9.) Tiger on the Beat (1988)
I love Hong Kong action films. I love buddy cop comedy action films. So you shove both in a blender and you get this WILD FUCKING RIDE. It stars Conan Lee and Chow Yun-Fat. Can you believe the only other movie I’ve seen him in was that terrible Dragon Ball live action movie that the US made (he was the best part). I really need to step up my game and watch more of his work. Conan Lee and Chow Yun-Fat work really well together. They are incredibly fun to watch. I’m amazed how Hong Kong Cinema can literally go from the goofiest shit to some very serious shit in about a minute and a half and somehow not feel like a tonal whiplash is happening. Anyway this movie has CHAINSAW ACTION and to find out what I mean there you must watch the movie which I believe you really really should do so.
10.) Pumpkinhead Ashes to Ashes (2006)
Back in 2020 when rewatching Pumpkinhead and reviewing it for my blog. You know the original movie? Yeah, I said I’d watch and review the sequels. So I watched Pumpkinhead II again and then didn’t watch parts 3 or 4 because I really really didn’t want too because they really really did not look very good and guess what I was right! But I will finally discuss them here and now. You can’t ever say I don’t finish what I start. Years later….Many years later. Anyway this is a Sci-Fi Channel movie. No I refuse to call it what it is these days. That is a dumb name. Dumb. Anyway this movie really fails because man back in the day a cheap movie could look good. Cheap B-movies from the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s, 1980s and even 1990s look good. Not as amazing as a mainstream film but sometimes you could literally mistake them for one. You won’t do that with any B-movie made after 2000. So many of them use cheap CGI however I think this movie did use some practicals. Doesn’t help it from looking and feeling cheap. The plot also has so many huge holes that any person who cared would have picked them apart. I’m someone who gets excited when someone says HEY WANNA WATCH THE 1980S CARTOON C.O.P.S. or will willingly sit down and watch just about any action movie from 1990s. I love movies with massive plot holes but this one just annoys me. You see the bad guys in this movie who get Pumpkinhead sent after them have a crematorium you know the thing that can burn dead bodies? The ones they instead try to keep in a barn or a swamp. Like I’m sure that doctor guy could have burned so many bodies. Seeing as it seems he was the only doctor in this town. Just make some shit up for the yokels and get money from the black market organ shit. Anyway the people find the body of one guy so they end up finding the bodies of everyone and several people go to the witch and get Pumpkinhead to kill everyone. The actors in this movie for the most part aren’t the worst but they sure as hell aren’t the best, EXCEPT for Doug Bradley. He is probably the only reason to ever watch this. Lance Henrikson is a good actor. I love him, but man when he doesn’t give a shit he clearly doesn’t give a shit and he does NOT care in these movies. I don’t get how he even comes back as a ghost? Just because they could afford him I guess.
11.) Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud
This one is a better movie but it’s still pretty shitty. I would not recommend either of these movies unless you are a completist. Like me, Or however you spell that word. I don’t care enough right now. Anyway this movie has a better plot and maybe better acting in MOST of the other places except for the main guy who brings in Pumpkinhead. He is REALLY bad. I haven’t seen acting that bad in a very long time. This one has two feuding families named the Hatfields and the McCoys, Yes like those families. The Hatfields accidentally kill one of the McCoys so out come Pumpkinhead and so much murder happens. There’s also a guy who escaped Pumpkinhead’s wrath by killing the guy who summoned Pumpkinhead (thats how you get rid of ol’ Pumpy) and he’s only in the movie to give the characters that information. I don’t even think the character who kills Pumpkinhead (the guy who summoned him) even hears the cop guy. Who became a cop after he killed the guy? I don’t know. I liked another one of this directors movies called House of the Dead II. It was goofy and cheesy but it least felt like people cared more about that one. I don’t think they cared about this movie and it shows. Not a fun watch. Still better than the third movie, holy poop that’s a bad one.
12.) Hellraiser: Revelations (2011)
Hellraiser. Is there a horror series that has more abysmal and worthless sequels than this series? I do not think so. I think I enjoyed more Children of the Corn sequels than Hellraiser sequels. I remember liking at least four Children of the Corn movies. With Hellraiser it’s only three movies. The original. The 1988 sequel and then thirty four years later where they rebooted it. Or did the original story closer. Still there’s eleven of these movies and three of them are any good. I mean I think those three movies are pretty fucking wonderful but man the rest of them are just varying levels of ass. This one however is the bottom of the barrel, or I HOPE is the bottom of the barrel when it comes to Hellraiser because I still have one more of these movies to watch. I’m pretty sure they kept making this one because the dickheads at Dimension films (you know those slimebags the Weinsteins) wanted to keep the rights to make a remake or something. So they shit this turd out rather quickly and man oh man is it terrible. Two unlikable pieces of shit leave their home in California or some rich people place to go to Mexico and then kill a hooker and meet the Cenobites and one of them is killed. The other guy comes back and then kills another woman for no fucking reason really. Seriously. He doesn’t know that it has the power to bring back a person who the Cenobites took away (like in the first movie). Only one of the two comes back after a year or something and the family is like WOAH ITS YOU! Then nothing happens for like 50 minutes until it turns out that it’s not the familys son but its his evil mean friends son who wants to sacrifice their daughter so he can get away from the Cenobites. Seriously nothing happens for like 50 fucking minutes of this seventy five minute piece of shit. This movie felt like it was 82 years long. I am not a fan. There is a moth on my computer screen now. I don’t like it. I poked it and it tried to fly right in my face. This moth discussion was way more interesting then this shitty shitty movie. Please do not watch it. Seriously, I was planning to watch the horror sequels that I havent seen yet but have no decided against that because I do not want to see any movie as bad as this at least for a little while.
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