NES Game Reviews #35: Ducks, Dudes and Dynos.

 
                                               

Here is the Quickshot Joystick. It wasn't the controller I was thinking of but once I saw an image of it while looking through the images for me to get a picture to intro this post and went HOLY POOP I REMEMBER THIS THING. I had it and barely used it. I think I got it for free and now people want more than anyone should pay for it ($35 is what the site was asking.) It just reminds me of the day when you could get this stuff for super cheap or people going "Oh good you want to remove this stuff from my house! Excellent!". It was just the joy of rediscovering old games that you loved and finding new ones to fall in love with. It wasn't about rarity or any of that it was just going Wooo this Mighty Final Fight game is cool! not THIS MIGHTY FINAL FIGHT GAME IS WORTH 25302049209 DOLLARS. Anyway you know the drill by now. It's six more NES games to be reviewed! We end off the D's today and get to the 200th game!

DuckTales, like all of the Capcom Disney games on the NES (and even SNES) are pretty great. Okay yeah I wasn't in love with Disney's Adventures in the Magic Kingdom but hey people really seem to like that game and I can't really take it away from them. Anyway, this was a game I rented a lot because well it was based on a popular cartoon that I watched. It was a game that I even remember buying from the Video Store. Like from the store you'd rent movies and games. It was in some kind of case being sold for weirdly cheap. I do not know why they just decided to sell DuckTales for the NES, I mean they would probably made more money renting it because but it was there up for sale and I got it. According to Wikipedia the Mega Man guy, Kenji something or other made this one too. Or was the director of it all. I gotta say he did one hell of a job. It really does feel like you are playing an episode of the cartoon. The graphics are great, the characters look very good, the music is iconic, the play control is great and tight and all that shit. It's just so much fun to run through the stages trying to beat it as quick as possible (I think I could do it in 9 or so minutes at one point) or just take your time and try to get as much money as possible. It's an incredible game that's worth a look.

Yes, you know what I'm going to do before I get to this games actual review. I am going to bitch and moan about being pushed out of a hobby I enjoyed very much. This game is considered super rare and a grail of sorts for people. I do not believe it's that rare. According to Price Charting people want $250 for a loose copy and 750 for a complete copy and about 8 or so people have sealed copies up there right now (one person is asking 22k for his copy. If there is a collector who has that kind of money to spend well they should be beaten and have all of their money and games and stuff taken away. Sorry, not sorry) and I'm just like, I swear to Jesus all these people who are hoping to retire off this stuff better hope I never find a magic Genie or something because I'd wish everything back to it's 1998 "Get this shit out of my fucking house" era, from Video Games to Toys to comics to any kind of goofy shit I'm into. The fact that this game goes for more than $50 is sickening. I'm sorry this game is $50 rare. You will not convince me other wise, and I still felt like a gross loser for paying that $50. I guess I can now get on with the actual review and this game is honestly just as good as the first but it's missing the special something that made the first game iconic. Still you get some new things like two different endings. Yep. If you get the LOST TREASURE where you need to go to different areas in different stages. bringing in some replay value to this game. Everything is just as good as it was in the first game and is or would be a great addition to your collection if they didn't want an arm and a fucking leg for an old ass NES game. No, I will always bitch and moan about this. 

