The Final Episode #81: Mummies Alive! (1997)

 

When I was a kid we had tons upon tons of rip-offs of TMNT because well that was a huge thing and when you get a huge thing you get rip-offs or cash ins. TMNT was so popular it somehow did it twice. In the 1980s when it was just a comic book it inspired about 5,000 other comic books with titles like Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters and Miami Mice. And yes, I'm sure I will discuss these comic books sooner or later. Then in 1987 it became a cartoon and like a giant hit. In the 1990s we had several cartoons of mutated monsters becoming heroes and fighting crime. I loved TMNT and I did not like a single one of these rip-offs. I'm sorry but Biker Mice From Mars and Street Sharks were bad pieces of television that I was not a fan of. I will admit that the Biker Mice From Mars SNES game is pretty fucking awesome though. Very good racing game.

There were two exceptions to my anti-TMNT ripoff stance. One was the 1993 show SWAT Kats. That was a radical fuckin cartoon there man. Like it seemed like they put a lot of effort into the creation of that one. I dunno. I will admit that the SNES game for SWAT Kats was not good. The other exception was this show, which I don't even really consider a TMNT ripoff despite the fact it's on all the listicles the internet has about TMNT rip-offs. Since I cannot argue with the almighty listicle this show is now a TMNT ripoff. Also according to Wikipedia this was a part of "mummymania" in the 1990s. I know there was the Brendan Fraser movie but was there really a mummymania of the 1990s? I do not remember a big resurgence of mummies in the 1990s. 

So this show was pretty neat. It had a group of mummies that are transported to the modern day to keep a kid named Presley safe from an evil bug monster guy named Scarab. I would watch the HELL out of this show as a child. It was a must watch for the time it was on YTV. It was action packed and still had mummies in it! I was allowed to watch Horror movies at this point but if you stuck a horror monster in something I would freak the shit out and watch it. Anyway This show was done by our good friends at DIC Animation and Northern Lights Entertainment which was apparently ran by Ivan Reitman the director of the Ghostbusters movies (yes yes we will get to those cartoons Final Episodes during the Really Cool and Totally Spooky and Really Great Cool Fun Time Super Halloween Super Spectacular thing I'm doing). Oh two writers of Gargoyles created this show. Pretty cool I think!

Anyway the ACTUAL Final Episode is a fucking sweet ass clip show. I'm sorry but I ain't doing another clip show review where I try to pull a review of a damn clip show out of my asshole. It's not going to happen again. I WILL mention if the Final Episode is a clip show but I just can't discuss another fucking clip show. They disappointed me as a child and they just annoy the SHIT out of me now as an adult. Not everything was great in the past and the clip show is a good example damnit! So the Penultimate Episode was called "We've Got One" and well let's see what this episode was all about.

The episode starts out with the Mummies in their cool gear that I so totally wanted but I swear never appeared in any stores around here. Like I never owned a single Mummies Alive! toy and I would have if I could. It's something I still want. Just to have them stand around on a shelf somewhere in my house. But anyway they are at a wharf or something. Tons of shipping containers and they are finding Scarab. The fight doesn't go his way and he pretty much escapes while Rath, the serious no-fun one gets knocked out also knocking out a police man called Bob, apparently. I'm sure he and his partner who is into alien conspiracies appeared in many episodes of this show but I sure as hell don't remember them. Of course when you got giant ass mummies running around fighting bug creatures it's hard to remember some dope named Bob.

So the ambulance comes up and takes Bob and Rath to the hospital. The doctor sees that Bob is fine but unconscious. She declares Rath to be dead and have been dead for one long ass time. She doesn't even look over him but it's not hard to tell because the dude's got a blue face. He's brought down to the morgue. The other mummies come in dressed in peoples clothes trying to find out where he is. I always loved when characters that clearly weren't human dressed up as humans trying to be human. It's great. Also I apparently like the word human quite a bit. The morgue guy clearly wants to see Rath's body again for some unexplained reason. I'm going to guess it's because he's a necrophilliac and was getting ready to molest the shit outta that mummy. He of course wakes up and scares the shit out him. I don't think he's going to be molesting any dead bodies for a while.

Some lady takes Rath away and even puts on new bandages. He complains that they itch. They are then accosted by the annoying alien conspiracy guy who still believes this guy is an alien. He has gotten into contact with a government agent whom I feel was probably in this show too. Watching this show's Final Episode actually makes me want to watch the entire show again. Anyway the government agents take him away from the nurse. The other mummies now dress up as doctors looking around the hospital for Rath. The Government Guy calls for them to bring him the police man Bob so they can see if he has any alien diseases. They do tests on them and also literally torture them to try to get information out of them. Like dunking them into some weird green liquid.

The Mummies find the stupid alien conspiracy dickhead and chase after him. They uh end up catching him and pretend to be aliens to get him to tell them where they took Rath. Apparently all these torture devices and stuff are just in the basement of this hospital. They get into the basement pretty easily and take both Bob and Rath back up top. Of course they are chased and we get a silly chase sequence. At the end of the chase sequence they get confused who was who but the big dopey fun Mummy does eeney meeney miney moe and picks the right gurney. He could have like ripped the blanket off the gurney but that would have ruined my favorite over used joke of all time.

The episode then has a bigger government agent called THE GENERAL show up and the other guy is blabbing about the aliens they take off the blanket and BLAM it's just goofy old Police Man Bob. The General then tells him that he will get his request for a different job. He's going to Antarctica! The place EVERY bad government agent ends up at because they fucked up. How many times did that joke get used?  Bob tells the Alien Hating Jerk that he's telling the police chief what happened and not him. We then go to the Mummies hideout (in a Sphinx that's apparently in an amusement park or something?) and they razz Rath about the girl nurse who totally wanted to fuck him because she thought he was an alien. Despite the fact she never actually thought he was an alien. She thought he was just a normal guy. She's a pretty shitty nurse if she thinks some dude with a blue face is normal and not horribly sick or dead. Still better than the necrophiliac morgue guy on staff.

FINAL VERDICT: I did not expect this to have so many necrophilia jokes in it, but when you get given a chance to make them you take it. Other wise this was a fun Final Episode and worth checking out. I'm going to check eBay and get sad that the Mummies are way too expensive for me.