Oh hey, It’s me posting on my blog again. Hopefully I’ll post more on this blog again because it’s literally the only thing that I find fun related to the internet these days but I always forget about this shit. Anyway, I’ve found myself watching some comic book movies, but not from the 1970s or 1980s when they first started happening. No, it’s that weird moment in time from 1998 when Blade came out to 2008 when Iron Man really really changed the game. This was a pretty Marvel centric era (not much different than today ho ho ho) but it felt for the most part the people who made these movies never touched a comic book in their lives, despite having Kevin Feige as a producer on several of them. Not to ruin the fun but I will ruin this blog post because I think the MCU even at it’s worst, is still (mostly) better than the majority of the movies from this era, and we will see why.
This movie is one hell of a mixed bag, but I’m going to ruin this blog post a bit by saying……….This is the only one of these four movies that I enjoyed watching. No, it’s not perfect. The Hulk Dogs are fucking hilarious. The movie starts pretty slow and doesn’t really start getting entertaining until they show up. Nick Nolte I think is starring in an entirely different movie and giving one hell of an unhinged performance. I love it. His performance is the best part of these movie. He is amazing in this film. He is the bad guy of the picture. The Absorbing Man, he’s also the Hulks dad and killed his mom. This is a big problem with a lot of these movies as they seemed to feel like they needed to jam EVERYTHING into one movie. Still I did enjoy this one. It’s nothing amazing but I would watch it again, if only for Nick Nolte. The worst part is probably Eric Bana as Eddie Nort and Markie Ruff are better at playing the character.
Speaking of overstuffed this movie decides to shove in Daredevil’s origin story, Elektra, Bullseye, people finding out who the Kingpin is and his downfall, AND a courtroom case and man it feels like they had ideas for an entire tv show season but they had to shove it into one movie. It does not work. The biggest thing is that I don’t think the people making it really got most of these characters. Bullseye is played for some kind of terrible joke character. It’s very annoying. Ben Affleck tries but I don’t think he’s cut out for playing superheroes. I know people complain about race swapping characters now (and if you care about my opinion is that I don’t really care who plays a character in live action as long as they don’t change the comics. Leave them separate. Which means I’m in the middle of a dumb internet argument and no one likes nuance on the internet these days) but Michael Clarke Duncan is literally one of two reasons why you should check this bloated mess of a movie out. The other is for some of the weirdest cameos ever. Kane Hodder, Kevin Smith and COOLIO show up in this movie. Just wild. Anyway, I did not much care for this movie and would not watch it again.
You know how sometimes you can tell when an actor does not want to be making the movie they are making. Yeah this is one of the times here. Jennifer Gardner does not want to be making this motion picture. It is so 100% obvious in every single scene. I’m pretty sure she did what she could to make it so every single scene was done in one take. This makes for one really really boring and terrible movie to watch. I mean when the star does not want to be there can you really make the audience care? It’s neat to see Terrence Stamp actually be one of the people who played a DC character and a Marvel character (having played General Zod in the old Superman movies) but for the most part this is a forgettable mess.
Hooo boy, we got ourselves a stinker here. Superman is in the news again with the newest movie which people again argue about because everyone argues about new movies on the internet now. Just with a weird political bent because again everything has to be about politics on Shitty Internet. The Internet used to be so good and now it’s so bad. Anyway this movie takes it self way too seriously. I don’t even know if Bryan Singer even saw the old Superman movies from the 1970s and 1980s because they were pretty damn goofy and yes I’m including the first two in there too. They were delightful and entertaining though, even when they got Cannon Movie Group’d. Yes, I’d rather watch Superman IV The Quest for Peace instead of this movie. This movie took itself too seriously and really should have just restarted the character in movie form, but whatever. It’s still better than Man of Steel and this version of Superman likes to stalk Lois Lane and her boyfriend and son. Yes, it’s very weird. This movie does have a good point and that’s Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor. Yes, I know I’m now supposed to retroactively think everything someone who’s been accused of crimes did was bad and awful but fuck that, the movie comes to LIFE when the man is on screen. It also has a dog eat another dog. This movie is weird and unpleasant.
Maybe I’ll come back and review another four movies no one cares about anymore. Probably, why the hell not. Anyway, I hope portnoyd’s terrible comment doesn’t annoy me to much.
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