The Movie Review #81: Doug's First Movie (1999)

 

Hey! It's my least updated series. I watch probably too many movies. I don't know. Sometimes it's a lot and sometimes I go months without watching a single film. Anyway I am bringing this back because after my LONGEST ARTICLE OF ALL TIME, I mentioned within it that they kept making movies out of cartoons on TV in the 1990s. Except to a very lesser degree. We had a compilation tape of Tiny Toon Cartoons called TINY TOONS HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER VACATION (which is amazing) or a Animaniacs movie called Wakko's Wish which I had never seen. There were also movies based around Beavis and Butthead and South Park but they really don't totally count. I was thinking of child friendly cartoons from TV that was turned into a movie. I then remembered this movie and decided to review it because I am as Bugs Bunny once put it "a stinker". You see portnoyd hates Doug like I hate Tim and Eric. So let's talk about the Doug's First Movie. 

Doug for those who do not know was a cartoon show that first started on Nickelodeon. It was like one of the first three Nicktoons. They were Doug, Rugrats and Ren and Stimpy. Doug was just the everyday life of Doug Funnie, a kid with an overactive imagination (seriously guy spaces out and has weird cutaway dreams all the damn time as we will see in this movie). He has to deal with girls and bullies and all kinds of stuff. Doug's run on Nickelodeon would run its course in 1994. I don't know the full details but I do believe that if they had made one more episode they would have owned the property but I guess they just didn't care. Portnoyd will probably be amused by that.

Now the giant grubby hands of MICKEY MOUSE aka DISNEY show up and are like YES WE WANT THIS and buy Jumbo Pictures. Which means they now own Doug. and I think P.B. and J Otter. Or maybe that was just made for them by Jim Jinkins, creator of Doug (he even worked on really really REALLY early Nickelodeon in like 1979-1981!!) . Doug first showed up in some children's book! I should format these paragraphs better but I just remembered that and I don't want to go force that fact into the oipening paragraph. So, Disney's Disney Afternoon had ended so they created a Saturday Morning Block on ABC. Which they had also just bought. MICKEY MOUSE WILL BUY YOU AND OWN YOUR SOUL! 

I loved the block they created called One Saturday Morning. It had Recess, Pepper Ann and others. I did not realize Doug's second series was there from the beginning before Recess or Pepper Ann or The Weekenders or any of those other shows. It was there from day one. Alongside the last season of Gargoyles and The Mighty Ducks. Isn't that something?? Anyway Doug is a very weird little cartoon in the fact that people either seem to find it charming or they want to RIP OFF DOUGS HEAD AND SHIT DOWN HIS NECK. It's kind of amazing actually. Then you get the people who did NOT like the Disney series.

Some of the Criticism the Disney series got was the changing of the Locale (like closing the Honker Burger) or changing the characters (Roger got rich and Connie became skinny) or making the plots 22 minutes instead of 11 minutes. Personally I watched Nickelodeon Doug on YTV and I watched Disney Doug on One Saturday Morning and thought it was just a perfectly pleasant cartoon. Not an ULTRA FAVOURITE (yeah this might just blow portnoyds mind. I bet he thinks I think Doug is cartoon nirvana or something) but it was something I could easily watch and enjoy. I don't know what version is better but I do know that I did Final Episode breakdowns on each of them which you can see here and here. I am planning a series where I go and watch every episode of a show and then talk about it so sorry portnoyd this will probably not be the last time I discuss Doug. I do know you like DUMPING ASS on this show so don't even lie about that.

So some more background before we get into the movie. In the season before this movie Doug and Skeeter had been searching for the LUCKY DUCK LAKE MONSTER. They find said monster in this movie. So with that out of the way, let's dig in to Disney's Doug's First Movie (and his last too!)

I should mention that I rented this in like 1999 when it hit VHS. Probably from Allan's Video. Probably along side other films like Porky's II: The Next Day and Sorority House Massacre. You know I only watched the most intellectual and though provoking cinema as a 14 year old. I remember not liking it at all. I watched a little bit of recently and wasn't all that amazed by it. I finished the entire thing and this movie is kind of a mess and it's ALL OVER THE PLACE. Holy shit this is just thrown together nonsense. 

 It starts out in LUCKY DUCK LAKE and we see Roger trying to scare Doug and Skeeter. Roger and his friends are there. They will end up dressing up as a monster. One of them Chinese dragons. They are dressed up as one when they try to scare Skeeter. The LUCKY DUCK LAKE MONSTER shows up and Skeeter ends up getting a picture taken of it. The picture is of its foot. We will come back to that. Anyway There is also a VALENTINE'S DAY DANCE. I can only remember one dance at my school and I actually ended up going there. We did the locomotion because Newfoundland was like 35 years out of date at the time. Now it's only 15! Ha I jest. I JEST BECAUSE I LOVE. Is the SCHOOL DANCE the most over used trope in these kinds of stories? I really do believe so.

