigger than the last one, it's just the problem I have with the other two games is that it seems like 920 years pass before you level up when you level up past level 5. It's so not fun to me. I know people are going to yell and scream over this post but I just can't sit here and say I love these games. I'll fully put Parts 2, 3 and 4 in the good games section because they are well made and the leveling up thing was its worst in the first game. Anyway the music is great in these games really and the graphics are all Akira Toriyama lookin. That dude was boss even if I'm not in love with these games. Let's get to the Final game of Dragon Warriors for the NES.
This one I actually kind of actually like. It has four or is it five? chapters were you play as different characters. It feels like you don't have to get the characters up to high in levels either, but I get the feeling the game is hoodwiking me and I'll need to spend six lifetimes trying to get the characters up to the right level to fight the Final boss, but I enjoyed what I played of this game. The music as usual is really great. The graphics are the best they can be for this sort of game. The different characters you get to play as are all unique enough that it feels good to play as them. This is clearly the best Dragon Warrior game for the Nintendo, even if it gets the shortest paragraph about it.
This is one of the Top Ten worst NES games ever made. Period. This is a useless, worthless awful little game. Dragon's Lair was an arcade game that I never played but I love the work of Don Bluth (and wish the Dragon's Lair movie was not bought up by Ryan Reynolds so he could make another movie kissing his butt. He's gonna play Dirk the Daring in the real world and OH MY GOD WE'VE SEEN THAT FUCKING JESUS PLOT MORE TIMES THAN ANYTHING EVER. I want a crazy ass Don Bluth animated movie with these characters not Ryan Reynolds being Ryan Reynolds (which admittedly is usually somewhat enjoyable). Anyway this game uh has Dirk the Daring have to fight some Dragon to save a sexy Don Bluth lady. Seriously if you want to find out if someone's gay or not then show them a picture of a sexy Don Bluth woman and if they turn away without feeling anything in their loins then you got yourself a homosexual. Or a heterosexual woman. Or you could like let people live their lives and not do weird things to find out if they are gay or not. You tricky devil. Uh, where the hell was I? Oh yeah, this game. The graphics have this weird dirty look to them. I don't like it. The music is just forgetable as shit and the biggest problem is this character moves so slowly (and is a huge fucking target) and just about everything in this game kills your stupid ass in one fucking hit. You know what the worst part of this is. I forget if it's Japan or Europe but they got a copy where the guy moves at a respectable level not slower than my grandparents, all who have been dead for several decades now. The American version of this game however is so bad that I really do not want to try any other version. Fuck this game in the nose.
This game recently appeared on some Normie Magazine's Top 25 NES games. and Some guys were pissed and I can't get behind that. Duck Hunt instantly brings me back to those days in the early 1990s when I'd play it to amuse my very young little sister. It really does have that power. I think it kinda deserves a top spot for NORMIE MAGAZINE. They aren't putting Little Samson or something there. They are putting it there for old ass people who still buy magazines so they can go OH I REMEMBER LITTLE ROBBY PLAYING THIS GAME. Duck Hunt is iconic. Seriously. The other thing is that it's good. This is a simple but incredibly fun Zapper game. All of the Zapper games from the Black Box days are the best. A lot of the later ones just seemed to get to big and try to hard. I dunno. I like Duck Hunt and still hear the dog laughing at me. HE NEVER STOPS. Oh god, please stop doggie...please.
GOOD GAMES: 90
BAD GAMES: 76
OKAY OR AGED POORLY: 26
PROBABLY MIGHT BE GOOD IF I WEREN'T AN IMPATIENT BABY: 2
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