Well, it's time to review another comic book. Honestly I'm in a Spider-Man mood because he's my favorite hero and I want to discuss some things. I have read the majority of Spider-Man comics made between the 1960s days of Stan Lee and Steve Ditko and the 1990s. I would like to read up until the comics did the dumbest thing ever and had him give up his marriage to the devil. That story just ruined any Spider-Man comic after that and until they fix it I will not buy any Spider-Man comics. The only ones I've bought between 2007 and now is a run that I thought was going to fix that awful mistake. It's the dumbest dumbest thing anyone has done to any hero. It also makes no sense because Satan or his stand in Mephisto WILL WANT TO CHEAT YOU. SATAN IS NOT YOU AGREE WITH. SWEET BABY JESUS. So it's time to discuss an older Spider-Man story.
Anyway, the biggest story from the Spider-Man era that I haven't read in full yet is......The Spider-Man Clone Saga. A story I remember picking up pieces of as a kid. I have mentioned before that I liked to pick up my comics from a little used book store chain in our city. They had three locations and I would be so happy when I would get to go to any of them. I would buy some old Spider Man comics and a Garfield/Charlie Brown/Bloom County/Calvin and Hobbes/etc book too. It was always a great Sunday when we could do that. Sometimes issues would show up at our Sobeys but it seemed to be very erratic. You'd get one issue at one store but the other at another store and some would get sold out very quickly and you'd get shit. It was annoying until I found a comic book store in our town. We had like two and I never knew about either until I was (legally) an adult.
So I haven't read all of the Spider-Man Clone Saga. At the beginning of this blog I would start a group of posts about random Spider-Man comics I had not read yet. I would type a paragraph about them and move on. I read the first half or so of Spider-Man's Clone Saga (his second Clone Saga...) and honestly enjoyed a decent amount of it. Yeah, some of it was really really really goofy and stupid. A lot of it was really goofy and stupid but it was still fun and exciting and I enjoyed the "brother" angle between both Spider-Men. I dunno, I'd read this stuff over what they are currently doing, I keep tabs on what's happening and wow it sounds really dumb. I don't like to judge things I haven't read myself but I also really don't want to read these new Spider-Man comics. They are the wrong kind of dumb.
Anyway, let's get to the story! They packed this first part to the damn GILLS. I don't even know what that saying means really but holy hell they got a lot of stuff in here. You get some intrigue involving a skeleton that was YET ANOTHER CLONE of Peter Parker?!?! And J.Jonah Jameson has pictures of it! And Spider-Man in there too! from PETER PARKER?!? Also with Ben Reilly he works at the Daily Grind and I liked these characters. They were a fun bunch. He has a girlfriend named Jessica who finds out he's Spider-Man in this issue! And gets a picture of him as Spider-Man! Holy hot hannah! Peter Parker doesn't trust Seward Trainer who is Ben's friend and also did the test on him that "proved" Peter Parker was the clone. I'll say this, Pete's right not to trust Seward!!! I did actually read the story on how this all concludes! Reading comic books the way we used to was wild!
Alright, now holy shit this second issue was even more insane. Peter Parker (who has no powers at this point for some reason) and MJ have a child on the way. MJ wants to go back to Portland and leave all this. Peter still wants to find out whos behind it all. Whats up with the skeleton and I can't really blame him ya know? I'd certainly want to know what up with it. Jessica the lady who is dating Ben and found out he was Spider-Man is also the daughter of the Burglar who killed Uncle Ben! DRAMA! Peter and MJ gets taken in by this group of 1990s losers with like 85% of CYBERNETIC ENHANCEMENTS! They are the corniest group of losers ever to appear in a comic book. I don't even want to remember their names, I'm just saying that I'll be surprised if they ever comic back after this six part story. We also see Seward Trainer with one of the big bad guys involved with the Clone Saga. A guy called Gaunt. He has to wear more CYBERNETIC ENHANCEMENTS except I think he looks cool and a better design than the other goobers. He says he likes his CYBERNETIC ENHANCEMENT SUIT but would also like for Seward Trainer's machines to bring him back to full life. He turns out to be the Robot Master, a Spider-Man bad guy no one but me would remember. Not even Steve Ditko or that other guy. Anyway this story ends with the entire Daily Grind being BLOWN THE FUCK UP.
