Box Office Bombs! Let’s Discuss!

 

It’s time for an interesting group of discussion because I kinda feel bad for some Box Office Bombs. Some of them deserve didn’t to be a failure. So I think over the next little while we will end up discussing box office bombs. I think a lot of them don’t even get watched by many people, just they decide they aren’t any good because they didn’t make the money. I dunno. I just felt like I REALLY had to discuss one of these movies so let’s get to it. I dont like to rate a movie out of anything so I’m just going to say, Highly Recommended, Somewhat Recommended and Not Recommended.

This was the one of the movies I decided that I HAD to talk about because really this might just may be one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. I’m talking about the one of the 25th worst ever film. And you know that’s something when I willingly stick up for a LOT of films that no one cares about. A LOT of them. This is the remake of the 1975 film starring James Caan I don’t remember much about it because I haven’t seen it in almost twenty years, but I do know that there’s no way that it could be as bad at this movie. This movie literally was edited so badly that It’s taken away every put every thing the movie was trying to do, to the point where you just got a weird mess of a movie. Some shit in this movie makes no sense. Some thrown together garbage that you can’t even blame Chris Klein, even though he’s very boring as an actor, because clearly everything was edited from R-rated to not R-Rated that makes the entire thing a pointless thing to watch. I mean I doubt that this movie was going to be all that good even if it wasn’t edited to shit because really it was clearly “we don’t really care about this movie at all we are just making it because it was popular enough in 1975 and we had the rights to do it”. This is completely unwatchable shit that I hope no one bothers to watch. If I cannot stick up for it I do not think any one could and that’s really saying something. The one point about this movie is that it’s nice to see Rebecca Romjin naked. Not recommended. In fact never watch this.

Another movie that made about 32 dollars and 12 cents but really should hade made more because people who made this movie seemed to care about it. the directors and writers and actors at least seemed to care about this movie. It’s weird and out there but it’s still got a lot of charm and entertainment. There’s nothing much else I really can say about either of this movies I’m going to be talk about except that I was amused by the comedy within both. I just had to say something about Rollerball and you can tell this is the worst post I’ve made in the entire time I’ve made these comments. I really don’t know what else to say. I will say this regardless of what you feel about this movie that effort was put into it and it wasn’t edited to the point it felt like everything that makes a story a story was removed. Still I think this movie could have been made to be funnier but it’s still enjoyable to watch. I’d rate it Somewhat Recommended.

This movie was pretty unique honestly. It was half animated and half live action. Bill Murray plays a guy named Frank who gets sick and a white blood cell lives within side him played by Chris Rock. He teams up with a pill named Drix voiced by Niles from Fraiser. The biggest problem with this movie is that I really think it could have been a funnier movie. I mean this is made by the guys who did Dumb and Dumber and There’s Something About Mary and this is kinda should have been made to be funnier. It’s still an entertaining enough little piece of cinema but there’s not much to say about it. Somewhat Recommended

That’s it. Go away.

Let’s Talk About Some Old Comic Book Movies Because I’m Really Bored.

 Oh hey, It’s me posting on my blog again. Hopefully I’ll post more on this blog again because it’s literally the only thing that I find fun related to the internet these days but I always forget about this shit. Anyway, I’ve found myself watching some comic book movies, but not from the 1970s or 1980s when they first started happening. No, it’s that weird moment in time from 1998 when Blade came out to 2008 when Iron Man really really changed the game. This was a pretty Marvel centric era (not much different than today ho ho ho) but it felt for the most part the people who made these movies never touched a comic book in their lives, despite having Kevin Feige as a producer on several of them. Not to ruin the fun but I will ruin this blog post because I think the MCU even at it’s worst, is still (mostly) better than the majority of the movies from this era, and we will see why.

This movie is one hell of a mixed bag, but I’m going to ruin this blog post a bit by saying……….This is the only one of these four movies that I enjoyed watching. No, it’s not perfect. The Hulk Dogs are fucking hilarious. The movie starts pretty slow and doesn’t really start getting entertaining until they show up. Nick Nolte I think is starring in an entirely different movie and giving one hell of an unhinged performance. I love it. His performance is the best part of these movie. He is amazing in this film. He is the bad guy of the picture. The Absorbing Man, he’s also the Hulks dad and killed his mom. This is a big problem with a lot of these movies as they seemed to feel like they needed to jam EVERYTHING into one movie. Still I did enjoy this one. It’s nothing amazing but I would watch it again, if only for Nick Nolte. The worst part is probably Eric Bana as Eddie Nort and Markie Ruff are better at playing the character.

Speaking of overstuffed this movie decides to shove in Daredevil’s origin story, Elektra, Bullseye, people finding out who the Kingpin is and his downfall, AND a courtroom case and man it feels like they had ideas for an entire tv show season but they had to shove it into one movie. It does not work. The biggest thing is that I don’t think the people making it really got most of these characters. Bullseye is played for some kind of terrible joke character. It’s very annoying. Ben Affleck tries but I don’t think he’s cut out for playing superheroes. I know people complain about race swapping characters now (and if you care about my opinion is that I don’t really care who plays a character in live action as long as they don’t change the comics. Leave them separate. Which means I’m in the middle of a dumb internet argument and no one likes nuance on the internet these days) but Michael Clarke Duncan is literally one of two reasons why you should check this bloated mess of a movie out. The other is for some of the weirdest cameos ever. Kane Hodder, Kevin Smith and COOLIO show up in this movie. Just wild. Anyway, I did not much care for this movie and would not watch it again.

You know how sometimes you can tell when an actor does not want to be making the movie they are making. Yeah this is one of the times here. Jennifer Gardner does not want to be making this motion picture. It is so 100% obvious in every single scene. I’m pretty sure she did what she could to make it so every single scene was done in one take. This makes for one really really boring and terrible movie to watch. I mean when the star does not want to be there can you really make the audience care? It’s neat to see Terrence Stamp actually be one of the people who played a DC character and a Marvel character (having played General Zod in the old Superman movies) but for the most part this is a forgettable mess.

Hooo boy, we got ourselves a stinker here. Superman is in the news again with the newest movie which people again argue about because everyone argues about new movies on the internet now. Just with a weird political bent because again everything has to be about politics on Shitty Internet. The Internet used to be so good and now it’s so bad. Anyway this movie takes it self way too seriously. I don’t even know if Bryan Singer even saw the old Superman movies from the 1970s and 1980s because they were pretty damn goofy and yes I’m including the first two in there too. They were delightful and entertaining though, even when they got Cannon Movie Group’d. Yes, I’d rather watch Superman IV The Quest for Peace instead of this movie. This movie took itself too seriously and really should have just restarted the character in movie form, but whatever. It’s still better than Man of Steel and this version of Superman likes to stalk Lois Lane and her boyfriend and son. Yes, it’s very weird. This movie does have a good point and that’s Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor. Yes, I know I’m now supposed to retroactively think everything someone who’s been accused of crimes did was bad and awful but fuck that, the movie comes to LIFE when the man is on screen. It also has a dog eat another dog. This movie is weird and unpleasant.

Maybe I’ll come back and review another four movies no one cares about anymore. Probably, why the hell not. Anyway, I hope portnoyd’s terrible comment doesn’t annoy me to much.