I should use Nintendo Power covers for some posts to keep it different from just all Ads. It also works for when I can't find an ad for any of the six games or whatever. Anyway I'm going to do something a bit different for the time and tell you beautiful scamps a story. This is the story of how I got back into the ol' NES. It was 1996 and I was eleven years of age and I was excited for the Christmas of this year. This was the year the NINTENDO 64 was to come out. It was going to be AMAZING and FANTASTICAL and all of those things. I remember getting the N64 and Mario 64 (what a shit thing for Nintendo to do at that era and not package that game with the system. Jerks) and that was my big gift for that year. I remember waiting anxiously for my cousin to come down so he could hook up the N64. My parents who my sister and I probably woke up way too early did not feel like hooking up the Nintendo and I guess they were too worried that I would break the TV or the console. Waiting for him to come was still the longest feeling hour or whatever of my life. Like it was agonizing. I HAD to play Mario 64. HAD TOO. My cousin and his family finally showed up (which looking back on it was so weird that they did that as we usually went to THEIR house, wild how you realize how weird something is when you look back on it) and he hooked it up and one of the greatest disappointments in my short life happened. I wasn't really enjoying Mario 64. This got me thinking about all the SNES games I enjoyed and even the Genesis games I got to play and then I ended up thinking of the earliest games I had played in my life which were the NES games. I suddenly wanted a NES again. I wanted to play Mega Man 2 and Adventure Island again. I needed this to happen. The "friend" I mentioned in other posts had a NES (my original NES was fed cheese by my Sister and uh it wasn't working after that. I am still pissed about that JESSICA.)
Anyway this story is so long that It's gonna take two paragraphs to really get through. The thing is I wanted his NES and MY games (I am not going to say I gave those games away willingly. I am sure he bullied me into giving them to him. I literally have one positive memory with this person. This kid literally did whatever he could to do awful things to every single person he could. If there's a text book defintation of what Anti-Social actually is it was this kid. Literally knowing him was what made me the person I am today. All of my shitty, shitty mental problems go back to him. It's weirdly nice to have this SAFE SPACE (oh no) to talk about these things. I uh will get back to the NES stuff. He wanted $100 for the NES (and the games I am sure he bullied me out of. I would have probably given them all to many other kids I knew instead, or maybe even sold them if none were interested in 1993 or whenever my sister shoved a lot of cheese into my NES. She thought it was hungry. IT'S NOT A LIVING THING JESSICA. Anyway it might have been a weirdly high amount of money then (seriously I get the feeling that if I had offered $25 to any other person they would have jumped on it. I don't even think he really cared that much about the money, I seriously think he liked to watch me squirm as he knew I wanted this stuff.) However my mother was not for it in any way. If I wanted this I would have to save up every nickel and dime I wanted for it. However this was not going to be the end of the story. In fact we apparently need a third paragraph. Holy moly. I promise I will get to some reviews.
Anyway something happened that I do not want to get into that just pushed me over the edge and I stopped spending time with this kid at all. However my mother had finally found someone who had a NES and several horrendous video games. I mean they had Super Mario Brothers and Snow Brothers and GHOSTBUSTERS AND X-MEN. I know portnoyd will go LOL SNOW BROTHERS IS BAD I HATE IT AND YOU SHOULD TOO but seriously compared to the other two Non-Mario games it is a fucking masterpiece. Like those were the four games (and Duck Hunt) that I had for a good amount of time. Like I am seriously amazed I decided to stick with the ol' NES when what I had was fucking X-Men and Ghostbusters. (Sorry to spoil those reviews for you.) I also still find it fucking hysterical (and really annoying) that Snow Brothers was one of the games I got. It shows how little people cared about NES games in the late 1990s. Anyway, I then found out people online were talking about the NES (I had found out about emulation and would play NES games on the computer. Had I not fount NESticle and seen how many actually fun NES games were out there I can guarentee to you that I would not have become a collector because fucking X-Men would have driven me to have thrown the damn NES out the window and been done with it. Anyway, I found people who I still talk to this day. About NES. You'd think by this point I'd have gone to play newer game systems because really at this point I somehow beat X-Men for the NES. You'd think I'd had have my fill of the NES, but nope. Still talking about that silly grey old box. I guess if I went through all this to get it I was REALLY going to have my fill with it. Anyway, let's get to the six game reviews. Sadly this barf of paragraphs is what will be really what will be talked about by port because wow this group of games are not great.