Someone is trying to set up Ben Reilly and he thinks its Jessica Carradine (OH MY GOD THE BURGLAR THAT KILLED UNCLE BEN WAS DAVID CARRADINE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!) and even fights with her! He then goes to look for Seward Trainer just to find CELL-12 the goobers from the last comic. He beats the absolute shit out of all of them. Like barely causing a sweat. It turns out they worked for The Hobgoblin and The Hobgoblin was behind everything that's been happening to Peter and Ben at the moment. The Hobgoblin, or this version of the Hobgoblin had a weird life. He started as the Second Hobgoblin. Became attached to a Demon (one that escaped and became Demogoblin) got all crazy Jesus-y religious. Became a mercenary again. They really had no idea what to do with him as a character but I can't deny that I love this Hobgoblin and he reminds me of the early days of my comic reading. Ahh Jason Macendale, you could never catch a break and when the original Hobgoblin came back, it was time to say goodbye. He has some cool CYBERNETIC ENHANCEMENTS. Anyway, Hobgoblin beats the shit out of Ben Reilly and SEWARD TRAINER comes out and gets him to stop. Oh shit! What's up with that?!?
This issue has Ben going back to Jessica to try and apologize just to bring up the negatives of the picture she has of him which pisses HER off. Ben then realizes Peter is going to find out why Seward Trainer is doing this (he has a really stupid name and I do not like it) and it's just because Gaunt is forcing him too. The Hobgoblin (I almost called him the Hogoblin here which would be funny in a Spider-Ham comic) gets his ass handed too him and loses his glider that Peter has to get on. The Molten Man also learns of some sneaky stuff going on at OsCorp. Oh shit. Anyway Cell-12 show up and really get fucked up again. One of the guys actually kicks his own ass by cutting off the struts holding up the thing he was on. I am kinda starting to love these fucking morons. The next issue has them suspecting the Molten Man and Liz for some reason. Ben goes into a fight with the Molten Man which causes them to be captured by Gaunt who is going through the REBIRTH PROCESS. Anyway it's finally time to see how this story ends!
The story ends on a pretty good note. You get a wild ass fight between Gaunt and Spider-Man. You get Peter being heroic. You get the Molten Man (another Z list guy I love.). Of course the comic ends with them thinking that Seward Trainer and Gaunt are dead. Also during the comic Spider-Man believes that Gaunt may have been Harry Osborn and that was a neat idea by was nixed. Anyway that's the story. There's an epilogue which I will probably cover some other time. I think I might try to talk about more of the Spider Man Clone Saga of the 1990s.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Yeah, I like the Clone Saga. Piss off. I just know portnoyd is going to dump out his entire ass on the Clone Saga like a jerk. Cell-12 shows up in one more issue and then never again. Forgotten relics of the 1990s. Cybernetic Enhancements are still cooler than having someone in a trenchcoat just shoot the Lizard. Man that story still pisses me off.
I am in the camp of the Spiderclone thing was where Spiderman fell off the rails. Well before BRAND NEW DAY. Or ONE MORE DAY. Or ONE MORE ISSUE #1 (I'm guessing). Like, they did the lead up with Spiderman's parents which was ok. I think they were clones too. I don't know anymore. Chameleon was behind it? And then at the end, I think Spiderman just punches him in the dick and it ends. It's been a while.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, this led into this Spiderclone shit which was just dumb. I think really it was a case of them just wrapping it up and calling it a day. You did all the Spiderman stories you needed to, you can stop now.
Maybe it's about where and when you read it. I am sure readers back in the day were pissed when Mary Jane slid into Pete's pants when Gwen Stacy croaked. Who knows.
Honestly, your review of this stretch of comics proves my point. It's completely spastic and terrible. Bring back CHANCE and have him shoot LAZERS on the cover of a few Spider comics. That would be an improvement. Why is Spiderclone dating the daughter of UNCLE BEN KILLER? That is ridiculous.
Yes, I did just dump out my ass on this. Sorry. It's awful.
The only thing I agree with you is SEWARD TRAINER is a horrible name.
I'm glad you dumped your ass out on this because sometimes it's fun to argue with you.
ReplyDeletep.s. you are wrong.