The Final Episode #55: Veronica's Closet (1997 - 2000)

 

One of the best things about being a sad loser who other kids would never hang out with was that you got a lot of free time to watch all the television and movies you can. I can now make references to Veronica's Closet and Rugsuckers From Outer Space. While all of you were enjoying the company of other people I was not enjoying the comedic stylings of Veronica's Closet, but I can easily say that I was there man! I watched Veronica's Closet. If by watched you mean turn this show on for 5 minutes and then go "fucking hell this shit sucks" and then turn on Caroline in the City. Yes I watched Caroline in the City. Are you really surprised? I had all the time in the world to do this stuff and I didn't want to be at school so I would never do any homework and spend as much time as I could spending my time doing things that weren't school. Sorry I'm not in the greatest of moods today and this very poor piece of 90s TV does not help.

Veronica's Closet for the many many people who had better things to do with the precious God given gift of life, was a sitcom starring Kirstie Alley. Kirstie is a actress that I have never not once ever really liked seeing in a movie or television show. I liked the movie Madhouse but that's just because of every one else in the film. It's not because she's a Donald Trump supporting conservative. It's that she's never been good at her job. She is not funny or charming or a good actress. She even brought down the show Cheers. I'm a Shelly Long man, damnit. She's still better than Kirstie Alley. Fuck you if you disagree. This is gonna be an angry review because I'm in a pissy mood and this crap doesn't help. This sitcom took place at a lingerie company called Veronica's Closet. whoopidee shit.

The characters on this show were Josh, a man who for most of the series was heterosexual but GET THIS he liked things that weren't manly and were totally gay!!!! That is pure proof he loves to kiss men and is a man lover and wow what a great joke! This joke was done a bit better in the movie In & Out but both that movie and this show ruin whatever comedy can come from that situation by actually making the characters BE gay. Yes, Josh ends up coming out in the 3rd season and dates some fancy black man (the only black person in a 90s tv show who wasn't a ANGRY BLACK MAN). The joke is completely dead when the character actually is gay and just happens to like stereotypical gay things. Like it's barely a good joke but it's dead when they are actually shown to be gay. There's also Leo and man there are TV series from the 1970s that have better developed black characters than most from the 1990s. Like if it wasn't Family Matters every black person on a sitcom that I've seen as of late was the stereotypical ANGRY BLACK GUY. I'll give this guy that much he's probably the best actor in the show and actually seems to care. Perry uh was a player. Yeah that's it. Oh and Olive was Kathy Najimy so she played a Kathy Najimy character. I actually like that lady but she's so much better in many other things.

The Final Episode of Veronica's Closet was called Veronica Checks Out and appeared in 2000. In the New Millennium when we had just fought off the Y2K bug and all that. I don't care enough to check out the day of this episodes ending. No one cares. It involves Veronica dating Perry and oh man they have problems because shes his boss! Oh man! You could probably make funny stuff out of this situation but they certainly didn't try! I'm really not very hard to please with comedy but I think I laughed twice during the two episodes I watched. That's not very good. Yeah I ended up watching two episodes because this wasn't something I watched back in the day and I watched Caroline in the City AND Suddenly Susan. It wasn't like I had taste at the tender age of 12 but even then I realized Kirstie Alley sucks. She's not a very good actor.

Oh and Kathy Najimy apparently made tons of money, like millions on the internet and quit her job. Now she wants to buy out this lady June's half of the company. Apparently she married a guy named Alec who owned half of the company and was in a relationship with Veronica. He ends up falling into a Volcano (actually it turns out that she pushed him in. Despite in the episode she first appears in not even realizing this guy had money. Also wouldn't he have to change his will within the 2 days they were married. Hey maybe if the cast or the writers had put effort into the jokes I wouldn't be nitpicking them) Kathy Najimy ends up getting her half of the business. Woo.

The Gay Stereotype Man's boyfriend whos name is Bree? or Brie? I don't know. Ask his parents. Bree comes out to his conservative black parents who want to meet him. Only problem is that he's a white man and they are conservative!!! Oh man!!!! They rope THE ANGRY BLACK MAN into going on a date with Bree until Perry or some other shithead does something HE doesn't think is honest, which they then respond "hey aren't you supposed to be on a date with your boyfriend and his parents!" Which causes him to go to the restaurant and woah!!! everything ends up working out for him!!!! WOAH!!!!

It then ends with everyone happily exclaiming something. Perry and Veronica happily exclaim they are dating! Kathy Najimy happily exclaims that she is half owner now! Josh exclaims that he's going to be moving in with his boyfriend and THE ANGRY BLACK MAN exclaims hes going to see some foliage. Yes we liked to see leaves change in the late 90s and early 2000s. If this were any other show I'd be like well that was not a very good joke but since this is a very lazy television show I'm pretty sure this was their way of saying goodbye because this was The Final Episode. I'm honestly amazed that I remember this show because it's about as memorable as The Brady Bunch and I'm sure as hell it hasn't been replayed as much as that show. This show's biggest problem is that it doesn't seem to try enough. I mean one of the characters dies from falling into a volcano. You think they'd go the full way and make a scene where you actually see that. Nope, just volcano. This entire show just feels halfassed, but then you see that Kirstie Alley was a producer and you realize why.

FINAL VERDICT: I think this is the new winner for the worst Final Episode. I didn't think Spider-Man 1967 would ever get dethroned but at least you still got some of those weird trippy visuals you'd see from the third season of this show. This show has nothing. Congrats Kirstie Alley on the bottom spot!