Friday, September 22, 2023

NES Game Reviews Because I haven’t Reviewed Enough Already! Doing the B’s

 Well, I’m all fired up and finished writing about Aladdin but still want to write more so I figured why not blab on about five more NES games. It’s easy, I’ve already played the games and all I need to do is blab on about them for way way way too long. Which I can easily do because that’s ALL I do. I love blabbing so much. So very much. It’s wonderful.

If you look up the word confusing in the dictionary you will find a picture of this game and nothing else. This game just wants to confuse the hell out of you. You have to find like at least 35 items and put them back in the right place. Like Milkshake. Yeah I think Marty might have ordered a Milkshake in the future era? I can’t remember because I was too busy being entertained by like everything else in the movie. I just believe that Milkshake is one of the items you have to remove. You also have to spell out the word so if you get some word you don’t know too bad the item explodes and you have to do the weird mini game again. Most of which are not fun. The game also makes you go to 3 different eras to bring stuff back, didn’t want to make it fun or enjoyable to you by say having you have to bring back items from the 1950s in the 1950s area. Nope sometimes you have to bring a item you find in the 1950s to 2015. Also you have to look around very similar LARGE areas that have no map. Some people complain about Metroid not having a map but that game is MUCH easier to look around. The most insane part is that after you beat Part 2 you literally get Part 3 where I think you have to find just 10 items and put them back in that same area. No jumping to other areas or anything. Wow Imagine making a game you could beat in say an hour and have fun with instead of a game that takes you 15 hours and makes you want to rip your hair out and shove it down your throat in an attempt to end the pain.

This is the first beat em up game I plan to discuss. Beat em up games are either really good or really bad. You either have creative enemies to fight and decently sized stages or you have the same enemy 8290 times to fight in a stages that never seem to end. Bad Dudes is mostly in the first category except it’s got some jank. The controls are not perfect and that really drags this game down. This is not a bad game. It’s still fun enough once you get used to how the controls work but why play it when Double Dragon, Double Dragon 2 or even 3 are just over the horizon, or TMNT 2 or 3. Or POW. Or Renegade. I’d rather play those games over this one but Bad Dudes is still a decent enough game. It would get an OKAY ranking. If you could find it for $5 (good luck lol) then I’d say pick it up. There’s nothing more to say about Bad Dudes than that.

I’m in the B’s so that means a lot of Baseball games and you will probably expect me to completely trash this game or at least not be interested in it. The problem is I actually like this game. It’s like one of the two Baseball games I’d play willingly. It’s one of the few I can actually score any kind of goal in. Every other time I end up hitting like 202429429 Fly balls or the computer beats my ass. The computer still beats my ass in this game but Tecmo (remember that name people!) actually made a baseball game that I can actually kinda get into. That’s worth a million dollars. This game is charming and silly and has Bunny Rabbit Umpires. Also cameos from Mr. T if I recall correctly. Even if I thought the game was crap I’d still tell you to buy it just for that.

Remember just like a paragraph ago. Like before the baseball game where I talked about how beat em up games needed to move fast and furious to be good. Different enemies doing stuff. Still this game is probably one of the poorest and shittiest Beat em ups regardless of console. Period. This game is not only incredibly slow moving it also saddles you with a ton of shitty moves you have to try to pull off with shitty controls. I mean the game tries by having you fight charming and fun enemies like weird looking punks and gorillas but its so hard to fight them. It’s also got not really great graphics (they try to be cartoony and fun but just fail) and not very good music. A failure of a video game that I’m sure portnoyd will defend because he’s a weirdo like that.

I remember a time when black box NES games were just games, plentiful. All over the place. Before people shit their pants and went OMG THEY WERE THE ORIGINAL GAMES. Yeah they are the original games made for the NES. However most of them have dated like milk. Hell I’m sure some of them were like milk when they came out. It was weird, when I first got into collecting NES games, maybe a few of them were sought after. Now people are like OMG I GOT A HANG TAB FREE BALLOON FIGHT FOR 27 GRAND WHAT A STEAL. I mean Balloon Fight was a game I owned, a game I wanted after playing it emulation and is still a game I enjoy today. It’s a fun Joust clone. It’s just weird how they made these games into weird MONEY MACHINES. Like Donkey Kong Jr Math was a game no one cared about and now the YouTubers are like ITS RARE SO ITS COOL. No it isn’t, it’s a bag of wet shit (sorry to spoil my thoughts on it.) Balloon Fight is a simple fun game where you pop bad guys balloons. Or in the other game on the cart see how long you can stay in the air without getting hit my something. It’s a fun game. It’s a worthwhile game to own but I don’t get the people making the black box games out to be amazing masterpieces (except for like one)

Good games: 24

Bad Games: 16

Okay games: 5

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