Dudes with Attitude, seriously is there a more "beat em up" game title ever. You'd pick up this game and go "I guess I'm going to be beating up some weirdly 1990s circles today" and buy the game. You turn it on hoping to play as some kind of Arnie lookalike beating up Circles in some weird unlicensed game. You do not get a beat em up but you get a weird puzzle game. I weirdly respect most unlicensed games than actually enjoy playing them. They were games made by like one or two people who just wanted to make some money on the NES. I would love to chat with some of these people. I think the unlicensed games are just a pretty interesting part of the whole NES set because I can't think of many other game systems that had such a large number of unlicensed games. It's sad that people just treat them completely like dirt and don't even collect them and pretend that they somehow have a complete collection with out them (which you do not, I'm sorry). With all that said, Dudes With Attitude really should have just been a beat em up platformer. It probably would have worked better that way. You play as a circle man and you change colors and destroy things that are the same color as you. Sounds simple but my God your character is just to fast and so many times you hit a different color and you're like FUCK I WANTED TO GET THOSE GREEN PIECES but you can't because you are now red. Also the progression of this game is not well done. Like let's for example say Kickle Cubicle, levels get harder and harder as you go but they start off pretty fair. This game gives you like two levels before they are like WELL HAVE FUN WITH THIS IMPOSSIBLE PUZZLE because you'll be HITTING THE GREEN SWITCH WHEN YOU WANT TO HIT  THE RED ONE. I do not like this game very much but man i love how 1990s they made the cover. The two smaller Circles are so 1990s to me. Anyway, I'm done talking about Dudes with Attitude.

I feel I'm not being completely fair to the First Person Style games for the NES. I really want to try and enjoy these games. I feel they really do have something to them. There's more too these games then I'm letting on, however whenever I turn on most of them (weirdly how the better First Person games on the NES used them as a part of the game instead of the whole game and you just powered through the First Person segments to get back to the better part of the game) I go "Yeah I'm finally gonna give this game a fair chance" just to get lost so easily and quickly and scream FUCK THIS and then just turn on I dunno Bubble Bobble II or something instead. I just don't think it's fair for me to really review this game. I mean it's Taito so I really think there's something here once you can get past the getting stuck in the maze type levels here, I mean the last time I played this I played it for longer than I ever have before and actually got the sword. Then I didn't know how to equip the sword and also got lost and went FUCK THIS and played something else. I think I'm going to have to put these games under the IMPATIENT label. 

Speaking of not really feeling fair, I don't know what to do with Sports games. I'm a man who talks about the Final Episodes of Teddy Ruxpin and Veronica's Closet. I've never been into sports. I never watched them, I never played them, I just don't get them. I remember the boys in my school would read these sports novels and I would be reading Tintin or Charlie in the Chocolate Factory (weirdly how either of those would make Mr. Kelly mad. I really don't think I could do anything right with that goober fuck anyway). I don't know how to actually score any points in these games most of the time and if I somehow can get any points the other team gets more. I just do not know what I'm doing wrong. I can't call this poorly made because the game is clearly well made for what it is. You get a good amount of characters to pick from. You get decent music, the characters can catch the ball and even get to the ball quickly (this is BIG in a damn baseball game, some baseball guys just go so slowly) it doesn't have that stupid shit Bases Loaded does where you are looking at the catcher. It is a well done Baseball (or Softball, do not ask me the differences I do not know. I'm currently re-watching Sailor Moon, I am not a jock). I don't really care for this game but it clearly had effort put into it.

Our 200th Game is.....very okay. This game has pretty decent graphics and pretty decent music. It's biggest problem is I have not seen a game that is SO eager for you to have it beat it. It's very easy. You get a giant life bar, can get hit by spikes. You get so many different weapons that can literally keep every enemy away from you. The level design could be way better, but this is not a bad game by any means really. It's worth a look really. Or maybe it just reminds me of the early days of collecting because around here this was a game you would see A LOT. I mean I can see why it would be bought for children. It's about Robot Dinosaurs! Who the hell could say no to that? It's just that this game is missing a certain something to make it REALLY great. It's a shame too because it's definitely a step up for Bandai. Holy hannah. Compare this game to Chubby Cherub and it's fucking amazing. It's just I really think the levels needed a boost in something. They are all very same-y. Still Robotic Dinosaurs! That's gotta be worth at least a look!

GOOD GAMES: 93

BAD GAMES: 77

OKAY GAMES/AGED POORLY: 27

PROBABLY MIGHT BE GOOD IF I WASN'T IMPATIENT: 3