The last two posts of The Final Episode were a top and bottom 5 lists. To do them I pretty much had to go look at the list and check out several posts and it reminded me that I have many things still to do with several of those posts. Like consider these posts sequels to those posts. I’m glad the first one I plan to tackle is the worst of the lot so that I can finally finally get this one over it. This was possibly one of the biggest disappointment of my childhood. A pointless and awful sequel series to one of my favorite things, Beast Wars which was a sequel its self in a way to the original Transformers G1 which was also great. Yes this is how the original G1 transformers really go out. The Final Goodbye is really this shitball show.
This show was a fucking disappointment. It came out the same year that Beast Wars ended. I don’t know when I heard about it but it excited me. It felt like ages before I got to see an actual episode and my first thought was “what the fuck is this shit” even at fourteen years old I could tell what a shit show was. This was a shit show. Also remember how time worked as a kid. I am CERTAIN it worked differently as a child because some times a half an hour felt like a month in certain situations and now I blink and 4 days pass. Time is weird and I am not a fan. I do not like this hurdle towards the grave.
Anyway this show has so many problems. So many. The first one was the fucking redesigns. I hated them when I was fourteen which was a reason I would rarely watch this program. HATED them. Awful. They took really nice animal designs and fucked each and every one them up with a shittier lazier design. I don’t know how to explain it really other than I do not like looking at them and that’s bad for a television program. The second reason is that apparently the guys who were hired to story edit the show were told not to watch any of the old episodes of G1 or Beast Wars. Isn’t that a great way to make a sequel to something. Not having any idea what happened in the other shows. Oh and then Hasbro was like “oh we want some G1 stuff put in the show” so they just randomly picked some stuff like the weird disease the Transformers got in some episode. No, not the important character continuity or anything but just some random thing that people can go OH I REMEMBER THAT!!!! REMEMBER!!! I LOVE REMEMBERING!!!!
The plot of this show was stupid and fucking terrible too. Megatron somehow gets away from the Maximals and easily takes over Cybertron by himself. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. Then the characters are told by someone that Cybertron used to be organic and they have to make it organic again (which later on was about making it technoragnic.) and I’m telling you right now the lamest fucking thing you can do with robot characters is try to make them organic in any way. The reason they are cool is THAT THEY ARE FUCKING ROBOTS. IT’S NOT CALLED GRASSFORMERS YOU SHITHEADS.
The new characters also sucked. They made the old characters not feel like themselves and I have to trash work by Marv Wolfman and Len Wein who made some incredibly great comic books that I love. I do not like that! Not at all. Portnoyd will probably try to say these ideas probably worked great just to be a dirthuffer.
I cannot put this shit off any more because this show end is three parts. Three parts of messy worthless shit.
So the Final Episode is called Endgame and is three whole parts of suckage. The first one is pretty simple to explain. The Maximals are in a giant Megatron head and Megatron is now stuck in a wimpy robot body. They split up and oh no Megatron still has power of his drones and sends hundreds after the Flying Megatron Head. BUT THEY GOT THE SHIELDS UP. so how do they get past the shields… well a new transformer called I don’t fucking know who is also PLANT BASED has to get down to the earth to survive. So Rattrap sends her on her way back despite what everyone else says. Her pod gets hit and Megatron finds it (oh and the other group that are on the ground literally blew up the drone machine and his factory so shouldn’t that mean like all the drones no longer work? I don’t know because I’m only watching these shitty last 3 episodes and no more) and the doohicky Rattrap put on it lets them get pass the shields because everyone writing for this show knew it was over and didn’t care anymore. They are stuck on the Giant Megatron head who now is on the ground and they have to keep the sparks (think like a Transformers soul or something) safe. Oh no!
Now this is some shit. Like literal feces. So they get the shields back up while Megatron works on getting his new body up and running. They have to split up AGAIN to save the trees and fossils??? (something I did not expect to say in a Transformers review) and Optimus Primal somehow gets in touch with The Oracle which gives him the powers of more sparks??? This is just confusing and I do not care enough to watch the rest of the show to figure it out. Megatron gets his new body that is the Optimal Optimus body that due to reasons in this shows continuity AND Beast Wars continuity uh Megatron shouldn’t have schematics for it. Who cares, just shove in the random reference to the old show that you didn’t even want to reference in the first place. I know I usually not that hard on shows for continuity reasons but when you only have 26 episodes YOU CAN KIND OF KEEP IT UNDER CONTROL.
So it’s just Optimus Primal vs Optimal Megatron! Who will win! Well let me tell you. The winner ends up being no one because this is a stupid fucking ending. Megatron ends up having Optimus Primal at his feet after a fight. Megatron can finally suck up all the sparks and turn Cybertron into a Technological World….I mean even more Technological. I guess. He’s looking into the core getting ready to do it but can’t. Optimus Primal then tells him he can’t use it without his have of the oracle…..which Megatron then just takes. Yeah just make the hero of the story a complete and utter fucking stupid fucking idiot moron fuck. Some of the oracle remains which Primal then hits Megatron’s Big King Chair and it turns into a plant. Yes, they were really throwing shit at the wall at this point. I don’t know if this is the same Michael Reaves who wrote some great episodes of Batman The Animated Series but if it is he really should be ashamed.
The Plant Chair hold Megatron down and Primal is able to shoot the stupid plant arms and they fall into the core and blammo it’s now the techno-organical world that it was supposed to be for some reason. Everyone is alive except Megatron and Optimus Primal. Woo. Everyone is now happy, except me who wonders why I should do anything with this fucking crap.
FINAL VERDICT: Beast Machines may have had some good talent who worked on a lot of things I like, nay love. Good talent however cannot save a bad idea. Beast Machines and the whole techno-organical thing is just dumb. I just don’t like it. I just don’t like how the characters don’t feel like those from Beast Wars. Beast Machines just might be my least favorite thing related to Transformers. and yes that includes Headmasters and even the Bayformers. Just a mess.
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