What is the second worst horror franchise? Everyone knows that Witchcraft is the worst horror franchise, even if those movies are like 98% soft corn porn and 2% horror. (They are also the longest running horror franchise. Amazing huh?) My choice for second worst franchise would be Children of the Corn. Seeing as I remember the first movie being pretty bland. The second being an okay film (a perfect 2.5 star film out of 5). The fourth being pretty good. The fifth, sixth, seventh and the remake all being truly awful movies. Like really awful. I do want to discuss at least one movie from the big horror franchise (and other franchises too) in among the weird obscurities. I realize this might be the one and only Children of the Corn movie I review which means I must discuss the absolute best film in the franchise which is Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest.
Even though I'm not a big fan of this series as a kid/teenager from the ages of 10 to 16 I would rent every Children of the Corn movie that would come out during that time (except oddly enough the fourth one. I could never find a copy of that around here) Children of the Corn III was the first movie in the franchise I saw. I think I watched parts 5, 6, and 7 hoping that they would be as cool as this movie. Sadly they never even reached close to this one. I'm pretty sure that I rented this when I was trying to find a final movie for the 7 movies for 7 dollars for 7.77 (they were very into the number seven at Allan's Video) and my dad was all like YEAH CHILDREN OF THE CORN IS REALLY COOL I WANT TO GO HOME WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR 30 MINUTES. so I took his recommendation to heart. I doubt my father has ever even seen a single Children of the Corn movie.
The plot is pretty wild. It starts out with two brothers and their father in a field. The older brother comes to the younger brother and tells him his father won't hurt any of them ever again. Well the younger brother makes sure of that by using his evil powers given to him by the evil monster thing He Who Walks Behind the Rows that appears in every one of these movies (I think so at least) and turns him into a fucking scarecrow! They get adopted by two nice people who live in the city (hence the subtitle Urban Harvest) and Eli (the younger brother) plants THE EVIL CORN in an abandon factory they live right next too because they clearly live in some kind of shithole. The father works for some group that sells corn and OH SHIT YOU KNOW WHATS GONNA HAPPEN!?. Eli also uses his magic to create a giant cult for He Who Walks Behind the Rows. So will Eli win or will Joshua (the older brother) and his friends be able to stop him? I don't want to spoil this movie because it's pretty fucking crazy and has a fucking awesome climax that every human being needs to see. Except jerks. They are not allowed to see such beauty.
The best part of this movie is the kid who plays Eli. Holy shit this kid is clearly having the greatest time of his life being an evil little bastard in this movie. He is living for this movie. It is one of the greatest child actor roles ever. Shove your dumb oscar winning movie that some kid starred in because this role is way way way better than this. The other thing is that honestly everyone else in this movie is really good. Apparently this was the first film Charlize Theron ever did. I don't know who she played but that's pretty cool I think. The movie goes by at a quick pace and never gets bogged down by stuff for any kind of time. Oh and it's got effects by Screaming Mad George (I was very angry when I found out his real name was not George, I bet he isn't even Screaming Mad all the time either!!!) Screaming Mad fucking loves bugs so you get a lot of bug effects but they are cool so who cares?? The effects are mostly pretty fucking great and still hold up in 2021.
FINAL VERDICT: I've always been a fan of this movie even if I'm not in love with the franchise. A movie that everyone has to see.
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this movie aint CORNy
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