When I first started this thing it was just for funsies to see how the Final Episode of the shows from the past were like. Did they end on a high note? Did they end on a low note? Did they end with a cliffhanger? Was it just a wacky adventure of the week that you would have no idea that it was the Final Episode unless you had an episode guide? Those were the questions I wanted to answer.
Thankfully if I’m being fair, most Final Episodes were pretty good. Or at least decently pleasant. A depressing amount were thrown together trash. It’s a shame that any series ended on a low note. Unless it was like The Big Bang Theory. I hope they all got thrown into an active volcano and that’s how that garbage pile ended. Sadly I’m sure it ended positively for those unfunny piles of cat shit. I will never understand how Urkel was considered the most annoying character in TV history in the 1990s and Sheldon was somehow made into a hero. I hate Sheldon. I hate all of those shitheads. I think by even mentioning them here that I’m going to end up talking about that show as a post on here. Actually that will be The Final Final Episode. So when I’m done talking about every other goofy thing I want to talk about I talk about the TV show I hate the most.
Uh, the point I was getting at before I started yelling about that pile of shit show was I think it would be fun to revisit some of the Final Episodes for a bottom 5 list of sorts. I am way too lazy to do a bottom 10 and I’m honestly unsure if I could even find 10 ones I really disliked. But let’s start.
5. Bewitched
When looking up a picture to use here for this show I found out that Bewitched is getting another remake. That’s right. I know I joke that every IP from the past is going to get a remake or a reboot or a decades late sequel but I’m starting to believe it. Seriously did you know that Head of the Class the TV show from the mid 80s with Howard Hesseman as the teacher of a class of gifted nerd-os? Yeah that got a remake that I just learned of. Seriously I think they are doing it because it makes them laugh at how little choice we have but to watch the same thing just without any of the charm. Hell I miss when they’d put some effort into reboots and remakes. At least say The Addams Family or The Brady Bunch Movie were fun to watch. I also learned that they are remaking Escape to Witch Mountain for the like fourth time I think! You need to give it up Disney! They already escaped! SEVERAL TIMES!
It’s hard to pick a #5 spot for a list like this. Like what is the least worst. So I decided to go with the first choice I remember really bumming me out. Bewitched ended with a repeat of a plot from earlier on in the series. I can’t give them that much grief for that in the end because there’s only so many stories you can tell and the show went on for like eight or nine seasons. It was a popular show. They really should have just ended it at season five with the original Darrin because the second guy really was terrible. That actor I never liked. I don’t even care enough to look up his name even though I know its somewhere in the recess of my brain. He acted like he barely had a pulse in anything. I do not like seeing him pop up in films and TV. a repeat plot really shows your show should end and it ending on a repeat plot with a worse actor gets this the #5 spot!
4. Spider-Man (1967)
Think of this as a place for ALL of the Clip Shows (except Webster because it’s so fucking weird) but I think I will choose this because I believe after writing that article I found out that the clips of the kid and Spider-Man on the train were from another episode. They pretty much had the Final Episode be no new clips. I know the show was on its last legs and hell even the company was on its last legs too I believe but I cannot be nice about it. Letting the first Spider-Man show end on that note is DEPRESSINGLY AWFUL. Seriously. What the hell? This doesn’t give any other show that ended on clip shows a pass. I know they did it for cheapness reasons. Yeah it was different before you could watch any TV show you wanted via the internet but I’m pretty sure people of today would have liked it more if a show from the past they really got invested into had a better ending than that.
I’m gonna bitch about it now because when I think about it now it kind of annoys me more and more. Boy Meets World ending was a two parter with like 82 clips that pad the run time. You know why that’s sad. They could have had taken out the clips and the episode would have been one of the best. The non-clip stuff is heart felt and well done. It ends with this very passionate speech by William Daniels as Mr. Feeny. Talking about the new life the cast will have in New York City (I believe. I don’t care enough to look it up) It’s really sad that a nice ending was ruined by just jamming old clips in. Clip shows suck.