So Beebe and Connie mention to Doug that no one wants to put the Dance together. He thinks it's time to  get Patti in on this but when signing them up UPPER CLASS MAN GUY GRAHAM shows up. So I guess Guy is in the 10th grade or even higher because it wouldn't be that much of a big deal to make if he was in grade 8 or 9. So uh Guy Graham is like 15 and hitting on Patti who is 12. Also goes to the dance with her. He pretty much screws Doug out of helping to make the dance and get to be with Patti because he's a Jerk. Beebe also brings up how her dad knows him. Doug is like I KNOW YOUR DAD. and She's like NOT LIKE THIS. So I'm gonna say that Bill Bluff is molesting the shit out of Guy Graham.

So the Monster brings back their bikes and they decide to name it Herman Melville. They show Mr. Dink and his wife who is now mayor TIPPI. There's only two people named TIPPI in the world. Al Gore's wife and Mr. Dink's wife. I'm sure there is a joke there but I really don't know what it is or if I really should bother trying to make said joke. Anyway They want to let people know about Herman Melville (he got this name by trying to eat a copy of Moby Dick) but Tippi is like Bill Bluff owns the newspapers so we should watch out. Tippi again is like DON'T TELL ANYONE. ANYONE. I MEAN IT. HE WILL MURDER THE MONSTER AND PROBABLY US TOO. 

In a wild ass plot contrivance. One so big that I have to bring it up. Like they make Doug do the one thing that he shouldn't do and HE KNOWS HE SHOULDNT DO. He pretty much mentions he knows about Bill Bluff's pollution shit to GUY GRAHAM UPPER CLASS MAN. Guy literally tells Bill Bluff and he sends all of his men to the unveiling of Herman Melville at the Dink's house. Doug pretty much has to tell them that it was nothing so they could save Herman. This makes Patti mad at him for lying to her. She was there when he went on his being spiel about the pollution and everything. 

While this is going on Roger has the nerdy kids create him a robot that would stop the Monster so if Skeeter tried to use said Monster on him he'd have the Robot ready. The Robot is actually not a series of jokes but actually important to the plot. The robot also sounds like Julia Child and ends up babying Roger. No portnoyd I am not making this up. 

The dance is at Funkytown, a disco. Doug lives in the weirdest version of the 1990s. His sister is a beatnik who probably read Jack Kerouac ten thousand times. Roger is a greaser that probably has several pocket knives. I do not know what time period this show takes place in. It's very weird and all that. So they also dress HERMAN MELVILLE up as a girl who ends up becoming popular during her one and only day at school. This is also important for the ending of this motion picture.

So they try to get Herman Melville to go back to his pond but they realize it's too polluted to use. However before they can even leave Bill Bluff comes in and kidnaps the monster. Doug and Skeeter get some police officers to come to his house. This causes Bill Bluff to make up a scheme where Herman would show up at the Valentine's Day dance and cause a ruckus making it so he can shoot him. GUY GRAHAM THE UPPER CLASSMAN pretty much gives this away by writing it on his computer (he mentioned earlier in the movie that the class paper computer was so slow he'd have to start writing something two weeks earlier) Doug and Skeeter and the two Nerd brothers whos name I forgot and really do not care to look up because it's 4:30 in the morning here. I really should not be writing about Doug at this point should I? 

So they all show up for the dance. The Nerd brothers get Roger to shut down his Robot, or at least shut it down for him. They then dress it up in the Chinese Dragon garb. Doug and Skeeter find Herman, dress him up as the girl. Get him out of the dance while the Chinese Dragon wearing Robot that talks like Julia Child gets shot up. Herman gets to CRYSTAL LAKE (hope it's different than the one in the Friday the 13th movies) and escapes. He comes back just to let Patti know that DOug is not lying. They dance. Skeeter and Beebe dance. Mr. Bluff has to clean up the lake. The almost dead robot chases after Roger. 

This movie is a fucking goofy ass mess. Portnoyd is going to have a field day with this movie in the comments. Like beating a pinata with no blindfold. Just smashing that shit. That would be fine if I could say that I enjoyed this movie but I did not. The only time I was amused by this film is when they make a reference to the SEMINAL SHORT FILM CLASSIC Bambi Vs. Godzilla. They really should have uh, stuck to TV episode length. I still believe they could and did tell good stories at that length. Anything past that was not a good idea. 14 year old claw was right about this movie. He probably bitched about it on Joblo's Movie Forums or maybe even NESescity before someone told him to fuck off. Man people are jerks.

FINAL THOUGHTS: I wanted to annoy portnoyd and I just annoyed myself. I guess it's true about the best laid plans of mice and men. I will stop making reference to things like that and Jack Kerouac because I know it scares people that I know of those things.