The Comic Review #106: Mark Hazzard: Merc #1 (1986)

 

Well, I made a list (which I will probably try and look back on ALL of the old posts to see what needs to be continued or redone sometime soon. I might even do that today. One of the things I did say I would do is look at the "alternative universe" Marvel Comics such as the New Universe, 2099 and MC-2. I have talked about one series from each. So It's time to read all of those comics and get them done with. I think I will start with the New Universe and review every first issue from its 1986 lineup. We have already talked about Star Brand and I thought it was a pretty good comic. Now we will talk about the comic I was least interested in because why not let's get that out of the way so it doesn't pop up later and make me go "BUT PORT I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT ITTTTT". You gotta keep Port interested and sometimes listen to what he says. Not always but sometimes. Maybe just like once every 5 years.

So you are asking what is the New Universe? Well let me tell you about it in 1986. It was Marvel's 25th Anniversary (actually to be fair it was their 47th Anniversary as a company but they were only known as Marvel for twenty five of those years) and Jim Shooter who was Editor in Chief at the time was working on finding out an idea for the anniversary. He came up with the New Universe a alternative universe that was more down to earth and REAL feeling. Full of new characters and new stories and new everything, thus NEW universe. It failed like uh, i dunno a lead potato. Would you eat a lead potato? No. None of the titles sold very well (all though I feel it probably sold better than comics of today) and by 1989 it was gone. I just think no one wanted to read the new characters. I don't know if there was even any really good build up trying to sell you on MARK HAZZARD MERC but all of these comics just sit in 25 cent/dollar bins all over North America and probably not even sold anywhere else. The sad fact is that it's hard to sell new characters to people.

One thing I gotta mention before I forget is that Mark Hazzard Merc actually got a ongoing series before the Punisher did. This was during the time when the Punisher would show up in a different heros comic and either reluctantly team up with the hero or fight them. I love that era of the Punisher the most. I just think the character works the best that way. I mean sure some of the later stuff was fun but that era was my favorite. I just had to tell you all that. MARK HAZZARD didn't last long and I think it was the first or second New Universe title to be cancelled but he beat the Punisher to an ongoing. You can use this as trivia in comic book discussions and look like a complete moron because no one except you knows who the fuck Mark Hazzard Merc is.

Archie Goodwin is credited for creating Mark Hazzard and that's wild because I heard he was like the nicest guy in comics and the only person he ever had a problem with was Jim Shooter. He felt that Jim Shooter had weasled his way into the EIC chief and got him out of that job. I guess in the eight years between that happening and the New Universe happening he just forgave the man or something. I dunno. It's hard to discuss these things second hand (I learned this factoid from the book Marvel Comics: The Untold Story which is an excellent book on Marvel Comics) and I can't talk to either man about it because they are uh enjoying time with Jesus. Archie Goodwin did write some of my favorite Iron Man comics of the 1960s though. Dude was pretty good.

The writer of this comic was Peter David though. A man that Bill Jemas decided to shit all over with his Marville stunt because he was a stupid asshole and working under him must have been a pain in the ass. Peter David literally wrote everything. Marvel, DC, Star Trek, Star Wars, Babylon 5 stuff. HE WROTE SEVERAL MOVIES FOR CHARLES BAND'S FULL MOON PICTURES. The man literally did everything. Sadly he passed away in 2025 but my god he left a lot of work for all kinds of people to enjoy. Hearing that he wrote the first four issues makes me laugh at the reddit account who was like MARK HAZZARD MERC worst MARVEL COMIC EVER? Yeah no. I haven't even read them yet but I can tell you it's not even close. Fuckin reddit. 

Gray Morrow drew several of the issues. I can only remember one issue of his art and I thought it was pretty good. He was born in 1934 and passed away in 2001. Wow talking about a lot of people who have passed away in this post. Pretty depressing 

So with all of that out of the way, let's get into Mark Hazzard: Merc #1. We start with Mark scaring the shit out of a kid who stole an apple into putting the apple back. Two ladies are talking about some dictator that I'm sure Mark Hazzard is gonna fuck up and also about how much of a hunk Mark Hazzard is. Mark Hazzard literally has a grumpy pissed off "go the fuck away" look on his face. It's great and I love it. Mark enters his house talking about how he's ONE OF THE GOOD ONES because the ladies were like I WANT HIM TO FUCK ME RAW and how he knows about war and history and knows how to use all kinds of hand guns and that SOME OF THE THINGS HE HAD TO DO WEREN'T VERY NICE. This is all very seen it before but I love this goofy action shit too much to complain really. 