3. Clutch Cargo
Yeah, I won’t be going over a paragraph on this one. Clutch Cargo is the cheapest piece of shit animation I’ve ever seen. Yeah the guy who stands up for Filmmation and Hanna Barbera is telling you this. I’m the guy who picks up for those guys even when they were at their worst. The thing is they at least had charm and entertainment value. They had cartoons with likable characters. They had cartoons that didn’t have a fucking weird ass human mouths coming out of them when they spoke. That was the fucking worst thing. This show was boring, ugly not amusing in the slightest and I don’t care if it was made in 1959 or 2009 it was fucking shit on a sidewalk that someone should have cleaned up quicker than they fucking did. Fuck Clutch Cargo.
2. Sabrina the Teenage Witch
This one is one I do not know why I let go so easily when I first reviewed it. I’m guessing I was sleep deprived and hungry and very tired when I blasted out probably a few thousand words about nonsense and then a thousand words about the actual Final Episode. Anyway it’s actually kind of amazing going back and looking at it because I just called it meh. I was reminded of the Final Episode recently and was kinda grossed out about it. You see this episode ends with Sabrina leaving her groom at the wedding to be with Harvey. That’s not a nice way to end things. I’m not thinking OH HEY THE TWO PEOPLE ARE HAPPY. I’m thinking of the mother fucker who wanted to get married. It’s fucked up the more I think about it and I have to put this here.
Honorable Mentions LIGHTING ROUND!
Transformers: Possibly the best 1980s cartoon besides the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ends on a thrown together mess. Like the story was originally five parts and was written as five parts and they had to jam it into THREE parts when they ran out of money. It also has the Headmasters which is still my least favorite part of the Transformers period and yes I’m including the Michael Bay movies in that as well.
Casper the Friendly Ghost: The worst fucking cartoon character of the Golden Age of Animation. Fuck this garbage shit so hard.
Veronica’s Closet: I think you should literally read my original review of this because I think the amount of venom I piss out of my dick onto this shows face is kind of amazing. I was not in a good mood that day and that episode didn’t help!
Donald Duck: the Final Donald Duck cartoon of the Golden Age was about how to plan a Family. Fuck that shit.
The Real Ghostbusters: the best example of a company fucking with something that was already more popular to make it even more popular. The episodes made after Q5 came in and fucked everything up literally make me ashamed to enjoy anything.
Mama’s Family: it’s fucking Mama’s Family. Do I have to say more?
Charles In Charge: Scott Baio is the worst star of any tv show. Ever. Even Tim and Eric are above him.
Monster By Mistake: About as good as a kick to the head
And now! The worst of them all is…
1.) The New Adventures of He-Man
When I think of the shows I’ve done I think this is the one that annoyed me the most. Everything else at least had one positive point. For example in the Honorable Mentions category I mentioned Charles in Charge. Willie Aames acts his goofy little heart out. It’s not enough to make me ever watch any more Charles in Charge but I still remember him doing his thing. Clutch Cargo gave a job to some very talented comic book artists (whos work went to creating garbage but at least they still got paid!) the Casper movie at least entertained my sister. Monster by Mistake at least entertained my cousin. The other shows at least ENTERTAINED me at one point. The New Adventures of He-Man was dumb garbage from day one. I know because I also watched the first episode.
It was a very sad final Cash grab for the original era of He-Man. they didn’t really do anything between the failure of the movie by Cannon Pictures (which is great I don’t care) and you’re thinking oh they gave up because it would be sad to try again. Nope, in 1990 they bust out with this heap of crap that literally feels like an entirely different cartoon that had He-Man and Skeletor jammed into it. It was a drab cartoon that just felt like an afterthought for every one. The Mattel people. The Writers. the people who worked at Jetlag, the animation company were the only ones who put some effort in and since I’m being a complainy internet loser the animation is still not as fun or charming as the original stuff. That’s why I gotta put this here at the first spot because it was a bad Final Episode of a bad show that had no really redeeming qualities. It’s not like the animation was so good that you’d watch it just for that. No it was a bad Final Episode of a bad show that literally pissed on the face of something that was at least fun and enjoyable even if a silly way. That’s why I gave it the top spot.
FINAL VERDICT: This was fun. I need to come back to this in like another 100 episodes to bitch again. Hell I might even talk about the 5 best Final Episodes! Who knows?
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