Now we get to an actual game, one of two that I actually really want to talk about. Seriously there's a reason I wrote those four paragraphs, it's about two games out of the six that are really worth discussing. This is the best turn based RPG on the NES. It is really the only one I feel that actually has held up in any way. I remember getting a copy of this (for I think $5) at some random old flea market. I also remember playing it and beating Garland and literally I guess believing I beat it or something because I no joke got rid of it. I had played stuff like Chrono Trigger at this time but I guessed an RPG on the NES was just really really short. Anyway I traded it away to someone in the OLD NES SCENE who lived in the same province as I did. I think I got Castlevania 2 for it. I then bought another copy and realized there was a lot more to this game than I thought, or I actually found out where to go (I ended up finding the Nintendo Power #17 that is pictured way above War and Peace II up there and I had a ball just playing through it and just really enjoying this game. I feel it holds up very well and I like it. I also like that they called it Final Fantasy because this game really was Square's final attempt to make a hit game. Rad Racer didn't really do it. Kings Knight is uh, we will get to that when we get to it, but this game really was a hit and a series with Final in the title really became HUGE. I think there are like 15 games in this franchise now and who knows how many spin offs? It's very funny to me.
So, remember when I talked about I think Big Bird Hide and Speek and I was like this is a well made well thought out game if you are below the age of six. It set out what you wanted they wanted to do and was well done for pre schoolers/kindergarten age kids. The second you got into the first grade you were like "no I'll play Ninja Turtles instead". There is nothing here for an adult, but I still do not feel right calling this game a piece of hot shit garbage trash poop because it was intended for very small children who were below the age of six whenever this game came out. I cannot say if these would be good for small children today or if they would enjoy them because small children today get really into Ipads and watching shitty videos on Ipads and play shitty games. I really would be the ogre dad that would not let a child today have an Ipad and I did not want to be the IM ANGRY THAT CHILDREN ARE DIFFERENT THAN I WAS A CHILDREN but I don't think it works very well. No matter the quality of the actual tv shows I watched as children were I felt like I learned something or they had some kind of narrative that worked well. I also feel the video games, even the simple ass arcade games at least gave me some kind of hand-eye coordination. Ipad stuff just feels so wrong to me. I don't know why I bothered to bring that up but Jesus Christ it's fucking Fisher Price. What the hell were you expecting? There's only so much any human being can say about fucking Fisher Price.
Most people will say Mega Man II is the best sequel on the NES because of how much it improves on Mega Man. However I disagree. Mega Man II is an improvement on Mega Man but Mega Man is still pretty good. Fire N Ice is however the best sequel on the NES. Fire N Ice improves on Solomon's Key so much better. The game's character controls so much better and faster and honestly the puzzles you do just work SO much better in this game. I guess people just forget about Solomon's Key or that this game is a sequel to Solomon's Key because this is a OMG RARE!!!! RARE!!!! THIS IS A RARE GAME AND I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT ITS RARITY AND NOT HOW ITS ACTUALLY WELL MADE AND FUN AND A GREAT SEQUEL! Well, I'm going to piss on Youtubers who just seem to pick up collector stuff so that they can be a success on YouTube instead of actually really being into this crap and say this game was found by me IN NEWFOUNDLAND. In FACT I am pretty sure I RAN ACROSS SEVERAL COPIES OF THIS GAME IN NEWFOUNDLAND. The second something is found in Newfoundland it no longer can be considered Rare, just Uncommon. Sorry, YouTube jerks I used to watch before I realized none of them really seem to care that much about this stuff but being POPULAR YOUTUBE GUYS instead. Good lord this is one hell of a saucy post that portnoyd will have a lot to comment on. I guess I owned him a large comment over the Scream post where I'm sure he hasn't even seen a single one of those movies.
Hey cool. Yet another "This is a game that exists" kinda game. The worst kind of game to talk about for this thing. This game just feels like they put in the bare minimum. I even like a bunch of Codemasters/Camerica stuff. It is an over the top shooter game. You have to go find survivors and bring them back to a ship. The controls are really stiff and weird which is really the worst part of this game. However I cannot get angry at this game. It's like getting angry at a bowl of oatmeal and not even fancy oatmeal. Like the oatmeal your great great great great granpa ate in like 1821 or whenever the fuck your great great great great grandpa was alive. This game doesn't really do anything all that well but other than the controls its not that awful either. I guess the change to front facing scene when you save the survivor and you have to shoot some planes trying to kill him and you. It's just something you've seen done better in retro games. It's a game that exists and you forget does even exist. That's all I can say about Fire Hawk.
Oh good another game that I really have nothing to say about. I am pretty sure I played this game but I honest to God could be wrong because It's just another TOP GUN STYLE GAME (apparently based on a movie that has Danny Glover, Tom Sizemore, Willem Dafoe and Roseanna Arquette in it, yet I don't believe I had heard of it and I know of like 2402 weirdo B-movies that came out in the same year!) This was based on the book that the movie was based on. Or based on the movie that the book was a basis for. I don't know and I don't care. There is ONE game that is like this that I really want to give a good honest try too and I'll mention it when I get to it. I just find the rest of these games to be the most boring shit imaginable. Watching every single Casper cartoon is a more exicting prospect then ever playing any of these games. I do not know what it is but I just go into ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZ mode whenever any of these games come up and this one is no different.
Good Games: 111
Bad Games: 81
Okay Games: 29
Games that Might be Better If I weren't an Impatient Child: 3
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