 Anyway his son Scott calls him about his little league game and he ignores it like a jerk. He ignores a call from his wife and some girl. The call he's waiting for is to JOIN UP WITH HIS 'NAM BUDDIES AND FUCK SHIT UP. That's what Mark Hazzard does! He and some other guy are at EL PRESIDENTE'S HOUSE and ready to well BRING SOME JUSTICE TO THESE PEOPLE and he just goes into his house and EL PRESIDENTE is like MY FRIEND LETS TALK which is code for his wife to shoot Mark Hazzard. They have done this many times before and think they will do it again BUT THEY AIN'T BEEN UP AGAINST MARK HAZZARD. He sees the presidents daughter whos hes like CUTE KID TOO BAD SHES AN ORPHAN. Jesus Mark. Also two guards come up and then Marks like the PRESIDENT IS DEAD and instead of shooting Mark they literally start arguing with each other and well kill one another. This comic is already bonkers and I love it.

So ALL of the other guards and people start arguing over whos gonna be president that all except five die. The five are like WE WILL GOVERN TOGETHER before uh being BLOWN THE FUCK UP by the other guys explosions. Seriously fuck that guy on reddit and anyone who agreed with him. This comic is fucking wild. We also find out that the rebels really aren't any much better than the jerks who were in power in the first place. He finds out that the rebels are playing coin toss to decide who gets to rape EL PRESIDENTE'S daughter. Mark Hazzard pretends to be into this and says that he and his friend get first dibs and they go in and literally kidnap this girl from the rebels. I'm literally like four pages in to this BEAUTIFUL CRACKED OUT LUNACY. The guards are all like don't worry the guards outside will get them over an image of well SEVERAL DEAD GUARDS. No one fucks with Mark Hazzard!

 The daughter who I'm going to call uh, Susie I guess. That'll work and Mark argue back and forth. Susie I think is about 15-18 years old I would guess. They argue about America pretty much. About how AMERICA is no good but Mark is like AMERICA IS VERY GOOD. You know the kinda feelings these nations had about America and how AMERICA feels about itself. We also get a nice moment with Mark Hazzard's parents yelling at him for leaving West Point Military School to just go to Vietnam. Mark's dad is a jerk. A COOL 1980S BLACK GUY is the pilot whos waiting for Mark and Mal (who apparently is from New Zealand and is not happy that Mark saved the girl and lost them some money)  The Pilot who I am going to call COOL LEON has to fight over several rebels. Jesus Christ the rebels are all pissed about not getting to rape. Mal blows up the entire truck that was after COOL LEON. COOL LEON just got to kill one dude.

Mark tells the girl to keep moving and that he saved her because he felt responsible for what the rebels were going to do (no shit lol) He has some memories about NAM but all NAM GUYS remember NAM. You can't get that kinda shit outta your head easily.  Anyway they finally GET TO DA CHOPPA. He thinks about the last time he saw his mother. MARK HAZZARD had THREE TOURS IN VIETNAM  COOL LEON's actual name is Treetop but that's dumb so I'm going to keep calling him COOL LEON. Anyway Mark gets on the plane but the girl gets away. She of course gets RIDDLED WITH BULLETS. Should have listened to your parents killer YOU LITTLE MORON. Wait.

Mark is dissapointed he disapoitned his son Scott and just helped one SCUZZBALL get into power over a different SCUZZBALL. He was hoping something came out of this worthless thing. Mal is like UH WE COULD HAVE HAD MONEY MARK YOU JERK. COOL LEON agrees with Mal but doesn't really get as angry as Mal does. Mark is like IM NOT DOING THE LIBYA JOB I GOT SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT TO DO. Which is go see his sons baseball game. AWW HOW SWEET. His wife looks at a picture and goes GOD DAMNIT MARK WHY DID YOU HAVE TO STOP DISAPOINTING PEOPLE NOW. she's married for over two years and finally got Scott to see his new stepdad as a positive role model and now you have to come back. The comic ends on this note.

FINAL THOUGHTS: This is a pretty goofy comic but Peter David does put some effort into trying to make Mark Hazzard feel a bit different than other action guys. No this is not his best story by a long shot but I still had fun with it. It was a wild time and the reddit guy who said it was the worst marvel comic is high on something. Do you think I should come back to the other 12 issues (11 regular issues and an annual) READERS OF MY BLOG (aka port and sometimes shain and damien)? Just curious if you'd like me to come back to this stuff.