Why Collecting Retro Video Games SUCKS Now!

 

I was about to call this blog post "Why Collecting Video Games Is Lame Now!" but I realized that it was always lame. Buying these old games was seen as weird and foolish for the longest time. You brought it up to people and maybe, maybe 1 in like 25 would be like Hey that's cool! instead of a joke about the games being stupid and terrible or a "uh okay"! You got these games for nothing. Literally nothing. I don't have it any more but I got Snow Brothers. a NES game that people shit their pants over (It's enjoyable but nothing amazing. Portnoyd will disagree and be a butthole about it) because its rare for free when I first started collecting from my mothers friend. Along with other 10 or so more games and like two NES systems. For FREE. A game that now makes people shit their pants and go WOAH if they see it on one of their YouTube shows (which are all probably faked. I don't care what the creators say. Some of the characters 'they' play can be somewhat fun but they all fake the shit. 

Anyway I've decided to tell you my history over all this shit because I am the coolest man alive. and by coolest man alive I mean a sad sack whos up at 8 in the morning talking about stupid Retro games instead of trying to fix this mess of a life. Oh, I got too depressing again. It all starts with the N64. I remember just being so disappointed with that game system when I got it for Christmas that after waiting like hours for my cousin to come by to hook it up (I don't know why we waited for him) a few hours after I unhooked it up to play my SNES. Which for whatever reason got me thinking about the games made BEFORE the SNES. I dunno. It helped me want to get my ex-friends NES. For the longest time my mother wasn't for it until she got some for free. She didn't want to spend like the 30 or 40 bucks my ex-friend wanted even though it came with so many games (which were my games from my childhood. I wish I had 40 bucks or whatever the price was when I was a kid. So yeah I finally got a NES, went fucking wild on games I had found on old websites. I found the NES scene and I'm still talking to people from there these days.

I at one point decided to go for every game. I mean I had collected at least 250 or so games I liked to some degree so let's get that up to 650. Or close to there. I had Little Samson. I had Panic Restaurant. I had Duck Tales 2. I had Rescue Rangers 2. I had all of those games people go ga-ga for because they were rare and worth money. not because they were fun games that are worth playing. The only one I didn't have was Flintstones 2. I didn't have the insane price they wanted for that game in 2009-2014. The 650 bucks. I think that game was fun and enjoyable. I think the game is entertaining. I enjoy playing it. Oh, that's because I play on an everdrive because this is where I sold all of my games. All of them. I kinda wish I had kept some of the earliest games I remember picking up for nostalgia sake but man I was just in the mood to collect comics (which also got impossible to collect for now too!) so I sold it all.

The Big Pandemic happened and it somehow got even worse. EVEN WORSE. So let's get into some reasons why.

4.) You Tubers. I'm going to admit to you guys that I enjoy some You Tubers. I enjoyed the AVGN. I enjoyed some of his clones. I enjoyed The Game Chasers. I enjoyed Retro Rick. I enjoyed those NES Liberty guys. I didn't enjoy everyone but I'll shit on those guys in another reason. These guys helped make it "COOL" for just everyone and probably a lot of Generation Z to pick up and play games. All of them. These guys are personable and entertaining. I wouldn't say they are creative really. They are just going out around their areas picking up games, but entertaining enough to people to want to pick up stuff. I guess I watch these guys because getting any kind of things in Newfoundland right now is like trying to get blood from a turnip. I guess that's why I watch these guys. I want to find things but I can't. Finding a game/toy/comic/dildo at a store or some place for cheap or whatever is one of the FUN parts of collecting. Any old goober can go on eBay and spend money. Which brings me to the second point.

3.) Brute Force Collecting. This is the part Portnoyd will enjoy the most. There was a website called Nintendo Age. They started in like what 2005? 2006? 2007? I don't know. I would only visit the website when I wanted to be annoyed and if you know me I like to annoy my self by looking at things that make me want to punch something. The vast majority of these guys would just throw the seemingly endless amounts of money they had to own a game. It didn't matter what game it was they would just go on eBay and own it by having more money because they gave their sugar daddy a mean blowjob that made his 84 year old dick feel something again. I'm not trying to make fun of gays or people who want to fuck the elderly or prostitutes. I'm just saying they got way too much money for being useless and stupid. When several losers throw money at you to own Donkey Kong Jr Math (which is not worth whatever obscene price it goes for. That game is not rare.) you will raise the price when selling it on eBay. I would. The guy down the street would. We pretty much have too in this society that is crushing the little guy, when some jack off idiot is like OH MAN LET ME GIVE YOU 350 BUCKS FOR THAT GAME!!!!! They did this for like every game, except the super dirt common shit. Seriously in the past Funcoland would sell Super Mario Brothers for 15 cents and these goobers throw you a 20 dollar bill. I hope they wasted all their money and have to live in a shithole house, but it's worth it because you have a fucking game where Donkey Kong Jr teaches you math that no child wanted to play in 1986.

2.) No creativity. The only Retro game youtuber I will give any credit to for being actually creative is The Angry Video Game Man and even then he's just doing videos of the silly ass game reviews people would do on the internet. He's still going way downhill and all that but still these youtubers like John R iggs and Metal Jesus Sucks are boringly making videos about these games. So many silly literal children aged 13-21 would come up with tons of creative websites for just silly ass fun. Goofy concepts just made by ripping a game sprite and having it do some silly shit. Not serious or anything, way better than John Riggs trying to tell you about a video game and have you not fall asleep. He's a boring turd.

1.) So many idiots and jerks in the community now. Seriously look at reddit game collecting and not want to rip your hair out. They take pictures of Wii U games and go OOO LOOK AT WHAT I GOT!!!!! A GREAT HAUL!!!! bitch people would take pictures of them coming home with like 25 NES games for less than 30 bucks back in the day! I think I just hate everyone who posts on the internet these days. You could at one time find people you'd enjoy talking too on the internet and even the really stupid assholes were at least weirdly endearing. Not today. Now everyone is a stupid asshole who seems to collect to either impress a YouTuber because they think they are friends because they have no friends and created a parasocial bond with a guy they watch on YouTube and they chose John Riggs or some shit. Also they just want it to be a thing where it's like the stock market. Just go to the fucking stock market and stop trying to shit on hobbies. You will probably make money easier on the damn stock market you wiener.

I'm tired of all this stupid shit. Let Portnoyd yell about something for a minute here.