The Comic Review #102: Spider Man By Zebulon Wells

 

So I was finally interested enough for two reasons. 1.) I'm coming back to trying to review newer comics because I'm kinda over the internet going OH MARVEL IS ALL 100% POOP GARBAGE NOW I HATE IT! Which is exactly why I picked what is considered the worst Spider-Man comics of all time. People HATE this run of Spider-Man with an insane passion divided by 1,000 suns. I get curious when everyone seems to come together and decide to shit all over something. Is it really that bad? Let me put it this way. I'm not exactly jumping in to shitting all over this without saying anything positive but it's mostly not very good. The writer a ZEBULON WELLS did not get deserve to get shit for it, including I believe death threats. I don't know if there's anything worthy of a death threat but I know writing a Spider-Man comic people didn't like is not it. Anyway, I powered through 60 issues and these are mostly my thoughts on them.

1.) The biggest problem is that Marvel editorial is like NO WE WILL NOT HAVE MARY JANE WATSON AND PETER PARKER GET BACK TOGETHER IN ANY WAY. First off that One More Day story, which I still have not read just the whole concept is the dumbest fucking story idea for ANY superhero ever. I know in the Golden Age of Comics they probably had a comic where a man dressed as a Bunny and threw carrots at the bad guys and yes even that is a better story than One More Day. I know Marvel Editorial seems to really want Spider-Man to stay as a weirdo Manbaby but I grew up in that TWENTY YEAR PERIOD where he was Married to MJ and seemed to be getting his life on track. Yeah, I love the stuff before hand but let's let the man be happy finally at least in one area of his life. I love those two together and I really miss that marriage. 

They decided to put her up with Paul, people hate Paul and I can see why but I can't. This character is literally has less personality and charm than one off weirdos from the 1970s like Tapping Tommy, a Tap dancer that worked for Hydra that somehow stopped the Defenders. Yes it's an insane story but it's STILL BETTER THAN HAVING ANY FUCKING HERO (OR THEIR WIFE) MAKE A FUCKING DEAL WITH SATAN WHICH MEPHISTO BASICALLY IS. Getting angry at Paul is like getting angry at a bottle of hand soap. It's fucking pointless. Still they shove in  MJ getting some kids (that lol just disappear) and try to make us care. It really is the worst part of the entire thing. I would tell Marvel Editorial just to stop using the character if all they are going to do is rub salt in the faces of the people who liked the marriage.

One final point is stop having him date anyone. We now know where the story will end totally which is the same, he will not stay with this person. First off because I don't think any of these new characters will ever stack up to Mary Jane Watson and secondly because if he does somehow marry another woman you'll just have Mephisto take away that marriage. I mean it's totally fine just to do it once why not again. Doing that at all just makes any OH NO PETER'S HAVING RELATIONSHIP TROUBLE story boring as hell. We already know the ending. They break up!

2.) Norman Osborn being a good guy is dumb. Real dumb and I liked it a lot when The Sandman became a good guy. Yeah, they have him be a good guy because his sins were taken away by the brought back to life Sin-Eater. Yeah, comic books are goofy but sometimes they are just too damn goofy. Sorry but there's no way I'm buying that Peter Parker is going to willingly ever do anything with Norman Osborn. I know later on they say he did it to keep an eye on him but that just feels like a shitty ass pull. I hear they even have him pretending to be Spider-Man while Peter Parker is in Space somehow. The man killed Gwen Stacy, they will never have any kind of relationship that makes sense. It is fucking stupid and you need to change it back. It feels hollow because you skipped over the most interesting part of a redemption story which is the bad guy realizing THEY ACTUALLY DID WRONG like I dunno THE SANDMAN DID. Rubbish. All of the Goblin sins shit in this book was just rubbish.

3.) Ben Reiley  the Spider-Man clone is now somehow back after being turned into literally dust way back in like 1996? I think so, in October. Look I am someone hwo kinda likes parts of the Clone Saga. It was a pretty interesting way to shake things up in the 1990s. It didn't all work but again is a better story than One More Day. Now he's evil! Or not! OR EVIL! Or not! It's like you didn't have any ideas for this character but you brought him back because there are fans (like me) who like the character, right? I'd rather he just stay in COMIC BOOK LIMBO forever if no one has any ideas what to do with him. That's just me though. This stuff was also dumb.

4.) speaking of Limbo EVIL BEN REILEY teams up with THE GOBLIN QUEEN (not to be confused with new Green Goblin adjacent character The Queen Goblin) and they do Inferno Part II. A not very good sequel of the 1980s X-Men event. This story brings in the new character of Rek-Rap. A big dumb version of Spider-Man who is now my least favorite super hero character ever.  Yes, Deadpool has been overthrown, port. He is no longer my least favorite. Every single time this character showed up AFTER this story I just sighed and was felt really bad.

5.) The Queen Goblin is apparently Dr. Ashley Kafka who died in some comic but came back as a clone who became evil. I don't even really want to explain any more why that's stupid and I'd spend hours defending the Hypno Hustler.

6.) Now we get to the one thing I really, really quite liked. The ongoing Tombstone story with the Gangsters, like Hammerhead, Crime Master and MADAME MASQUE???? The Iron Man villain. Okay, I like her. This stuff is clearly what the writer wanted to write. The story has all kinds of neat twists and turns. Seeing Tombstone fool Spider-Man is actually pretty great. They end up having an uneasy alliance during a Gang War storyline. It's the best stuff and I really enjoyed it. 

7.) Let's go out on a negative note and say the whole trying to make Kamala Khan and Spider-Man friends just felt hollow. And her death in issue 26 was just out of nowhere and it's weirdly hilarious how she stayed dead literally long enough for Marvel to pump out two comics where they mourn her. Then she comes back as a mutant. I hate this because I am one of the few fans of the Inhumans and thought it was neat she was a part of them. They say she's now mutant and Inhuman and I'm like man you really can't help but mess up the best character you've created in 30 years Marvel, can you? I'm really starting to think that I could run this company better. Oh and it feels like they are trying to do this shit for MCU SYNERGY!!!! keep the movies and the comics away from each other KEVIN JERKIFE.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Uh, read the Gang War storyline. It's pretty fun. Everything else can pretty much be avoided. It did make me want to read the comic event Judgement Day so expect a blog post on that maybe sometime soon. Maybe.